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Review of Fat Cats Unite  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


What a cute story. It was short but it made me want to giggle. I would suggest splitting up the two blocks of text into smaller paragraphs. It will make the reader comprehend what you’re saying more and from getting lost. Also, I would like to see Dharma in a real live act. Narrate a specific action for her. Maybe describe her on the computer or walking. All in all, good read. Nice work and happy WdC anniversary!





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77
77
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(They stand “head and shoulders” above the average little village person and are called the “above-average” people.) Great puns! Very funny!


What a treat for the intellectual mind! You kept me festinated and amused through the whole thing. Very funny for a very good writer! Congrats! This was solid as far as flow goes and that is one of the most important elements needed for a good story. And thank you also for not making all this in one block of text without spaces. I hate that! It overwhelms the eye. Once again, well done! Happy WdC anniversary!





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78
Review of Verse as Inverse  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


This was subtlety interesting. Short prose like this always makes me contemplate. Likewise, I’ve never attempted such a thing. lol. Usually I have to read prose such as this a few times or so to take in the beauty of it. After a couple of rereads I really came to admire this poem. It is quite sublime. This is a true gem. This poem speaks to the mind as well as the heart. So how long did it take you to compose this? You certainly deserves the four-and-a-half star average rating. Happy WdC anniversary!





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79
Review of Dragonfly  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Short prose pieces kind of get me sometimes. At times I really have to let my mind simmer and read it over twice or so for me to enjoy its gorgeous glow. Congrats for the awardicon too! An average of four stars after nine reviews shows how nice this is. Sorry I have no suggestions for this poem. Honestly I don’t see how poetry can be “corrected” at all. Who can criticize the outpouring of the heart? Nice work! Happy WdC anniversary!





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80
Review of Starting Anew  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


I liked this. It is easy to follow and it ends wonderfully. I also like how you use couplet form; that’s the only form I use. lol. I particularly like these two lines-(My chance to walk through that mystic door/ To see what life may have in store.)
It’s very nostalgic and captivating to me. The shortness of your poem amplifies it rather than diminishing it I might add. Briefer pieces tend to linger in the mind as well. I kind of surmise you came up with this quite swiftly. I’m the same way. It doesn’t take me much to generate a good poem. All in all, a very good read! Happy WdC anniversary




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81
Review of Housework  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


I congratulate you for making such a complete story with all the needed elements in a small word count. You really got me with the dramatic scene at the end. I suppose a real murderer would have been over the top. lol. You really built a very nail biting growing climax. Kudos for that! Moreover, it was easy to follow and enjoy. Great work and happy WdC anniversary!





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82
82
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Nice job! This came across very eloquently and you really sound like you know your stuff. And how funny. This was both informative and a delight to read. You tickled my funny been quite effectively with the fairies being sock stealing culprits. But you do have point; where do those missing left socks disappear from? There is the poltergeist theory and the sucking dimensional wormhole idea. lol. This was very entertaining and educational. You should be a fifth grade teacher. Kids would love this. Happy WdC anniversary!





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83
83
Review of Butter  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Man love short poems! They shine like jewels. This is a prime example. Your poem makes me salivate with emotional drool if you would. This poem creates the image of a placid lake bathed in golden sunlight. I kind of envy authors like you. The prose like you did is something I have never attempted. All in all, a great read! Happy WdC anniversary!





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84
Review of THE PET  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(Inside he heard the ding-dong of the bell, and someone turned the television's sound lower.)
Here, what you have after the comma is awkward because “someone turning down the television’s sound lower, cannot be seen from closed door. He can hear it but not see it. Also how does he know it’s a TV Pete’s hearing and not a person? I would put something like this: …,and he heard, when he suspected to be TV set, have sound suddenly lowered.


(“Good day, Pete” the feet answered, looking at the name tag, then to Pete,)
Here say something like “…which came from the person with the feet.” The feet are not talking.


(“Of course, sorry, I did not recognize you in your leisure outfit.” with a light chuckle at his own joke,…)
Here, a comma next to the second quote is in place of the period. Also would say “he said with a light chuckle…)


(and Boris went down the passage…)
The word “and” should be in caps.


(On his return, he saw the door ajar to the basement.)
Here, just switch the wording to this. “On his return, he saw the door to the basement ajar.”


(…the light was on, and the door at the bottom was ajar.)
Above, you basically repeat the same phrase twice, too close together.


(“As in that snake from South America?”)
I would expect such an outlandish comment to rattle the chief a bit. I would end this in an exclamation mark.


At this point some more emotion should emerge. Perhaps show (and not tell) some surprise, fear or disbelief.


(The Chief was taken aback with Boris' remarks.)
Here, show how the chief is “taken aback.” Put something like-“The chief reeled back and his eyes shot wide open. He took a step back and shook his head.


(…it moved towards the Chief, faster and bigger,…)
Here, the snake is not growing in size but in appearance. Instead put something like-“…faster as he saw its immense size come into view more.


The thing I like best is the fast but comprehendible pace of the story. I would say it is something like an action/adventure at points. There were grammar problems but you had good flow, not to repeat myself. With more proofreading you will eventually catch those little blips that bog down your story. You had a classic ending with the Anaconda eating Pete and the Chief. Quite fitting to wrap things up (Pun intended.) Nice job and happy WdC anniversary!





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85
Review of Freezing Cold  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


This story was nice. Keeping track of who was saying who was a problem for me. I’d think that a four man conversation would be hard to sustain. Trying to keep the premise and all the element of a story, with multiple characters would ebb cumbersome – be it a super short story too. Maybe it’s just me but maybe not. For the extreme brevity, you did a good job. Oh, and I did think this created a vivid picture of the cold scene. Kudos or that too! Happy WdC anniversary!





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86
Review of Dead Poets  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


This was a great poem. I honestly don’t know what else to say. I like how you kind of put the fourth stanza differently than the others. It really centers the loneliness and desperation in an ironically beautiful way. I also like how you used God as an encompassing element. I believe that ultimately all inspiration comes from God. And I thank you for the brevity of the lines and stanzas. It makes the poem to linger in the mind and contemplate it. Great poem and happy WdC anniversary!





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87
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(…with the pocketed flexible shaft of the oh'ona strapped crosswise o…)
Here, say what an “oh’ona” is.


(Passing the toh'ahk, usually made…)
Again, tell us what the word “to’ahk” is.


(Right to the edge of the mother forest from which he could see, if he climbed to the topmost branches, the plains rolling far into the distance.)
Here a dash is needed where the second comma is. At first glance, it looks like an unfinished sentence.


(He could smell the rain coming in the air, and felt the electric tingle that was the tell tale of a storm sure to be accompanied by the booming, cracking sky fire.)
This is the first use of the senses to communicate and show what Ai'Liel is experiencing. I hope there is more.


(He began to move lower down the levels of the trees, while also making his way back towards the motherwood.”
Here it would look much cleaner if you said-“He moved down the tree levels as he went back towards the motherwood.”
See how shorter it is. In fiction, say what you want to say in the least amount of words. The only exception I suppose would be description.


(He took his scythethorn blade from its sheath, and began to cut hanging greenmantle vine.)
The “scythethorn blade” just comes out of nowhere. Mention he has it early on.


(For an interminable time, Ai'Liel rode the storm, in this manner, whipped, flayed, scoured by wind and rain, and the small debris carried on each in its maddened rush.)
Sometimes it’s a good idea to shorten sentences. Also you tend to overuse commas. It would be easier to comprehend if it were broken up into smaller sentences .


(The storm seeming to draw more and more on the pure and raw energy of the Brown Father, from whence all life grew and to all returned, in some form, to be born again, anew and different.)
This is a very sublime and nostalgic sentence I thought. Good job with that! It was long but succinctly composed.


This was a good chapter – a little cumbersome to get sometimes but full of pristine, effervescent imagery. As I said, I think you could shop sentences from a lot of what you have. Nevertheless, what you have is thorough, rich and really gives good depth. Nice job and happy WdC anniversary!





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Review of Seeker  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Nice poem. It was a good idea to stick to the brief lines. Most prose, haikus, cinquains and most other forms have short lines. It was very clever how you assigned a person for all three animals and use them to describe human traits. The most intriguing one to me was the laughing Hyena that is playful and happy. Honestly, I can’t say much more of this poem. It is what it is – and that’s a good thing. I would have chosen a different title – something that reflects the whole poem and not just at the end where it says “Can be mine if I seek.” I’m sure you can come up with something. Finally, this was a smart, creative little poem! Happy WdC anniversary!





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89
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Nice story. I would have liked to have seen a climax at the and where the mystery is solved. Perhaps it could have been ghosts taking the people or some kind of wormhole that pops up in various places, sucking them in. Or maybe it could be that Correlation Street was cursed by a wizard. Then you could delve deeper. Or you could use the ocean as a template for a climax like a ship wrecked vessel where ghosts have come to steal people away. In any case, I’m just brainstorming. I’m sure you could come up with something. All in all, this was a tantalizing tale that caught my curiosity to the end. I do have one other suggestion: break the big block of text into smaller paragraphs. It would be much easier to read what you have here. Good job and happy WdC anniversary!





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90
Review of Ring Ring  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


For a poem with such long lines, this was easy to follow. Poems generally have shorter lines. But I loved all of this! It was so heartwarming all the way to when the girl gives the phone to the boy in plaid. I think you used the format prompt quite well. I would probably struggle in composing with this poem style. I just do couplets. lol. You definitely deserved the win in the contest! Wrote on and happy WdC anniversary!





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91
91
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


First of all, I congratulate you for having no punctuation errors; I saw none! In all honesty, this was nicely composed. It was easy to follow and you have a good hook with being in the mind of an annoyed student. It’s always good to start out with struggle or tension. Another thing I liked was how the narration geos from moot, teenage issues to what you have at the end – wide scale cataclysmic state of emergency. I did not see that coming. Nice work with the questions at the beginning – it is thought provoking. I wish you a happy WdC anniversary my friend!





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Review of etchings  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Nice poem! I liked how you used the dashes to pause and emphasize things. The thing I like about shorter poems lie yours is it lingers and sticks with me. I get time to ponder the meaning and message of your piece. It is interesting how you came up with this good poem on an early morning fly. It came out pretty well. I also think this as gritty and brutally honest. It is etched in my mind, not to be redundant. lol. Great job and happy WdC anniversary!





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Review of Carbon Cowlings  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (3.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


I really think this was very much a sci-fi tale; that much is obvious. lol. But a little, just a little explanation would have pulled me in and make this flow easier. Your piece is made of sentences too full of techno composition that is very sporadic. Slow down a bit. Also, the ending didn’t feel like an ending. It sounded more like another description or exposition. I know this is a short story but it still needs to have a beginning, middle and an end. I can really see this being very fascinating and futuristic as well. Happy WdC anniversary!





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94
Review of First Steps  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


I totally got caught in each moment of this precious soul‘s early life. It was so sweet how the narrator cherishes and embellishes his son’s accomplishments. I think this had a unique format. In your port you put this under “Other.” Did you make the style up yourself? Anyway I can’t give any suggestions; I am in no place to critique it. Happy WdC anniversary!





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95
Review of A Candle  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


A great deal of classical poetry is not my forte. I’m not stupid but I think that simple couplets like those from Mark Twain appeal to my poetic muse. I don’t emulate any famous poet. I just go where my mind and brain take me. And a lot people like my style and content. I honestly have a hard time dealing very short poetry like haikus and cinquains. But I know how to enjoy them – much like what you so lovely put here. It’s very mysterious and cryptic to me. It feels very dreamlike – that comes quickly then makes you wonder about it when you wake up. Great work here! Happy WdC anniversary!





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96
Review of The Dragon  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Excellent poem! I love poetry that is not overly obscure and weird. It did not follow the “classic” form of a poem like from the legends of the art. I loved the tale and the meter was on key. I loved your rhyme scheme. It sounded great! This poem was full of emotion, action, and reflection. Kudos for that! Finally, what you have is simple to follow and a delight to the heart. Happy WdC anniversary!





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97
Review of The Tree  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Great work! It was flawless as far as spelling and punctuation goes. You really put in a lot of emotion and internal dialog as well as contemplative content weaved through out the story. I was left with a forlorn sense with the tree and what it represents. I loved the melancholy beauty of this. It’s almost enough for me to shed a tear for the daughter. By the way, I didn’t catch her name. All in all, it was touching and it lingered in my mind. Happy WdC anniversary!





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98
Review of Dreams of Sand  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(Michael was in Egypt on a trip with the archeologist proffesor, it was here that they had found this new pyramid.)
Here, it sounds better if you say-“…the professor of archaeology.” Also notice you misspelled “professor” and that I put a period after “it” then capitalized “it.”


(Michael was reluctant to head there to him it seemed it was already cursed and the inside of the tomb gave micheal the chills in the first place.)
Above, A period after “…to head there” Then capitalize “to.” Next you misspelled “micheal” which should be Michael.”


("Maybe we should head back." Michael had said to the professor. "Nonsense this will be my discovery of a lifetime."
Here, a comma should go before the second quote mark. Next a second comma should go after “Nonsense.”


(…a lifetime." The professor had argued.)
With this, a comma should go before the quote mark and then put “The” in lower case.


(Michael then had let the professor have the horn…)
What you have above should look like this-“Then Michael had to let the professor have the horn...”


(The professor then had blew threw the horn jokingly. " What are you doing professor?" Michael asked worriedly. The horn had made a sound that only the two of t hem could hear at that time. " It's probably just some small toy, no need to panic." the professor had toll MIchael.)
This entire paragraph segment has some errors. Rather than pointing everything out to you I’ll give you the corrected version of what you have above.

The professor then blew through the horn jokingly. "What are you doing professor?" Michael asked worriedly. The horn had made a sound only the two of them could hear at the moment. "It's probably just some small toy, no need to panic," the professor had told Michael.


(…had came and asked. "Michael, have you seen the professor, he was around the tomb last time, but no one's seen him since.)
Here, “came” should be “come.” Then a colon should go after “asked.” Next a question mark should go after “…have you found the professor.” Capitalize “he” next.


(…worried of the professor's well being nad wanted to look…)
Above, “well being” should be a compound word. Then “nad” should be “and.”


(…which would be unusual since he had to eat once in awhile.)
This is a little stilted. Just say-“…since he had no food.”


(Michael and his girlfriend ventured deep into the tomb, with Michael's help thanks to the professor's earlier assistance he as able to easily dodge the hidden traps within the tomb.)
Above omit the comma then put a period. The rest should look like this-“With Michael’s help, thanks to the professor’s earlier assistance; he was able to evade the hidden traps within the tomb.” Notice I changed “dodged” to “evade.” What of there were closing walls, dangerous animals let loose or the infamous rolling boulder that you have to run from?


(…body lying there with his neck twisted and sweat leaking from every inch of his body.)
Here,” leaking” is awkward. I would put “dripping.”


(It was oddly enough that then the professor had untwisted his neck and stood up.)
This sentence makes no sense. I think you mean to say-“It was odd enough when the professor untwisted his neck and stood.” Also “odd” is too weak. Use a word that reflects the frightening occurrence. Maybe you could use “shocking” or “repulsive” or what have you.


(Then the professor had oddly yelled, "Blood can you hear me? Blood can you hear me?" MIchael and his girlfriend were both spooked and worried for the professor at that time.)
Again, sue another word than “oddly.” Next omit “had.” Then, correct the spelling of “Michael.” Lastly, use better words in place of “spooked” and “worried.”


(Hte professor then turned swiftly and in an a voice that sounded as if he were possessed told Michael. "Leave me Alone!" It was at that moment that Michael had took his girlfrineds hand and ran out of the tomb with her. "What happened to the professor?" She had asked Michael. " I'm not sure." he had responded. Michael had figured the professor was posessed, but was unsure how to do anything for the moment and so he did the only thing he could do after a long day and slept.)
As before, I will show how this paragraph segment should look like.


The professor then turned swiftly and in a voice that sounded as if he were possessed told Michael: "Leave me Alone!" It was at that moment that Michael had taken his girlfriend’s hand and ran out of the tomb with her. "What happened to the professor?" She had asked Michael. "I'm not sure," he had responded. Michael had figured the professor was possessed, but was unsure how to do anything for the moment and so he did the only thing he could do after a long day - slept.


This needs a lot of work. As you can see, there are lots of issues. Nevertheless I gather you’re a teenager at the oldest. In that regard, I will give leeway. Just pay more attention to your spelling and punctuation. I can really see this being an entrancing, action filled adventure with some tweaking. I was fascinated with how experiencing this dream must have been like. Happy WdC anniversary!






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Review of Silver Tear  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Great prose! I like how you so beautifully portray the emotion with short, succinct lines that each give a subtle action and description. Kudos also for keeping each line so brief; that really helps transition poetic flow and comprehension. I also thank you for not making this a monologue broken up into lines and stanzas; anyone can do that. lol. Once again great job and happy WdC anniversary!





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100
Review of Forty Years  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


This was very bold and gritty. I love how you subtly weave a story made up by each stanza. The meter was a little off at times. But that easily happens with lines that are more full of content and with stanzas that are extensive. Nevertheless, it really didn’t disrupt anything. I also thought your final line finished things very well. Great work! Happy WdC anniversary!




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