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101
101
Review of Blindsided  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


( Mitch felt like he’d been kicked in the gut. How could he have done this to me?... We were best friends and business partners. How could he stab me in the back like this? He buried his face in his calloused hands and sobbed.
Sitting across from him at the kitchen table was his wife, Martha. She had never seen Mitch like this. Something horrible must have happened; but what? He had to be talking about Myron, but what could he have done that would be this bad?)
This is head hoping. One moment you’re in Mitch’s head than in the next paragraph you’re in Martha’s. Now it is possible to transfer POV but there must be a note that you’re going into another POV. Some people use a bullet line, an asterisk or whatever will fit. I would have Mitch say his thoughts since the start is the only part we see his thought. All in all, nice work. Happy WdC anniversary





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102
102
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


What a way to honor the heroes now past. It almost read like a eulogy and it makes me feel respect. I was delighted in the way you composed this; the lines were short, it was easy to follow and I thought the repetition of the last line of each stanza was a nice touch. This is not quite a complete ABAB rhyme scheme. I think it would look nicer with a consistence format that follows the complete form. Nevertheless, I loved this poem. My heart goes out to the fallen in battle. Great job and happy WdC anniversary!





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103
103
Review of Keeping the Peace  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(Mandy felt despair flood her soul.)
Here, I would use descriptive words to show Portia’s despair.


("Release that woman and give yourself up!" SuperMiss shouted…)
Since SuperMiss insinuates more than just a simple name, I would have her say her name herself. Next, threaten the kidnapper with a superpower. For example you could say: My name is SuperMiss. And I am impervious to bullets. I’m also quicker than I look.


(…the Super raised her left arm and pointed a finger at the kidnapper.)
Above, use something else than “Super.”


How exactly does Supermiss kill the kidnapper?


I kind of question the realism for the end. Think of all the things that would entail such a blatant act. How would the rest of the US respond to such an occurrence?-how would the entire government respond? It is not so cut and dry. Perhaps you could have an identical android take the place of the president. All in all, this was a good couple of stories. I noticed that you almost always begin with the action of a person – just an observation. I think you hashed out pretty good sequence of accounts. Happy WdC anniversary!





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104
104
Review of For Either Of Us  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.5)

This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(Those guilt filled, unregretful, heartless EYES!)
Great composition!


(Preimpact, I noticed a shudder in the victims body,)
With this, “Preimpact” should be Pre-impact. Then, “victims” should be possessive with an apostrophe. Finally, I believe a colon should go after “Pre-impact.”


(I reached for my glass and took a swig from my drink.)
This sounds awkward. A “drink” is what you’re taking in not what you’re drinking out of. Put something like this-”I reached and took a swig from my glass.” Notice also there are fewer words too. Always put what you want to communicate with the fewest words.


You did a great job with using the senses and thoughts to display emotion. It was short and gritty – nice touch. You made a good quick glimpse of a desperate individual. Once again, great job with this!





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105
105
Review of Clown Face  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Nice poem. I like how this is so brutally portrayed. You express so much pain from putting on false persona. I was the class clown in Jr. High School only so people would like me. I still do it sometimes as an adult. I especially like these two lines-“ I pray that one day I will wash away this blush that hides my stained tears,/ Removing the stains and removing these fears,.” Your use of the word “stain” is a powerful way to say the pain is permanent and deep. With this line-“But one day, Love, Strength, Honesty and Myself I will find”-I love how capitalize the personal attributes that you desire. It amplifies the meaning. Happy WdC anniversary!




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106
106
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


I didn’t think something so simple could have such variation. Your narration is quite inductive. LOL. I always get the mild Pace Chunky Salsa. I’ve never tried the medium or hot. I recall this one time when I tried jalapeno bacon from the butcher block. I was surprised! The flavor really came across more than the spiciness. My stepdad likes the Cholula kind the best. I might just try some of it on my eggs tomorrow. This was quirky but very fascinating and informative. This was quite a convincing argument my friend. Happy WdC anniversary!






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107
107
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(Suddenly, he felt that he didn’t know his wife at all.)
Just a heads up; you can usually omit the word “that” to make things read more succinctly.


Man! Talk about a shallow, thoughtless brute! Your ending was a surprise. I liked how you depicted the apathetic, callousness of Darren. The shock was nerve wrenching seeing him kill his wife in cold, non-hesitant manner. I have no suggestions for improvement. Great short and sweet tale! happy WdC anniversary




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108
108
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


( The Captain's voice froze Harry in mid type.)
“Mid type” is awkward. Just say…in the middle of his typing.”


( Opposites attact but can they work together,)
Here, “attact” should be “attract.”


One thing I noticed was your story had short concise sentences. I think you could have used more though. Every story must have a beginning, middle and an end. But at the last paragraphs you leave a loose end. This is when the Delaware Avenue gym case gets announced. Unless you plan to do a continuation right afterwards, I would make a proper ending. I would also put more emotional friction between Harry and Bill. Nevertheless, I did enjoy this story. You really painted a vivid, busy police precinct to the T! Happy WdC anniversary!






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109
109
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(“I know what you are. I know what you are doing. I want in.”)
It’s a good idea to put dialog in italics where the speaker is not indicated. With this in mind, I will leave the rest for you to correct.


(Quickly, it stopped.)
Above just put “It stopped quickly.” It just flows better.


(Laughter again. Deep, malevolent, very satisfying.)
Here a dash is need in place of the first sentence. Secondly, the space you put between this line and the following paragraph is better done with a pound sign “*” or bullet lines like this-“……. ……. …….”


(Dave took a seat. “Just as well.” he thought…)
Here, thoughts go in italics too.


the opening For some reason, this was very vivid. I loved the exchange of words at the beginning. I did have to read dialog few times to comprehend it. But that might have been just me or maybe not. Vampires in places of power is a classic premise. You composed a great rendition here. If you ask me, David got what he deserved. He only had malicious intent. Considering the length, this was quite succinct





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110
110
Review of Life  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


You have a very tender heart. I loved the personification and your emotions towards them. I liked the first two stanzas. It was very powerful and it sets up the rest of this piece. In regard to this line part- (Sci the spy, the brit…)-what does the “Sci” mean? Anyway, this was well written and it shows the diversity and wide range of your affections. And, like you state in the first stanza, all things are orchestrated by God. Happy WdC anniversary!





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111
111
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(In my own world I was a black dragon, living in bliss deep within my swamp.)
“Bliss” should be “blissful.”


(And so after taking horrific losses,…)
The space between “so” and “after” is too big.


This was a pretty good story man. I liked it. It was a veritable fantasy tale. Your choice of POV is unique – seeing through the eyes of a dragon. Very original and entrancing! One thing I will suggest is to put Miotisea’s “voice” in Italics. That is how dialog thoughts are written as well as voices that do not have an indicated or revealed source. Another thing is to shorten your sentences. Always try to put down what you want to portray in as few words as possible. Happy WDC anniversary!





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112
112
Review of Beyond  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Great poem. I loved how you used old English kind of writing. It is very nostalgic and sublime. It’s a short poem, but it really lingers in the mind. Although it sounded cool, I missed the message. My favorite line is the first one. It seems to allude to Seraphim in the Bible. I loved reading it but I would like to know what it is talking about. Once again this was done in a very unique tongue and it all flowed like a leaf in the wind. Happy WdC anniversary!




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113
113
Review of Works In Progress  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


One thing I find unique about your poem is the relative complexity. And it is totally easy to follow and enjoy! I love the bittersweet ending of things becoming plutonic. To me this is kind of like a story in a poem to a degree. The tale is one of the heart. You go from one state to another with a good narration as to who you arrive at that other emotional place. It’s a short story but it is very strong and concise. Happy Wdc anniversary!





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114
Review of The Written Man  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (3.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


So is this poem about a mentally ill person? I like how the person is so wrapped up in writing that it is only avenue of self-preservation and expression. He is under the control of the pen so to speak. I didn’t get what the last line referred to. I assume it must be metaphor of some kind. I would like to know what it alludes to. I also get the sense this person is a frantic writer and there is a spirit of condemnation. I did read this over five times at last to get the jest of it. All in all, you composed a good first pome I must say. And you’ll only get better so don’t sweat nothing! Happy WdC anniversary!




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115
Review of Aquos (979 words)  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: ASR | (3.0)

This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


("The spaceship landed with a heavy thud.")
This is incorrect grammar and awkward. Maybe you could omit the quotes and leave it as a third person POV narrative.


(Think about that Mr. Daniels, liquid…)
A quote needs to be at the beginning.



Although there is nothing specific I can point out, this was a little hard to comprehend. I think a main problem is that most of your sentences are too long. Another problem is that you barely use any tags at the end of dialog. Just some more would suffice. I think the ending scene when Danial gets affected is the best partially because of the shorter sentences. Most author’s use this method. Anyway, this is easily changed if you choose to of course. Happy WdC anniversary!







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116
Review of Tadpoles  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


This was an excellent account! Every required element was there. It was easy to follow, you kept your sentences short and concise, you evoked strong emotional moments and the ending was superb. Moreover, there were no punctuation errors. Did you do any rewrites with this or is this your original draft. If it was, you are truly gifted. I have no suggestions for improvement. Great work man! Happy WdC anniversary!!




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117
Review of O-Chem Anxiety  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


It looks like a case of the pre-test butterflies in the stomach. You have a clever wit with this piece. I like the last line the best! It made me want to laugh so hard. This was a very funny poem. But if you could experience so much thought on a fearful whim, you have to be smart in that regard. How long did it take you to compose this? It was very colorful and it really showed a barrage of jitters. Happy WdC anniversary!




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118
118
Review of your world  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Nice poem. I loved how you show the volatile state of the person’ dependence on the other. I really get a sense of deep despair and torment. I also get a feeling of helplessness which really carries through your whole piece. Good job of brevity. I always say how short concise poems come across stronger in the mind. Splendid work! Happy WdC anniversary!





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119
119
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(They drag me through the streets to a gated off area.)
Omit “off.”


(In the middle of the room is a fountain, which seems to be made out of pure gold.)
Here omit everything after the comma except “of pure gold.” Why would a person surmise something in plain sight?


(The doors the guards are leading me to are pure mahogany.)
Here I would reword this to-“The guards are leading me to pure mahogany doors.”


(His midnight black hair looks as it wasn’t brushed this morning,)
Above, it should read-His midnight black hair looks as if it wasn’t brushed this morning,”


(He’s wearing salmon-coloured silk pajamas, which definitely does not clash with his caramel coloured, perfect skin. His eyes are piercingly blue, and under are a set of high cheekbones and blinding white teeth.)
Above, what you have is irrelevant and it slows down the story process. I would omit it.


This really doesn’t read like a shot story. There is no discernable plot. It sounds like an extensive scene without substance. Try putting a course of meaningful events that is complimented by your scenes. Make something happen. Remember, a story must have a beginning, middle and an end. An easy way to do this is to brainstorm scenes and then weave them together to make a story line. I hope you go back and rework this. Happy WdC anniversary.





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Review of Step On It!  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (3.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(…but the keys to thebasement lab…)
Put a space between “thebasement.”


(After a while of just speeding along a road, enjoying the view of things whizzing by.)
This is a fragment. Just join the following sentence by putting a comma after the end of “whizzing by.”


(They drove away towards the mountain in the distance. Knowing exactly where they were headed, the creatures followed behind, still after their target.)
Here just put the word “with” where the first comma is and change “followed” to “following.”


("Bearded Bear's cat got lose and opened a portal.)
“Lose” should be “loose.”


("Is that," the wizard listened closely, "Gelder?")
Above, three periods or a dash is needed after “Is that.”


This was very fast paced. But sometimes the speed makes your story hard to follow. Slow down a bit and emphasizes things. For example, you could use descriptions for actions and objects that ground the reader in the moment. Finally I would suggest putting spaces between paragraphs. It’s easier to read. If you don’t know how to do this, ask me. Overall, this has great potential for a nail-biting, suspense story. Happy WdC anniversary!





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121
121
Review of Dark Night  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(Never the less, is it still possible…)
Never the less is one word.


( Danny pierced his lips together and began to whistle.)
“Pierced” should be “pursed.”


(He stopped just as quickly as he started; not from the sound that was trying to creep from his mouth, but from another sound that started from outside his walls. At first, it sounded so distant; so far away.)
Above, I believe the first semicolon should be a dash because what follows in not a complete clause. The same way goes with the second semicolon.


(His body froze in udder disbelief…)
“Udder” should be “utter.”


This was very well written. You gave a nice touch with the flashback. Despite all the complex exposition and thoughts, this was very easy to follow. I always look for that in a story. I think your strong points are by far action and description. I loved the lighting and the thunder as well as the final scene of the story. Where did you get the idea for this? Anyway, this was sublime and enthralling. I wish you a happy WdC anniversary!





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122
122
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(…over Mobius… and another day where he was got away to plot again,…)
I think you meant to say-“…and another day when he got away to plot again.


(Tails shuddered at that thought, he was never one to suggest killing as a solution, that was more of what Shadow…)
Here, the commas should be periods or semicolons.


(“I wish that there was something I could do to stop this,” Tails thought to himself, he got up from the table…)
Above, thoughts should be in italics. Also the second comma should be a period.


(“How did that get in here?” He asked, he went up to it and picked it up.)
It seems you frequently use commas where periods and semicolons should be. The trick to knowing when to use them is when the clause is a complete sentence. If it is, use these one of these two punctuation marks. Henceforth, I will leave the changes to you from now on.


(“I should get changed, I can’t believe that using a gun made me so dirty,” Tails thought to himself.)
Again, thoughts go in italics.


(He turned to the Glock, to see that…)
Explain what a Glock is.


(“Uzi, uses 9mm ammo, can hold 32 rounds, fires at 600 rounds a minute, with a range of 200 meters,” Miles smiled as he remembered the information,…)
Once, more, use italics for thought.


(“Nova, a pump-action shotgun that shoots 12 gauge pellets, it has a 4+1 internal magazine,”)
As with using commas and semicolons, remember thoughts go in italics. Now that you know this, I will leave you to correct thoughts that should be italics.


(Looking at his gun rack, he noticed that he had an M16 Assault Rifle.)
Here, you can do some chopping. Put something like this-“He had an M16 Assault Rifle on his gun rack.” Always try to say what you want to say in the fewest words.


(She nevered listen of course…)
This is backwards. It should be-“She never listened of course…)


It’s obvious you’re a younger writer, so I’ll give you leeway. If this account was taken as it is, it would have been harshly judged. I was in a similar situation when I first wrote. But don’t worry; you’ll get better with practice. This was also a little hard to follow. Don’t sweat it. You’ll improve. Happy WdC anniversary!







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123
123
Review of Symbolism  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Nice poem and good use of the rhyme scheme. Thank you also for the brevity of each line. It’s more readily absorbed when things are aptly put. The last two stanzas were terrific to end with! You finished it with an expression with God’s ultimate control and faithfulness. I loved how you used the ring as an object of symbolism and emphasis. Poetry is not my main forte. I am pretty much a fiction person. Nevertheless I can recognize a great poem when I see it. This was beautifully put! Happy WdC anniversary!





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Review of Pay back  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Revenge is a dish best served cold. Man, talk about rage! You really put me in the mind of Jamie. Pete got what was coming for him. I could almost feel Jamie’s relishing every moment that the house burned. I would have like to have seen Pete’s reaction when he got what was coming for him. Maybe you could add a short paragraph of Pete getting busted and seeing him either turn into a baby or totally lose it. The only thing I would suggest is to space out your paragraphs. The single block of text is overwhelming to the eye. Anyway, you really got to my emotions by the neck. Kudos for that. I hope you continue to write such versatile work. Happy WdC anniversary!





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125
125
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


If I could choose one underlying word to encapsulate the essence of this, it would be articulation. You have a good grasp on the process of explication. Your title was quite sublime as well. For how short this was, you inserted a lot of emotional conveyance. Great job with that! I like how deeply you describe how you are at odds with the other person on a few levels. He or she comes across as quite repugnant. Happy WdC anniversary!





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