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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/intuey
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1,563 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by Intuey
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Odessa Molinari - killed in 53 I'm reading and reviewing your piece as a part of "I Write in 2020 [E]

*Reading* Your war story is well written and keeps the pace throughout. I like the contrast you set with a sense of normalcy from the higher-ups giving the orders, to the organized chaos of the ones having to carry those orders out. Nicely done! *Thumbsup*

*Salute* Your piece showed honor to those who have fought for their country while at the same time, showing how quickly one loses their life. Reminding us all to always keep them in our hearts and prayers.

You did a wonderful job. Thank you for sharing your piece with us.

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Intuey


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review of Revival  
Review by Intuey
Rated: E | (5.0)
Beautiful poem, Beholden. I absolutely adored it. *Heart*

I enjoyed the tidbit of information that your piece was based on. It adds to your writing making it, even more, the richer. *Heart*

I can definitely relate. The last church my family belonged to was like this. It was a new church and we watched it grow. We prayed for it to grow. My kids worked with them and the message was one of love, respect, and acceptance. The church grew amazingly fast. One service turned to three to fit everyone in until we could find a new building. By the time we moved into a new building, we no longer went there and in fact, neither did many of the original parishioners who helped make it what it once was. It's no longer the same church at all. Which is a shame. But I guess they found their place -- though it does seems to flounder about a bit.

I enjoyed reading this writing and the nostalgic feel. Nicely done!

Good luck in the contest.

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Tracey


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
for entry "The Yama - Mother
Review by Intuey
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Snow Vampire! I am reviewing your piece on behalf of "I Write in 2020 [E]

*Reading* You did a fantastic job with the form of the Yama. You followed all of the requirements precisely and ended up with a wonderful, though sad writing. Nice job. *Smile*

*Bookstack3* Your opening line is strong and pulls the reader right in. We completely understand that she's no longer among the living after reading the first stanza. You relate this sorrow through small but intimate actions that are no longer present. Leaving the reader with a feeling of emptiness and sadness.

*Bookstack2* In reading the second stanza we are over-come with the hollow emotions of missing someone who was truly loved and an important part of the writer's everyday personal space. The sorrow is palpable. Very well done in such a few short syllabic lines. *Angel*

*Bookstack* The last stanza feels as though there is an acceptance. A sad acceptance, but one arrived at out of necessity and no other choice. A loved one is gone. It's a heartbreaking, gut-wrenching, gnawing feeling one has to work their way through. So they pray for their mother but all the while, always listening out (and perhaps, hearing at times) the beloved words, I love you.

*Angelic* A nicely written piece packed full of emotion that comes across strongly in your words. Nice job! You nailed this one. I'm so sorry that this comes from a close, personal tribulation of losing your mom. *Heart*

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Tracey


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
for entry "The Supernatural
Review by Intuey
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hey Jeff-o'-lantern I'm reviewing your blog entry on behalf of "I Write in 2020 [E]

*Reading* Since this is a blog entry, I thought it only fair to check out a few other pieces. *Wink* Though I will only converse about this entry. *Smile*

*Ghost* I've always enjoyed the supernatural and paranormal. I like hearing the experiences (or lack of) from others and their viewpoints on the subjects.

*Cloud* Ever since I was a child, I have had experiences. But I can understand why those who have never shared these experiences do not believe. It's hard accepting something like that when it's not a part of your space.

*Clock2* The opening quickly caught my interest, and it pulled me right in to keep reading. I appreciate the reasoning of your disbelief of ghosts; while still being able to acknowledge other strange phenomena that are just too inexplicable, not to be considered as possible paranormal experiences.

*Reload* I call experiences like that synchronicities. Especially ones like that of your boss going to Hawaii at the same time as you and your wife -- not only that but ending up one row over! That's wild! Then when you continue to elaborate on how that one synchronistic trip influenced and enhanced your future life, to me, that's nothing short of divine intervention! *Delight*

*Caro* As for bad accidents being avoided? I've been there also. And no matter how many times I go over one of them in my head, the statistical odds of how I maneuvered my car, breaking the steering wheel while never leaving the two-lane highway and then just continuing down the road... well it was impossible. There's absolutely no way. I even met the young guys' wide eyes while I turned my vehicle in two totally opposite ways within a few seconds. I'm with you when things like this occur. I believe this is a divine intervention of our angels watching over and protecting us.

*Angelic* Thank you for your post. I truly enjoyed it. I look forward to reading more entries from you. I'll have to make sure I visit more often!

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Tracey


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review of Endless Climb  
Review by Intuey
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
*Reading* Hello ♥OctOGRE tHiNg♥! How are you doing, my friend? *Bigsmile* I am reviewing this super long piece that took me the better part of the day to review. *Crazy* *Laugh* I'm reviewing your piece for "I Write in 2020 [E]

*Bookstack* Contests and Activities seem to be alight with Oriental Poetry, as of late. For anyone who has applied their creative muse to these short forms, they find writing one correctly may not be as easy as it appears!

*Bookstack2* Reading your three-lined, 12 syllables Than Bauk Form, a few times over, has left me quite impressed. *Fire*

*Bookstack3* You reached in deep and pulled out this little beauty. It is in-depth that tells a complex story of struggle, the will of a spirit not to give in, and the road to recovery.

*Treecypress* The writer lets the reader know this is something that's been going on for a while now. But there is finally light at the end of the tunnel, as smiles began to grace her life once more. She understands that there is still a road to travel, but with her determined strength she will continue to fight the good fight! I for one, know she will overcome, shine and kick ass!

*Key* Thanks so much for sharing your writing with us. Good luck in the contest!

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* *Hug1**hug**Hug2* Tracey


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review of Taking the Leap  
Review by Intuey
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*Reading*Hello 💙 Carly - BLUE!!💙! I'm reviewing your piece for "I Write in 2020 [E]
I was going to check out the workshop to see if there was a certain assignment for your piece, but both links are to your writing? So that was a little confusing. *Whistle* But on to your piece!

*Bookstack* Are you writing this for a novel? If you are, good for you! *Delight* You look like you have an excellent storyline your working out. I wish you a lot of luck with it!

*Balloon2*
Title and Description -Your title for this section of your piece fits perfectly. That's exactly what both of your characters decided to do. Young love is so fresh. Everything is still fairly new to young adults. *Heart* Your description does an excellent job describing the dilemma your characters will be facing. Nice job.

*Flower1*
Characters - Both of your characters are starting to become established and known to the reader. I do wish I had a bit more information about how far into the story this piece is. I feel like it's at the beginning stages. If this was a short story, I'd want to get to know the characters a bit more. But since this is part of a larger work, then I know we'll get to know them in stages. *Smile* I feel like we start to genuinely feel the passion and emotion coming from both of them as the story gets rolling, It picks up the pace quite nicely about halfway through and carries it on toward the end.

*Balloon4*
Setting - I don't really remember a lot about the setting. So it didn't stick in my mind. You may wish to work on their surroundings a bit more; Make it more tangible to the reader. You did a great job on the scene where he is walking through her house and noticing the things she had around her, that helped him get a feel for her emotional attachment. *ThumbsUpR*

*Flower3*
What I like about your piece - I enjoyed the connection between the two. I think you're doing a fabulous job starting the emotions off slowly and with caution, then watching them both falling for each other at almost the same speed. The passion builds at a nice pace, and I smiled when they finally kissed. *Inlove*

I do have suspicions about that other girl, though. Something just doesn't seem right about all of that. And why wouldn't he want to tell her about them right off? Hmmm... *Think* *Smirk*


*Balloon4*
Suggestions - I do have a few suggestions. Most of these are just typos are minor edits. Please use or discard them as you see fit. This is only my opinion.



*Books1* closed herself off and tried to focus on re-formating her career.


Comma between 'off' and 'and' (herself off, and) reformatting - no hyphen


*Books2* she could see him in her minds eye. The two of them sitting out on the deck chairs, sipping coffee and watching the sun set.


in her mind's eye. coffee, and sunset


*Books3* Desire rose leaving her feeling


Desire rose to leave her feeling


*Books4* fill the suitcase, gave


Comma not needed


*Books5* The bed itself, was made,

Commas not needed


*Bookstack2* Still he had been aroused just the same. Giving her advise and


Still, he had... Giving her advice


*Bookstack3* After lunch she continued on.


After lunch, she continued. (Remove the word 'on' to prevent a tautology.}


*Books4* Arden Falls cutoff, when she


Comma not needed (Is cutoff supposed to be two words?)


*Books1* She was temped to jump out


She was tempted...


*Books2* expect and complied. He held the door for her and closed it when she got out. He then led her over to his SUV, turned them and


Commas needed after before each 'and' (expect, and complied) (turned them, and)


*Books3* For a split second she was caught off guard, then bewitched as she pressed further into him and kissed him back just as passionately.

After a moment or what seemed like eternity, he


Add a comma after 'second' (For a split second,) (seemed like an eternity,)


*Books4* uncle’s place… sure, was I was excited


sure, as I was excited or sure, I was...


*Books5* until I got to Weber’s…


Webers


*Bookstack* or a ton of snow, is


Comma not needed


*Bigsmile* Thanks so much for sharing your work with us! I really enjoyed it! *Delight*


*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*


*Heart* Tracey


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Review of The Sun Waits  
Review by Intuey
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hey ♥OctOGRE tHiNg♥! It's my pleasure to review your poem today for "I Write in 2020 [E] *Heart*

*Reading* Great job with the form! You followed the rules precisely and ended up with a fabulous little piece. But it was definitely one that had a surprise twist in the end, I definitely didn't see coming! *Shock2*

I wrote one also. It's the first time I have ever heard of this form. How about you?

*Bookstack2* Your first 3.5 lines were very relatable. You painted a nice, vivid image of you dancing along the shore, squishing and kicking up sand between your toes. *Heart* I do love the beach, before the unbearable heat sets in! *Sun*

*Bee* Then the last 1.5 lines turn into a twist I didn't see coming! Now, normally this is good, but not when it's at the expense of a personal experience! *Cry*

*Beach* So, you know what I am probably going to say .... WHAT IN THE WORLD HAPPENED? If you have a blog entry or storytelling about this experience, it would be wonderful if you could link it at the bottom of your piece. If you don't, maybe you'll consider doing so. That is if it's not too painful to write about. *Heart*

*Dropy* I find writing about difficult situations in my life seems to truly help. I have many very personal experiences listed (mainly in my blogs and real-life folder) but there are still several that only stay within my personal journal. I think you are probably one who does this already, but if you don't, you may want to try it. I find it really does expel negativity from the mind and soul, helping me to heal or deal. Whichever the case may be.

*Hug1**hug**Hug2* Whatever you decide, my heart is definitely with you! And I could feel the pain seep through your words. *Heartbroken*

*Ha* Thanks so much for sharing your piece with us! Good luck in the contest!

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* *Hug1**hug**Hug2* Tracey



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review of Quarantine and 40  
Review by Intuey
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is so true. I have thought a lot about what is happening with the earth right now. The air is cleaner in some places then it has been for many years. Animals are starting to claim their habitat back and take advantage of human kind's disappearance (I hope we're more conscious of nature when we all return). The ozone is getting a break from constantly being pounded. Global warming may have been slowed down ... finally! I hope there is change - I hope this makes people more conscious and aware of their surroundings and each other. Hopefully, this has been an awakening in many ways across all human kind, and maybe, just maybe, we'll turn a bit more humane! *Heart* Tracey


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
Review by Intuey
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Snow Vampire! I'm reviewing your item for "I Write in 2020 [E]

*Reading* This short nine-line poem is about repetition, and how many times the writer needs to recite or write something for it to be ingrained within her mind and soul. *Thinker*

I can definitely relate! I have found writing something at least three times over and saying it for every day for about two weeks is the best way for me to remember (and then if I don't stay on it, I still forget *Facepalm* *Laugh*)

*Think* I think a line or two letting the reader know if you find it easy, hard, rewarding or infuriating to try and memorize something would help elevate the piece to more of an emotional pull on the reader. Not unless the poem has to be only 9 lines? Not sure on that part.

*Books2* These are my favorite lines:

write it on the parchment of my soul
and inscribe it on my brain cells?


I especially love write it on the parchment of my soul *Heart*

Nice!

Thanks so much for sharing your writing with us!

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Tracey



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review of Grocery Day  
Review by Intuey
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a fabulous and hilarious writing! Isn't it nuts how crazy things have gotten? I'm 56 and have never seen anything like this (besides when a hurricane is headed our way *Laugh*).

Keep on writing! Thanks for sharing. Stay safe and keep your distance away from the zombies! *Shock2* *Laugh* Intuey


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Review by Intuey
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello ♥OctOGRE tHiNg♥! I'm reviewing your item for "I Write in 2020 [E]

*Reading* Your words clearly show your emotion to your family's quilt which has been passed down to you. I can definitely relate. I love quilts and all they represent. *Inlove*

Your words lovingly take us on a trip to the past, as you tell about the women who have stitched this priceless possession. The strong heart-connection which you have that has this precious momento out for all to see -- not hidden away. One that when the day is done, though those who have added to its blocks are no longer here, you can once again draw close to. Not only in memory but in a tangible closeness, as you hug this treasure around you. *Heartv*

Beautiful! *Inlove2*

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Tracey


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
Review by Intuey
Rated: E | (5.0)
Ha! *Ha* This was fantastic! Sadly, it did not even enter my mind to list writing and/or WDC as one of my opportunities in life, when clearly, it definitely has been! Kudos to you, my friend! I also read your first writing - it was very well done *Bigsmile* I truly enjoyed it.

See, you were a bit overwhelmed by the tasks that lay before you to complete in a mere month, and look at you! You're on fire! No need to sweat it *Delight*

Good luck to you. Looking forward to reading more from you!

*Heart* Tracey


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
Review of I Write In 2020  
Review by Intuey
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, 💙 Carly - BLUE!!💙. I'm reading your entry, "Absolute Truth in Science and Religion for "I Write in 2020 [E]

*Reading* I enjoyed reading your piece, and found your beliefs similar to my own. *Smile*

I'm also a Christian but consider myself more spiritual than religious. I, like you, find religion to be more about rules and the dogma associated with the term. I believe spiritual covers more of the personal relationship I share with my Lord.

I was raised in a very strict religion. Even as a child taught nothing else, I knew God was about so much more than rules and judgments. Though, I do believe in judgment upon death (but I won't get into all of that) *Laugh*

I also meditate, and although I was raised other-wise, it has brought me much peace and enlightenment.

I also believe no one knows or holds the whole truth. I believe we all hold pieces to the truth, which can come into light in many different ways. I also believe we should never quit striving to learn new things - it's an integral part of learning to raise your vibrational energy finding wisdom, love, and peace. A lesson I am continually striving for *Heart*


*Penv* I noticed a few places you may wish to make some minor changes. Please note these are only my opinions, please use or discard them as you see fit. *Bigsmile*


*Penr* Lately I have been incorporating


Lately, I have been...


*Penw* separate from my believe in God,


separate from my belief in God,


*Penb* It fells restrictive


It feels restrictive


*Peng* For me the core of things


For me, the core...


*Peny* Both of those things were held as gospel at the time of there existence and someone challenged those idea.


Both of those things ... time of their ... ideas.


*Penbl* To me that seems like a ship


To me, that...


*Penp* Religion, in an of itself,


Religion, in and of...


*Peno* Nobody is perfect... in fact there


perfect; in fact, there


*Peng* We have been given choice.


a choice.


*Delight* Thank you so much for sharing your beliefs with us. I truly enjoyed reading it. *Smile*

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Intuey





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Review by Intuey
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Cerberus Mastiff!. I'm reading your item for "I Write in 2020 [E]

*Reading* This is a touching and beautiful tribute to your wife. Your love shows through your words. You are so right, with each year added with the one you marry, new romantic love does fade, but something so much deeper and with more meaning takes its place. It's more beautiful than could ever be spoken with mere words. Doesn't mean it's always roses but every single argument, disagreement, trials and tribulations you make it through as a couple, your souls emerge just a little bit more. With time, you know your spouse better than yourself. *Heartv* Although, neither would probably admit *Laugh*

*Sad* I'm so sorry for the traumas that happened in this piece. Hospitals are definitely one of the ways to bring out many layers to everyone involved (the one in as well as the loved ones). It's not usually so black and white but the love expressed by simple gestures can be. *Heart*

*Temp* I hope you are both okay now. You didn't make that clear in your piece.

*Tree* I wish you both well. Good luck in the contest! *Heart*

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Intuey


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
Review of The dancer  
Review by Intuey
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Sumojo ! This review is on behalf of "I Write in 2020 [E]!

*Reading* Such a sad story in such a few words. You did a great job getting the emotions across to the reader. I was truly impressed that you were able to show us her dream in different areas of her life, from a child to growing older. I think your older readers will be able to relate to it a bit more. As that is definitely life! You go after your dream, and as you get older, you adjust/shift the dream to fit your life as much as you can.

Really fantastic job of getting such a long scan of a woman's life-long dream and the passion associated with it in such a few words. *Ha*

*Penb*
I have just a couple of small suggestions.

Eiffel Tower a woman


A comma after the word, Tower.


*Penv* Eventually her heart and mind


A comma after the word, Eventually


*Bookstack2* Thank you so much for sharing your writing with us! I truly enjoyed it. *Heart*

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Intuey






*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
Review of I Write In 2020  
for entry "Divine Rapture
Review by Intuey
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, 💙 Carly - BLUE!!💙 , I'm reviewing your writing on behalf of "I Write in 2020 [E]

*Reading* I'm reviewing "Divine Rapture.

I have to admit when I see the word rapture, I'm usually thinking of the Apocolypse meaning! *Laugh*

I know writing a piece in just 24 syllables isn't easy. I went to the contest page, just to make sure I remembered the rules correctly. It does state that the poem must be 24 syllables exactly.

I can relate to your piece. I know that feeling when you just get lost in another world listening to music. It's quite healing! *Heart*

I reread your entry several times:


In quiet reverence (6 syllables)
I listen to glorious music (9 syllables)
Held in rapture (4 syllables)
So divine. (3 syllables)


22 Syllables in all.

You're short 2 syllables. I don't know if you're able to fix it or not. But the contest does state it has to be exactly 24 syllables. Other than that, it's a nice poem that places the reader easily into the psyche of the listener.

Thanks so much for sharing your writing with us!

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Intuey


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
Review by Intuey
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Reading* Hello, nfdarbie, I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of "I Write in 2020 [E]

*Laugh* Okay, either you're hungry or want to make your reader hungry! You succeeded! Now, I want to visit a Mexican Buffet!

You did a good job writing a poem that flowed smoothly with a good rhythm. An awesome job using the prompt. You made the rest of the poem fit around it nicely. Nice job *Smile*

*Heart* Tracey


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
18
18
Review by Intuey
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Reading*Hello Dorianne , I found your piece in the Read and Review link *Smile*

Your love shines through your words to your daughter. Uncertainties are definitely the norm for the teenage years. There's an old saying you may have heard of:


When they're young, they walk all over your shoes,
as they grow older, they walk all over your heart.


These words are so true. Sometimes, it's a good heart moment, other times, it's a little rough. Teen years are hard -- it's a time when they're no longer a child but not quite an adult. Hormones are raging, along with their own insecurities and uncertainties. Just hold on for the ride, Mom. You'll both get through these years, and be hopefully well-rewarded with their friendship as an adult. *Heart*

Thanks so much for sharing this piece with us! *Delight*

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Intuey


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
19
19
Review of Winter Feelings  
Review by Intuey
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Reading*Hello, jubshaw , I found your piece under the Read and Review link! *Smile*

*Shock* WOW! I'm so impressed that you jumped right in, just joining our fabulous family today! *Bigsmile* Way to go! We're so excited you're here with us. Be sure to check into the site-wide contests and activities. It's a great way to get to know others. *Heart*

*Wind* Please note that this is only my opinion. Please use or discard as you see fit. *Delight*

*Snow1* Oh, how I can relate to cold weather and hurting bones *Crazy*
Just the NE Georgia cold put me down. I couldn't imagine living anywhere even colder with my super strong bones! *Rolleyes* *Whistle* (That's my attempt at speaking things as I want them *Laugh*)

*CloudSnow* I really like the visuals you use throughout. You help the reader visualize each line read. Nice job! *Thumbsup*

*CloudGrey* I absolutely adore your first stanza! It's fabulous. It flows perfectly, pulling me in right away with strong emotion. Plus, being able to relate definitely helped me to empathize with you. *Heart*

*Books1* I see you're following the abab cdcd efef, etc... rhyme scheme, with no set syllabic count. Your piece does flow pretty nicely. Some of the end rhymes are a little 'iffy'. With my southern accent, I can easily make many of them rhyme *Laugh* even when they don't. For example:


*Penp*Even though I love your first stanza, the last word in line 1:
on and your last word in line 3: moan does not truly rhyme. Say them out loud as clear as you can, you should notice.

I dread the winter's coming on
The trees without their dressings
I fear the winter's dark, cold moan
Long shadows without blessings


You can try re-writing this without losing the same syllabic count you have now, a couple of different ways.


I dread winter coming full-blown
(blown and moan now rhyme)
or

I dread winter coming, and moan
I fear the winter's dark, cold groan
or vice versa: groan then moan *Smile*

*Penp* You also have quite a few end rhymes that are singular, then plural. Usually if one is plural, the other is also. *Think* I do this in my poems sometimes also. It's easy to do.


*BareTree3* This is my other favorite line:


Trees look like witch”s fingernails
Fantastic line!

But since line 2 ends in a singular rhyme, so should line 4:


Trees all gnarled like a witch's nail


*Rain* This is another great stanza in which I could relate all too well *Pthb*


My body aches and hollow feels
Furnace and fireplace are roaring on
But to me they don't seem real
No heat can reach into my bones


Just a couple of minor tweaks:


My body aches, a hollow feel
Furnace and fireplace are roaring zones
But to me, they don't seem real
No heat can reach into my bones


*Penv* For your wonderful closing stanza:

You could reword the first line just a bit:


Line 1) Oh, winter don't you carry on
Line 2) With your dreary rain all amiss


*Snow3* Please don't feel like I'm picking this apart. I truly like this poem. With just a couple of tweaks here and there, to me, it would easily be a 5! If you do edit, let me know and I'll come back and reread and rerate *Delight*

*Greetl* Thanks so much for sharing your writing with us. I truly look forward to reading more from you. I also hope to see you around the site!

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Intuey


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
20
20
Review of Memories  
Review by Intuey
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Reading*Hello JJ Del , I found your piece under the Read and Review link! *Smile*

*GreetL* Welcome to WDC! We're so glad you joined our friendly family! Please don't hesitate to contact me if I can help you with anything. Be sure to jump in and join the site-wide contests and activities! *Bigsmile*

*Heartbroken* This piece greatly touched my heart. It is packed with emotion that came across quite strongly in your words. Nice job! *Heartb*

*Cat* I know how it feels to love a furbaby for so long, then have to say good-bye. It's even harder when you have to make the decision that's best for them. It really hurts. *Cry* I just had to put my Runtzkie (little mixed terrier) to sleep. He was 19.5 yrs old. Oh, how my heart broke. But he was suffering, and like you, I could not let him keep suffering. *Sad* I see the beautiful picture of your best friend. She's gorgeous. I know she will forever be with you in your heart. And I believe you will see her again one day. *Heart*

*Cat2* Thanks so much for sharing your heart with us!

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Intuey


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
21
21
Review by Intuey
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Reading*Hello Rojodi , I found your piece under the Read and Review Link. *Smile*

*BookStack2* In this short little impromptu, you have already raised my curiosity. I would definitely love to see this turned into a story. It seems like it would have all needed to have one want to start reading and stay reading! *Delight*


*Penr* I only found one minor typo:


The veil that separated this reality and that of magic was pierced?


... were pierced?


*Notey* Thank you for sharing this piece with us!

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart*Intuey


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
22
22
Review by Intuey
Rated: E | (2.0)
*Reading* Hello, NOBODYLEARNS ! Welcome to WDC! We're so glad you decided to join our friendly family! If there's anything I can help you with, please don't hesitate to contact me! *Delight* *Heart*

*BookStack2* Please remember this is only my opinion. Please use or discard as you see fit. *Thumbsup* Interesting title and description. It is sure to draw attention to all those interested in the subject. (which I am *Smile*).


*Penp* Have you considered shortening the title and description? To me, The Portal Station has a bit more dramatic impact. I'd consider following that up with A recruit's tale of his UFO experience


This way you're still saying the same thing, but with a shorter emphasis on title and description to raise the mystery of the piece. *Ha*


*Books2* You have a great idea for a really in-depth story. I'd love to see this fleshed out with added details. A bit of mystery and danger surrounding the big surprise at the end. This could make for a really interesting read!

If you do decide to edit and flesh it out. Please let me know when it's done, I'd love to re-read and review. *Bigsmile*

*Balloon4*
Suggestions - There are a few places you may wish to take a look at it and edit a bit.

*Penb* Entering the ship, you can see about 6 people have already arrived on the ship.


Upon entering the ship, there are six people who have already arrived.


*PenBl* Moving away from the smell, the things that catch your eye the most, besides the crazy amount of colorful lights. Holographic technology, and excessive amount of Fog, is that big jerk you met in the waiting lobby. His name is Clade and he really needs to step down. “Your nose looks like a branch, liar”? Your nose is short and a slight darker shade of tan than the rest of you yet he still uses that every time against you and it gets annoying.


Moving away from the smell, there's an excessive amount of fog-like substance, and a flurry of different color lights. Upon a holographic pedestal, I spot Clade. He really needs to step down.


Here you move into first-person point-of-view (which I'd go ahead and make the whole story with that viewpoint. I think it will help your piece flow and will help you from switching back and forth throughout the story)


If you don't want to do that, maybe you can change it to something like:


I spot Clade. I hear he's quite the bully. He needs to step down.


*Peng* calmed down and stopped laugh, for once... you could finally enjoy the view of space and learn that the Earth, is in fact, round after all.


calmed down and stopped laughing. One could finally enjoy the view of space, and of Earth, that's actually round after all.


*Note* Thanks so much for sharing your writing with us! I look forward to visiting your port again. I also hope to see you around WDC! Be sure to get involved with Contests and Activities! *Delight*

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Intuey



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
23
23
Review by Intuey
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Reading* Hello, Evan . I found your writing in the Read and Review Link! *Smile*

*MountainsG* I'm glad you decided to come back and try WDC again! It helps to get involved with the contests and activities going on. Also blogging and reading other blogs is a good way to get to know others. I look forward to seeing you around! *Butterfly2R*


*Think* This piece has a lot of information. It's interesting, but I'd like to see more fluidity in writing this essay. Give us more of the story between the facts as you see and present.

*Man* I also think separating your piece into paragraphs would make for easier flow, and get your points across more thoroughly.

*X* It would also help to fix your punctuation. Most of your commas and periods have a space between the word it should follow, leaving your comma resting upon the word that should follow the space after the comma.


expression ,formative


expression, formative


of the preys . Signals , grunts , assimilation


preys. Signals, grunts, assimilation

*Butterfly2B* This is only my opinion. Please use or discard it as you see fit *Bigsmile*

*MountainsB* Thank you so much for sharing your writing with us. I look forward to reading more from you. *Smile*

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Intuey



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
24
24
Review of Reaching Out  
Review by Intuey
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Reading* Hello, NorahMae ! I found your piece in the Read and Review link *Delight*

*WDC* Welcome to WDC! I'm so glad you jumped right in. Please don't hesitate to contact me if you need any help or just want to talk~ You'll find we're all a pretty friendly bunch who is happy to welcome you into our family *GreetR*

*Wave4* Wow! Absolutely fantastic job. *Thumbsupl* I enjoyed everything about this piece. I liked the way you used indentions to aid in a deeper meaning of those lines ... to almost help the reader breathe those words.

*Rain* I enjoyed how you worked the beginning into the middle, into the end -- good job weaving the sky, storm clouds, under the water, and the surface together. *Delight*

*CloudGrey* The ending is very nicely done. *Whale1*


And I am back under the water
Begging myself to help
Hoping
Praying
Needing
Myself to help.

But the reflection of myself above the water’s surface does not save me from my misery.
Instead, she looks up at the sky above her


*Mask* Excellent job reaching deep into ones' psyche! *Crazy*

*DropB* Thanks so much for sharing your writing with us. I can't wait to read more from you! *Bigsmile*

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Intuey


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
25
25
Review of TREE OF SOULS  
Review by Intuey
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Reading* Hello, J.L. O'Dell-Your Scare Master ! I found your piece listed in the Read and Review link! *Delight*

*BareTree3* I'm so glad I came across this writing. I absolutely enjoyed it! Although it is short, it's visually packed, so I could easily imagine each scene as I read.

*BareTree2* The poem has an excellent flow and rhythm. It is a well-done dark writing. *Thumbsup*


Gnarled and twisted, ugly thing,
that gathers people’s souls.


NICE! *Owl2*

*Monkey* Thank you so much for sharing your work with us. I look forward to visiting you again!

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON!~ *Quill*

*Heart* Intuey


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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