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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/hullabaloo22
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110 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Composite Man  
Review by hullabaloo22
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow, well this really says a lot in just four lines. I guess each and every one of us are 'composite's in that we all play more than one role, depending on who we are with, what we are doing.
I'm guessing with the 'knot of his day', he is getting ready his professional or work side; an idea that is also strengthened by his having time on his mind.
Definitely a superbly crafted poem!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Day 1  
Review by hullabaloo22
Rated: E | (4.0)
This came across as a very open and honest account. A lot of factual information but also a lot of personal thoughts and feelings. The part about depression and anxiety sapping the strength, making it take a huge effort just to get out of bed - I think many readers will be able to relate to that struggle.
There were a few issues with grammar but in some ways that worked to strengthen the piece, making it more 'real'. One thing I'd change is 'were wither away...'; change either to 'were withering away' or 'had begun to wither to breaking point.'
Anyway, I great account that has a lot of depth of feeling.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by hullabaloo22
Rated: E | (5.0)
A very special piece of poetry. Like day and night, how can the sun and moon be together? Then you describe that fleeting moment when they appear to meet and get the chance to exchange a cosmic kiss.
Beautiful in its simplicity, your poem captures that rare and magical time.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by hullabaloo22
Rated: E | (5.0)
So many things 'said' are now done in a remote way, as this poem describes. There's a certainly lack of personality, isn't there; a remoteness that leaves the question of what or if it was really meant.
Words delivered personally, vocally, carry so much more clout. The use of block capitals is a great way of conveying the urgency of those demands.
A very impressive piece.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by hullabaloo22
Rated: E | (4.5)
A lot of food for thought in this piece. You make some very good points, especially with the changes in relationships where 'authentic interaction becomes blurred beyond recognition.' Also well illustrated is the parent/child change; adults want to play with their own 'toys' without distractions, supplying more and more 'toys' for the children themselves, undermining an important bond.
This was well presented, well considered. A clear beginning, middle and conclusion making this an interesting read.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by hullabaloo22
Rated: E | (5.0)
A very deep and melancholic write. A lot of emotional impact carried in those words -- the more often I read this piece, the more I think that is true.
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Review of She Saved Me  
Review by hullabaloo22
Rated: E | (5.0)
I found a lot of this relatable, at least in respect of not ever seeming to quite fit in. Changes can be traumatic, often the smaller ones are the most difficult.
Very well-written, with what appears to be a lot of real honesty.
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Review of TOO FAR  
Review by hullabaloo22
Rated: E | (4.0)
A sad and melancholy feel to this. Short but it says so much about the need for solitude in order to attempt a recovery.
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Review by hullabaloo22
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is an interesting illustrating how much in writing is having the confidence to just put it out for others to see.
A couple of typos in the first paragraph: 'she wanted to be known by people'; 'and have the same life...'In the second paragraph you have 'roon' instead of 'room'; those 'm', 'n' typos are one of the most common.
The grammar is not bad. After 'notes' you could do with inserting a comma, and after 'dream', you could either break up the sentence or insert a semi-colon. In the second paragraph the same applies after 'eyes'. And in that final sentence, insert a comma ater sky and change the 'i' to a capitol one.
Overall, this is an uplifting write, for the daughter saw to it that her mother's dream came true. Good job.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by hullabaloo22
Rated: E | (4.5)
An interesting way of getting us to pay a bit of attention to what is after all very important to us. I guess someone that can touch-type does not need to be able to read those letters quite so clearly, and we all get a bit familiar with the positions of those we use most. Not all keyboard layouts are the same though, so whenever you get a new one it is worth bearing that in mind.
I'm surprised at the results of your survey, I've got to admit.
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Review by hullabaloo22
Rated: E | (5.0)
A really interesting essay. Well organized thoughts presented a clear beginning, middle and end point. A sprinkling of facts spread throughout which kept the read light and pleasant while still being thought-provoking.
That words can be just as easily used for good or ill is illustrated nicely. I like the way you urge 'sweetening' them before letting them loose.
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Review of Voyages  
Review by hullabaloo22
Rated: E | (4.5)
A moment of passion well caught in those words.
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Review of Arachnophobe  
Review by hullabaloo22
Rated: E | (5.0)
Saved by the bird! I like spiders and, living in a house of arachnophobes,am often called upon to do a bit of removal work. I'm a bit more gentle than the robin though.
You did a great job of capturing the anxiety of coming face to face with anything one fears. And the same goes for the relief at its removal.
Excellent poetry.
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Review of I'm not yolking  
Review by hullabaloo22
Rated: E | (4.5)
A touch of jealousy perhaps! You set the scene really well, describing the diner, the reason why the three friends were heading there. Or maybe it was the fact that Florence was not a regular. Misty was not really a committed employee though, as you show quite clearly with her ignoring Florence trying to gain her attention. I can't see her getting a tip.
A complete story in a few words, I saw no spelling or grammar mistakes.
Good job!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Argo Dear Argo  
Review by hullabaloo22
Rated: E | (5.0)
Great rhyming to uncover one of the myths of the past. An excellent read.
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Review by hullabaloo22
Rated: E | (4.5)
Nothing cliched about this poem! A great illustration given about not wanting the mania to cause any trouble then the lack of outlet causing the downside. And, hey, there are worse ways to spend a day than in the company of a good book.
A well-crafted poem giving a good read.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Old Oak Man  
Review by hullabaloo22
Rated: E | (5.0)
A very deeply moving poem here. An effective comparison to make between man and tree. An excellent, if somewhat sad, read.
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Review by hullabaloo22
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was extremely well written. The opening paragraph really set the scene with the descriptions of the library. You put in a lot of back story, but you did it in a skilled way rather than loading the story down with fact after fact.
Some excellent character descriptions.
A couple of things I noticed. In the 2nd paragraph during the description of Lance, you could insert a semi-colon instead of a comma like 'skin complexion than his son, Bow;'. This would break the long sentence up a bit. During the 3rd paragraph I think you might have a word missing: 'Like HE had in the past...'
Overall, an excellent piece of writing.
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Review of The Right Touch  
Review by hullabaloo22
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This definitely conjures up lightning fast needles. A good imagery of the woman wielding them too. The choice of words gives a real sense of the haste.
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Review of Evermore  
Review by hullabaloo22
Rated: E | (4.0)
A very mournful and melancholy read with a lot of almost Gothic imagery. The rhythm does not quite match but the rhymes are well done.
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Review by hullabaloo22
Rated: E | (4.5)
An excellent poem. Lots of action and laughs in those rhyming lines.
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Review by hullabaloo22
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Ha! Great ending!
This was very well written. A lot of information brought your future world to life, done very well using 'show, don't tell.' The dialogue was good, reading naturally and not contrived.
I noticed no mistakes in either spelling or grammar.
Yep, this was a good story.
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Review of Love and Hate  
Review by hullabaloo22
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is interesting. I think your message is acceptance, to allow for differences. Good rhythm and rhyme.
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Review by hullabaloo22
Rated: E | (5.0)
A fantastic poem. Excellent rhythm and the rhyming was spot on. It's not easy to get a smile out of 'Death' but you did a great job here.
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Review of The Maze  
Review by hullabaloo22
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was quite an interesting little story. Ryan's struggle to find his way was well done, but the story really picked up with the introduction of Pi and Zan. The misinterpretation was a really nice touch.
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