🌕 HuntersMoon's (huntersmoon) Reviews

🌕 HuntersMoon

Review Requests: OFF

3,120 Public Reviews Given

3,261 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Honest but encouraging

I use an outline (form)to make sure I've covered all the bases but within that, it's pure dialogue. Let's talk about your write.

I'm good at...

Short Stories and better at Poetry

Favorite Genres

All

126

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4393033

Review of The Flame Of Mortality

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Angus

It's me, Ken, and I discovered this gem on the random Read and Review forum. I see you wrote this 5 years ago and it's my distinct pleasure to call it to your attention again. I know I cringe a bit when old works of mine get reviewed.

It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "The Flame Of Mortality"

as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
Congratulations on taking third place and decorating this with a shiny dark ribbon. Now, I will state that I'm not a huge fan of horror but this was really supernatural and I found it very entertaining. You kept me in suspense until the end although I do wish you wouldn't have left me hanging with the unanswered question!

.

Creativity/Impact:
I think your approach to the genre was excellent and the story arc intriguing Very creative.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - "The Flame of Mortality." I thought your title was well chosen offering many alternative images for the reader to come up with and sparking interest. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers you an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I was pleased to see that you used it to add some additional intrigue and indirectly set up the scenario for your story although I think the connection with mortality was a bit ambiguous. Well done.

Mechanics - No obvious punctuation or writing errors were seen. A clean story makes it very readable.

Dialogue - The dialogue seemed to flow within the story, helping to raise the level of anticipation as the story progressed. It was natural and not forced. There were no instances where there was confusion about who was speaking. Again, well done.

Effective communication - I think your wording and touches of realism supported the story arc. This allows the readers to get inside the story and makes for a more interactive experience.

Presentation - Your story is suspenseful and entertaining and will resonate with many readers. I applaud your use of larger font to help out us old geezers.

It opened up the page up and made for easier reading. Thank you.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very entertaining and - dare I say - intriguing read. You took me on a journey to another place where "others" - real or imagined - interact with the world that we're familiar and comfortable with. Thank you for sharing your journey of imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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127

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14 days may be credited.

#4392993

Review of Done

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi willwilcox

It's me, Ken, and I discovered this gem on the random Read and Review forum. It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "Done"

as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
I see you wrote this 11 years ago

and it's my distinct pleasure to call it to your attention again. I know I cringe a bit when old works of mine get reviewed.

Now, I will state that I'm not a huge fan of horror but this was really oddly entertaining and held me in the story until it was "DONE."

There's not much subtlety is this Flash Fiction piece but it works well and leaves the reader hoping that they don't live next door to George.

Creativity/Impact:
I think your approach to the genre was intriguing. Today, with so much random and seemingly senseless violence, I think the story arc will resonate with readers - perhaps even more so than when you wrote it. Very creative.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - "Done." I thought your title was an interesting choice, offering many alternative images for the reader to come up with and sparking interest. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers you an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. While I can appreciate that some of the nuances of using this may not have registered with you in 2007, it really didn't amplify your title. Should you decide to play with this, it's something you might want to expand on.

Mechanics - No obvious punctuation or writing errors were seen. A clean story makes it very readable.

Dialogue - The dialogue seemed to flow within the story, helping to raise the level of anticipation as the story progressed. It was natural and not forced. There were no instances where there was confusion about who was speaking. Again, well done.

Effective communication - I think your wording and realism supported the story arc. This allows the readers to get inside the story and makes for a more interactive experience. Since this was Flash Fiction, I think you did well in communicating the horror within the limits of the format.

Presentation - Your story is very darkly entertaining and will hold the attention of many readers. On behalf of us "geezers," I appreciate that you used a larger font. It opened the page up and make for easier reading.

Thank you.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very entertaining but disturbing read. Thank you for sharing your journey of imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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14 days may be credited.

#4392981

Review of Thief of Hearts

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk

It's me, Ken. I was scrolling the "Invalid Item"

and was pleased (and surprised) to see you had entered. Well done! I guess I just don't hang out in the right parts of the site to see your writing.

It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "Thief of Hearts"

as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
Not quite as dark as I was expecting but I appreciated that it was an original interpretation of the prompt. Of the two central figures in the image, I felt the raven was included only by reference in the title and repeating line which I thought was really a definition of the title. The subject and the form worked well together.

Creativity/Impact:
I think your approach to this subject was excellent and unique. Your focus was on the girl and her experience more than the gruesome surroundings. Very creative.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - "Thief of Hearts." I thought your title was well chosen, offering many alternative images for the reader to come up with and sparking interest. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers you an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. Since you included a link to the contest and a reference to the form as footnotes, I think you missed an opportunity to set the scene.

Grammar/Wording - I saw nothing in error. Your language seems well chosen to reflect the theme. Some of the language felt a bit stilted to support the rhyme but that's the root of "poetic license."

Form/Flow - The Quatern is a great form for emphasizing a theme and I think you used it well to reinforce the Theif of Hearts aspect of your poem. Of course, you constructed it totally correctly as one with your talent should.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very moving and entertaining read. I'm sure many readers will totally emphasize with this tale of promise and heartbreak. Thank you for sharing your journey of imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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129

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14 days may be credited.

#4391664

Review of Pitching a Snowball

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Genipher

It's me, Ken, and this is what you get for posting early in the "I Write in 2018"

forum

. It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "Pitching a Snowball"

as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
OK - you had me both hooked and wondering "What the hell?" as I read your story

. It wasn't until the last sentence that I put 2 and 2 together. The challenge was to create a new Winter Olympic sport and you did that, albeit one I hope never to see

. It did, however, point out to me that you can never underestimate those darn Canadians!

Creativity/Impact:
I think your story was creative from beginning to end. The imagination shown in the descriptions and explanation was simply genius. Bravo.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - "Pitching a Snowball." I thought your title was a curveball, not really leading me into the story which was really about building a snowman. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I was pleased to see that you used it to add some additional insight and indirectly set up the scenario for your story although it really didn't amplify your title.

Mechanics - No obvious punctuation or writing errors were seen. A clean story makes it very readable.

Dialogue - The story was pure narrative so there was no dialogue. Adding a bit of internal dialogue might have helped personalize the story but it really wasn't necessary.

Effective communication - I think your wording and detailed descriptions supported the story arc. This allows the readers to get inside the story and makes for a more interactive experience.

Presentation - Your story is very entertaining and will probably confuse many readers

. Perhaps introducing that this is a new sport earlier would help clarify the odd mixture of activities.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very entertaining read. You definitely have a talent for storytelling even when the subject appears absurd on the surface. I did find myself rooting for the protagonist.

Thank you for sharing your journey of imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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14 days may be credited.

#4391461

Review of To my lovely children

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Teresa

My name is Ken and I found this sweet poem on the random Read and Review forum. It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "To my lovely children"

as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
I found this very touching, recalling the feelings I once had about my own kids. As you say, "I will always remember today which I held you ..." I found it carried an emotional honesty and truthfulness that can't be denied.

Creativity/Impact:
I think your approach to this subject was very well composed. It's certainly a subject that has been contemplated many times before but these are your feelings and your emotions about your children. How much more unique can it be?

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - "To my lovely children." I thought your title was well chosen although perhaps a bit too literal to excite a potential reader (other than another mother, of course

). The "teaser" line (or description

) offers you an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I was pleased to see that you used it amplify your title and set up the scenario for your poem. Well done.

Grammar/Wording - I saw nothing major in error. In verse 3, line 3 you wrote, "in an ebarrasing way." I think you meant "embarrassing." I find it helpful after completing a poem to go back after a day or two and reread your work from a reader's perspective. Little oversights like this will jump out at you, leaving you going

how did I miss this?

Never fear! We all do it. Your language seems well chosen to reflect the message.

Form/Flow - This was written in free verse so there really is no right or wrong. That said, free verse is not totally free. Free verse is a challenging form that utilizes the natural cadences of common speech to create rhythm in lieu of the strict usage of meter found in classic forms. Free verse is the breaking of some old rules and the utilization of new tools, not the elimination of any and all rules. Robert Frost said, "Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words." I could see and feel the poetry in this.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very personal, moving and enjoyable read. I encourage you to continue reading and writing and writing and ... well, you get the idea.

Thank you for sharing your journey of imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

Before I sign off, I just noticed that you're a newbie. Welcome to WDC! I'm happy that you found us. I hope that you'll find we're an encouraging and supportive group. We're all on the same journey, after all. Some are very serious, some (like me) are more laid back and always up for a laugh. Feel free to join in wherever you're comfortable. This place can be a bit confusing at first so never feel reluctant to ask anyone if you need help. Members with blue cases (again, like me LOL) are moderators and we're supposed to know everything. (In case you're curious, I don't

but I know where to find it). I look forward to reading more of your tales in the future.

** Image ID #2107224 Unavailable **

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131

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14 days may be credited.

#4391349

Review of Her Last Curtain Call

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Hi historygeek402

My name is Ken and I stumbled across this gem on the random Read and Review forum. It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "Her Last Curtain Call"

as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
Love it!

Robert Frost said, "Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words." I personally prefer poetry that has emotion AND tells a story. I thoroughly enjoyed this tale of allowing your ambitions to overtake your values.

Creativity/Impact:
This is an age-old tale set in a dramatic story of personal desire. I thought it was entertaining and creative.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - "Her Last Curtain Call." I thought your title was perfect, offering many alternative images for the reader to come up with and sparking interest. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers you an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I was pleased to see that you used it amplify your title and set up the scenario for your poem. Well done.

Grammar/Wording - I saw nothing in error. Your language seems well chosen to reflect the emotional ups and downs as the protagonist seeks "all she ever wanted."

Form/Flow - This was written in a unique mixture of rhyme and free verse. Free verse is a challenging form that utilizes the natural cadences of common speech to create rhythm in lieu of the strict usage of meter found in classic forms. Free verse is the breaking of some old rules and the utilization of new tools, not the elimination of any and all rules. The key is found in emotional content which this has. The intermittent use of rhyme only adds to the texture and flow. Well done.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very moving and enlightening read. I think you've found a great balance between storytelling and message delivery. Thank you for sharing your journey of imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

Before I sign off, I just noticed that you're a newbie. Welcome to WDC! I'm happy that you found us. I hope that you'll find we're an encouraging and supportive group. We're all on the same journey, after all. Some are very serious, some (like me) are more laid back and always up for a laugh. Feel free to join in wherever you're comfortable. This place can be a bit confusing at first so never feel reluctant to ask anyone if you need help. Members with blue cases (again, like me LOL) are moderators and we're supposed to know everything. (In case you're curious, I don't

but I know where to find it). I look forward to reading more of your tales in the future.

** Image ID #2107224 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

132

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14 days may be credited.

#4391339

Review of life in the eyes of me

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi bellabee

My name is Ken and your story popped up on the random Read and Review forum. It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "life in the eyes of me"

as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
Congratulations! I applaud your bravery in posting a story for all to see.

I'm happy to see you followed my Rule No. 1 - get it down on paper! Don't worry about format, don't worry about punctuation or spelling or anything else. Get It Written. This story has good bones - there's a tale to tell here. Sure, there's technical stuff that could be improved but that will come with practice and experience.

Creativity/Impact:
I saw this as a coming of age story written by someone relatively young. (By the way, at my age, everyone is young

) Believe it or not, even old geezers like me remember those feelings of being a round peg in a square hole. While not terribly original, these are your feelings and you can't be more creative than that.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - "first story don't judge."OKay, not what I'd call an original title but it will attract attention.

The same goes for your "teaser" or description line. Usually, you should aim for it to amplify your title and set up the scenario for your story. Again, it will come with time. No big deal.

Grammar/Wording - I saw nothing in error. Your language seems well chosen to reflect the emotional content. One word of helpfulness - download a copy of Grammarly

. It's interactive while you write and will automatically check your grammar and punctuation as you write. Hey, it's useful for school too

. I use it all the time.

Form/Flow - The flow of the story is good. It progresses logically and reads well. Yes, there's a lot of grammatical error such a not capitalizing first words in sentences and run-on sentences but the story, itself, is solid.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I think this was a good first write. PLEASE - don't let anything I or anyone else says make you doubt yourself or your abilities. I can tell you have what it takes to become a good writer; what you're missing is time and experience. That will come if you're patient. Thank you for sharing your journey of imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

PS Before I sign off, I just noticed that you're a newbie. Welcome to WDC! I'm happy that you found us. I hope that you'll find we're an encouraging and supportive group. We're all on the same journey, after all. Some are very serious, some (like me) are more laid back and always up for a laugh. Feel free to join in wherever you're comfortable. This place can be a bit confusing at first so never feel reluctant to ask anyone if you need help. Members with blue cases (again, like me LOL) are moderators and we're supposed to know everything. (In case you're curious, I don't

but I know where to find it). I look forward to reading more of your stories in the future.

** Image ID #2107224 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

133

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14 days may be credited.

#4390352

Review of Rainy Day

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi ~MM~

My name is Ken and I saw that you had entered this in "The Taboo Words Contest ~ On Hiatus"

. It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "Rainy Day"

as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
How sad but with a ray of hope at the end

. What is it about rain that seems to bring out morose in us? I see it as a promise of things to come which, I'm pleased to say, got a nod in your poem.

Creativity/Impact:
I think your approach to rain was very good although seemingly very personal. The sparseness of your words echoed the emptiness of betrayal that you so poignantly captured in this poem.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - "Rainy Day." I thought your title was well chosen, offering many alternative images for the reader to come up with and sparking interest. Using the word "rain" in the title, however, may be an issue for paddy1 but it's not on the taboo word list. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers you an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. You could have used it amplify your title and set up the scenario for your poem. Just a thought.

Grammar/Wording - I saw nothing in error. Your language seems well chosen to reflect the emotional content. I did wonder how "sodden leaves and dripping trees" signaled a new start since the phrase - to me - seemed to be part of the blue hue of the poem.

Form/Flow - This was written in a combination of rhyme (abcb) but without regard to meter so it read very much like free verse since there was no consistent use of meter. Free verse is a challenging form that utilizes the natural cadences of common speech to create rhythm in lieu of the strict usage of meter found in classic forms. Free verse is the breaking of some old rules and the utilization of new tools, not the elimination of any and all rules. The key is found in emotional content which this has. Robert Frost said, "Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words." I could see the poetry in this.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very moving and emotional read. Thank you for sharing your journey of imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #2107224 Unavailable **

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#4387375

Review of Ode to a Teddy Bear's Purpose

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E | N/A (Unratable.)

Hi Sorji

It's me, Ken, and yes, I saw your posting so you asked for it!

It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "Ode to a Teddy Bear's Purpose"

as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
What a sweet poem! Loved it. As I read, it recalled those halcyon days of youth when Teddy Bears and innocence were rampant in our lives. It makes me understand Peter Pan's statement "I don't want to grow up."

Creativity/Impact:
I think your approach to this subject embodied the essence of childhood. There was a sadness to the tone that reflected a yearning to capture those feelings again. Very emotive. Very creative.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - I thought your title was well chosen. I'm not sure that "Purpose" was necessary. Sometimes more is less

. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers you an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. "Written for a poetry class" is kind of a throwaway but, overall, I'm not sure that adding more would have added anything. Well done.

Grammar/Wording - I saw nothing in error. Your language seems well chosen to reflect the emotions and feelings you're conveying. My one hesitation was in the final line. "that ceased to be little long ago." Based on what you had written, the longing for those days of innocence, read it aloud to yourself but eliminate the word "little." "That ceased long ago" might add to the emotional vacancy that you've portrayed. Just a thought and not a criticism - this is beautiful just the way it is.

Form/Flow - Blah, blah, blah ...

. This was written in free verse so there really is no right or wrong. That said, free verse is not totally free. Free verse is a challenging form that utilizes the natural cadences of common speech to create rhythm in lieu of the strict usage of meter found in classic forms. Free verse is the breaking of some old rules and the utilization of new tools, not the elimination of any and all rules. The key is found in emotional content which this has. I could see poetry in this.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very bittersweet read. I think you've found a great balance weaving a story and emotions into a gentle poem recalling childhood. Thank you for sharing your journey of imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#4387326

Review of Falling River, River Falling

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi LdyPhoenix

My name is Ken and this is your "I Write in 2018"

review.

It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "Falling River, River Falling"

as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
Wow. With dreams like this, I'd probably never sleep.

I was impressed - this had the feel of a dream with its morphing from scene to scene while maintaining a tenuous consistency. Like most dreams, it ended without resolution and left me hanging

. Great job.

Creativity/Impact:
I think your approach to this subject was intriguing because in the midst of your recounting the dream there was definitely subtle links to reality with the oblique references to childhood abuse and trauma.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - "Falling River, River Falling." I thought your title was well chosen, offering many alternative images for the reader to come up with and sparking interest. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers you an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I was pleased to see that you used it amplify your title and set up the scenario for your story. Well done.

Grammar/Wording - I saw nothing in error. Your language seemed well chosen to reflect the ephemeral nature of your dream.

Form/Flow - Unlike a traditional story, this was a recounting of a dream (or nightmare

) and you kept the narrative unfolding in a dream-like manner.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very moving and enlightening read. I found many layers to this recounting, each interesting in its own right, and totally engrossing as a whole. Thank you for sharing your journey of imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#4383920

Review of Eye of the Beholder

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Holy Crap, Ben! You definitely took this to a place nowhere near the original. 🤣

I absolutely love this - very "Poe" like in meter and structure. I suspect the bard would be proud of this and salute you for sharing his dark madness. ROFL

A brilliant piece of writing. I'd definitely enter this in one of the horror genre contests beyond the Daily Poem. It's a sure winner.

Ken 😱

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#4383911

Review of Just a Man

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hello Tinker

What a great poem. Part history, part elegy, you've created a pretty comprehensive thumbnail of Dr. King's life using a (some would say awkward

) Persian form - the Mathnawi.

Yeah, I noticed the one form break using the near-rhyme {process/protest) but that didn't impede the flow in the least.

Excellent form, wonderful content, inspiring message. Well done!

Ken

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#4383776

Review of Anonymous

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi John Hawkes

It's me, Ken, and yes, I warned you I'd be dropping by.

It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "Anonymous "

as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

. I read through many of your poems but this one I particularly enjoyed and thought I'd comment on it.

First Impression/Thoughts:
There seems to be a callousness that's pervaded our society recently. I think the current divisive climate has given cover too many that allows their worst aspects to come out and I see that reflected in your words.

Content/Creativity/Impact:
I really think that your approach to the subject was creative, recalling shades of the Roman days and the barbaric nature of those times. As much as we like to think of ourselves as "civilized," you point out that it's a facade and our true nature lies just below the surface. I noticed the subtle reference to the biblical concept of the rapture (at least that's how I interpreted it

) which I thought added a poignancy to your poem.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - "Anonymous" - I thought your title was well chosen, offering many alternative images for the reader to come up with and sparking interest. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers you an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I was pleased to see that you used it amplify your title and set up the scenario for your poem. Well done.

Grammar/Wording - I saw nothing in error. Your language seems well chosen to reflect the intent of your poem.

Form/Flow - This was written in free verse so there really is no right or wrong. That said, free verse is not totally free. Free verse is a challenging form that utilizes the natural cadences of common speech to create rhythm in lieu of the strict usage of meter found in classic forms. Free verse is the breaking of some old rules and the utilization of new tools, not the elimination of any and all rules. I could see and feel the poetry in this. Well done.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very moving and enlightening read. I think you've found a great balance between storytelling and message delivery. Thank you for sharing your journey of imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#4382808

Review of The Person I love

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Shakesbeard

It's me, Ken

. We traded emails the other day It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "The Person I love"

as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
Since I consider myself - first and foremost - a poet, I chose this since it was the only poetry I saw in your folder. Robert Frost said, "Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words," and I've always held onto the wisdom of his words. I can sense your emotions in this.

Creativity/Impact:
For me, this was bit "jingoistic." Simple does not equate to wrong or bad but I felt there was more emotion in you than you shared within these few lines. I'd love to see you open up a bit more about your feelings. From your picture, I can see more in your eyes than I read in this poem.

. Still, we all start somewhere. Considering this is a first step, well done. Most don't get this far

.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - "The Person I Love." Okay, a bit obvious but still, it offers many alternative images for the reader to come up with, sparking interest. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers you an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I'm pretty sure you didn't write this for me

so perhaps you should use it amplify your title such as "Just for (insert her name) ..." Remember, when you post, hundreds will see it. Consider the audience as well as your wife.

Grammar/Wording - I saw nothing in error. Your language seems well chosen to reflect the emotions you want to share but don't concentrate on just finding rhymes. Sometimes, when I'm writing I'll go to RhymeZone

and just read through all the words. Often, a word will jump out at me that really takes me in a direction that I wasn't going

but adds a layer to what I'm trying to express.

Form/Flow - Consciously or not, most poetry relies on meter to give it its unique flow. A meter in writing is a rhythm of accented and unaccented syllables organized into "feet" which are also known as patterns. Feet are best described as a pattern of syllables put together in a way to maintain a rhythm throughout a work of art. I mention this only to bring it to your attention. Look for a consistent meter (most commonly 8 or 10 beats per line).

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A good first step. If you're interested in poetry, I'd recommend you check out the group at "The Poet's Place "

. Thank you for sharing your journey of imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#4382120

Review of Plant the Seeds

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Tinker

It's me, Ken.

It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "Plant the Seeds"

as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
What a great story! From so few words, the story unfolds and I could envision the scene as it played out. I was enchanted by the tale and had to reread it so I could actually see the form.

Creativity/Impact:
I think your approach to this form was excellent and embodied a wonderful tale. It felt oriental in approach and in the subtle lesson it imparted. Very creative.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - "Plant the Seeds." I thought your title was well chosen, offering many possible images for the reader to come up with and sparking interest. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers you an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I was pleased to see that you used it and I think it amplified your title, setting up the scenario for your poem. Well done.

Grammar/Wording - I saw nothing of major error. Your language - while a bit stilted to meet the form requirements - seemed well chosen to reflect the lesson in your poem. I wonder if you should have used a period at the end of line one and then started the second line "Boy." Maybe it's just me

.

Form/Flow - This was written is a Chinese form called "Ch'i Yen Shih." Like you, this was something new to me so I really had to count on my fingers to get it right.

The general requirement was well met. I know they said, "Usually written with a caesura after the 4th word in a line" which implies that it's not a firm requirement. You only did this with the first line and because my focus was on rhythm of the form, it felt a bit "off balance" for me.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A clever and enlightening read. I think you found a wonderful balance between storytelling and the technical aspects of the Ch'i Yen Shih form. Thank you for sharing your journey of imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#4381281

Review of Worst of 2017 and a Resolution for 2018

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Unfortunately, I have to agree with you ... well said, Neva.

Here's hoping/praying/believing in 2018!

Ken

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#4379905

Review of Christmas Night Tanka

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Judi ...

A retelling of the Christmas story - how apropos

Wishing you and your family a very Merry Christmas and all the happiness (and adventure) of a New Year.

Ken

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#4378926

Review of Now Silently

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Hi Ben Langhinrichs

It's me, Ken, and yes, I'm back again

It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "Now Silently"

as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
You're right ... this is NOT what I expected but then, creativity never takes the path well trodden.

Personification of the bench was a brilliant take on the prompt. Very entertaining and certainly an approach that makes one go

why didn't I think of that!

Creativity/Impact:
I think your approach to this prompt was excellent and intriguing. I'm not sure about the "Philosophical" genre but very creative.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - I thought your title was well chosen, offering many alternative images for the reader to come up with and sparking interest. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers you an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I was pleased to see that you used it amplify your title and set up the scenario for your poem. Well done.

Grammar/Wording - I saw nothing in error. Your language, as always, supports the theme of your poem and carries the reader along into the depths of the mystery you've created.

Form/Flow - The Wrapped Refrain is a bit clunky in my humble opinion. The final two lines are stretched out and almost seem to break the rhythm - but in this case, you've given me a new perspective on it and I found it made sense. As always, your precision in the use of the form is evident and, dare I say, masterful.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very entertaining and enlightening read. I think you found a great balance between storytelling and a poetic delivery. This is why you're one of my favorite poets on the site! Thank you for sharing your journey of imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best (and a Merry Christmas

,

Ken

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#4378521

Review of Parade of the fallen

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Robert Hayes

My name is Ken. It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work " Parade of the fallen"

as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
I found this very moving. Having served for 20 plus years (Go Army

) and having spent too much time visiting old friends at Arlington, Quantico, and Vietnam Memorial, your words are both a source of comfort and pain.

Creativity/Impact:
I think your approach to the subject was excellent and captured many of the feelings that so many have. Really well done. I noted that you claim to be "a hack with no writing experience at all." Not so my friend. You have the heart and a vision and that's all that's required.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - I thought your title was well chosen, offering many alternative images for the reader to come up with and sparking interest. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers you an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I was pleased to see that you used it amplify your title and set up the scenario for your poem. Well done.

Grammar/Wording - I saw nothing in error. Your language seems well chosen to reflect the message.

Form/Flow - The short lines and integral rhyme worked really well in painting a picture of the fallen and their eternal resting place. Nicely done.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very moving and enlightening read. I think you found a great balance between storytelling and emotional message delivery. Thank you for sharing your journey of imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#4377955

Review of I See You

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Angus

It's me, Ken, and yes, I'm back again

So, you want some eyes on this? You've got it! It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "I See You"

as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
Nicely done! You held off the aha moment until the end. It wasn't a great surprise - I go through this every morning 😂 ... until I realize No, that's not your future self." 🤣

Creativity/Impact:
I think your approach was excellent and you layered the suspense in a very effective way. Very creative.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - I thought your title was well chosen, offering many alternative images for the reader to come up with and sparking interest. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers you an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I think you could have used it more effectively but since Writer's Cramp doesn't award ribbons, listing it as a winner could pull a few eyes your way. Well done.

Grammar/Wording - I saw nothing in error. Your language seems well chosen to reflect the storyline.

Form/Flow - Overall, I thought you did an excellent job in building the suspense. My one small hiccup was when she was driving - didn't she look in the rearview mirror? 😋 Wouldn't she have had a hint? Perhaps a line saying she purposely avoided looking would clarify.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very entertaining read. I think you found a great balance between storytelling and delivery. Thank you for sharing your journey of imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#4374777

Review of Iraqi Woman

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Deborah Owen

My name is Ken and I saw your post on the newsfeed. Remember, you asked for it!

It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "Iraqi Woman"

as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
I found this very moving. The inequities of life seem to be magnified when seen through the eyes of its victims. I can't say I always felt this way but older is wiser and having had the opportunity to see this in real life, I found it carried an honesty and truthfulness that can't be denied.

Creativity/Impact:
I think your approach to this subject was excellent and intriguing. Very creative.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - I thought your title was well chosen, offering many alternative images for the reader to come up with and sparking interest. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers you an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I honestly think you wasted an opportunity although those who enjoy classic forms will probably be intrigued to see what a Burns stanza is.

Grammar/Wording - I saw nothing in error. Your language seems well chosen to reflect the message.

Form/Flow - This isn't a true Burns stanza since verse 1 breaks the required rhyme scheme which is a/a/a/b/a/b. Still, you've captured the spirit of it which is important. I encourage you to continue your exploration of poetic forms. There's an old saying about "standing on the shoulders of giants" and for those who aspire to poetry, we should appreciate and emulate those who have paved the way for us.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very moving and enlightening read. I think you found a great balance between storytelling and message delivery. Thank you for sharing your journey of imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#4367807

Review of The chair.

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Really a very emotional and touching poem. I applaud your creativity and selection of subject matter. You manage to touch on the inhumaness of capital punishment without being preachy or irrational. When will we, as a society, learn? A wonderful write, well deserving of the win!

Ken

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#4366151

Review of Wind Spirit

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Sorji

It's me, Ken, and yes, my review IS going to be longer than your poem.

It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "Wind Spirit"

as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
Simple, direct, but unencumbered by emotion

Robert Frost said, "Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words."

Creativity/Impact:
OK - I understand this was written a long while ago. I think your approach to this subject was good but not terribly imaginative. Don't worry - I plan on looking at your more recent works as well

. There's nothing more fun than viewing the maturity that comes with time.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - I thought your title was well chosen, offering many alternative images for the reader to come up with and sparking interest. I didn't get a lot of the "spirit" in the poem but I did get a sense of "free spirit."

The "teaser" line (or description

) offers you an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers.

Grammar/Wording - I saw nothing in error. Your language seems well chosen to reflect the story of the wind as it wanders.

I'm guessing you really didn't mean the wind wonders.

Form/Flow - This was written in free verse so there really is no right or wrong. That said, free verse is not totally free. Free verse is a challenging form that utilizes the natural cadences of common speech to create rhythm in lieu of the strict usage of meter found in classic forms. Free verse is the breaking of some old rules and the utilization of new tools, not the elimination of any and all rules. I could see and feel the poetry in this but I felt it was too one-dimensional.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

So, this was you eleven years ago

. I recently found some poetry I had written 50 years ago

. Nope - it will never see the light of day again

Thank you for sharing your journey of imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#4366149

Review of Things to Remember

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi LegendaryMask❤️

It's me, Ken. Thank you for the recent review and yes, no good deed ever goes unpunished.

It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "Things to Remember"

as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
Like most writers, there's something about putting it down on paper (or at least pixels on a screen

) that helps us focus and get our thoughts together. Reading this, I really think this was just for Teresa and not for the general public but it's a great reminder to each of us to break through our innate selfishness and try to understand how others see us and appreciate they have lives as well.

Creativity/Impact:
I think your approach to this subject was excellent and your generous self-depreciating humor made it fun to read.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - I thought your title was well chosen, offering many alternative images for the reader to come up with and sparking interest. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers you an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I was pleased to see that you used it amplify your title and set up the scenario for your poem. Well done.

Grammar/Wording - I saw nothing in error. Your language seems well chosen to reflect the message.

Form/Flow - Although a bit "listy" (yes, I just made up that word

) your points are clearly made and - for the most part - well spoken. I hoped that you would expand some of your thoughts beyond the bullet point stage but that's my only suggestion. (i.e. Why are you a hard pill to swallow? Why a "party of one?") Give me something to fight you on

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very enlightening read. I think you found a great balance between telling and message delivery. Thank you for sharing your journey of imagination (in the presentation and possibly in the self-criticism

) and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#4365737

Review of Frailty of Focus

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Only too happy to hear that your nagging voice muse has not been forsaken for the banal accomplishments of janitorial endeavors.

Witty and well done!

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .