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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/irish_hussy69
Review Requests: OFF
1,038 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I have a very straight forward reviewing style. I will tell you what I liked about the story and what I didn't. I will point out any errors that I noted as I read, but editing is not a strength of mine.
Favorite Genres
Erotica, dark drama
I will not review...
Poetry, non-fiction, Vore, Shrinking fiction, Gore or straight Horror
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
1
1
Review of Witchy Women  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (5.0)
You never fail to grace us with an outside the box take on prompts. Interesting twist combining an old Welsh goddess with our modern plague and the ever-changing new rules of entertaining. The little bits of yourself you sprinkle in your tales never fail to make me smile. I also enjoyed seeing the snooty Letticia get her due.

Well done and good luck!! *Shamrock* *Shamrock* *Shamrock*

~Mara
2
2
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Fynspookular! ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest. Thank you for entering and good luck!

*Shamrock* Use of the prompt:

You too saw a cathedral rather than a castle but then someone did some homework! Holy Moly! Major kudos! Looking at the image it looks like you found the ACTUAL cathedral! Chartres Cathedral. Amazing. Thank you for the delightful stroll through historic architecture. *Heart*


*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

Samantha is one of my favorite girl names. *Blush* A silly observation perhaps, but true.

I absolutely loved your play with illusion vs delusion in both the moon and love.

The star-crossed lovers so close and yet destiny still teases. *Le sigh* I have a feeling there is so much more to this story and hope that you will continue the tale.


*Shamrock*Any errors noted:

Third segment down you made a mistake with your coding/font sizing. A tiny thing that does not take away from a love story for the ages.


*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

I would've liked to see the prompt picture included with your story. This judge thinks it adds to the presentation and feel. *Wink*

Otherwise, none noted.


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
3
3
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | (2.0)
Hello Laurie Razor ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest. Thank you for entering and good luck!

*Shamrock* Use of the prompt:

Both the cathedral and the moon feature in Beyond the Powerline.

*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

Beyond the Powerline was a little difficult to follow as the reader is never quite sure what is real.

*Shamrock*Any errors noted:

The layout needs tweaked to make this tale easier to read. A new line should be used for dialog when switching to a different speaker.

Numerous instances of capitalization issues such as ... She blushed as she backed away from me, "thanks, John." "why should it affect us? "how do we get off? ... The first word in a sentence needs to be capitalized.


"Hi, I'm Shauna," she said with a smiled; (smile}


*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

This story has much potential and would've benefited from a good edit prior to entering it in a contest. I often ask a couple of others to go over my entry prior to the deadline so I can polish. These can be people here on WDC or friends/family. Fresh eyes often catch things we writers don't.


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
4
4
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello trailerpark bodhisattva ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest. Thank you for entering and good luck!

*Shamrock* Use of the prompt:

It amazes me how many see a castle where with the spires and crosses I see a cathedral. Regardless, your tale includes a gothic structure and the oversized moon of the prompt image. *Wink*

*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

A fascinating tale with both historical and folklore elements! Even though I knew the prompt image wasn't a castle in Czechia, you made me Google Houska Castle. The legend about giving a prisoner the choice to be lowered into the pit is everything a writer loves!

I don't want to say anything else and spoil the story. *Wink*


*Shamrock*Any errors noted:

None noted. I am a pleasure reader that doesn't go looking for errors and your tale had me entranced!


*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

Don't change a thing.


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
5
5
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello 🌑 Queen of Darkness ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest. Thank you for entering and good luck!

*Shamrock* Use of the prompt:

This tale showcases the large moon in the image prompt.

*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

What a fascinating love story! Kudos for your research or knowledge including the tides, seasons, moon phases. All so cool and I LOVED the creation of the stars. Perfect.

Great use of words to show the warmth/heat/passion of the Sun and the cool/mysterious/longing of the Moon. They make a beautiful couple.


*Shamrock*Any errors noted:

None noted. I am a pleasure reader and unless things jump out at me I go with the flow and don't nit-pick.


*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

I can't really think of anything that would improve the story itself. Maybe it is a personal thing but I do like to see the prompt picture as I am reading. Just a thought.


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
6
6
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello Thankful Sonali I AM WRITING! ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest. Thank you for entering and good luck!

*Shamrock* Use of the prompt:

I love the fact that writers can look at the same picture prompt and see something different. I clearly see a cathedral with the spires and crosses, while you and a lot of others see a castle *Bigsmile* The way you worked the moon in was adorable

*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

Several turns of phrase in this piece made me laugh out loud as I read. The story had a bit of a Dr. Seuss feel.

As a King and Queen, my initial question was where was the royal chef/baker?

I see the doughnut that never was haunting the castle. lol Very clever tale!


*Shamrock*Any errors noted:

Some comma issues. Lord, do I hate those little buggers. lol


*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

With a little editing, this would make a really cute children's story!


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
7
7
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | (2.5)
Hello PureSciFi ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest. Thank you for entering and good luck!

*Shamrock* Use of the prompt:

The moon in the prompt image figures in Almost Four Hundred Years,

*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

I found this story difficult to follow. I couldn't decide if the destruction was happening currently or it was something in the planets past. When creating a new world more description is needed to pull the reader in and make things clear. Perhaps not something that can be done with the limited word count of the contest. If the idea is one you are passionate about you might consider expanding the story into a longer project.


*Shamrock*Any errors noted:

There are numerous grammatical and punctuation errors.

Awkward sentence structure, phrasing, and word choices.

*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

Be careful when referring to the people and the planet in close proximity. Having the same name gets confusing and when you start using "it" the reader is unsure if it refers to a person or the planet.


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
8
8
Review of The Moon  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello SpookyBee ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest. Thank you for entering and good luck!

*Shamrock* Use of the prompt:

Good use of the prompt with emphasis on the moon.

*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

I've been surprised by a couple of sci-fi takes on this prompt. Proves once again how differently people can view the same picture and where their imagination takes them.

An interesting twist on the identity of Alina's shadow lover.


*Shamrock*Any errors noted:

None noted. I'm an unrepentant pleasure reader. Unless something jumps out at me I don't go looking. *Wink*


*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

I was confused by the fact that the apprentice said Nicholas' injury was just an ankle and then they said it was mortal. Maybe make it a head injury? Something that sounds more serious or uncertain. Just my thought. Thanks for a fun read!


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
9
9
Review of The Angry Moon  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Quiltingmama ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest. Thank you for entering and good luck!

*Shamrock* Use of the prompt:

Good use of the picture prompt.

*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

It truly seems like Mike has been through hell and back. He is incredibly blessed to have a friend like Jace.

The change in Jace's perception of the moon from threatening and angry to smiling connects nicely with Jace understanding what his friend needed and thankfully found.


*Shamrock*Any errors noted:

Nothing noted. I'm an unrepentant pleasure reader. Unless mistakes jump out at me I don't nitpick.


*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

This is a personal choice thing, but I felt the story would have flowed better if the revelation of what happened to Kara was moved up with the initial discussion of her and all that had gone wrong for Mike. And then after Mike goes into the cathedral and Jace follows realizing why they are there. Just my thoughts.


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
10
10
Review of Ezel  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (2.0)
Hello K.HBey ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest. Thank you for entering and good luck!

*Shamrock* Use of the prompt:

I do not see the prompt in your story. There is a description of a mansion but not a cathedral or even a castle that some see. No mention of the large moon either.

*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

Understanding that English is not a primary language I still struggle with the stilted nature of the writing. I believe the story has potential. The effort and vocabulary are there, but I struggle to follow the way the words are put together.


*Shamrock*Any errors noted:

There are a lot of tense and basic formatting issues.


*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

I would suggest you work with an editor to help you reach your obvious potential.


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
11
11
Review of I Owe You My All  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | (2.0)
Hello Victor L. Rolling Jr. ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest. Thank you for entering and good luck!

*Shamrock* Use of the prompt:

It is funny how people look at the same image and see something different. You and several others see a castle. I see a cathedral with the spires and crosses.

*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

I enjoyed the old man trading the telling of a story for coin. It is always a blessing when one can use their gifts to survive.

The constant dialog tags become a distraction rather than a help to the reader. They take away from your story.

You created this short story on the 15th of July leaving a couple of weeks until the contest deadline. With contest entries, particularly the official contests, you want to put your best forward. In my opinion this is time you should have taken to polish the story. A few read-throughs would have caught a lot of the errors. If like a lot of us you have difficulty catching mistakes in your own writing, try asking for reviews before the deadline and making the corrections they suggest.

*Shamrock*Any errors noted:

There are quite a few errors both in spelling and word choice.

A few obvious examples ...

There sitting by his side is an older man holding a piece of clay fastened into a sturdy cup. (I'm guessing you mean (fashioned) into a sturdy cup. ???)

He even assisted his lover with his choirs so he could accompany him around town.

(chores instead of choirs???)

He watches his son kiss the young stable hand turned cook in shear anger.

(sheer instead of shear)

As he looks into the pooling blood below his feet, he notices his reflection and is applaud by the sight.

(I believe the word you are looking for is appalled not applaud)


*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

I am an unrepentant pleasure reader so not the best person to give you a line review. If you wish to polish this tale I suggest you seek out someone who can give you that type of assistance.


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
12
12
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello hullabaloo22 ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest. Thank you for entering and good luck!

*Shamrock* Use of the prompt:

Good use of the prompt! It's interesting how people see the image content differently. You actually did a good job of illustrating this with the sanatorium/asylum/church questions.

*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

Way to build suspense and unease. You had me holding my breath and staring intently at the computer screen as I waited to see what she would see. Awesome job!


*Shamrock*Any errors noted:

Nothing noted. I'm an unrepentant pleasure reader and unless something jumps out at me I don't go nit-picking.


*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

With time and word count to play with I would liked a little more interaction between the cousins afterwards. But that may be a reader being greedy. *Wink*


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
13
13
Review of Moon Cathedral  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Beholden ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest. Thank you for entering and good luck!

*Shamrock* Use of the prompt:

Great use of the prompt image! Your words painted the picture as clear as the image.

*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

I loved how you built the drama with the action of getting up to the cathedral. The little things like the black flies add so much! Your detail of the moon was gorgeous!! I was impressed that you didn't skimp a bit on the building interior. I felt like I was walking in with the characters in hushed awe. I would say you did some research on the parts of a cathedral. Points for that!

The "control room" threw me, but in a good way! What a swerve. The rocket/missing tower was brilliance.


*Shamrock*Any errors noted:

None noted. I was too entranced in the story! *BigSmile*


*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

Don't change a thing.


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
14
14
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Hello Apologue ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest. Thank you for entering and good luck!

*Shamrock* Use of the prompt:

An old mansion was described with towers. I will count that as somewhat close to the cathedral in the prompt image.

*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

Interesting premise of kids given a little free time for adventure. I felt the climax was too rushed. I didn't see the twist coming and then it was over almost before it started!

I won't give any spoilers. *Wink* But I did love the last line.

*Shamrock*Any errors noted:

Quite a few instances of the wrong version of a word. A few examples ...
If you were in a life or death situation and in need of an abacus, he’d be the won (one) to pull it out from his pockets.

Such ridiculousness was only matched by the unfortunate glasses that sat on his nose, seeing passed (past) all that, it was easily understood why so many adults considered him a model son.

Neither to (too) smart or too dumb


*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

You finished the short story with plenty of time to spare for the contest. My suggestion in the future would be to take the time to seek out reviews or proof readers to help you polish the piece before entering it in a contest. Always put your best foot forward and give your tale the best chance to shine. *Bigsmile*

Also make sure to closely follow all contest rules. This story was disqualified for not including a word count. *Sad*


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
15
15
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (5.0)
I've seen it first hand. True Christmas joy is alive and well in this family. *Heart* I don't think I've ever seen adults that get so into the spirit and fun of the season. The magic! I'm glad you shared a little of that with the rest of us.

Wishing you and your delightful family a safe and magical Christmas!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I loved the friendship between the characters. Their bantering comparisons on how right they were together were perfect and the victory sweet. Their love is real and simple, the kind that lasts forever. My mind easily travels on, spinning a future for them. One with a dog and a lot of laughter.

I admit when I started reading this story I was picturing somewhere in merry ol' England for some reason. I was surprised to discover it set in the US. I've never been to Maine.

Some of the wording and setting were old-fashioned ... like the pot belly and whatever that was that she put in it. I think that's what made me think England, but that was my ignorance. Some words escaped me. I didn't know what/who Boreas was. Cyanotic was new to me but made sense after looking it up as the heroine is a nurse. Still not sure if chesterfield a brand or style or sofa. And hoarfrost was an unusual one. Extra points for that! LOL

OH! And liked the strategically placed throw pillow during disrobing and how easily that scene was handled. Very professional.

A couple of little typos to take a look at ....

Meteorologists expect two to three inches accumulation throughout the day with sunny skies my mid-afternoon. (by mid-afternoon)

Prim lowered her arms to her sides. "What don't you take off the wrapping and find out?" (Why don't)

Thanks for teaching me a few things and sharing your beautiful words. Good luck in the contest!!

~ Mara *Shamrock*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
Review of Deletion  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Only another writer is truly going to appreciate this tale! The angst of keep it ... delete it ... cut and save it ... scrap it. LOL We have all been there and the lateness of the house only seems to compound it! I loved it! *Heart* And what writer or reader hasn't had a book follow them into their dreams??? Perfection!

I love how you used the prompt picture to tell a story within the story. Completely unique.

As far as corrections or suggestions I only have one. In the second paragraph I think you are missing a word.

Then she'd answer her phone with a lackluster 'hello, Sam' when her editor, connected by some thin thread known only to those of an editorial bent, (calling) to ask how her writing was going.

Amazing tale! Good luck in the contest! *Shamrock*

~ Mara


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
18
18
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey Jace ! I saw your letter pop up on my newsfeed and had to take a peek. I'm glad I did! I too, as have most people I think, have been guilty of looking back on past resolutions and seeing a disturbing pattern. That is such a shame in your case. You, my friend, are a talented and creative person. I believe it is truly only a matter of putting it out there that is holding you back. I hope and pray you follow through with your desires and dreams and put it out there in 2016. I will be checking back to assure you do! *Wink* You can't have too many people holding you accountable with a well placed nudge!

*StarB* I believe you have a typo in the first sentence ... This letter marks the eighth straight year din which you detailed your resolutions to write ... (in) in place of (din).

Good luck in the contest and even better luck in 2016! *Shamrock*

~ Mara


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
19
19
Review of Sister Justice  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
You took a difficult prompt ... (Write a story from a villain's point of view, making a believable case for why he (or she) thinks s/he's actually the hero or good guy/gal of the narrative.) and knocked it out of the park. Not only did she believe she was doing the right and just thing, I was nodding as I was reading! LOL Call me a horrible person but I think most would be lying to themselves if they did not admit they'd feel the same way she did! We whine and bitch and sometimes even fantasize about doing something but we never do. Sister Justice did.

BRAVO!!! What a kick ass tale. Thank you for dead on SUPER HERO social commentary masked in entertaining fiction!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
20
20
Review of Phoebe's Hope  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with ♥♥Bear Hugs♥♥  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Flawless, fanciful and fabulous! I couldn't find a thing to nitpick. You pulled me in with your select words and imagery and wrapped me in a special kind of magic. I can see how this tale was awarded first place. What a beautiful and inspiring story! I hope you take this gem to print to share with all the Phoebe's and Sarah's of the world. Hope is a precious thing. *Heart* Thank you for sharing your heart and hope with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
21
21
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Congratulations! *Balloon5*

Wow ... you made me tear up with this one. I loved the way you broke up the emotion of the story with the little facts about the bridge itself. The way Kuan-yin made the little jumping motion with her fingers and used the same "no do-overs" was nicely done. The ending was perfect. Kuan-yin's sensitivity and the way "something" told her to talk to him made a big lump swell in my throat... excellently done.

You're so talented! It was good to read your work again. I've missed it. *Heart*

~ Mara
22
22
Review of Bristle  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This story is so sad and yet so true to life. It is no surprise that this was judged the first place entry. You have an amazing gift, my friend. You are so very talented. I loved the ending. The lonliness you express from the simple toothbrush separated from its owner is perfect.

Write on!

~ Mara
23
23
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Joy The Masked Ghoul , this is a fabulous activity that will promote the little used Product Review function and provide a wonderful boost in support of our published authors here in the WDC family. Thank you for the support and best of luck with ReWA PuB! *Bigsmile*

~ Mara
24
24
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Where is the six star when you need it. This is my new favorite chapter and just when I think I can't be awed further by your beautiful way with words you whip out ....

It is where dreams go upon wakening. It is wishes wished on a summer day. It is blood shed for our fair land. It is all the hopes of all Alyndoria. It is where all dreams take root, where all ideas sprout.

So eloquent! Another plot piece that makes me slap my forehead and wonder why none other has thought of such brilliance.

25
25
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I'm glad that I came back to re-rate this Chapter as I had been reading at work and didn't get a chance to finish my thoughts on the chapter. The concept of the tearsfall is brilliant. Having the tears of the people be an integral part of saving their world is just such an incredible plot. I love your imagination. A child's heart beats in your chest.
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