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76
76
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello mattdeath This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum"  [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with. *Smile*


*Reading* Thank you for sharing this humourous little story with us. I enjoyed it.

*Balloon2* Title and Description - Your title caught my attention. It's interesting to read the story to see how this title fits in. *Smile* Your description is good and gives a good indication of what the story is about,

*Penr* Theme/Subject Matter:- The antics are a bit much for those who work in and run the law firm. But for the girls in 'Take your daughter to work' day, and the nephew at home who receives an important call, the antics are all about having a bit of fun on the adults' behalf.

*Flower1* Characters - You do a great job fleshing out your characters. I was easily able to get to know the main characters in just a few short paragraphs. Nicely done!

*Penb*Originality/Creativity:-Original story content on 'Take your daughters to work' day.

*Balloon4* Setting - I felt you could have given a bit more information about the surroundings. But I was able to visualize the most important scenes in the story. *Smile*

*Flower3*Emotion/Impact: - Cute story.

*Balloon4* My Suggestions -

*Reading* Megan Bane was driving her daughter to work. It was take your daughter to work day and on the way to work her daughter 10 year old Roberta said "mom last night I had a funny dream."

It was take your daughter to work day, and Megan Bane was driving with Roberta, her ten-year-old, to spend the day together on the job.

"Mom, last night I had a funny dream."

*Penb* However she decided

However, she decided

*Books3* "what was your

"What...

*Reading* Megan responded "well that is a silly dream. Oh but remember no silliness in the law firm."
Roberta's grandmother Edna Bane was head of the Bane Law Firm. The Bane Law Firm was known as a hard hitting law firm. Edna Bane opened it 20 years ago.
CRIMINAL
CIVL
PROBATE

Megan responded, "Well, that is a silly dream. But remember, no silliness at the law firm."

Roberta's grandmother Edna Bane, was head of the hard-hitting, Bane Law Firm. She opened 'Criminal Civil Probate' twenty years ago.

*Penbl* called up nephew at home.

called his nephew at home.

*Books1* Todd said "hello."

Martin said

Todd said, "Hello."

Martin said,

*Reading* Martin yelled

Megan yelled "

Martin yelled,

Megan yelled,

*Peno* grandma

Grandma

*Peng*Summary: Thank you so much for sharing your story with us.

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Intuey

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77
77
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello Born to win This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum"  [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with. *Smile*


*Reading* Wow. What a different story. I enjoyed reading it.
Is English a second language for you? The reason I believe so is because you left out a lot of 'the's, a's, an's, etc... Maybe try writing in your language and then using a language translator. Grammarly can also help you. *Smile*

*Balloon2* Title and Description - Your title was definitely unique and grabbed my attention. After I read your description I was urged to read on to find out more!

*Penr* Theme/Subject Matter:- A wife is in an accident, and the husband is embedded into his own wife as his memories about her merges.

*Penb*Originality/Creativity:- A must unique and creative story.

*Flower3*Emotion/Impact: - The story is a bit confusing but shows the intense love the husband has for his wife.

*Balloon4* My Suggestions -

There are a lot of mistakes as far as words being left out. I'll go over a few of them to give you an idea:

*Reading* We belong to joint family.

we belong to a joint family.

*Penv* She admitted in to

She was admitted into

*Bookstack2* injuries on head

injuries on her head

I'd reconsider writing chapters for such a short piece that's more like flash fiction. Write it without the chapters and just separate it into paragraphs. I think it will help it read more smoothly. *Smile*

*Peng*Summary: If you decide to edit this, please let me know, and I'll come back and reread and rerate it for you. Thank you so much for sharing your writing with us. *Heart*

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Intuey

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78
78
Review of Realm Rangers  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello brom21 } This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum"  [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with. *Smile*


*Reading* This was a good and interesting story. I really enjoyed it. With a bit of editing, it will be made even better!

*Balloon2* Title and Description - Great creative title that drew my attention. The description sounded like this would be an amazing story. It urged me to read on. *Smile*

*Penr* Theme/Subject Matter:- It's about a group of travelers called Ralam Rangers that travel between this earth and a dark shadow type earth. When an accident happens on a Realm Ranger's first trip, he takes measures he'll always regret.

*Flower1* Characters - Nice job on the characters involved. I was able to get to know the main characters.

*Penb*Originality/Creativity:- A creative story indeed. Great job with originality.

*Balloon4* Setting - You do an excellent job with setting. I was easily able to visualize each scene as I read and felt what the characters were experiencing.

*Flower3*Emotion/Impact: - I could feel the emotions of the characters. I was so surprised by the ending. I felt sadness, disgust and disappointment, but understanding to a degree at the same time.

*Balloon4* My Suggestions -

*Reading* the means in

the means by

*Penb* that lead

that led

*Bookstack2* twelve year old

twelve-year-old

*Reading* round them is feels

around them feels

*Reading* “Yes they can.

"Yes, they can.

*Penr* both Earth’s

both Earths

*Books2* weapons and

weapons, and

*Reading* accompanied with being

accompanied by being

*Penbl* if I get loss?

if I get lost?

*Books1* transceiver arm band,

transceiver armband,

*Reading* sweat to run down

sweat running down

*Peng* looking at tall human

looking at the tall

*Books4* to have ben traveling

to have been traveling

*Reading* the traveling suits.

a traveling suit.

*Peng*Summary: Thank you so much for sharing your interesting story with us. I really enjoyed it.

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Intuey

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79
79
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello nagicaljoey This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum"  [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with. *Smile*


*Reading* I enjoyed reading your first chapter. I look forward to reading more of your book. Please let me know when you complete further chapters. *Smile*

*Balloon2* Title and Description - Great title. It drew my attention. But your description really hooked me and urged me to read on.

Your categories: Family, Emotional, and Community, don't specify a specific genre. Maybe delete Community and add 'Drama' or a genre you think will fit well.

Many people look up items to read based solely on the genres. So, it may pull in more readers for you.

*Penr* Theme/Subject Matter:- The first chapter only glimpses at the jellybeans as being a 'supernatural' part of the story. I look forward to reading more that firmly brings in the story's description.

*Flower1* Characters - You really do a fantastic job of letting the reader get to know your characters. I already feel I truly know each one of them. Nicely done! *Smile*

*Penb*Originality/Creativity:- By reading the description and what your book is supposed to be about, I'd say the idea for the book is highly creative.

*Balloon4* Setting - You do a good job describing the setting. The reader can easily visualize each scene while reading.

*Flower3*Emotion/Impact: - Good use of words to pull us into the emotional impact of each character.

*Balloon4* My Suggestions -

*Reading* His pyjama pants}

His pajama pants

*Penv* feel swinging in the air,

feet swinging in the air,

*Bookopen* She gently squeezed his knew

She quickly squeezed his arm

*Reading* David scarpered away

David scampered away

*Books3* light-fingers at

light fingers at

*Reading* first-born.

firstborn.

*Peno* heavens and,

heavens, and

*Peng*Summary: Thank you so much for sharing your first chapter with us. I enjoyed reading it, and look forward to reading more.

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Intuey

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80
80
Review of Staremaster  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello foxdale This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum"  [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with. *Smile*


*Reading* This was a cute story. It was easy to visualize ya'll sitting in the doughnut shop watching the chiseled, vain jogger have his 'run' in. *Bigsmile*

*Balloon2* Title and Description - Very good play on words with your title. It definitely drew my attention. Your description made me want to read on. You may want to consider rewording it a bit:

There should be a balance in life: A purpose for exercising equals unlimited doughnuts.

*Penr* Theme/Subject Matter:- Doughnut lovers watch as an inspiring fitness junkie tangos with a telephone cable.

*Flower1* Characters - Great character development in such a short piece. The reader was easily able to get to know both personalities.

*Penb*Originality/Creativity:- I like the creative spin you put on the intense exercise junkie and the viewers. Nice job.

*Balloon4* Setting - Good job on the setting. I was easily able to visualize each scene as I read. *Bigsmile*

*Flower3*Emotion/Impact: - This left me with a smile and a chuckle.

*Balloon4* My Suggestions -

*Reading* As that Mister Macho

Delete the word 'that'

*Penb* him in mid stride.

him in mid-stride.

*Books3* shop's windows,

No comma is needed after windows.

*Reading* out of shape

out-of-shape

*Peno* below an ad

below is an ad

*Peng*Summary: Thanks for the chuckle. I enjoyed reading your story. Thanks for sharing it with us.

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Intuey

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81
81
Review of rupture  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello AddledThinker This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum"  [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with. *Smile*


*Reading* Strong title. It drew my attention to the poem. I went back and forth on the poem's meaning. It reads like one daydreaming. Having a hard time staying in the present. But by the title, it makes me think that maybe it's a bit deeper than daydreaming. Writing a short description of what you're meaning to get across in the poem, I think will help. It not only will help us understand what you want to convey, but it will help draw in more readers.

Emotional is a good category, adding the other two genres may help more people find your writing. *smiling*

*Penr* Theme/Subject Matter:- With the title being called rupture and one of the genres, emotional, I believe instead of about daydreaming, it's about a fractured psyche. It's an interesting write and one I believe could be fleshed out a bit for its full potential.

*Penb*Originality/Creativity:- It's a creative look on a mind that can not stay centered.

*Flower3*Emotion/Impact: - I was left a bit confused about exactly what the writer was trying to get across. But at the same time, I could feel the writer's angst.

*Balloon4* My Suggestions - I wasn't sure about the punctuation. The commas you have don't need to be there, but other punctuation was left out.

*Reading*

here
then, gone
consciousness soaring
amongst the
stars
dreaming
back, again
for a little
while

here
then gone.
consciousness soaring
amongst the
stars, dreaming.
back again
for a little
while.

*Bookstack*back, again

again..

back again.

I think it has more impact if you leave out the second 'again.'

*Peng*Summary: Thank you so much for sharing your work with us. I enjoyed it. *Smile*

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Intuey

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82
82
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Vistadream Happy 23rd WDC Birthday! This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum"  [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with. *Smile*


*Reading* A nice little prose of a man listening to and adoring his one true love. He gave her a ring and enjoyed the happiness and song it brought to her lips.

*Balloon2* Title and Description - Interesting title choice. After one reads the piece, the title makes sense. It did catch my attention, and the catchy description urged me to read on.

*Penr* Theme/Subject Matter:- The happiness a marriage propsol brings both partners. It makes one sing, and the other enjoys watching and listening to her sing.

*Penb*Originality/Creativity:- A good spin of originality on a common subject. I thought the viewpoint you used was quite creative. Nice job!

*Flower3*Emotion/Impact: - I felt the love he had for her, and she for him. The piece left me with a smile. The world would be a happier place if all could find such love.

*Balloon4* My Suggestions - I only have a very few minor suggestions. Please use or discard them as you see fit.

*Reading* shimmering of love

shimmering with love

*Bookstack* I cry of these blues

I cry from these blues

*Peng* 20 karat

20-Karat

*Reading* I sing la la la

I sing La, la, la

*Penv*My Favorite Part: -Meaningful song from above
With a windy smile shimmering of love
In the sun drawing the doves


*Peng*Summary: Thank you for sharing your prose with us. I enjoyed it.

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Intuey

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83
83
Review of All I Ever  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Wandering Thoughts Happy WDC 23rd Birthday! This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum"  [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with. *Smile*


*Reading* This is a beautiful prayer. Offered by someone only searching for and giving love. The ultimate gift. Reminded the reader that no matter who we are, or the station we hold in life, we're all headed for that day when we will take our last breath.

*Balloon2* Title and Description - Great title that caught my attention. The description piqued my curiosity and made me want to read on.

*Penr* Theme/Subject Matter:- It's a prayer to God from someone who has always given themselves unselfishly, only ever searching for love. They remind the reader to be at peace with who you are because what you have will not matter in the end. Love is truly the only thing that matters.

*Penb*Originality/Creativity:- It's an original writing. A psalm of sorts from the writer.

*Flower3*Emotion/Impact: - It gives a nice, positive impact. And spreads an important, hopeful message.

*Balloon4* My Suggestions - I only have a few minor suggestions:

*Reading* principals

principles

*Books3* the people

*Penb* collapse

collapses

*Penv*My Favorite Part: -Lives are the coins that are sadly sacrificed
When the people forget to cherish each other
Building walls out of hate collapse in time
All I ever worked for was love.

*Peng*Summary:Thank you so much for sharing this with us. It's truly beautiful writing, and I really enjoyed it. *Smile*

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Intuey

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84
84
Review of Trouble Me  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Ophelia Mae Hancock Happy WDC 23ed Birthday! This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum"  [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with. *Smile*


*Reading* Wow. Passionate and deep. I enjoyed it. Reread a few times, and each time, I still stopped and reflected on some of your lines. Nicely done!

*Balloon2* Title and Description - Great title. It caught my attention and drew me in. Your description made me want to read on!

*Penr* Theme/Subject Matter:- How close can two people truly get/be. Reading these words shows you that this author wants to become one with her one-and-only.

*Penb*Originality/Creativity:- Very original and creative. You truly have some great lines and stanzas.

*Flower3*Emotion/Impact: - You left me with envying the love you have for your other half. I remember the feeling. It's intoxicating. It left a peaceful and reflective emotional impact on this reader. *Smile*

*Balloon4* My Suggestions - I only have a few very minor suggestions. Please use them or discard them as you see fit.

*Books2* circutious

circuitous

*Penb* figure eight

figure-eight

*Reading* maypole

Capitalize Maypole

*Bookstack* meandor

meander

*Penv*My Favorite Part: -

Tickle me with your brush of crimson
Soothe me with your blessing of violet
Highlight me with a touch of sterling
Then growl and bring it all to life

So beautiful! Great choice of words. *Heart*

*Peng*Summary: I really enjoyed reading this writing. I look forward to reading it again in the near future. (That's a HUGE compliment). I know it'll touch me just the same the next time around. Thank you so much for sharing it with us.

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

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85
85
Review of Tomorrow  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Mindertwenty Happy WDC 23rd Birthday! This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum"  [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with. *Smile*


*Reading* An inspiring, short poem about realizing we have the power to take control of our destiny. At least in the direction we want it to go.

*Balloon2* Title and Description -

*Penr* Theme/Subject Matter:- Great title. It drew me in, curious about the writing. The description made me want to read on.

*Flower1* Characters - The main character is the author. It shows the positive outlook he has on life. *Heart*

*Flower3*Emotion/Impact: - The piece left me inspired. Such a nice, positive emotional impact.

*Balloon4* My Suggestions - I only have a few minor suggestions. I hope they help. *Smile*

*Reading* Tomorrow is so far away,
But that seems like yesterday.

No comma is needed after away.

*Penp* The hours blur in what seems a minute,
I need to slow time down.

Try reading this suggestion out loud, and see if you think it helps the flow:

The hours blur into what seems a minute.
I need to slow down time.

*Bookstack2* Until today I felt I could reach for the stars,
But I’d surely have one by now.

No comma is needed after stars.

*Penv*My Favorite Part: -Until today I felt I could reach for the stars,
But I’d surely have one by now.

I especially love the part: But I'd surely have one by now.
Such a romantic notion.

I also really enjoyed the ending:


It’s time to take the initiative,
To take the reins myself,
The future is mine for the taking.

Very nice! *Delight*

*Peng*Summary:I truly enjoyed your writing. Thank you so much for sharing it with us!

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

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86
86
Review of Such As It Is  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Jade Jaspers Happy WDC 23rd Birthday! This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum"  [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with. *Smile*


*Reading* A nice piece of prose that had me thinking and reflecting. You really painted some beautiful scenes. *Smile*

Consider breaking up your paragraphs. Put a space or two between the paragraphs every time you start with, "And then there is this".

*Balloon2* Title and Description - Good title that caught my attention. The description made me curious enough to want to read on.

*Penr* Theme/Subject Matter:- A person alone with his thoughts. Where they go and how it affects him/her.

*Penb*Originality/Creativity:- Very creative form of writing down the thoughts of your mind.

*Flower3*Emotion/Impact: - It left me with thoughts of how beautiful it can be when you train your mind to go to beautiful places.

*Balloon4* My Suggestions -

*Reading* where all the natural things

where all of the natural things

*Bookstack* in sounds

in the sounds

*Penp* all of the memories

*Books5* vision in the night

*Reading* find a word to define these moments that where I have a few thoughts and the time.

*Penr* life line

lifeline

*Books3* its natural want from the page where it longs to put into

it's natural to want... longs to be put into


*Peng*Summary: Thank you for sharing your inspirational prose with us. I truly enjoyed it!

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Intuey

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87
87
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Happy to write Happy WDC 23rd Birthday! This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum"  [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with. *Smile*


*Reading* An inspiring read about meeting and conversing with a traveling preacher man.

*Balloon2* Title and Description - Your title made me curious about your writing. Your description urged me to read on!
I would put a comma after the first 'man'. I would also capitalize the first letter od each word in the title.

*Penr* Theme/Subject Matter:- It's about a person meeting up with a traveling preacher. The preacher graciously answers the person's questions. A quite inspirational piece.

I would consider changing the Category Educational to Inspirational. As it is an inspirational writing. *Smile*

*Flower1* Characters -Two great characters that we get to know through their conversation in this nicely written prose.

*Penb*Originality/Creativity:- I love the originality and creativity of getting the message across per a conversation. It kind of reminded me of John Cahn. If you haven't read him, check him out. I think you'll like his books.

*Flower3*Emotion/Impact: - It really left an inspiring impression on me.

*Balloon4* My Suggestions -

*Reading* King however I have laid

King, however, I have laid

*Bookstack2* song of the redemption

*Penb* that you live abundantly

for you to live abundantly

*Peng*Summary: I truly enjoyed your prose. Thank you so much for sharing it with us.

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

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88
88
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Peremos Happy 23rd WDC Birthday! This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum"  [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with. *Smile*


*Reading* Wow. Excellent speech. You show how war affects the heart of men, and at the same time also show how we can gain our strength after war.

*Balloon2* Title and Description - Fantastic title that caught my attention. The description made me want to read on!

*Penr* Theme/Subject Matter:- It's about war, and how war affects those fighting. To remember those who died fighting, and realize we can still stand strong and proud after the fight.

*Penb*Originality/Creativity:- The writing is done very well. I love the originality and creativity of showing a lot of sides of war. The sorrow of killing others, the sorrow of those who died, how you can still stand after the war, like a lone flower surviving on the battlefield, and perhaps sad, but true of the benefits a war can have afterward.

*Flower3*Emotion/Impact: - Strong emotional impact that really made me think of those having to fight, and of war in general.

*Balloon4* My Suggestions - You did a great job. I only have a few small suggestions:

*Bookstack3* your struggle

and your struggle

*Penr* not without purpose

is not without purpose

*Books1* the battles you fight

and the battles you fight

*Peng* they shape the future.

*Peng*Summary: A fabulous piece of prose! It's very impactful and leaves the reader thinking about it for a while after they have read it. Thank you so much for sharing it with us! *Smile*

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Intuey

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89
89
Review of Bottles  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello AJblurryface Happy 23rd WDC Birthday! This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum"  [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with. *Smile*


*Reading* Quite a deep, poignant poem. I like your analogies.

*Balloon2* Title and Description - The title is straight to the point, and fits the writing well. The description drew me in and made me want to read on.

*Penr* Theme/Subject Matter:- The comparison of how life can make one feel like an empty, discarded water bottle. That even a water bottle deserves to be recycled and made into something useful-- how much more should a human feel fulfilled?

*Penb*Originality/Creativity:- I really like the creativity and originality of this piece. Nicely done! *Smile*

*Flower3*Emotion/Impact: - It left this reader with a strong emotional impact. I reread it a couple of times. It left me agreeing but also feeling for the author.

*Balloon4* My Suggestions - I see you have emotional for your genre. That's good. It is an emotional piece. But you should fill out your other two genres as well. Maybe: Personal, Experience, or Drama. The more you have filled out the more people will find your writing. Some people only search for certain genres.

I would split your stanzas up. I think that would help the piece read more smoothly, but also with even more impact.

*Penp* Sometimes life is as empty

Try: Sometimes life feels empty...

The only other suggestion is you need a comma after the word, 'Oh,' in:
Oh how beautiful.

*Penv*My Favorite Part: -

The ocean,
Oh how beautiful.
When the sun shines off the surface,
Happiness.
Yet the sun doesn't shine forever,
even on the ocean.

Nice! I love that! *Delight*

*Peng*Summary: Thank you for sharing your writing with us. I truly enjoyed it!

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

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90
90
Review of Impossible  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Monalisa Vandercox Happy WDC 23rd Birthday! This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum"  [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with. *Smile*


*Reading* I enjoyed reading your poem. I know the feeling all too well. I hope happiness has found you again, if not, hopefully, it will soon. *Smile*

*Balloon2* Title and Description - Good title. It pulled me in to want to read further. The description is also good and urged me to read on.

I wonder though: Isn't depression a form of being stuck in the past? When we're healthy in mind, we don't really want to move backward. Just my thoughts. *Smile*

*Penr* Theme/Subject Matter:- About a woman who once lived each day happy but is now finding it hard to find joy in life. To find any meaning.

*Penb*Originality/Creativity:- You did a good job showing the juxtaposing sides of life and our emotions.

*Flower3*Emotion/Impact: - The emotional impact was strong and left me feeling sad for the writer. Hoping that if she hasn't already that soon happiness and smiles will find her once again.

*Balloon4* My Suggestions - Please know these are only my suggestions. Please use or discard them as you see fit.

*Bookstack2* My heart is broken
All my scars are open
All I had is gone now
Impossible to go back to to before

I think your poem is good but may read smoother with just changing a few words around.

My heart has been broken
My scars have busted open.
All I had is now gone,
It's impossible to go back.

*Penv* Love filled my soul
All things seemed possible then

*Bookstack3* Now I have broken trust
Empty promises
I don't feel my worth
All I see is hidden now

Now my trust is broken

What I see is now hidden.

*Peng* I am feeling everything at once

I feel everything at once.

*Peng*Summary: I truly enjoyed reading your piece. Thank you so much for sharing it with us!

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Intuey

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91
91
Review of Dogs at the Mall  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello ridinghood Happy 23rd WDC Birthday! This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum"  [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with. *Smile*


*Reading* This is a cute poem that had me smiling throughout!

*Balloon2* Title and Description - Fabulous title that drew me in, and the description made me want to read on. *Smile*

*Penr* Theme/Subject Matter:- I'm a dog lover, and since the poem is about my favorite furbaby, I had to read to see what happens. It's talking about all the purebreds the pet shop at the mall sells. And how they end up just going to the shelter and picking out a few fabulous mix breeds!

*Flower1* Characters - Are well written. It shows the tight-knit relationship between the two, and how their love of dogs binds them.

*Penb*Originality/Creativity:- A wonderful creative spin on picking out a new furbaby pet.

*Balloon4* Setting - Is done well by showing how the mall puts emphasis on only purebreds.

*Flower3*Emotion/Impact: - The poem made me smile and touched my heart. *Heart*

*Balloon4* My Suggestions - I only found one typo:

*Penp* Grams and I just laughed out load

Grams and I just laughed out loud

*Books2* down at the pound,

No comma needed after pound

*Penw* The salesclerk

The sales clerk

*Penv*My Favorite Part: -

We ended our day down at the pound,
and adopted two mutts and a plain old hound. *Bigsmile*

*Peng*Summary: I really enjoyed this little poem. Thank you for sharing your writing with us, and thank you for the smile.

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Tracey

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92
92
Review of Shaky Marriage  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Candie101 Happy Anniversary! This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum"  [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with. *Smile*


*Reading* I enjoyed your story about a couple who sadly just couldn't get along. I know you called it a comedy, but I found it more sad. You might think about replacing the comedy category with 'Relationship'. But maybe it's just me. *Wink* Even though I didn't find it funny, I still thought the story was engaging.

*Balloon2* Title and Description - Great title that caught my attention and drew me in. Consider tweaking your description to something like, "A Married Couple's Squabble".

*Penr* Theme/Subject Matter - It's about a wife who was fed up with her husband's lack of devotion to their relationship. So in her anger, she tries to get back at him, through not-so-smart actions.

*Flower1* Characters - We don't really get to know the husband too much, but the wife has gotten past the point of no return.

*Penb*Originality/Creativity:- An original writing that leads to an unexpected end.

*Flower3*Emotion/Impact: - Even though this is supposed to be a comedy, I didn't get that impact at all. It was more of an anger and sadness issue to me. *Rolleyes*

*Balloon4* My Suggestions - Below is a few of my suggestions. Please do not get discouraged. If you edit the item and would like me to re-review it, please let me know.

*Reading*I think the story would read easier if you broke up the paragraphs. It's a small thing that can really make a difference. *Smile*

*Bookstack2* I found it kind of odd that she would just drive away from her house while it was on fire. Even if she were angry.

*Books4* If he doesn't do anything quick,

If he doesn't do anything quickly,

*Books3* Claire was caught in the mist of her thoughts,

Claire was caught in the midst...

*Penb* She new it was New Year's Day

She knew...

*Bookstack* wondering off to God knows

wandering off...

*Peng* John, and he slammed

*Books2* just great." Claire said

Replace the period with a comma.

*Penp* How dare him walk out on her. "I know just what to do." she said

How dare he walk out on her. "I know just what to do, she said

*Bookstack2* gleefully ontop their roof

on top of their roof

*Penw* supplies and ran back outside and exhaustedly threw them ontop the roof.

...threw them on top of the roof.

*Books1* grusomely

gruesomely

*Peno* hystaria

hysteria

*Peng*Summary: I think you did an amazing job writing as people talk. With a little editing, this story will be made even better! I look forward to rereading it. *Smile* Thanks so much for sharing it with us!

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Intuey

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93
93
Review of the lost dog  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello maiah This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum"  [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with. *Smile*


*Reading* This is a cute story. It has a lot of potential. I think it would be well worth taking the time to flesh out/expand your story.

*Balloon2* Title and Description - You have a strong title that caught my attention and made me want to read on. I did get the understanding of your story in the description, but the mistakes need to be fixed.

 tjhis is a story of hw a girl takes her dog to the park and the dog gose missing

Try something similar to: Bella's dog goes missing at the park.

*Penr* Theme/Subject Matter:- A story about a girl who loses her dog and almost loses all hope.

*Flower1* Characters - You get the message across nicely of how much of an emotional connection she has with her furbabies.

*Penb*Originality/Creativity:- Nice story with an original spin.

*Balloon4* My Suggestions - I believe this story would work best as one short story, instead of breaking it down into one paragraph chapters. The story, while good, needs a lot of correcting. Please don't feel overwhelmed. Maybe consider downloading Grammarly, or something similar to help you learn how to construct a writing better. *Smile*

*Reading* she through Lilly’s ball and it landed in a bush

she threw Lilly's ball and it landed in a bush.

*Books1* Lilly went to get it but did not come back so Bella waited for a couple of minutes then when Lilly did not come back, she went to go look for Lilly, after an hour she could not find her so she kept looking for Lilly by the time it was dark she had not found her so she had to go home and sleep so, she could look for Lilly the next day.

Lilly went to get the ball but after a few minutes, she still had not returned. Bella looked for Lilly for over an hour and still could not find her. When night fell, she begrudgingly went home, determined to start first thing in the morning.

*Reading* Capitalize all of your names, and spell out all of your numbers.*Smile*

*Bookstack* Bella became sad and cold to every one she locked her self up in her room and cried for weeks and weeks 5 years later Bella has completely given up hope she is sad but little did she know she would find out something that would change her life forever.

Bella became sad and cold to everyone. She locked herself in her room and cried for weeks.

It's been five years, and Bella still finds it hard to have hope. But soon, she would find out something that would change her life forever!

*Books4* When she woke up she told sally the news 9 months later Kelly was born it hurt like hell as you could probably tell Bella was very Sleep deprived Bella “ hello my sweet daughter and who is this dog”

When she awoke she told Sally the news. Nine months later, Kelly was born to a sleep-deprived Bella.

"Hello, my sweet daughter. Who is this pretty dog?"

I'm kind of confused about the ending. Try adding a paragraph or so to help the reader understand it better. *Smile*


*Peng*Summary: Thank you so much for sharing your writing with us. If you decide to edit your writing, please let me know. I'd love to come back and adjust my rating/review for the edited version. *Heart*

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Intuey

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94
94
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello iKïyå§ama-House Targaryen This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum"  [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with. *Smile*


*Reading*Wow! My heart literally broke for you. It's bad enough to round ya'll up like a bunch of cattle, and send you home. But to actually keep you all locked up in a jail setting is ridiculous and shameful. Especially when you have been a good citizen, made something of yourself, and been here for so long. *Sad*

*Balloon2* Title and Description - Perfect title that drew me in, and the description definitely made me want to read on.

*Penr* Theme/Subject Matter:- The injustice that was done to many of the immigrants living legally in the U.S when the law abruptly changed.

*Flower1* Characters - A nonfiction look at one person's experience. How it affected them, and others they met along the way. And the act of changing the way they thought of the future, in order to bring hope back into their life.

*Balloon4* Setting - You did an excellent job helping the reader visualize the scenery all throughout the experience.

*Flower3*Emotion/Impact: - It left a strong impact on me. I felt sad and ashamed that my country handled immigrants who had made a life here for so many years, treated so cruelly.


*Peng*Summary: I remember when you had to leave the U.S. Well, I remember when you wrote that you were back in Nigeria. I had no idea you went through all of this. *Hug1**Smile**Hug2* I hope life has been good to you, and that you have found new happiness, hope, and a bright future. *Heart*

Thanks for sharing this very emotional time in your life with us. *Bird*

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Tracey

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95
95
Review of The Voice Of God  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY Quihadi , FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*



*Reading* Wow! Nice poem. Congratulations on 2nd place. It greatly deserves the honor. Beautiful writing. *Heart*

*Balloon2* Title and Description - The title is perfect and definitely drew my attention. I wanted to read about 'The Voice of God'. I'd change the description to include a line or two from your writing. I think it would help draw in more people to read your poem. You can always add the poetry contest at the bottom of the piece.

*Penr* Theme/Subject Matter:- It's about God's children being able to hear His voice. It's not a voice screaming down from the heavens. It's a small, still voice, that whispers to your soul.

*Flower1* Characters - The person accepting God is showing how doubt can arise even when at the altar. But hold on, and don't give up. The reward is priceless!

*Penb*Originality/Creativity:- A creative look at showing how beautiful a life with Jesus can be. *Heart*

*Balloon4* Setting - A perfect setting that allowed me to visualize and take to heart and soul each line of your piece.

*Flower3*Emotion/Impact: - Being a Christian, it made a strong impact on me. As I know the feeling of being blessed with a relationship and being able to discern His voice.

*Penv*My Favorite Part: -


The sound of His voice

It's the voice that set me free.

Because it's a freedom that surpasses all others. *Heart*


*Peng*Summary: I greatly enjoyed your piece. Thank you so much for sharing it with us.

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Tracey

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96
96
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY Massive Friendly Derg FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


*Reading* A Cute poem that made me chuckle. *Delight*

*Balloon2* Title and Description - Your title is perfect for this great play on words and drew my attention. Though, for your description, I think it sales your poem short. I'd change it to include what readers can expect. Something similar to 'A Comedic Look at a Drag-on's Dog Days of Summer. It may help draw more people in to read your piece.

*Penr* Theme/Subject Matter:-Great subject matter for the play on words writing.

*Flower1* Characters - Nicely written. The reader easily gets to know the personality of the dragon they're reading about. *Cool*

*Penb*Originality/Creativity:- Very original and creative, funny piece.

*Balloon4* Setting - Perfect setting for the writing. I was able to easily visualize each scene.

*Penv*My Favorite Part: -The last three lines. Nice!

*Peng*Summary: Thank you for the smile and chuckle. I enjoyed reading your poem.

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Tracey

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97
97
Review of Silent Witness  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY Humming Bird FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


*Reading*Great personification of a mirror watching a little girl grow up! Definitely worthy of its ribbon. *Delight*

*Balloon2* Title and Description - Perfect title and description of this story. They drew me in to want to read on.

*Penr* Theme/Subject Matter:-Subject matter that one hopes to never have to deal with, but in some shape or form, we usually do. This is an interesting take on the lonely life of a teenage girl whose parents keep all too isolated supposedly for her own good. What they don't seem to realize, is it's slowly killing her. Draining away her will to live. *Sad*

*Flower1* Characters -Great job in such a few words of showing us not only who the teenager is now, but the lively and happy child she was while growing up.

*Penb*Originality/Creativity:-Very creative. You did an excellent job.

*Balloon4* Setting -Perfect setting for personification story of watching a little girl grow.

*Flower3*Emotion/Impact: - The story touches at the readers heartstrings. You want to be able to yell and shake the parents to the point that they'll actually open their eyes, and see what they're doing to their teenage girl.

*Penv*My Favorite Part: -The whole story is well done, but my favorite part has to be the opening paragraph. It's such a creative, strong, pull and keep you reading paragraph! Nicely done! *Heart*


*Peng*Summary:I truly enjoyed reading your story. Thank you so much for sharing it with us.

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Tracey

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98
98
Review of Summer and Fall  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Val This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum"  [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with. *Smile*


*Reading* This poem shows the difference of the thoughts of the happy soul versus that of the sad one.

*Balloon2* Title and Description - The title caught my attention and made me want to read on. The description described what the character of the poem was about.

*Penb*Originality/Creativity:- An original depiction of nature being used as metaphors for emotions.

*Flower3*Emotion/Impact: - I think many of us can relate to the meaning of this poem.

*Balloon4* My Suggestions - I do have a few suggestions:

Sadness is seeing

a heart's tiny string under a huge waterfall sheet(,)

Sadness is seeing

a man falling for an object

Sadness is the loss of an noble friend

Try reading your poem with the suggestion of removing the repetitive 'sadness is' words. To me, it gives a much
stronger pull on the emotions. *Heart*


reminiscence is happiness(:)

For example,

Happiness

is the Infinite kisses from yonder


Happiness is the ghost of your eyes in the boughs of the trees

Removing the excess 'Happiness is' for the same reason I mentioned for removing the 'sadness is'. Try reading it without,
and see how you feel about it.

My dear one,

Here,

winter depicts the tranquility of pine trees(.) more than any other season.

*Penv*My Favorite Part: - The last stanza is my favorite. However, I do think it leaves a stronger impression with 'more than any other season' removed. *Smile*


*Peng*Summary: I enjoyed reading your poem. It made me think and reflect a bit. Thank you for sharing!

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Tracey

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99
99
Review of Ladybug Beach  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Itchybarn

*Reading* This is such a great poem. You're a good poet! *Delight* I love ladybugs also. One time I moved into a house that was in the country. One of the second-story bedrooms had at least fifty ladybugs climbing on the inside of the window, trying to get out. I opened the window (I could only open it a little, without hurting them. I must have spent an hour or more getting them all out into the fresh air, It made me feel good. (Them too, I'm sure *Bigsmile*).

*Balloon2* Title and Description - I love the title. It definitely drew me in. Then when I read you were five when you first wrote it. Impressive. I'm sure you've edited it a few times since because it's really good and fun to read.

*Penr* Theme/Subject Matter:- The writer shows his love for ladybugs, and tells of his encounter with a lot of them on the beach.

*Flower1* Characters - The reader is able to sense the kindness of the writer. *Delight*

*Flower3*Emotion/Impact: - The poem made me smile. It was a fun read that left me feeling happy. Nice job!! *Ha*

*Peng*Summary: I enjoyed reading your piece. Thanks so much for sharing. I hope to read more poetry from you soon.

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Tracey

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100
100
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello dragonline (dragon online) *CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP**Smile*


*Reading* Nice short story. It had a strong beginning that grabbed my attention and kept me reading. The ending was a nice twist I didn't see coming. *Smirk*

*Balloon2* Title and Description - Great title. Neighbors can be a curse or a blessing. Having both in my time made me want to read your story. I would use the description to pull more readers in. Write a brief excerpt about what they can expect when they read the story. *Smile*

*Penr* Theme/Subject Matter:- A wife whose husband has gotten on her last nerve, always worrying about what the neighbors will think. A husband who hinges everything on what others think.

*Flower1* Characters - In just a few words, you were able to bring across the personalities of both the wife and husband. Not an easy feat. Good job!

*Penb*Originality/Creativity:- I enjoyed the way the story is written. The ending helped to elevate the whole story.

*Balloon4* Setting - The setting is well done. The emphasis is mainly on how the neighbors perceive the couple.

*Flower3*Emotion/Impact: - Your words made me visualize the uptightness and egotistical characters of the husband. I didn't care for him. Even though what the wife was doing was wrong, you wanted to see her rid herself of him. Maybe just not in the way the story had us believe.

*Balloon4* My Suggestions - I'd flesh out the part where the wife knelt down in the dirt at the end. Was that her whole plan? Or was it a ruse? And he just beat her to it?

*Penv*My Favorite Part: - The ending. Great twist.

*Peng*Summary: I truly enjoyed this short, short. Thank you so much for sharing it with us. *Smile*

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Intuey

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