This was a good story with a bit of horror, suspense, drama, and mystery.
The Title and Description - I love the title. It holds an intrigue and sounds like an urban legend. Your description is well written and urged me to read on.
The Storyline/Plot - A man is traveling down a road in Blackbriar Swamp. He has heard about the monster that has haunted this swamp for a good part of his life. He's on horseback when loud noises start to disrupt the peace. The noise gets so bad, it spooks the horse who throws the rider off. The sounds and loud thrashes get louder and closer. Will he make it out of the swamp alive?
The Setting - Good job with the descriptions and details. They enabled me to envision each scene as I read.
Whar I Liked Best - The mystery of what was going to happen, and what type of monster was threatening him.
Below are a few suggestions. Please use or discard them as you see fit.
He urged the his horse
than he was expected.
branch and lit
A comma is needed after branch
illumination then
illumination than
his eye he
A comma is needed after eye
stood between.
stood between them.
his right had
his right hand
Thank you so much for sharing your writing with us. I enjoyed it.
Intuey
"When you play the Game of Thrones you win, or you die." Cersei Lannister
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
This is a good story that touches the heart in more ways than one. It's a creative and imaginative story with a chilling plot.
The Title and Description - Perfect title for this story. It fits the plot in multiple ways. The description caught my attention and urged me to read on!
The Storyline/Plot - A woman gets out of jail and gets on a bus heading for her destination. The bus stops at a restaurant. She goes in for a hot bowl of soup, on a cold, snowy day when she meets someone that will touch her heart and rattle her at the same time. Will she believe the truth?
The Characters - Your writing allows the parolee's personality to shine through. Though she's quiet and reserved, she also has a very kind heart and is not afraid of helping others. We can feel the little boy's sadness and loneliness through your words.
The Setting - You do a good job with the descriptions and details, so the reader can easily envision each scene as we read.
What I Liked Best - The ending. It's a great twist ending. I also like how the title and the beginning of the story come full circle.
Thank you so much for sharing this story with us. I enjoyed it.
Tracey
"When you play the Game of Thrones you win, or you die." Cersei Lannister
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Oh, that was such a good story. You did a wonderful job with the prompt. The prompt reminded me of Ebenezer Scrooge. It's nice that you took the story on a totally different path. Congratulations on your win. Your story deserved it!
The Title and Description - Good title that fits the story nicely. The description says all it needs to say. It was enough to urge me to read on.
The Characters - You did a wonderful job showing the love the father and son shared. The father's loneliness and desperation to see his son also shine through your words. The son's love for the father comes through his actions and words. The kindness of both is seen by allowing the orphan, Ralph, to become a part of the family.
The Setting - Nice job on writing the descriptions and details enough so that the reader can easily envision each scene as they read.
What I Liked The Best - I liked the whole story. I also liked the strong bond of love shown between the father and the son, so much so that nothing could stop them from being together. I also liked the kindness shown in allowing the orphan, Ralph, to move in. That also meant the father wouldn't be alone.
Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful story. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Tracey
"When you play the Game of Thrones you win, or you die." Cersei Lannister
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
This is a cute children's story. Short enough to keep a child's attention but long enough to entertain, thrill, and make the child eager to find out what will happen next. It's creative and imaginative. Nice job!
The Title and Description - Great title that drew my attention to the story. The description sums up the story nicely and urges me to read on.
The Storyline/Plot - A little girl must find the magical crystal to save the magic of the forest, which is quickly fading.
The Characters - We are able to learn the little girl's personality pretty well. I would have liked at least a paragraph to talk about the friends she had with her. We get to see them in action in the end, but it would have been nice to know them a little before the showdown.
The Setting - I would have liked to read about the magic fading and how it was affecting the woods a little. But I was able to envision each scene as I read. Good job!
What I Liked Best - I liked it when it got to the showdown, and her friends helped her save the magic crystal. And I liked the ending. Nicely done.
I'll have to read this to my little granddaughter. Thank you so much for sharing your writing with us.
Tracey
"When you play the Game of Thrones you win, or you die." Cersei Lannister
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Oh, no! This was a good story, with a surprise ending I didn't see coming. Poor guy. I can see your wry humor coming through this story.
The Title and Description - Great title that goes perfectly with the story. Good description that urged me to read on. Congratulations on winning third in the Senior Center Forum. You deserved it!
The Storyline/Plot - A guy who just inherited some money from his aunt, stops in a pug to have a few drinks with his buds. A very creative and imaginative tale.
The Characters - You do such a wonderful job with the characters. Their personalities come out strongly through your words. I love the easy-going, jovial, and giving personality of the main character. Excellent job!
The Setting - Beautiful job on giving enough descriptions and details so that the reader can envision each scene as they read. Well done!
What I Liked Best - The camaraderie between all of the friends drinking at the bar. You did an amazing job making that scene so life-like. And of course, the marvelous, surprising ending. I love twist endings, and this one certainly does not disappoint!
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Tracey
"When you play the Game of Thrones you win, or you die." Cersei Lannister
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
This is a cute story. The little lemonade girls are starting young in solving their community's mysteries. A couple of little Nancy Drews. A creative little tale. Nice job!
The Title and Description - Great title that fits the story perfectly. The definition piqued my curiosity and urged me to read on!
The Storyline/Plot - Two little girls use their lemonade stand as a front to their Detective agency. There they solve crimes like what happened to their teacher's apple, to where their friend's teddy bear disappeared to.
The Characters - Great job on showing the reader the two little girl's personalities in such a short piece. Their eagerness and innocence shine through.
The Setting - Nice job on writing the descriptions and details so I was easily able to envision each scene as I read.
What I Liked Best - I liked the overall story. I did feel for the poor dog who was so happy to have found a new toy.
Below are a few minor suggestions. Please use or discard them as you see fit.
second grade
second-grade
lunch time.
lunchtime
At first I
A comma is needed after first
Today, we would be
Today, we will be
Thank you so much for sharing your writing with us. I enjoyed it.
Tracey
"When you play the Game of Thrones you win, or you die." Cersei Lannister
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
This was a good story. You did an excellent job using the prompt. I found it inspiring and true to life.
You may want to put a third genre. Maybe Suspense. Many people look up items to read just by using the genres search bar. This may help more people find your piece. It's also good to have all three genres if your item gets chosen for a Quill.
The Title and Description - Perfect title. It goes great with your story. The description caught my attention and urged me to read on. Well done!
The Storyline/Plot - A woman who lives by herself falls into a deep hole while hiking. She's not expecting anyone to come looking for her, and she doesn't see a way out. She's about sixty feet from the top.
The Characters - You do a good job in such a short story by letting us get to know your character.
The Setting - It would be nice to have a little more of the setting of where she's hiking. It would give the readers a bit more of her harrowing situation.
What I Liked Best - The overall message of the story. The hallucinating.
Below are a few minor suggestions. Please use or discard them as you see fit,
one of turns
one of the turns
Eventually she forced
A Comma is needed after Eventually
was a hiker not
A comma is needed after hiker
At first she
A comma is needed after first
her in disappoint,
her in disappointment,
to be be
Thanks so much for sharing your writing with us. I enjoyed it.
Intuey
"When you play the Game of Thrones you win, or you die." Cersei Lannister
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
This is a cute story. I was afraid the boy was a trap. I'm glad it wasn't. I didn't want to see what happened to the woman happen to the dragon. I thought it was creative how he decorated his cave.
The Title and Description - The name is unique and drew me to your piece. I would write a little bit about what your story is about under the description. Although, to be honest, what you have there did urge me to read on.
The Characters - Your characters are entertaining, and the writing did make me care about them.
The Setting - Good job on writing the descriptions and details that helped me to envision each scene as I read.
What I Liked Best - The personality of the dragon.
I'd space some of your paragraphs, so it'd make it easier to read, and be easier on the eyes.
I have a few suggestions for you below. Please use or discard them as you see fit.
Eyes piercing
Eyes pierced
the eldest woman went,
the elderly woman made,
a mullberry
a mulberry
slight sound
A comma is needed after sound
Nothing. Grass swayed
The grass
Meanwhile the predator
A comma is needed after Meanwhile
dark colored dragon
dark-colored dragon
two week old dragon
two-week-old
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I enjoyed it!
Tracey
"When you play the Game of Thrones you win, or you die." Cersei Lannister
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
And a child shall lead them... Great story with a well-written, complex main character.
The Title and Description - Fabulous title that drew me to your writing. The description is vivid and evokes visions of a bit of what the story may be about, urging me to read on!
The Storyline/Plot - The Shadow Weaver, an evil being, the making of everyone's nightmares, the harbinger of doom, the spawn from which rumors are bred. All starts to unfurl by the innocent, yet truthful words of a little girl.
The Characters - The Shadow Weaver, An Innocent Little Girl, and An Old Oak, with a magical energy. All are well-written and each one adds a creative, imaginative, and deeper meaning to your story.
The Setting - Your setting is filled with vivid descriptions and details that allow the reader to envision each scene as we read. Well done!
What I Liked Best - The complexity of your main character. The storyline and of course, the ending. I love that you used an ancient oak with magical properties and energy for the wisdom needed to change.
Thank you for sharing this fantastic story with us. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Tracey
"When you play the Game of Thrones you win, or you die." Cersei Lannister
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Oh no! This is a good, funny, and creative story. It's definitely reminiscent of the The Emperor's New Clothes. Great job!
Title and Description - Fabulous title and a good description that urged me to read on. I was surprised though that you had "Contest entry" and "Other" listed in your genres. You who always remind others not to do so. Oh, for shame, Jody! I'd change one to Drama and one to another genre that fits. (I can't remember them all right now.) Maybe Fantasy. You'll find one.
The Storyline/Plot - A Duke who is not the best good-looking Duke, wants to fool his hoped-to-be bride, by getting a painting commissioned of a better-looking him, to send to her. Two scammers talk him into hiring someone who only those who are pure of heart will be able to see the true beauty of the painting. The rest will see only a mess. He goes along with this thinking that he'll own all the hopeful bride-to-be's land. You must read on to find out what happens.
The Characters - Great set of characters. We get to know the Duke's greed, and conniving self, as he meets up with two characters who are just as greedy and conniving as he.
The Setting - You do a good job at setting. The reader is easily able to envision each scene as we read.
What I Liked Best - The comedic quality of the story while teaching a good, moral lesson. Greed and dishonesty will get you nowhere good. It only opens you up to the same type of people.
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I enjoyed it.
Tracey
"When you play the Game of Thrones you win, or you die." Cersei Lannister
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Cute tale of a talking cat. Good job with the prompt from Game of Thrones. I only saw three items in your Game of Thrones Folder. Are you still participating? I hope so. I know it's a handful but it's a lot of fun, also!
The Title and Description - The title and description are to your Game of Thrones Folder. The title and description say everything it needs to.
The Storyline/Plot - Cute storyline of a cat that one morning very casually just starts talking to his mom, like she's always done so. The woman thinking it must be a dream just goes along with it. When bedtime comes, she hopes she wakes up to her cat still talking to her in the morning.
The Characters - We get to know the woman and the cat fairly well with the small amount that they talk. Both seem pretty easygoing and kind.
The Setting - Good job on the descriptions and details. You enabled me to envision easily each scene as I read.
What I Liked Best - The easygoing conversation between the two as if it were something that has always occurred.
Thank you so much for sharing this cute tale with us, I enjoyed it. Have a great day!!
Write On!
Tracey
"When you play the Game of Thrones you win, or you die." Cersei Lannister
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
A good story. But one that is a bit sad also. Two lovers who just can't let each other go.
The Title and Description - A good title that works well with the story. The description confused me a bit, as I was expecting to read about a woman who was a ghost, and finally finds a way to accept it. I guess it's all how you read into it.
The Storyline/Plot - A tale of two lovers. One has died, but they still can't find it in their hearts to let go of each other. The one who dies, won't stay away from the one who is still living and he visits her dreams all of the time. The one living, won't let the one who died go and keeps calling him to her, begging him not to ever leave her. It's a tale of deep love, but also a sad one of not being able to let each other go, and move on.
The Characters - They're well-written and the reader is easily able to get to know both of their personalities.
The Setting - Excellent job writing the descriptions and details of the setting. It easily allows us to envision each scene as we read.
What I Liked Best - The true love that they both feel, and her being able to feel his energy in the end.
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I enjoyed it.
Tracey
"When you play the Game of Thrones you win, or you die." Cersei Lannister
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
This writing touched my heart. How do you not give a writing like this Five Stars? It is full of love, admiration, teachings, and many things in life we learn to treasure when we have them, though we may not realize to what extent until it is too late, and they leave us.
Your time at the racetrack together sounds like a magical time for a little boy and his grandfather. Pretty smart of your grandpa to go get the horse picks from the janitor. He's there to hear many of the races for which horses come in as top winners!
The railroad setup sounds amazing! I've always liked miniature landscapes. I bet it was a sight to behold!
Congratulations on your grandfather quitting smoking. I smoked Kools also for forty years. I started when I was fourteen smoking a pack a day. I smoked a pack a day until I recently quit. It was hard. I took it five minutes (literally) at a time. I know he knew you were proud of him.
You are a very lucky man to have had your grandfather as long as you did. It seems he taught you many things, among those good values and morals. It's amazing to read when someone is beyond their time like he was with computers. I always wished I got into it on the ground floor.
My grandfather died when I was very young, but I still have a few memories I'll forever carry with me. I know your grandfather left you with many memories you will share with your family for the rest of your life. You're blessed.
Thank you for sharing such a personal experience with us. I enjoyed it.
Tracey
"When you play the Game of Thrones you win, or you die." Cersei Lannister
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Good story. I see you only have one entry for the Game of Thrones in your folder, but your handle still reads Mormont. Are you still competing? I hope so. You did a really good job on the story with the prompt. I know Game of Thrones can be a little intimidating at first, but it gets easier -- though, you do remain busy, busy, busy! (Which I kind of enjoy)
The Title and Description - I'm reviewing "The Road Less Traveled" in your Game of Thrones 2024L House Mormont Folder. "The Road Less Traveled" is the name of the prompt, so it fits the story nicely.
The Storyline/Plot - Two women go on a mission. They must be careful of the blood-lust monsters out in the world now. They seem to be a bit uncomfortable about their mission, and they hope it will be worth leaving the comfort they had with their friends, while they stay safe enough to make it back home.
The Characters - The two women are the main characters. We get to know them a bit through the story. I would have liked them to face a situation where we could have seen how they would have reacted to it. I think that way we could have gotten to know them a bit better.
The Setting - You did have some good details in your story. With just a few more vivid descriptions of their surroundings, it would have helped us envision each scene better as we read.
What I Liked Best - The writing that showed the women's uneasiness. It came through strongly, giving us a sense of the fear they felt of what was hiding in the shadows.
Thank you so much for sharing your writing with us!
WRITE ON!
Intuey
"When you play the Game of Thrones you win, or you die." Cersei Lannister
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Hey Ashok Banerjee, Sorry I didn't get around to your piece yesterday. This is a powerful writing. Freestyle works well for this writing.
Dying for your country is a noble thing. But I prefer you fight and live! My grandson graduated from Army BootCamp and was home for two weeks before he went to Washington. He was in a car wreck on Christmas Morning 2022, he was thrown from the car. He died a week later, never coming out of his coma. He was wrapped in the American Flag. He also got a donor flag. He would have been proud. He always wanted to join the Army since he was very young.
Your poem is emotional and it comes through your words strongly. I can tell how much you enjoyed being in the service and how proud you are. As you should be.
In the last stanza, you have:
A fortune person
It should be:
A fortunate person
Thank you so much for sharing your writing with us. And above all, thank you so much for your service! Our country should value all of our service men and women. For it is you who keep us safe from the enemy, where we can go about our everyday lives.
Well no one truly wins, do they? So much for fatherly love. Great story that's well-written, creative, and imaginative. Nice job.
The Title and Description - Great title. It's a perfect fit for the story. A good description that urged me to read on!
The Storyline/Plot - Brothers are challenged against each other by their father all throughout their lives. Why did they expect that to change just because he died? The last challenge he left for them, is the cruelest of them all,
The Characters - The brothers, the deceased father, who is still very much present, and the lawyer. One brother was always better at the challenges than the other. Though, he would say it's not that he's better, just that he learned to strategize. Will they go through with their father's last challenge, or will they put it behind them, and let the challenges die with their father?
The Setting - You did a wonderful job with the descriptions and details. The reader is easily able to envision each scene as we read. Well done.
What I Liked Best - Finding out the father's last challenge and the ending.
Thank you so much for sharing your writing with us. I enjoyed it.
Tracey
"When you play the game of thrones you win, or you die." Cersei Lannister
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Great job with the prompt! It looks like it was a fun write. It's a tale full of magic, mystery, suspense, and fantasy. I
t was creative and imaginative. Nice job!
The Title and Description - Excellent title. It compliments the story perfectly. Fabulous description that catches one's attention and urges them to read on!
The Storyline/Plot - A little girl is camping, and comes up with a plan, to catch some fireflies. Her plan works nicely and she captures five in a jar. While looking at her fireflies, she falls asleep. She is awakened by a small voice, and is shocked when she finds out where the tiny voice is coming from!
The Characters - We're able to get to know the little girl's heart and personality through your words. Well done.
The Setting - Excellent job with the setting. We're able to envision each scene as we read.
Whar I Liked Best - I love the little girl's thoughts when deciding whether to let them out of the jar or not. It's a legitimate concern. I also liked the visual of using the fireflies for the light in the dark tent.
Thank you for sharing your writing with us. It's a cute story and would make a wonderful children's book!
Tracey
"When you play the Game of Thrones you win, or you die." Cersei Lannister
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Hey Norb! I remember this contest fondly. This is definitely a challenging Blog Challenge. I've been trying to psych myself up to getting involved in blogging regularly again. It truly is rewarding to belong to a blogging community and I do recommend it to anyone who wants to start blogging on a regular basis. A community will inspire you when you don't feel like writing and mostly give inspiration for subjects to write about.
This thirty-day challenge is not for the blogger weak-at-heart. So get your blood pumping, check the ink in your pen, or the muscles in your fingers, and get ready to blog - every day for thirty days. The prompts will be provided and they are sure to make you think! If you feel you're ready for the task at hand; the official month (every other month) will surely entice you with wonderful prizes - but if you're like me, and would rather jump in on an unofficial month (not as much pressure, see how things work, meet a new community of blogging friends) than an unofficial month might be for you as well.
Now, we just have to hope Norb does the right thing and opens this wonderful activity back up. We used to have such a strong blogging community on writing.com. I'd like to get that back!
The forum is well laid out and lets the bloggers know what is expected of them if they join.
Thank you so much for sharing this excellent blogging activity with us. I truly do hope you open it back up, soon!
Tracey
"When you play the game of thrones you win, or you die." Cersei Lannister
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
This is a good children's story. I could envision it with illustrations on each page. It's a good job showing that it's okay if you don't feel like you belong. There's always someone who understands and will be there for you.
The Title and Description - A good title that fits the story perfectly. Congratulations on winning second place in the Bedtime and Fairytale Contest. That's a great idea for a contest! I like the short description you have so far, but maybe you can move the 2nd place notification to the bottom of your piece, and expand on the description. I think it would help bring more people in to read your story.
The Storyline/Plot - A little girl is looking forward to her tenth birthday when she will receive a wooden sword. After all, that was the traditional ten-year-old gift in their family. But when her tenth birthday arrived, the long box was not a sword. After all, she was a girl. The gift she received in its place was horrible. Bless her heart. As a tomgirl growing up, I could definitely feel her pain. The little boy, the youngest of the boys in the family, didn't want a sword. He wanted to stay inside, he didn't like to work outside.
The Characters - You did a great job writing the characters. I easily got a sense of who they were and what made them happy and sad. Nice job!
What I Liked The Best - The part where the brother gave her a gift to make her smile again. The bond the two shared.
Thank you so much for sharing your piece with us. I enjoyed it.
Tracey
"When you play the Game of Thrones you win, or you die." Cersei Lannister
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Great poem written in freestyle verse. A good form to use for this story-like piece.
It's a poem about saying goodbyes. A warm place for snowbirds to gather and get to know each other. Then when the winter starts to turn to summer, it's time to say so long and hope that they run into each other again next year.
A place where a group of older people reminisce about how days were long ago. How people cared about etiquette. How they looked and dressed, and how the club was linen, crystal, and china, not chinet. A great line that made me chuckle. I could easily see them all sitting around sharing stories about days long gone by. A time when people at least tried to show a little class. It was a time I would have liked to have known. Though, I'm sure it could get exhausting having to dress a certain way for every single event. When casual wasn't really casual at all. But still, it would have been a bit romantic, I do believe.
These is my favorite stanza:
"There were times when the men appeared in suits and ties
and ladies donned long evening dresses.
It was all quite fashionable, not to mention, respectful.
Now, nobody seems to care about formality at the clubhouse events!
But I remember when they were very classy, in the earlier years we were here.
Those were the days, the days of silver, crystal, linen napkins
and fine china; not Chinet!”
Thank you for sharing your poem with us. I enjoyed it.
Tracey
"When you play the game of thrones you win, or you die." Cersei Lannister
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Another good detective story. Lou is a gumshoe detective in the 1930s. He takes a job to follow a cop's wife. The cop thinks his wife has gotten herself into some trouble. When the detective questions if he's really sure he wants to go there, once he learns something, he can't unlearn it. The policeman makes it known that he doesn't think his wife is cheating, but may be in some sort of trouble. Lou accepts the job to find out what's going on with the policeman's wife.
The Title and Description - Great title that pulled me in and urged me to read on. I do think you should expand on the description. I believe writing a little bit about what the story is about, besides it being a detective in Chicago, in the 1930s, would help bring more readers to read your work.
The Characters - Great set of characters. The cop, though friendly, hints at what it would be like to not do as he expects. The gumshoe detective has his demons but seems to be an overall good guy. Then there's the policeman's wife. She's innocent enough and just wants a better life with her husband. Though, she doesn't want her secret to get out.
The Setting - Nice descriptions and details that allow the reader to envision each scene as we read.
What I Liked Best - The scene that happens in the speakeasy involving the detective, the dame, and Lenny.
Below are a few suggestions. Please use or discard them as you see fit.
ouple sawbucks
couple of sawbucks
losing-streak
losing streak
She has the red hair.
She was the red head.
Thanks so much for sharing your story with us. I enjoyed it.
Tracey
"When you play the Game of Thrones you win, or you die." Cersei Lannister
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
I've faced several deaths in my life, but the loss of a child is on a whole different level. Kids aren't supposed to die before their parents or grandparents. The pain of losing my grandchild a couple of years ago is a feeling that I don't think will ever fade. A child has too much promise of what they can achieve in their lives. My grandson craved living life. He couldn't wait to have all sorts of 'grown-up' experiences. I'm just glad his parents did so much with him and their family while he was growing up. One just never knows.
Some in the crowd hold umbrellas, waiting for rain. I always thought it most agreeable that it rained on the day of a loved one's funeral. Heaven is crying with us. It rained on my husband's and grandchild's day of burial.
Your poem is free-style, and this works well for this poem. The images are stark and sad. The black clothes and the dark clouds are a nice contrast with the white balloons. I could easily see the crowd holding the balloons in mourning, and the little girl hugging onto her mother's waist.
I started releasing a balloon to my loved ones on their birthday, many, many years ago. I'd write a message I wanted to say to them and let it go. There's something beautiful in watching it rise until it's no longer in sight.
If one does release balloons for their loved ones, I do hope they cut the nylon string off so it doesn't get wrapped around wildlife.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful, yet sad writing with us. Your words portray a lot of emotion. Good job.
Tracey
"When you play the Game of Thrones you win, or you die." Cersei Lannister
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
The Witch's Garden is a fun Holiday Handle Forum that happens every year. Those of us who have been around Writing.Com for at least a few years, look forward to this annual activity. It spreads Holiday Cheer, as the members of the site, change their handles to ones more in the holiday spirit. Christmas and Hanukah cheer is spread far and wide - so are our smiles. It's a feel-good activity that adds a lot to our home away from home.
The page is colorful and festive. Easy directions are given, as well as the time limit.
The gifts are generous. The rolling of the virtual die makes it exciting and fun.
Don't you open this up for Halloween Handles as well? If I'm remembering correctly, it is The Witch's Garden, right? If so, I would include this on the page, that you open for Halloween as well.
If you have other annual activities that you do in this forum, I would list them as well. Do you have contests or activities out of the blue? Tell us a little about it, and what we can expect. List the different prizes that may be available.
I loved all of the Holiday and Cheery emoticons used on the page. It makes everything look so festive. Well done.
Congratulations on all of your Quill nominees, honorable mentions and win!
Thanks for sharing your generosity with us! It's such a great idea. We could use more activities like this.
Tracey
"When you play the Game of Thrones you win, or you die." Cersei Lannister
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
I stopped by The Witch's House, but you must have been out. I browsed for a while and was taken in by all of the great images and signatures. I really like the top signature which is on top of the opening of the group page. I also liked the skeleton hands with your name. That's so very witchy.
I got a chuckle from you saying that you're opening every day but on Halloween. Because you're so busy on that day. I also laughed about calling your broom, a zoom broom. Cute and clever!
I do think you should swap the images of the fire and the skeleton hands. That way the fire will be under the sentence where you said you were cooking gingerbread kids, I mean cookies.
Your reason for spreading happiness and gifts to other groups/fundraisers around the site is an amazing reason for having a group like this.
What an amazing lot of Merit Badges. It would be nice if you had a little description below them to tell how people can collect them. Rather it is through activities, contests, donating, etc...
You do state that one can get a general Merit Badge for a donation of 25,000 GPS, but do not say anything about the custom merit badges.
I like this quote that you have at the bottom of your page:
Look up in the sky -- who is that on a broom, flying so high? It is I folks and you'll see me soon, dropping little goodies from the shadow of the moon.
Thank you for sharing your group page with us, and showing us all of your pretty merit badges. Thanks also for all you do around WDC!
Tracey
"When you play the Game of Thrones you win, or you die." Cersei Lannister
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
This is a good detective story set in the early thirties: 1930 - 1931. Like most Gumshoes back in the day, he had a thing for his secretary. This dame seemed to bring trouble knocking at his door. This time it was her brother who was arrested for murder. Can the detective get him out of it, or is her brother truly guilty? You must read to find out.
The Title and Description - A good title that goes well with the story. I think you could expand a bit on the description to write a little blurb of what the story is about. I think it could help draw in more readers.
The Characters - Great job on the characters and the dialog. The reader is easily able to get an idea of each of their personalities, and their relationship with each other.
The Setting - Excellent job with the setting. I was able to envision each scene as I read. Nice job!
What I Liked Best - The part where he followed the man following the woman. What he found and was able to do.
Below are a few suggestions. Please use or discard them as you see fit.
“Please Lou!
A comma is needed after Please
sleezy
sleazy
cleaning-up
cleaning up
busy bodies.”[c:red}
busybodies."
bar and left.
A comma is needed after bar
barged though
barged through
Thanks so much for sharing your writing with us. I enjoyed it.
Tracey
"When you play the Game of Thrones you win, or you die." Cersei Lannister
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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This was a good story with a bit of horror, suspense, drama, and mystery.
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "
Poor guy. I can see your wry humor coming through this story.
Today, we would be
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was a hiker not 
her in disappoint, 
a mullberry
WRITE ON! 
Great story that's well-written, creative, and imaginative. Nice job.
busy bodies.”