🌕 HuntersMoon's (huntersmoon) Reviews

🌕 HuntersMoon

Review Requests: OFF

3,120 Public Reviews Given

3,261 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Honest but encouraging

I use an outline (form)to make sure I've covered all the bases but within that, it's pure dialogue. Let's talk about your write.

I'm good at...

Short Stories and better at Poetry

Favorite Genres

All

151

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#4364363

Review of Limerick

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hiya sleeper33

This isn't a formal review - more of a note to say "Hi" and give you a round of applause for this limerick. It's a short, sweet, and funny. The meter is a bit off but it reads aloud nicely and the play on Satan/Santa is excellent.

Keep up the good work. Humorous poetry may not always get the credit it deserves but it spreads a lot of smiles.

Ken

PS I just noticed you're a "newbie."

Welcome to WDC. I'm so glad you found us and hope your time here will be filled with discovery - of writing, of people, and most of all, about yourself.

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152

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#4363807

Review of On That Day

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

Hi Susan

You do so well with nature and using nature to speak of your lost love works so brilliantly.

Your opening lines On that day, / the wind stood still. / Lost was its song in the trees / and roar on mountain tops. grabbed my attention and didn't release me until I too understood "Why."

A totally enjoyable

read.

Ken

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#4363537

Review of Constant Comma

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Clever, Ben ... very clever

Love the liberty of dilemma (you might want to run that word through the spell check again

) and gem a. If you're going to capitalize each line, you need to be consistent. (See para 1 vs. the others). Nit picks that I'm sure you'd catch when you reread but I so enjoy catching them first

.

Great fun ...

Ken

PS You do realize that it's no longer "American" to kneel, right?

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154

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#4362972

Review of Foxes - Size Matters

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Ben

Well done! When this form goes beyond its basic, I tend to get lost trying to track the rhymes

but yours was actually easy

A fun read.

Ken

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155

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#4362073

Review of A Cross Limerick, untitled

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Judi ...

Not a formal review; just a note to say thank you for introducing me to a new form (I'm such a form junkie

) and to say what a clever use of the form. I'm guessing - not unlike the traditional limerick - Cross Limericks are best served with a touch of color: a bit "blue" for the writer and a bit "red" for the reader

.

Ken

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156

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#4361768

Review of Autumn Song

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

Hey Susan

I really enjoyed this "Autumn Song." It all works together to bring the music of the Hunter's Moon (one of my favorites LOL) into focus. There's a flow to this that brings forth the image of Harvester's singing. Very playful and descriptive. Good job!

Ken

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157

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#4361644

Review of The Two Witnesses

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

Hi turtlemoon-dohi

It's me, Ken, and yes, I'm back again

It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "The Two Witnesses"

as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
I found this very haunting although I take issue with you making them "seniors."

I'm a senior and there's no way I'm giving in.

Creativity/Impact:
I think your approach to this prompt was excellent. There is an eerieness to the image that speaks to an ending and you've embodied that in your words.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - I thought "Two Witnesses" was well chosen, offering many alternative images for the reader to come up with and sparking interest. The description line

) added clarification and I was pleased to see that you used it amplify your title and set up the scenario for your poem. Well done.

Grammar/Wording - Well chosen words brings in the visual sense as you poetically paint the scene. The second verse reveals the "secret vows" and nicely blends the image with the darkness of your tale.

Form/Flow - The required form was a Rispetto, an Italian form of poetry that is a complete poem of two rhyme quatrains with (b)strict meter{/b}. Your quatrains a well structured and moving. What seems to have been overlooked is the meter. The meter is usually iambic tetrameter (think 8 syllables per line). The alternative is a Heroic Rispetto which can be written in Iambic pentameter featuring the same rhyme scheme. Let's look at your first line: "Haunting whispers blend with watercolor skies" which contains 11 syllables. Consider something like "Whispered tinctures paint evening skies." Whispered tinctures evoke images of colors lightly blending while evening skies sets the canvas upon which they are painted. This corrects the meter without losing your rhyme.

Now, go through and reimagine each line in 8 syllables and you'll have a Rispetto.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very moving and eerie write. A little work on the meter and your poem will a contender. I think you've found a great balance between storytelling and message delivery. Thank you for sharing your journey of imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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158

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#4359288

Review of 'tree of graduation'

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Hi Kåre Enga in Udon Thani

My name is Ken and I stumbled across your prose poem while searching for "Friendship." Of course, I mean the genre; I'm not that desperate ... yet!

It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "'tree of graduation'"

as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
The first thing I noticed was that you wrote this many years ago ... and no reviews? Really? Well, it's their loss. This was beautiful and you've woven your poetic words and thoughts into a terrific prose poem.

Creativity/Impact:
I suspect that many don't know and/or recognize a "prose poem." I think that your approach to this celebration of your friend was very creative.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - I thought your title was well chosen offering many alternative images for the reader to come up with and sparking interest. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers you an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I was pleased to see that you used it amplify your title and set up the scenario for your poem. Well done.

Grammar/Wording - Anyone reading this will see the poetry in it. You chose very descriptive words, buiding the images layer on layer, and wove them in a manner that combined both of themes of time's passage and bittersweet memories of the time you spent with your friend.

Form/Flow - An excellent example of prose poetry.

As I read your poem, the subtle internal rhymes and rhythms seemed to make this smoothly flow. Your ability to create images that spoke of your friendship using the simile of the elm and its own cycle of life and death was handled with a deftness that speaks highly of your abilities as a poet and artist.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very moving and elegant read. I think you found a great balance between story telling and message delivery. Thank you for sharing your journey of imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

PS I'm returning your auto-reward GPs. Reviewing is a privilege and no other inducement is needed.

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#4358862

Review of Crisis Averted

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi Purple is House Florent

It's me, Ken, and yes, I'm the one who called "Goose" so technically you're getting ... Never mind!

It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your Flash Fiction Short Story, "Crisis Averted"

, as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
Definitely both a condemnation of "fake news" and the tensions that can arise between otherwise rational people over the concept of reality.

Creativity/Impact:
I think your approach to this subject was intriguing, weaving in both a real situation and realistic responses. I'm not sure what the prompt words were but the fact that I didn't notice them speaks highly of your ability to weave them into the story in a natural way. Very creative.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - I thought your title was open ended, allowing the reader to conjure up many scenarios that would attract their attention. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers you an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I was pleased to see that you used it amplify your title and set up the scenario for your story. Well done.

Grammar/Wording - I saw nothing in error. The dialogue was natural and carried the story along. I did notice that you switched tenses a few times most notably in the opening paragraph. I think you were going for present tense since this was an observational tale.

Form/Flow - The story itself progressed logically and it was clear what was going and who was involved. I know that a 300 word limit is tough when you're trying to tell a story but I think that the subject of the argument could have used a bit more clarification. "Parents who lost children" is just too broad and diverted my attention from the fake news commentary.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very entertaining read. I think you found a great balance between story telling and message delivery although I'm still in dark about what the fake news was

. You might want to consider this as a basis for entering "The Flash Blog Contest - Closed"

. You could expand this story a bit and then have the unnamed "me" write in her blog about some aspect of this. Thank you for sharing your journey of imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#4358721

Review of The Ballad of Donald Trump and the Angel

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hi Christopher Roy Denton

It's me, Ken, and I'm here to marvel at your brilliance once more.

It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "The Ballad of Donald Trump and the Angel"

as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
I found this very moving. It was almost like reading the New Testament in its original ... NOT

What a brilliant but wicked poem you've contrived here. Loved every word of it.

Creativity/Impact:
Original, ingenious, inspired. Sorry, I've run out of superlatives.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - I thought your title was excellent, although "Gospel" would fit there too LOL. The "teaser" line (or description

) amplified your title and set up the scenario for your poem. It will definitely attract some eyes ... and maybe a death threat or two

. Well done.

Grammar/Wording - I only two small errors. Your language seems well chosen to reflect the message.

Verse 19: "Don sighed. "There are some people think". Maybe: Don sighed. "Could there be folks who think"
Verse 26: “There's laws that we can bend." Should be “There're laws that we can bend."

Form/Flow - An Epic Ballad

As usual, you make it seem easy. Really well done.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very hilarious and fun read. I think you've created a humorous and plausible story.

Thank you for sharing your journey of imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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161

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#4358709

Review of Sunflowers

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Dragon is hiding

It's me, Ken, and yes, I'm here as promised.

It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "Sunflowers"

as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

. I saw that you had written this for "The Verdant Poetry Contest" but it had never had a review!

. I plan to correct that oversight right now!

First Impression/Thoughts:
Sunflowers are such majestic flowers, towering above their neighbors with such vibrancy. I loved that you took them as your subject for this poem. I felt, however, that you strayed a bit by being forced to devote as much time to the bees as you did the flowers by using the Quadrilew form. Every form has its strength and weaknesses and I felt this form didn't give you the flexibility you needed to focus on the sunflowers.

Creativity/Impact:
I think your approach to this subject was excellent. You started off strong but, as I mentioned, the form got in the way. Still, tackling a form as difficult as this one was creative and I applaud your attempt.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - I thought your title was well chosen, offering a descriptive image for the reader and sparking interest. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers you an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I was pleased to see that you used it amplify your title and set up the scenario for your poem. Well done.

Grammar/Wording - I saw nothing in error. Your language seems well chosen to reflect the message. One note of caution - watch using slang as it tends to break the overall feel of the poem such as in "bees do their thing."

Form/Flow - I liked the Quadrilew form both for its challenge and because it allows you to build upon the initial verse. That said, you got lost a bit in verse 2 which should have been written in a 5/6/5/6 meter, not the 5/5/5/5 you ended up with.

Trust me, I've learned the more complicated the form, the more difficult to keep it straight.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very lovely and entertaining read. I think you did well with using the form even if I think it took you off track a bit. Thank you for sharing your journey of imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#4357045

Review of A Distant Drum Roll

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Well done, Ben

My granddaughter just started 5th grade. She said she had apprehension but the excitement of being an "upper classman" was more than her fear.

In Virginia, elementary is 1-5, middle is 6-8, high is 9 - 12. It's easy to push aside their concerns but it's real to them.

Good job!

Ken

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#4355503

Review of Come Home, Country Boy

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Well done, Neva and so fitting given his recent passing. I like that it seemed almost biographical of the Glen Campbell we knew and admired.

Ken

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164

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#4333582

Review of A Journal With Everything

for entry "Transylvania Poem "

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)

Hi Princess Megan Rose GOT Fox

Well, this was enlightening - certainly from a historical perspective. I'm not so sure about "the Munsters," however

The name Transylvania is certainly one that will cause a chill to run down your spine. From Vlad the Impaler (the prototype for Dracula) to the beauty of the Carpathians, Romania is a beautiful place and I think you represented it well. For me, this was more prose than poetry but quite enjoyable none-the-less.

Thanks for sharing.

Ken

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#4330704

Review of Bitter Sweet

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Danial Lucas

Too true. To retreat into dreams is safe and the taste is bittersweet after waking. Nicely said. Great use of words to bring out the poetry in your thoughts. For me, there was a little confusion with "remembering those who cannot wait." I wasn't sure who "they" were. I'm sure you had an image in your mind but it didn't translate for me. Still, on the whole, I really enjoyed it.

This was very reminiscent of Loop Poetry

. You may want to check the link and see the form. It's challenging but after reading this, well within your capability.

Thank you for sharing your journey of imagination and talent with me today.

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

166

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#4330205

Review of Knock Knock

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

You are sooooo dark, so often

You are the poster child (no pun intended

) for finding the darkness in the light. Loved the poster and the hypnotic verses of your story. A really fun read as long as I don't drop by ROFL. I prefer reading it on site, thank you very much.

Ken

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167

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#4326673

Review of STRIFE SCREAMS

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Maria Mize

It's me, Ken.

Thank you so much for taking the time to review my short story. I saw this gem in your port and thought I'd repay the kindness. It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "STRIFE SCREAMS"

as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
I'll admit to a certain amount of ignorance

. The word "strife" threw me since I typically think of it in terms of a conflict within a marriage, for example. I went and reeducated myself and looked it up: "angry or bitter disagreement over fundamental issues; conflict." In the larger context, it suddenly dawned on me

- "Of course, stupid - this is a wonderful word and shouldn't be constrained by your narrow definition!"

Creativity/Impact:
I think your approach to this subject was excellent and intriguing. I'm a "form" junkie and love to discover new challenges (which is why I love Poet's Place) and ways to express the world I see. Well done!

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - "Strife Screams." I thought your title was well chosen, offering many images for the reader to come up with and sparking interest. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers you an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I was pleased to see that you used it amplify your title and set up the scenario for your poem. Again, well done.

Grammar/Wording - I saw nothing in error. Your language seems well chosen to reflect the message.

Form/Flow - I liked the form and thought if reminiscent of diatelles and other similar structured poetic forms. The one difference (and one I've used before) is the addition of rhyme. While subtle, the ascending and descending rhyme adds a flow that many would see missing in other similar forms. To that end, the use of a "near rhyme" (silent/moment) sticks out. I think you could have easily used the rhyme silent/violent or silence/violence (with a little work

) to strengthen this aspect of the form. Just my thoughts.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very powerful commentary on the world we live in and a thought provoking read. Alan Ginsburg said, "“Poets are damned… but see with the eyes of angels." Thank you for your clarity of vision and for sharing your journey of imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#4325186

Review of Free Women

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Cheyanna Wester

}

It's me, Ken, and yes, as promised, I'm here to formally review your poem.

It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "Free Women"

as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
I found this very moving. The inequities of life seem to be magnified by gender bias. I can't say I always felt this way but older is wiser and having had the opportunity to see this in real life, I found it carried an honesty and truthfulness that can't be denied.

Creativity/Impact:
I think your approach to this subject was excellent and intriguing as you become aware of yourself and reject all the limitations put on you by others. Very creative.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - I thought your title was well chosen, offering many alternative images for the reader to come up with and sparking interest. I suspect, however, that is about YOU so "Free Woman" (singular) would probably be more accurate. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers you an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I note that you chose not to use it. Just something to consider.

Grammar/Wording - Some things to consider:
~ Line 1: You write "... I could never amount to nothing" Gramatically, is should be "amount to anything"
~ Line 2: "will grow to be a women" In line 1, you speak in the future tense: "could". Here you switch to the present tense. To align, change "will" to "would" Also, "women" is plural - it should be "woman."

Your language seems well chosen to reflect the message.

Form/Flow - This was written in vers libre - free verse - so there really is no right or wrong. That said, free verse is a challenging form that utilizes the natural cadences of common speech to create rhythm in lieu of the strict usage of meter found in classic forms. Free verse is the breaking of some old rules and the utilization of new tools, not the elimination of any and all rules. Free verse poems are not written as observations or stories and then broken into lines. The final form is not what makes it a poem; it is the simultaneous use of vocabulary, punctuation, and line break.

As I read your poem, I could feel the poetic intent and recognize the poetry in your words. The words and challenges you made within your poem were what made this so powerful.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very moving and enlightening read. I applaud your strength to seek your own way and throw off the shackles of others. Bravo. Thank you for sharing your journey of imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#4324881

Review of Breakfast.

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi

THANKful Sonali LOVES DAD

It's me, Ken, and yes, as promised I'm going to nitpick your story.

It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "Breakfast."

as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
What a terrific tale. I love that you've set it in your native country. That adds so much to the story! I really think this should do well. You've fulfilled the prompt requirements while creating an engaging and fun story.

Creativity/Impact:
I think your approach to this was excellent and I think many will see bits of their own lives in this. Identifying with the character is key to your story having impact and I think you've accomplished that.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - I thought your title was excellent, offering many alternative images for the reader to come up with and sparking interest. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers you an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I was pleased to see that you used it amplify your title and set up the scenario for your story. Well done.

Grammar/Wording - I really have only one suggestion: In the second section, third paragraph, you write "you might be knowing that ...." Perhaps it's an idiom of "proper English

but I would have phrased it as "you might know that." It's perfect other than that. Your language seems well chosen to reflect the light-hearted nature of your story.

Form/Flow - The story had all the elements of a well-crafted tale. In part 1, you laid the foundation for part 2. Part 2 progressed logically and I thought was well paced. When I finished, I had a good image of who Shweta was. While it's true, the embarrassment was primarily her mother's, she was also placed in a situation and she handled it well.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very delightful and fun read. I think you did great in meeting the challenge of this month's "What A Character" contest. Thank you for sharing your journey of imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#4324488

Review of He Walks Your Streets

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi Kenzie

My name is, Ken, and I discovered this gem in the read and review forum. It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "He Walks Your Streets"

as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
I found this very moving. The inequities of life seem to be magnified by our own biases toward the homeless. I can't say I always felt this way but older is wiser and having had the opportunity to see this in real life, I found it carried an honesty and truthfulness that can't be denied.

Creativity/Impact:
I think your approach to this subject was excellent and intriguing. You've certainly looked at this and, as most would, come to the conclusion "How many more / Will walk your streets / Before you start to care?"

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - I thought your title was well chosen, offering many alternative images for the reader to come up with and sparking interest. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers you an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I was pleased to see that you used it amplify your title and set up the scenario for your poem. Well done.

Grammar/Wording - I saw nothing in error. Your language seems well chosen to reflect the message.

Form/Flow - This was written in vers libre - free verse - so there really is no right or wrong. That said, free verse is a challenging form that utilizes the natural cadences of common speech to create rhythm in lieu of the strict usage of meter found in classic forms. Free verse is the breaking of some old rules and the utilization of new tools, not the elimination of any and all rules. Free verse poems are not written as observations or stories and then broken into lines. The final form is not what makes it a poem; it is the simultaneous use of vocabulary, punctuation, and line break.

As I read your poem, I could feel the poetic intent and recognize the poetry in your words. The use of a repeating line underscored your intent to drive readers to think. It's obvious your intent was to structure this as concrete or spatial poetry, using the placement of verses to add to the message. I didn't feel that it really added anything. The words and challenges you made within your poem were what made this so powerful.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very moving and enlightening read. I think you made a powerful argument for the truth behind the homeless, the neglect and negativity that paved their road to where they are. Thank you for sharing your journey of imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#4324374

Review of Paradox of Thoughts Act 1

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi Addle Crux

My name is Ken, and you came to my attention when you fan'd an essay I wrote called "I Think, Therefore I Am". I thought I'd drop by and see if I could figure out why

. It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "Paradox of Thoughts Act 1"

as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
A prose poem! Quite an ambitious undertaking. For me, I felt this was unfocused and seemed to move from subject to subject based on where you could find rhymes rather than picking a purpose, charting a path, and tailoring your words to take you there.

Creativity/Impact:
I think your approach to this subject was excellent and intriguing. It's obvious you were inspired and you did a wonderful job of integrating multiple rhymes into the structure of this. Very creative.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - I thought your title was accurate

. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers you an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I was pleased to see that you used it amplify your title but I'm not sure it really portrays the poetic content.

Grammar/Wording - Your language seems chosen to find rhymes rather than to reflect a clear message. This has led you to some awkward phrasing such as "if we obsess over possessions were on giving narrative ..." I think this is a typo meant to say "we are only?" You really need to go back and proof this as well as read it with the eyes of an outsider. Ask yourself if you understand what's being said in the context of each sentence and do they all work together to carry your message. Some examples:

"I've learned a lot insight ..." (gained a lot of insight.)

"... the only the acception" (the only exception)

Form/Flow - A prose poem is a poem written in sentences. It appears as a block of text without line breaks. You could think of a prose poem as a box with poetry inside. Despite the look of the prose poem its ultimate goal is to retain its poetic qualities. The qualities are more than just rhyme. It utilizes all the techniques common to poetry, such as fragmentation, compression, repetition, while retaining the rhythm of natural speech. I think you tried too hard to rely on rhyme and overlooked other poetic tools that would have served you better.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I sincerely applaud your effort. A prose poem is huge undertaking and I think your poem is an excellent example, showing the potential of the form. I feel, however, that you abandoned it without going back and relooking at it with a reader's eyes. "One and done" does not a poem make

. Thank you for sharing your journey of imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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172

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14 days may be credited.

#4324190

Review of Mummy's Birthday Rainbow

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Hi Brenpoet

It's me, Ken, and yes, as promised, I'm here to see your Mother's Day poem.

I am truely sorry for the loss of your daughter. When my wife passed, I clearly remember her mom saying it was wrong that any parent should outlive their children. The older I get, the more I understand her words. It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "Mummy's Birthday Rainbow"

as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
Okay - you didn't make me cry so I'm happy about that

This is a beautiful remembrance for your daughter. As you so eloquently say, "Far better than a pot of gold / Are precious memories we hold."

Creativity/Impact:
This is a personal write about the loss of your daughter and a remembrance of your daughter as a mother. It is a powerful reminder that our legacy lies in the memories of our children.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - I thought your title was well chosen. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers you an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I was pleased to see that you used it amplify your title and set up the scenario for your poem. Well done.

Grammar/Wording - I saw nothing in error. Your language reflects the simplicity of the children and is well chosen to reflect the message.

Form/Flow - The sonnet form (which this is sans the iambic pentameter) is a wonderful vehicle for a lament - an expression of grief or sorrow. The picture is an added bonus, giving us a concrete visual of what your poem has already placed in our minds.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very moving and enlightening read. I'm so glad you were able to find words that take us to that special moment. Thank you for sharing your journey of sorrow, happiness, and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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173

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14 days may be credited.

#4324148

Review of The Tree Sap

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Tim Chiu

My name is Ken and I ran across this poem of yours on the reviewing page. Tree sap? Now, that got me curious. They say, "write what you're familiar with." I'm sure there's a great story behind what inspired you.

It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "The Tree Sap"

as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
My first impression is that this is part of a larger fantasy tale although I'm sure there are parts of the world where this actually occurs. It did leave me wanting more but that's me - not you as the poet. I will say you should have a link to Thesaurus.com for 90% of the readers who attempt to read this.

I'm a word lover and had no problems understanding it but I daresay that many will.

Creativity/Impact:
I think your approach to this story poem was interesting. Certainly, the combination of words and images was unique. You have created a wonderfully full and complete setting.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - I thought your title was well chosen but it speaks of a mystery that never really gets solved. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers you an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I was pleased to see that you used it amplify your title and set up the scenario for your poem. Well done.

Grammar/Wording - I saw nothing in error other than your penchant for large, multisyllabic words

. Your language is rich. Because you use such colorful words, a reader will tend to lose sight of the complete thought you were trying to convey.

Form/Flow - This was written in vers libre - free verse - so there really is no right or wrong. That said, free verse is a challenging form that utilizes the natural cadences of common speech to create rhythm in lieu of the strict usage of meter found in classic forms. Free verse is the breaking of some old rules and the utilization of new tools, not the elimination of any and all rules. Free verse poems are not written as observations or stories and then broken into lines. The final form is not what makes it a poem; it is the simultaneous use of vocabulary, punctuation, and line break. As I read your poem, I could feel the poetry but I was distracted by the detailed descriptions of the setting and never understood why they were looking for the sap or why the sap was even important. I think you need to add more to this so that readers will see more than a beautiful setting.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I enjoyed this foray into the wooded gorge and found it to be an interesting read. I think you need to find a balance between story telling and message delivery, adding substance to context so that it becomes a more satisfying tale for the reader. Thank you for sharing your journey of imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

174

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14 days may be credited.

#4324063

Review of A Note To Self

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

Hi Marie Silverwood

My name is Ken, and yes, this is payback for your review.

Don't worry, I'm harmless.

I see you're new here so consider this a "Welcome to WDC" review. Reviewing is an integral part of the site; it's how we grow as writers and poets. It's also part of bonding in this community. Stick with it and you'll have a family to support, encourage, cheer your successes, and dry your tears. It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "A Note To Self"

as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
I found this very touching, actually. There is a definite note of angst in your words which would lead me to believe you're young. I can't promise you it gets better but I can promise that you'll grow a few callouses and it won't hurt as much. I know - that's not much comfort but it is the truth

Creativity/Impact:
I think your approach to this was interesting. Your focus was "the world is a scary place" and I can certainly identify with that. The ending, however, seemed more of a retreat. Trust me, as no less a sage than Pooh bear said, "Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - I thought your title was well chosen, offering many alternative images for the reader to come up with and sparking interest. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers you an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I was pleased to see that you used it amplify your title and set up the scenario for your poem. Well done.

Grammar/Wording - I saw nothing in error. Your language seems well chosen to reflect the message.

Form/Flow - This was written in vers libre - free verse - so there really is no right or wrong. That said, free verse is a challenging form that utilizes the natural cadences of common speech to create rhythm in lieu of the strict usage of meter found in classic forms. Free verse is the breaking of some old rules and the utilization of new tools, not the elimination of any and all rules. Free verse poems are not written as observations or stories and then broken into lines. The final form is not what makes it a poem; it is the simultaneous use of vocabulary, punctuation, and line break. As I read your poem, I could feel the poetry but it seemed that there were competing messages - "the world's a scary place" and "Why can't you see he's nothing but a snake?" Focus on what you want to say, then stick to it. You can always write a second poem

.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very enlightening read. It feels as if you have a lot to say and I look forward to reading more as you grown in your confidence and find your voice. Thank you for sharing your journey of writing and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

175

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14 days may be credited.

#4323904

Review of Death

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi ☮ The Grum Of Grums

It's just me, Ken,

. It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "Death"

as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

.

First Impression/Thoughts:
This is not a complicated story filled with metaphors and similies. It's just a personal restatement of Friedrich Nietzsche's "God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him."

Creativity/Impact:
I think your approach to this subject was excellent and thought provoking.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words

.

Title - I thought your title was an obvious choice, offering many alternative images for the reader to come up with and sparking interest. The "teaser" line (or description

) offers you an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I was pleased to see that you used it amplify your title and set up the scenario for your poem. Well done.

Grammar/Wording - I saw nothing in error. Your language seems well chosen to reflect the message.

Form/Flow - A very logical, easy to follow progression as you developed your theme of "we have outgrown God." Nicely balanced couplets make this an easy read. I think the most powerful and meaningful (for me) lines were found in your closing couplet:

I close my eyes one final time.
Thus ends the rhythm, thus the rhyme.

I did see a bit of inconsistency or uncertainty in this as you cited "no heaven above, no hell below. no final judgement when I go" as if death was final and yet, "the dark door opens" implies there is more.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very provocative and enlightening read. I think you have a good balance between expression and message delivery. Thank you for sharing your journey of imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .