intuey of House Lannister's (intuey) Reviews

intuey of House Lannister

Review Requests: ON

1,741 Public Reviews Given

3,794 Total Reviews Given

51

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4741069

Review of Relief

Review by intuey of House...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello Auri Johnson! This review is given on behalf of "Game of Thrones"

. Happy Anniversary! I hope to see you around more in the halls of WDC!

This piece is about a person (persons?) fighting for peace, relief, and sanity. They've been haunted for years. Your writing showed their exasperating fight for some normalcy. How disrupted their lives were with feeling like they always had to check their surroundings for danger.

You did a good job listing the excessive actions they had to go through in a single day. Their frustrations come through nicely, as they try new medicine after new medicine, in the hope, it will bring them relief from their fear.

I read through this a couple of times, and I'm still not positive if 'they' is only one person with multiple personalities, or if it's actually two people, possibly twins. A sentence or two to help make this clear will help make the writing stronger.

I'd fill in all three genre categories. It helps others find your writing. Many people put certain genres in the search bar looking for pieces to read.

I noticed they were already finding some peace and relief from the haunting before they had tried the last new medicine. If the medicine they were on was already giving them relief, why would they need a new one?

I do have a few suggestions below. Please use or discard them as you see fit.

this of course,

this, of course,

therapy, been

therapy, and been

near endless

near-endless

much needed

much-needed

well deserved

well-deserved

The relief almost

The relief was almost

The last three sentences need capitalization.

Thank you so much for sharing your writing with us.

Intuey

"When you play the Game of Thrones you win, or you die." Cersei Lannister

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

52

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4740838

Review of 'Middle-age Spread' is NOT a Condiment

Review by intuey of House...

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hello Victoria! This review is given on behalf of "Game of Thrones"

.

You're hilarious! You definitely have a knack for writing comedy. I chuckled all the way throughout the piece.

Your struggle with those stubborn nine-pounds shows strongly through your words. Even though you keep a comical perspective, your frustration is easily felt. When your husband caught you telling off your excess weight, I laughed out loud. The setting was described nicely and helped me envision each scene as I read.

I truly felt for you. I can relate. Though, I wish nine-pounds was all I had to lose! We won't go into just how much I do need to take off!

The emotion of your writing is strong, and the pace is fabulous. The reader gets to know a part of your personality through the dialogue you have with yourself (and the middle-aged spread)!

Your title and description is perfect and funny. It drew me right in.

I do have a few suggestions below. Please use or discard them as you see fit.

hips and thighs.

hips, and thighs.

I zipper my pants

I zipped my pants

over indulgence

overindulgence

And still

And still,

of course

of course,

cleaning, running

cleaning, and running

Well those days

Well, those days

everyday

every day

I hope the suggestions helped. Thanks for sharing your piece and bringing me a smile and a chuckle!

Intuey

"When you play the Game of Thrones you win, or you die." Cersei Lannister

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

53

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4740808

Review of The Green Grass Grows

Review by intuey of House...

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Hello T.S. Garp! This review is given on behalf of "Game of Thrones"

.

Your title piqued my interest in your story, and after reading the description, I checked the rating to make sure it was a story I wanted to read.

I like how you opened your story. It had a strong beginning. Your plot moved along nicely and kept me interested, the ending was quite surprising and not what I was expecting at all.

It started as a cute story that had me grinning until I came close to the end. I was thinking that's a smart kid to wear a helmet while mowing the grass. He learned his lesson and wasn't going to take any chances. Then when poor Seamus got hit, it shocked me. It made me think of how dangerous mowing the yard can be. Not only to those doing the mowing but also to anyone nearby. I know I have mowed the grass many times and had rocks spit out from underneath. Scary.

I was glad to read that Seamus wasn't dead, but horrified to read what one rock with enough force can do.

This story is a reminder that we never know what life will throw at us. And each day that goes by without any form of bad news or tragedies, is a day we should rejoice in!

I do have a few suggestions below. Please use or discard them as you see fit.

pine tree which separates

pine tree that separates

chaos is the best way

chaos was the best way

fear and uncertainty and confusion

fear, uncertainty, and confusion

job and a great

job and great

post cutting

post-cutting

kids, all of which

kids, all of whom

Thank you so much for sharing your writing with us. I enjoyed it.

Intuey

"When you play the Game of Thrones you win, or you die." Cersei Lannister

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

54

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4740742

Review of Happenings at a Haunted House

Review by intuey of House...

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hello Jimbo! This review is given on behalf of "Game of Thrones"

.

This is a fabulous story. You started with a strong opening and continued to hold my attention all the way through. The twist ending was well done and unexpected. I loved it!

You painted the relationship between these two boys as reality-based as possible. The friendship between the two seems like they've known each other for years. The friendly banter that goes on between them shows the strengths and differences between the two, and which one is the 'leader' of their little duo.

I enjoyed the plot of the story and watching as it unfolded. The suspense of the story was nicely paced. The story is enhanced with it being at Halloween time, and the first visit to the haunted house being cut short by the fear of running into another person, unexpectedly.

The setting is well done and enabled me to envision each scene as I read.

I do have a few suggestions. Please use or discard them as you see fit.

I'd add the category "Action/Adventure" to your other two genres. Or "Drama". The more genres you have listed, enhances your chances of increased views, as many search for items to read by genre only.

waived his hand

waved his hand

fourteen year old

fourteen-year-old

moment however,

moment, however,

face first

face-first

belly laughing

belly-laughing

setting sun begun

setting sun began

put up is pole

put up his pole

Flannery told him he seen

Flannery told him he had seen

Of course I don’t mind going tomorrow, if you don’t,”

Of course, I don't mind going tomorrow if you don't,"

creature laid

creature lay

I hope the suggestions help. I truly enjoyed your story. Thanks so much for sharing it with us!

Intuey

"When you play the Game of Thrones you win, or you die." Cersei Lannister

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

55

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4740702

Review of Nunsense

Review by intuey of House...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello Allen Mitchell! This review is given on behalf of "Game of Thrones"

.

This is a well-written piece that made me chuckle. You did a wonderful job with the characters. I loved the sister. She wasn't going to put up with any nonsense whatsoever! Her strong-willed, yet caring personality shined through.

The priest was hilarious in his accidental drama of playing a poltergeist. He was a natural at getting the job done.

The story had a great, believable plot, which flowed nicely.

The Ouija board setting was perfect. It reminded me of my time as a kid with my friends. The Ouija board was popular back then. Little did we know how dangerous they can actually be!

I liked the way they went back in time, and returned to their timeline. It was a creative and different twist to an age-old story situation.

I do have a few minor recommendations. Please use or discard them as you see fit.

Along with your two genre categories of "Comedy" and "Ghost", I'd delete "Other" and put "Drama" or "Action/Adventure". The more categories you have listed the more visitors you may get. A lot of people look for items to read by searching categories.

floor and rustle

floor and the rustle

Whoa she meant business.

Whoa, she meant business.

While your piece is indented to show new paragraphs, you may want to consider adding spaces between paragraphs. This gives the reader a place to rest their eyes.

Thank you so much for sharing your piece with us. I look forward to reading more of your work! I enjoyed my visit.

Intuey

"When you play the Game of Thrones you win, or you die." Cersei Lannister

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

56

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4740686

Review of Elizabeth's Soft Play Incident!

Review by intuey of House...

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

Hello Kieran1998! This review is given on behalf of "Game of Thrones"

.

This is a cute story. The situation was clearly explained so I could envision each scene as I read. You did a great job with your main character. I was able to get to know her through her words and actions. How many times has our pride got us into situations we didn't want to be in?

When she got stuck, I couldn't help but chuckle. You described the scene perfectly. I could see her legs kicking back and forth, with her bare side shining.

The close relationship between Elizabeth and her niece was also prevalent.

I do have a few suggestions below. Please use or discard them as you see fit.

Your intro doesn't need to be Non-E. There's nothing that may be offensive in your title or description.

Also, in your three genres, I would add drama, and action/adventure categories along with your comedy. Writing and Other does not pull in any readers. A lot of people find items to read by searching genres.

glasses wearing

glasses-wearing

"auntie Elizabeth,

Capitalize all "Aunties"

There's several places you need commas before the 'ands'

black tights and

top of it and said,

hole and after

backside and legs

wiggled and pushed

tights and joked,

as she then stuck her head

Delete 'as'

half way

half-way

but you keep enjoyed yourself

but you keep enjoying yourself

young girl quickly fixed

young girl quickly exited

dress had blow up,

dress had blown up

before asking for as the

The above seems out of place. I'd delete it.

"I'm so sorry miss that I hurt you, miss, I didn't mean but

"I'm so sorry, Miss, that I hurt you. I didn't mean to

Thanks so much for sharing your story with us. I enjoyed it, and hope the suggestions help.

Intuey

"When you play the Game of Thrones you win, or you die." Cersei Lannister

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

57

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4734154

Review of Day to Day happenings in my life

for entry "Words"

Review by intuey of House...

In affiliation with I Write

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hello Sumojo. This is a review on behalf of "I Write in 2024"

.

I love how you started your blog with Shakespeare, to kid's slang, then ending it with the love and admiration of an old fig tree.

Talk about variety!

I had no idea that fancy-sick was coined by Shakespeare. You truly do learn something new every day! However, I have to admit it's not a saying I ever hear around. Maybe I hang in the wrong crowds.

Kids do come up with their own language. Now, even more than we did in our youth. Since my family has kids of all ages, I get to hear the new slogans and music that comes out with each new generation. Some I love, others .... well.

I too love trees! I can admire their different shapes and sizes forever. I take all kinds of photos of them, and I love to paint them. There's just something truly spiritual about a tree. If only they could tell what they've lived through and what they've seen.

The cross-section of her trunk would be beautiful and interesting. But for that to happen she'd have to be cut down!

More beauty can be found with her standing tall!

I enjoyed your blog entry. I appreciate you sharing it with us!

WRITE ON!

Tracey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

58

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4733508

Review of The Soundtrack of Little Me

for entry "Wrong Side Of Heaven Five Finger Death Punch"

Review by intuey of House...

In affiliation with I Write

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

{e:size:4.5}Hey StaiNed-House Targaryen This is a review for "I Write in 2024"

.

Wow. I've never heard of this band before. I really liked the song, and the video just tore at my heart. It's a powerful message. The Vets are starting to get a bit more help, but still far from enough. There are so many out there who suffer from PTSD, and a wide range of other problems. They need help from the very beginning.

I agree with you. Music speaks to our hearts and soul. It connects with us on an intimately visceral level. Certain songs take us right back to a special time in our lives or remind us of a particularly hard time in our lives. Words from songs we never heard before can soothe us or agitate us.

I believe too, we are on the verge of another world war. And you're right, it won't be like the other two. It'll be death on such a wider scale. I don't know why humans can't learn from our past lessons. It's a political game. One where there really are no true winners.

I enjoyed your song choice. It's always nice listening to someone I've never listened to before. I look forward to checking out more of their songs.

Thanks so much for sharing your music and thoughts with us.

WRITE ON!

Tracey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

59

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4732328

Review of The Symphony of Life

Review by intuey of House...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello Emerick - The Preacher. Thank you for requesting a review. Please know these are only my thoughts. Please use or discard them as you see fit.

You have a strong title for this piece. It lets the reader know exactly what your poem is about. Your description reinforces the title with a blurb that also states we all have our parts to play. That brings your reader into your stanzas. As the piece is now about them as well.

Your category picks are good. You have all three. This helps bring more people in to read your writings.

Your poem is in an AABB, CCDD, etc... rhyming scheme with no set syllabic count. You did a good job following the rhyming form. I didn't read any that seemed forced. Nice job!

The first two stanzas speak of the earth and its mysteries, as well as its character and beauty. You inspired a feeling of wonder, amazement, and nostalgia.

The third stanza turns it from the earth to ourselves. It beckons us to look within ourselves, and face any part we may be trying to hide.

The fourth and fifth stanzas reassure us that our flaws are where lessons are learned. That our beauty comes from all we have overcome. That no matter what we're going through, or have been through, to stand tall - we are all part of this world and we all have our parts to play. So true and beautifully said.

You finish your poem strong. Reassuring your readers just how special and important every single person is.

The only suggestion is to check your commas. There's a few you don't need.

This was a beautiful piece. I enjoyed it. Thanks so much for sharing your work with us!

WRITE ON!

Tracey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

60

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14 days may be credited.

#4729096

Review of Making the most of Your Portfolio

Review by intuey of House...

In affiliation with I Write

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hey Angelica- House Florent B & W! It's my pleasure to review your writing today for
"I Write in 2024"

!

I enjoyed reading your piece. You have a lot of great suggestions for the new person. We've all been there and know how confusing this massive site can be on first arrival. I like that you started by welcoming them to WDC! I always believed a welcome can go a long way in helping someone hang around. It's always easier when you find the members kind and welcoming.

I love that you went on to say that to attract others you want your portfolio to look good.

I find this so true. If I click on a port that hasn't included a cover photo or took the time to take pride in their port, versus one where you can tell the person tried to make their port welcoming to others, it's the latter one I'm going to spend more time in. It's just that simple.

It may already have some items in it.

While the sentence is okay. To a new person, it may sound a bit confusing. Maybe try something similar to:

You may have already created some items. If you're having problems figuring out how to do so ...

I'm glad you touched on "Skins" and how to find them. I must admit, this is one I most forget about.

Good job on telling them the difference between moving something to the Recycling Bin and purging the recycle bin! That's a big difference and one that's important to know.

Good luck in the contest.

I enjoyed reading your piece.

Tracey
Since they won't know what you mean by "Skins" you may want to explain that it's their header photo at the top of their portfolio, at the beginning, before telling them how to choose one.

You do a good job explaining their handle and the case colors.

You could expand on this a bit and tell them the difference between their handle and username. Also, since you touched on case colors, you could tell them the difference in the case colors. I know when I was brand new here, I spent forever trying to change my black case to a purple one.

I finally asked someone and that's when I learned the difference between the colors.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

61

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4727404

Review of Romantic Subgenres

Review by intuey of House...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hey StephBee - House Targaryen. I enjoyed completing your puzzle. It was both challenging and fun.

The subgenres of romance were an excellent and creative take on a word search.

I noticed you had two categories for your activity. If you can find a third one it may help bring more people to your activity. I realize it may be hard to find one to fit. I don't know, maybe thriller, adventure -- as romance can definitely be both of those.

I don't have any suggestions for improvement. I enjoyed it just as is.

Tracey

62

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14 days may be credited.

#4727043

Review of Best-Laid Plans

Review by intuey of House...

In affiliation with I Write

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello Genipher. I'm reviewing your writing for "I Write in 2024" [13+].

This was a fun synopsis of a false story with the title, "Of Mice and Men". I can tell you had fun with this. Your story played out quite nicely. How the infection began with the urine of mice, then men stepping in and making a vaccine that does more damage in the long run than the original virus. Leave it to men to do so.

Your synopsis over the next six chapters was a smart one. You narrowed down what would be a big book to make key observations that tell the reader all they need to know. I think you have a great start to a fantasy book on your hands. I was ready to read on to see how mankind handled the now stronger mousekind, who is now more like men than men himself. Sad.

Title and Description -Great title that caught my attention right away. The description is important, so the readers will know what they're reading. Also, good job listing all three genres. This helps bring more readers to your item.

Characters - I know this is just a 'synopsis' but we get a good idea of the stronger character's personality traits, while the lesser one is just kind of there. If you could maybe include a sentence or two about him, it may help us care more about his demise.

Other than that you did a good job on the stronger character. He means to take care of business. But do we want him to?

Setting - Pretty good job on setting for the type of writing it is. It was strong enough for me to easily visualize the setting around the story.

What I like about your piece - The creativeness of the piece. I believe I'd read this if this was a real book. Even though it's not usually the type of genre I read. Good job on selling the piece.

Suggestions - I enjoyed reading your piece. Below are only my suggestions, please use or discard them as you see fit.

and child that rolled

anc child who rolled

experimental vaccine for the vaccine,

mischievous child, fuzzy ears on the next door neighbor’s husband.

....child, and fuzzy...next-door...

At risk of a world-wide civil war,

At the risk of a worldwide civil war,

sharp shooters

sharpshooters

ouse-people stayed in their cage.

mouse people stayed in their cages.

historical incident until all that was left was

...that was left were

The wall, root

The wall, the root

what lie beyond.

what lay beyond.

Leo, and Jorge

but first, he has to rescue Jorge.

annihilation, but

No comma needed

I enjoyed reading your piece. Thank you so much for sharing it with us.

WRITE ON!

Tracey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

63

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4724782

Review of The Very Simple Raffle is Now Closed

Review by intuey of House...

Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

Nevermind. I thought this eas my raffle 😂

64

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14 days may be credited.

#4724781

Review of The Very Simple Raffle is Now Closed

Review by intuey of House...

Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

Lilith of House Martell

Do you mean 1 ticket each? 10 tixs would be 120k🙃

65

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14 days may be credited.

#4723724

Review of A decided throne

Review by intuey of House...

In affiliation with I Write

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Hello Beck Firing back up! . I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of "I Write in 2024" [13+] This is a good story with a strong beginning that caught my attention and kept me reading. I like that you used two girls as your characters. This piece could easily be made into a much longer story, or even as part of a chapter in a book.

Title and Description - Your title and description are good. Both urged me to read on,

You may want to consider adding the other two allowed genres. Many people find the pieces they want to read by selecting the desired genres. Adding two more may help bring more traffic to your writing.

Characters - I enjoyed your characters. Both seemed strong and ready to take on what life had planned for them. Your story does make me want to get to know them better. It seems like they have a lot of room to grow and evolve.

Setting - I could follow along nicely for much of the story with the setting.

But there are places where it would be nice to have more information. For instance when the creature attacks Jenna, and she's burning. Is there a fire nearby, or is it the creature who is causing the burning?

What I like about your piece - I enjoyed the creativeness of your piece. It left me with wanting to read more to see what happens to these two. Nicely done~!

Suggestions - I do have a few suggestions below. These are only my opinion, please use or discard them as you see fit,

“Who is they?”

"Who are they?"

Edina spoke about against the ramblings

Edina spoke against the ramblings

light from dark was apparent.

light from the dark...

I am not understanding.”

I do not understand."

Thanks so much for sharing this story with us. I truly enjoyed it!

Tracey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

66

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4722024

Review of Contest Entries

for entry "Beyond the portal Chapter One"

Review by intuey of House...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hey Angelica- House Florent B & W This is a review for "Beyond the portal Chapter One" for completing all seven years at "The Contest Challenge" ! Congratulations!!
I enjoyed your story. It's really cute and creative. It made me root for them to battle and win against the evil ones locking away the town in chains, and turning many creatures into monsters.

Title and Description - Beyond the portal is a fabulous title. Since it's a book entry, there's not a description. But the title did hook my interest, and made me want to read on.

Characters - Your characters are nicely created. Your story makes sure we get to know the main characters' personalities fully. Even in the first chapter. I found the characters relatable and believable. The dialog flowed well and was easy to follow.

Setting - You did a good job on the setting. As I read along, I was easily able to envision their setting, and what lay around them.

What I like about your piece - I loved the creativity of your creatures. I also liked how she stumbled through the portal, after always imagining portals. It was like she had a psychic connection to who she truly was.

Suggestions - I do have a few suggestions below. Please remember these are just my thoughts and opinions. Please use or discard them as you see fit.

My name was Zakia

Since this is only the first chapter, I'm not sure if she ends up dying in the end. If she does, leave it as is. If not, the word, 'was' should be 'is'.

already driving for

already driving to

In my backyard I ran,

After 'backyard' insert a comma. Delete the comma after 'ran'.

In the garden I found

In the garden, I found

Once past the prairie I couldn't continue farther, so I sped up.

Once past the prairie,

If you can't continue any farther, how can you speed up? I didn't quite understand that.

laid my hand to the ground,

laid my hand on...

face to face of what

face-to-face with what

But then I would need to get home soon so that my parents won't find out that I'm gone.

...my parents wouldn't find out that I was gone.

she had pop something into her mouth.

she had popped...

full grown. Trees were encouraged to prevent erosion. That I believed and daddy

full-grown. ....and Daddy

then knelt down behind a bush.

couple peepholes

couple of peepholes

arguing to a shadow.

arguing with a shadow.

signalled to keep quiet.

signaled to keep quiet.

the bushes for while longer.

the bushes for a while longer.

pay back for what he had done.

payback for what he has done.

shape shifters

shapeshifters

for so long I lost track

for so long that I lost track

mind control

mind-control

We soon creeped around

We soon crept around

medium sized

medium-sized

With that, we moved

forest and then his in bushes
{/
forest and then hid...

We could hear men and woman

...hear men and women

other food bags won't be taken.

....wouldn't be taken.

I grabbed meat

I grabbed the meat

looking at fog. Fog

looking at fog. The fog

And still, they ate all the meat.

Three hills

It has three hills

Shukulas remains hidden.

....remain hidden.

Next I was recognizing to prepare for the largest eggs to hatch.
Next, I realized the largest eggs were going to hatch. -OR-

Next, I prepared for the largest eggs to hatch.

"Only Ashediped are able to impress them.

"Only Ashediped can impress them.

Now i was a dragon hybrid.

Now I was...

we need to train them, don't we.

...don't we?

a marble for them.

a marble to them.

less likely they will to hold it.

...will be to hold it.

In a world of magic, I

in their building

in their buildings.

She assured that

She assured me that

He held the lowliest rank of shape shifters who often chose those that were very educated.

He held the lowest rank of shapeshifters, who often chose those who were highly educated.

walls at my own ease. Mom and dad

walls at my ease. Mom and Dad

It maybe too late to go back. However, we shouldn't fight for just ourselves. We should fight for the others too. Those dwarves looked miserable and wanting to cry.

It may be.... fight for others too. ...and wanted to cry.

determination in her face. I couldn't

determination on her face. I wouldn't

Think it's night time

...nighttime

except news travels

I enjoyed reading your story! You have such a fabulous, creative idea for a book! You were able to pack so much into chapter 1. Your characters are unique, well-rounded, and memorable. I'm excited to see the direction you take this magical story!

Tracey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

67

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14 days may be credited.

#4713829

Review of Briston

Review by intuey of House...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hello Jacky This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum" [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with.

I found your flash fiction piece on the Read and Review page. You did a good job relaying a whole story in such a short piece. I would have liked to read about the confrontation to see what took place. I think that would have added quite a bit to the story. But I do see it's a contest entry, so you may not have had the word count needed.

You may want to consider adding the other two genres. Maybe consider Sci-Fi/Drama or Adventure. A lot of readers find items to read just by searching certain genres. It may help bring in more readers to your port.

Title and Description - The title is okay, but you may want to add an actual description of a short blurb about what the piece incorporates. It may help urge readers to read on.

Theme/Subject Matter:- A couple of aliens come to Earth to have an 'Earth' experience. They come in peace, unable to do harm to humans or have humans do harm to them.

Characters - The characters are amusing and come off as quite innocent.

Originality/Creativity:- I thought this piece was delightfully creative and definitely original. Nicely done.

Emotion/Impact: - I was kind of amused by the writing. I do wish the final conflict could have been penned.

My Suggestions -

speak earth

speak Earth

blabbering!

blabbering?

twenty three

twenty-three

that know

who knows

Summary:Thanks so much for sharing your flash fiction piece with us. I enjoyed it.

KEEP ON WRITING ON!

Intuey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

68

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14 days may be credited.

#4713820

Review of chosen by no one.

Review by intuey of House...

Rated: 18+

| (3.0)

Hello Stay True This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum" [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with.

I found your item on the Read and Review link. I found the writing itself strongly emotional. You did a wonderful job getting that emotion through to the reader. I would have rated this higher, but with the format of no punctuation, except for a few double-spaced periods, and no capitalization. It made it a bit difficult to read. I do think the message is good and strong.

Title and Description - Your title works perfectly with this writing. It sums up the piece nicely. Your description does as well. Showing the need of the writer in just three words.

You may want to add two more genres. It's always good to use all three. A lot of people search using only the category/genre links. So the more you have, the more readers you may get. I'd suggest adding: Drama and Relationship.

Theme/Subject Matter:- The writing clearly shows the emotional turmoil the writer is going through. It hurts not to be needed the way we should be, and in the writing, this comes through quite loudly. It's a job well done at the raw emotion that comes through.

Characters - The main character is developed nicely through the emotions we read. All she wants is to be loved and needed. To be actually 'seen' for who she is and the pain she's experiencing, instead of having to put on heirs just to make her neglectful mate feel more comfortable.

Originality/Creativity:- The piece is quite original and speaks of the author's emotions.

Emotion/Impact: - This piece left me mad at her mate and sad for her.

My Suggestions - Since you didn't use capitalization or punctuation, I'm not going to include it in my suggestions. However, if you do decide to edit incorporating them, please let me know and I'll come back and review and rerate.

forget your name 5 minutes

forgets your name five minutes

days where emotion

days when emotion

never ending

never-ending

do hear how Icry

do you hear how I cry?

any women
any woman

life someone

life with someone

Summary: Thank you so much for sharing your writing with us.

KEEP ON WRITING ON!

Intuey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

69

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4713004

Review of To Go Forth Into the Light

Review by intuey of House...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Hello Graywriter This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum" [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with.

Good story. It opens with a strong beginning, keeping the reader's attention, has an interesting middle that urges the reader to read on, and has a surprise ending I didn't see coming. Nice job.

Title and Description - Good title and description that draws attention and gives a great synopsis of the story.

Theme/Subject Matter:- It's the story of a human's need/want to live an immortal life. Will his long search for this gift of immortality find him, or will something more sinister?

Characters - The reader gets a good, well-rounded picture of the personality of the main character. Well done.

Originality/Creativity:- It's a creative spin on a tale as old as mankind. The desire to live forever.

Setting - I was easily able to visualize each scene as I read.

My Suggestions -

Lane and steal

Lane, and steal

d'Auteur's efforts,

fish-monger.

fishmonger.

At last,

judgement

judgment

throat and fear

throat, and fear

millenia

millennia

kidneys, damaged

kidneys, and damaged

Summary: Thanks so much for sharing your story with us. I enjoyed it.

KEEP ON WRITING ON!

Intuey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

70

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14 days may be credited.

#4712895

Review of I Don't Wanna Be Married!

Review by intuey of House...

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hello SandraLynn Team Florent! This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum" [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with.

Cute story. It kept me entertained throughout.

Title and Description - Very cute title that drew my attention. The description urged me to read on.

Theme/Subject Matter:- A grandmother takes an impatient and eager five-year-old on a much anticipated camping trip. Once around the campfire, the little girl takes on her own meaning in the campfire songs.

Characters - For such a short flash fiction piece, I was easily able to get to know your main characters. Nice job.

Originality/Creativity:- A creative story on a very special camping trip.

Setting - I know this was a flash fiction and it's hard to fit in details, but even a few sentences of the surroundings would have brought the reader more into the story.

Emotion/Impact: - This is a cute story that leaves the reader with a smile and a chuckle.

My Suggestions -

five-year old

five-year-old

usually she was

usually, she was

Of course I didn't

of course, I didn't

My Favorite Part: - The part about her singing 'the pillows'

Summary: I enjoyed your story. Thank you so much for sharing it with us.

KEEP ON WRITING ON!

Intuey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

71

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14 days may be credited.

#4712890

Review of A Love Unending

Review by intuey of House...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello LynnMarie This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum" [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with.

This was a good story that caught my attention in the beginning, held it throughout, and finished with an interesting ending. Nice job.

Title and Description - It is definitely a love unending! Good title and description that represents the story well.

Theme/Subject Matter:- A love that traveled beyond timelines and life times.

Characters - Your characters were well-rounded. I was able to get to know them well as I read.

Originality/Creativity:- A creative way to tell of a true love that simply won't die.

Setting - I was able to visualize each scene nicely as I read. Good job on describing the setting.

Emotion/Impact: - The story leaves a good-hearted feeling. It leaves the reader feeling at peace.

My Suggestions -

for some reason I was complete drawn

for some reason, I was completely drawn

by the way and

by the way, and

bluer then blue

bluer than blue

dressed and went

dressed, and went

mesmerizing

and mesmerizing

beauty that lie

beauty that lay

that we walked

to walk

The night was full of stars, and very captivating. We arrived on time, were seated and

No comma is needed after stars. Insert a comma after seated.

opened by him saying,

opened with...

light, and fresh. We walked in silence for a bit with my

light and fresh. We walked in silence for a bit with my

I have never been kissed

I had never...

Summary: I enjoyed your story. Thank you so much for sharing it with us.

KEEP ON WRITING ON!

Intuey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

72

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14 days may be credited.

#4712829

Review of Date with the Night

Review by intuey of House...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 18+

| (3.0)

Hello Leeboi This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum" [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with.

Interesting story. I thought it was going to end up being a dream.

Title and Description - Good title. It caught my attention and your description urged me to read on.

Theme/Subject Matter:- A man out for the night has some strange things happening around him. What could be the cause?

Characters - I think a couple of paragraphs describing a little about the main character would help the reader relate a bit better.

Originality/Creativity:- An original story with a very creative endinf.

Setting - A few lines of the setting the main character is in can help bring the reader into the story.

Emotion/Impact: - Quirky humor.

My Suggestions - I'd change the 'Environment' genre to maybe 'Drama'. It may help draw more readers in, as many look for items to read using the genre categories.

clear lit

clear-lit

embarrassed of.

embarrassed by.

long overgrown

long-overgrown

Summary: Thank you so much for sharing your writing with us.

KEEP ON WRITING ON!

Intuey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

73

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4712589

Review of saturday's bulemic cat

Review by intuey of House...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello christo This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum" [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with.

I enjoyed visiting your port and reading your writing. Interesting piece. It probably speaks of thousands upon thousands of people. Sadly. I like the analogy of the woman doing yoga and the cat. Nice job.

Title and Description - The title definitely caught my attention and the play on words in the description, urged me to read on.

Theme/Subject Matter:-It's a sad tale about a bulemic alcholic. Probably repeating her days, day after day.

Characters - Nice use of your words in a short piece to let us get to know the main character.

Originality/Creativity:- An original work told in a creative way. Good job.

Setting - I was able to envision each scene nicely as I read.

Emotion/Impact: - It left this reader with a sad emotional impact, feeling for the main character, and knowing that this is all too relatable for far too many people.

My Suggestions -

side ways,

sideways

musn't

mustn't

clawing,

No comma needed.

was there is gone!"[c:red}

there was is gone!"

could, not, eat

No commas are needed.

Favorite Part {/c]- and the cat,
performing sleek, black yoga in the sun, stretching
(her patience) and clawing, puts a frantic edge on the background music

Summary: I enjoyed reading your piece. Thank you so much for sharing it with us.

KEEP ON WRITING ON!

Intuey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

74

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4712579

Review of Lullaby Women

Review by intuey of House...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hello n. gwynn This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum" [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with.

Wow. Good story. It has a strong opening that hooked me, the middle kept me reading, and an ending I didn't see coming! Nice job!

Title and Description - Perfect title and description. The description urged me to read on.

Theme/Subject Matter:- A story based on a Russian Grandma's horror stories, becomes all too real to one grandson. Will he remember his grandma's warnings in time?

Characters - Strong character development helped me to get to know each of the main characters.

Originality/Creativity:- Nice original story with a fabulous creative spin. Especially in the ending.

Setting - Nice job on including the setting in your story. It helped me visualize each scene as I read.

Emotion/Impact: - I was screaming at the grandson in the ending. Nice job on a strong emotional impact for this reader.

My Suggestions -

Misha,

No comma needed.

17

Always spell out low numbers

head, frizzed

No comma needed

or simple desire

or a simple desire

knew that, because

No comma needed.

mind, but didn't raise

No comma needed.

try take them

try to take them

Summary: I truly enjoyed this story. Thank you so much for sharing it with us.

KEEP ON WRITING ON!

Intuey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

75

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4712296

Review of A Medal for Sven

Review by intuey of House...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hello Joto-Kai This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum" [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with.

What a sweet story with such an amazing message! You had a strong beginning that hooked me. The story kept me interested throughout, and I truly enjoyed the ending. Nice job!

Title and Description - Great title that's to the point. A good description that urged me to read on.

Theme/Subject Matter:- The story shows that one doesn't have to be a sword-wielding warrior to be a hero. We're all heroes in our own special way. We need to just let our light shine to offer our own unique gifts.

Characters - Very strong main character. I was able to visualize and get to know him well.

Originality/Creativity:- Nice original story with a creative storyline.

Setting - Good use of setting that allowed this reader to envision each scene as I read along with the story.

Emotion/Impact: - A 'feel good' kind of story.

My Suggestions -

any of them, wished

any of them, and wished

They welcomed him,

No comma needed.

abide intruders

abide by intruders

gripped the handle,

No comma needed.

He nodded, as if

No comma needed.

star-burning-tip

star-burning tip

etched in gold

are etched in gold

ran back where they came.

ran back to where they came from.

My Favorite Part: - The part where Sven helps the little girl and the ending. Fabulous finish.

Summary: I truly enjoyed reading your story. Thanks so much for sharing it with us.

KEEP ON WRITING ON!

Intuey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .