Dementia is a horrible decease - It's a stealthy thief that gradually robs people of their thoughts, their safety, their autonomy, and ultimately their lives.
Being physically disabled, I've seen plenty of family members and friends affected by it. My maternal great uncle, my paternal great cousin, my maternal grandfather, my mother's partner, a neighbor who I knew growing up, and several older residents in the facility that I lived in before I got my apartment. It's hard to watch someone you know and love become less and less of themselves, even though you know it's not their fault.
The fact that the writer is a nurse lends a credibility to the story that you ordinarily don't have. Even though no one can tell what a person with advanced dementia is truly thinking, I believe that the story the writer tells from Emily's point of view is just about as close to the truth as you can possibly get - It's certainly believable. I've seen and heard every scenario that plays out in the story (unfortunately), and for that reason, it breaks my heart.
I would liked to have known whether Emily was moved to The Garden Home, and if so, how she adjusted.
Even though It's fictional, "Keep Me Safe" offers a realistic inside look at the day-to-day struggles of those who live with dementia, and those who love them.
Sans the ivy, this sounds like the makings of one of the real-life murder trials I watch on Court TV. Helped by the internet, a lot of husbands and wives seem to be pulling a Ted and poisoning each other lately. Goodness knows why they do such things, because eventually, they're going to get caught.
As far as the story, Was the accident truly an accident? How was Ted at fault? Did he have it in for Jill from the get-go? What was the cocktail the police found, and why would Ted want to kill Jill in the first place? Was he tired of Jill bringing up the accident?
As I said, you did an excellent job - This literally could have been ripped from today's headlines. I gave you four and a half stars simply because I'm hoping that you'll expand the story more, not because you can't write well.
Thanks so much for the word search - Not only did I get to work on my hand/eye coordination, I also learned something new - There are badgers in South Dakota! I know they can be nasty and dangerous, but I watch them safely through animal cams, and it's fun to see them up close.
Pixie Heart reminds me a lot of Tinkerbell - Both are fairies, both help people, and even though Tinkerbell herself doesn't glow, her Pixie Dust does!
I love how you combine poetry with prose here, especially with the rhyme - Children love and respond well to rhyme and rhythm, a story with a happy ending, and children just like them.
I think it was a really good decision to include the disclaimer about the AI assisted art, because it shows your willingness to be fully transparent with your readers.
I know this story is supposed to be fictional, but there were many kids like Isaac in the city where I grew up - too many. Not everyone had a support system like mine, and I saw so many kids who, like Isaac, jumped at the chance to team up with their parents to either work on a school project, or just to have fun with them, only to be brushed aside.
Either the parents were too busy, too stressed, too wrapped up in their own world, not interested in their kids' activities because their own parents hadn't been involved with theirs (probably most of them), they had an alcohol or drug habit, and some of them probably just didn't care.
You did a great job drawing that feeling out. I don't think Noah didn't love Issac, I just think he was concerned that teaming up with him would make him look less than serious about his writing. In my mind, family comes first, but obviously Noah didn't feel that was true until it hit him in the face.
I'd like to know more about Charlotte's side of things - What does she think about how Noah handled the situation? What did she say? Was she the one who encouraged Issac to have Andrew Daniels help him, or had Issac contacted him himself?
Obviously, Noah didn't know that Issac and Andrew had teamed up until Andrew told him, but given how disappointed he was when Noah put him on the back burner, and that it was almost certainly not the first time that it had happened, surely Issac confided in his Mom about he and Noah's conversation.
The story in itself is great - I think the additional information will round it off, though.
Thanks for letting me review your work - Keep writing!
You're not the only one - Writer's Block seems be my middle name, and, also like you, I struggle like crazy to stick to one project once I do start to work on something.
The struggle is indeed real, and you are not alone - Hang in there!
I'm so glad that you wrote and shared this story. I know that it's fictional, but a lot of people could do with a reminder of that lesson - including myself.
The only thing that I could suggest is that you space your paragraphs out a little more - It will make it easier for people to read,
Thanks for reminding me of all this, Rick. In my mind, I haven't written anything even half passible in seven years. I know I'm probably trying way too hard.
I know this is a work of fiction, but I've actually had this happen to me more than once - and as you showed so vividly in your story, nothing hurts worse than the sudden, unexpected death of someone you love.
You captured the feelings of Mara's best friend so well, that I could feel them myself. That kind of writing draws readers in instantly.
Your setting and characters drew me in immediately. The stag is my favorite of the two. Being such a huge animal lover, I suppose I'm more than a tad biased,though. Any story that features light grabs my attention, because to me,light signals hope. Your story reminds me a lot of C.S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia.
My only suggestions are to put quotes around the stag's words. Even though he isn't speaking out loud, he's still engaging in a dialogue with Mira. Is there anything else special about the pine tree? Who carved the door into it? Was there anything else inside the tree besides the hook for the lantern?
I needed a special story like this to read rigt now. My oldest brother and his family came down from New York to see me for a couple of hours yesterday, but the visit ended all too soon, and watching them leave was really hard. Thank you for making me smile!
I love white tigers, Zane, and you did such a great job of highlighting what really happens to them - both the good and the bad. At 53, I know full well that tigers can't talk like people, but you painted a wonderful picture of what the father tiger was thinking and feeling.
My one suggestion is to break down the paragraphs a little more - The story would be easier to follow if there were smoother transitions between topics.
I love the idea of older people handing down skills and traditions. Growing up, especially at my father's house (my parents separated when I was eight), we followed my grandparent's strict routine of only being allowed to open our stockings until after the grownups had their breakfast and coffee. It really wasn't that long, but to us, it was an eternity.
As for naming things, my older friends (I'm almost 53) say that back in the days of their parents and grandparents, naming things that were passed down from generation to generation was a common practice.
I would love to know where Phil and the kids were, and why they couldn't spend fathers day together. Try and expand on Kelli's story - the relationship with her parents, her family - I want to know more about them!
I can identify, Emberly - especially with the last four lines. I liked the descriptive words you used,they drew me into the room instantly.
Where is the light comming from? Is it solely from the moon, or is it hollow because the light source is small, like a candle? Do you wish it were from you? If you feel like it, you might want to explore that theme a litte more, either by expanding this one, or writing a new one. No pressure, though - It's just a suggestion.
I really enjoyed reading your piece. Keep writing!
I loved reading your story, and all the vivid details you put in. That's one of the marks of a good writer - using vivid details to make the reader feel as if they're really part of the story.
The one thing I would suggest is to try and break your larger paragraphs into smaller ones by looking for natural breaks between scenes in the story. That way, it will flow more easily.
You've got me intrigued, Douglas - Even I'm wondering where Katie got to. Was she kidnapped or murdered? I mean, something had to happen really fast, like someone sneaking up behind her and either making her drop, or taking and breaking her phone to make it hang up and keep her from answering it, right?
Poor Cameron, Katie has to be real in the story because people don't just vanish into thin air. Could Cameron have simply been dreaming about Katie calling him and disappearing?
I love this kind of story because it keeps my brain active. There are so many possibilities.....Did so and so do it? Could this have happened? Could that? If so, why?
Have you added any more to the story? I'm dying to know what happens next!
First of all. thank you for reminding me that it's okay to write/edit at two in the morning if need be, particularly since I'm a night owl.
I was drawn to your poem partly because I love the moon and the stars. Were you talking about yourself? Why don't you think you could be a star? Are you shy? Do you feel more comfortable being the moon? Remember that both of them are important.
I can't wait to see what happens when you edit it some more!
First of all, I love your story. The dialogue is cute, but it also reveals what Phil would probably say if he could really talk. I can see him saying all these things, especially now that he and Phylis have kids.
The story does a great job of highlighting the importance of environmental protection. I know that wasn't your original intention, but I think it aligns quite nicely with Earth Day. One of my favorite lines is:
"You people all deserve it. You kill each other. You ruin the Earth as if you can go get another one. You cheat each other and lie and are greedy."
The only suggeston I have is to make the font slightly larger so that people who have visual difficulties like myself can read your work more easily. Size 4 works just fine for me.
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