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Review Requests: OFF
1,038 Public Reviews Given
1,623 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I have a very straight forward reviewing style. I will tell you what I liked about the story and what I didn't. I will point out any errors that I noted as I read, but editing is not a strength of mine.
Favorite Genres
Erotica, dark drama
I will not review...
Poetry, non-fiction, Vore, Shrinking fiction, Gore or straight Horror
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 3 4 -5- 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
101
101
Review of Prison Attire  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello NYJess01 and welcome to WDC! *Bigsmile*

You captured the dysfunctional humor that close family uses when they don't know how else to cope perfectly. I read your words and could imagine having a similar conversation with one of my siblings. I have been blessed not to sit in the court room but i have visited the rehab center with one brother and county jail visitation with another. Oh and I made the trip to a State Prison with my mom on getting out day once as well.

I don't think that they realize ... or in most cases even CARE what they are doing to themselves let alone their family. You do a great job of really showing that in this piece as well as the love we have for our families even when we try to kill it so they can't hurt us anymore.

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
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102
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello TheWorden and welcome to WDC! *Bigsmile*

I will confess to not being a poetry buff but the title of this one caught my attention. It has always fascinated me that a children's game has such dark and tragic origins.

I was impressed by the word choices and enjoyed the flow of your poem.

Good luck!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
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103
103
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Madison M and welcome to WDC!

This was a beautiful and tragic tale all at once. It was made even more heartrending by the true experience of the writer and your family.

The love between George and Martha is obvious in the telling of their final hours and a reminder to us all to live life to the fullest and treat each day as if it could be our last.

One small error noted ...

“Actually were just going to the next town up” one of the men said. ((we're))

Another simple suggestion for here on WDC is to add space between your paragraphs. Though it is not the "proper" way ... it makes reading on-line easier and many will close a story that is not spaced rather than struggle. It would be a crime for such a poignant tale to go unread.

Good luck!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
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104
104
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello! Welcome to WDC! *Bigsmile*

I was intrigued by "The Patron Saint of Losers". You captured the outsider image and feel that I think a lot of teenagers feel in the highschool years and no one is crueler than teens. I hope that you will continue this dark and telling tale as I felt the ending was confusing and extremely abrupt. I would like to see where you take this and what the relationship actually is with "barbie" and the outsider.

~ Mara
105
105
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
My Thoughts/Impressions:

What a waste to lose young life and love. I can see Nuel and Lara's need to be together and yet I can understand her parents objection at the current ages. It is true that there comes a time when age difference doesn't matter, but I think it is sometime after both are 21.

I cried my eyes out at the ending to this story. My one comfort is she is not afraid and they will be together. *Heart*

Any errors noted:

None that I noticed.


Any suggestions for Improvement:

Rather than a suggestion this is just a thought to ponder. I loved this story, yet one of its strengths could also prove a problem. I was completely lost with the vast number of medical terms. The use of correct terms and jargon adds to the realism of the story, but it is something that at times can be a bit much for a reader.

Thank you for sharing this amazing story and I wish you the best of luck in the contest!


*Note4*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!*Note4*

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106
106
Review of A Bull Rider  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Shy and welcome to WDC!

The pride you have in your sport really shines through in this short piece of poetry. I confess to not knowing a lick about poetry. LOL BUT I do know writing that moves me or that I enjoy reading and both apply to "A Bull Rider."

Thank you for sharing and Write on!

This sig was a gift of appreciation from Brooke
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107
107
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
What a beautiful story, Kathie!

With the current economy many, many people can and will relate to this piece. I found the story to be heart breaking and heart warming all at once. The plight of a single mother is one near and dear to my heart. You captured the fierce spirit and determination a lot of women have to do it on their own, and care for their children. It was a lucky day when my own mother met my step father. He is an amazing man and cared for us kids as if we were his own. Most importantly, he took a lot of the weight off my mother's shoulders, but not everyone is that lucky.

A couple suggestions to help with this touching story ...

The sandy ocean floor was alive with starfish crabs crawling and shells. ~ here you might add commas to help the flow of the sentence ... starfish, crawling crabs, and colorful shells.

In the segment where Winnie's mother is talking with the guidance counselor, calling her Esther seemed jolting to me as a reader. Even though this is not wrote in a first persn, As I was reading I felt the tale being told from almost her point of view. With Esther not being something Winnie would call her mother I would suggest trying to avoid the first name other when the counselor is speaking to her.

These are just my thoughts so take them for what they are worth. Only you know what is best for your story and style.

Good luck and Write on!

This sig was a gift of appreciation from Brooke
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108
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Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I enjoyed this short story as I love the music of trees myself. Pines have always been my favorite and I remember escaping to my own pine needle igloo many many times as a child. Laying on the soft bed of needles covered by boughs and scooped handfuls of fallen needles. Your words brought memories rushing back and a smile to my lips.

~ Mara
109
109
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Thank you for entering The "Erotic Tales of Pleasure & Pain~closed! "  contest! *Heart*


My Thoughts/Impressions:

I thought this piece was very well written. I enjoyed the style, almost a Mickey Spillane flavor to it.


Any errors noted:

Even when my screen was fully expanded, the spacing was still an annoying issue.


Any suggestions for Improvement:

None


Did the story fit the contest?:

This was a great read but in my opinion I did not feel this was an erotica tale or contained enough erotic element to enter an Erotica Contest. When you classified your own story, erotica was not a genre that you chose.


Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A gorgeous autumn themed signature created by the talanted Kiya and gifted by Adriana!
110
110
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (4.0)
A review for "Project Write World" 

This is an absolutely heart breaking story. That this childs only decent memory of her mother is a vow that she is now forced to break by the system that her mothers mistreatment has thrust her into. I felt as sorry for the social worker in this situation as she truly felt for the child but there was nothing in her power she could do to prevent the heartache.

Suggestions / thoughts ....

The double spaced format made it difficult for my to follow smoothly.

I would like to have seen more detail and/or a longer story to allow for more depth.

Good luck!!

111
111
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was an incredible tale. "The birthing Place" was moving, emotional, and uplifting all at once. Over all a well told story that will stick in my mind for a long time to come.

Not an error in sight. *Wink*

I have a stepmother who is going through her second bout with this dreaded disease. If you do not mind I would love to print this off and take it to her to read. She is a real fighter and I think she would really enjoy your story.

~ Mara
112
112
Review of Voiceless  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
My Thoughts/Impressions:

Your tale left so many questions unanswered for me. What happened to Melanie's family? Did Aunt Bertha and Uncle Willy know of the abuse or did they try to track anyone down? Did Melanie see a doctor for her condition?

The writing and the core of the story are very well done but I come away from the story disatisfied, and a bit confused. You made me start to feel for this little girl. I just want more.


Any errors noted:

No errors noted.


Any suggestions for Improvement:

I would love to see this tale expanded a bit and more of the details revealed. Why a little mystery is a fabylous plot ploy, too much can leave a writer frustrated.


*Note4*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!*Note4*

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113
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (4.0)
My Thoughts/Impressions:

What a horrible crime to steal away the childhood of children. That parents not only allowed this to happen but benefited from it even in the smallest of amounts make me sick as a parent.

It hurt when I realized that the one person this young girl had to speak with and trust was bound to betray her. It did not feel like concern that made her rat out her friend but rather jealousy. I think that the girl was afraid to make a run for it and in return she didn't want to allow anyone else to leave the hell they were living in.



Any errors noted:

*Note4* I work as a piecer ((in for)) the workhouse and I was privileged to get this job because I am older than many of the girls. ~ This part didn't make sense. There seems to be an extra word.





Any suggestions for Improvement:

Perhaps make the piece a bit longer, go deeper into the suffering and treatment of the children.


*Note4*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!*Note4*

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114
114
Review of The Interview  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (5.0)
My Thoughts/Impressions:

As many stories as I have read about the holocaust itself, this short simple tale sent shivers down my spine. Those that forget history are doomed to repeat it they say and if there is a time I do not want to see in my days ... this would be it.


Any errors noted:

No errors noted in the reading of this short but powerful story.


Any suggestions for Improvement:

I thought the ending seemed a bit awkward. Remember this is only my opinion, but I would think it more impactful to leave the last sentence out.

Over all the story was amazing and I am glad it was showcased here.



*Note4*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!*Note4*

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115
115
Review of The Broken Goose  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (5.0)
My Thoughts/Impressions:

Simply put ... I loved this story and sincerely hope that you will one day decide to continue it if you have not already. The heart felt life lessons that a little girl took from a lovely pair of Canada geese and carried in her heart to adulthood tugged my heart strings. Most of us dream of that one that we will brave all to be with and too precious few of us recognize that dream.

The persistance of the young gooslings as they learned to fly was another fine lesson and one it seems the writer has taken to heart.


Any errors noted:

I did not note any errors while reading this story. Nice job!



Any suggestions for Improvement:

My only suggestion would be to continue the tale. The ending you have here is very sudden, leaving the reader with so many questions.

Good luck and if you choose to continue please let me know!


*Note4*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!*Note4*

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116
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Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
My Thoughts/Impressions:

As a reader I was captured by the mundane normalcy of Carmen watching the clock, trying to ride out her shift until she could go home to her family. It is something that most of us experience five days a week. I was touched by her thoughtfullness as she kept the family abreast of her schedule so no one had to worry.

If the cell phone ringing under the cover was unexpected the arrival of her children just blew me away. Heart breaking to lose all in one fell swoop.


Any errors noted:

None noted


Any suggestions for Improvement:

I am not sure if there was a word count constraint for this story, but if not I would have liked to see a bit more description/detail on her reaction with the kids. The ending seemed a bit sudden.


*Note4*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!*Note4*

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
117
117
Review of Short Fiction  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (5.0)
I liked you as a person right off and then I started to read your short stories ... you are a creative and gifted writer with a unique style all of your own. Your unusual outlook on prompts continues to be a constant delight for me and I look forward to the next offering like treats from the chocolate shop! *Heart* Write on, my friend!

Emerald Eyes purchased from Nicki D Zigns!
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Review of HE GIVES ME ALL  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was not rated as erotic and yet it spoke to me on many levels and I saw things others might not.

The vision of a strong, dominant man that knows how to speak and show his heart is a powerful one. The mention of his voice being as gentle as his hand was a good comparison.

When you love someone so much that it consumes you is a very intense statement.

You did a great job of portraying very strong emotions.

Write On!

Emerald Eyes purchased from Nicki D Zigns!
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119
119
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
The opening line of this poem caught my attention. What do other see when they look at me? Can he look into my eyes and see my heart? They are questions I think most of us ask ourselves and something that I think you captured well in this short poem.

love shines in our eyes; no words need to be said. .... was another great line portraying so much emotion.

Emerald Eyes purchased from Nicki D Zigns!
Image #1523778 over display limit. -?-
120
120
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (3.5)
~ The last of three reviews won by simply_complex and gifted to you! *Heart*

You actually made me smile with this line ...

A request we have – be cautious
And don’t let her get too nauseous

I hope that it brings a smile to Crystal's lips in this trying time as well.

A silly little story with a life lesson ..... When my stepmother had a mastectomy while fighting breast cancer, and went to get her replacement ... my father asked for a third boob in the middle of her back so he had something to umm play with while dancing. *Blush* As annoyed as the professionals were ... my stepmom, and his wife of many years, laughed until tears rolled down her cheeks. His warped sense of humor has been as much a comfort to her as his embraces in her fight.

Laughter is a strong medicine.

Emerald Eyes purchased from Nicki D Zigns!
Image #1523778 over display limit. -?-
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121
Review of Crystal  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (3.0)
~ The 2nd of three reviews won by simply_complex and gifted to you! *Heart*


Your cheer and support to your loved one in this time of need is very admirable. I am a strong believer in the power of prayer and positive thinking. What a unique way to let them know you care.

I realize that these poems are for the family, but one question that has plagued me as I have read them is ... what / what is Ms Ka???

Emerald Eyes purchased from Nicki D Zigns!
Image #1523778 over display limit. -?-
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Review of William and Cindy  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (4.0)
~ The 1st of three reviews won by simply_complex and gifted to you! *Heart*

You really hit it on the head with the line ... Cancer attacks the entire family, no doubt. I have lost a Grandfather to this horrible disease, but on the other hand have watched my biological father sucessfully fight it, and my step mother is on her 2nd bout with it and smiling as she fights.

Emerald Eyes purchased from Nicki D Zigns!
Image #1523778 over display limit. -?-
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Review of Save By The Bell  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Good short story. You do a great job of portraying the rising fear, dread, and anticipation as well as that desperate pleading mental talk one has with God that if he will just deliver us from this mess we will never do it again.

LOL I had my brush with this in third grade ... only I wasn't so lucky. The found the booty in my book bag and I was left to go to school and sit in detention while my classmates went to an ice cream factory on a field trip. While I can say I learned a lesson, I didn't miss out on the icecream. I went to my Grandmas for a long weekend that week and she always spoiled me rotton. LOL

Emerald Eyes purchased from Nicki D Zigns!
Image #1523778 over display limit. -?-
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124
Review of Found  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (4.0)
I would never attempt to rate the technical merit of poetry as I admittedly to not know or understand the rules or styles of the genre.

What I can say is that the ending of this poem touched me. I think that a lot of people find themselves much later than they would expect.

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
125
125
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
My Thoughts/Impressions:

Bobbi's desire to escape the opressive bitterness in her childhood home is understandable. Most of us have the desire to leave the nest, sometimes there is just more reason than others. As necessary as it is at times it is sad when a sibling must act as parent to the younger childrens. It is unfortunatly unfair to all involved as the younger ones lose out on time with their actual parent and the elder child loses out on their own childhood making them resentful.

The ending of this tale really shows the effect Bobbi's childhood and her mothers negativity had on her. It was poignant that she recognizes in herself the same bitterness she fought so hard to escape and I can't help but wonder if this poison will continue to haunt her life and future relationships as it did her mother's and aborted any chance with Michael.


My favorite description:

These couple of paragraphs were absolutely amazing, making my nostrils burn with that unforgetable smell.

But my heart slammed hard in my chest as a familiar smell assailed my senses. It was a smell I associated with a tiny, cramped room in an attic, a smell of my dead brother’s clothes, and a smell of loneliness. It was a smell that reminded me of cold dinners and stony silences, angry glares and painful swats on my cheeks or bottom. It was a smell that reminded me of a woman whose bitterness with life had seeped into the very pores of my skin, never to wash away for as long as I lived.

I stared at the kitchen table and sitting innocuously upon it were two boxes of the hateful things. Mothballs. Mothballs! Mothballs!! I absolutely hated the smell of mothballs! That acrid, loathsome smell I could never ever forget! I could feel a bitter taste fill my tongue, my stomach churning and goose bumps break out on my flesh as years of painful memories came flooding back with a vengeance.


Any errors noted:

None noted. If there were any, you have had time to catch them! *Wink*


Any suggestions for Improvement:

I enjoyed the story and have no suggestions for changes. Great use of an interesting prompt.


*Note4*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!*Note4*

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
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