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Review Requests: OFF
1,038 Public Reviews Given
1,623 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I have a very straight forward reviewing style. I will tell you what I liked about the story and what I didn't. I will point out any errors that I noted as I read, but editing is not a strength of mine.
Favorite Genres
Erotica, dark drama
I will not review...
Poetry, non-fiction, Vore, Shrinking fiction, Gore or straight Horror
Public Reviews
Previous ... 2 3 4 5 -6- 7 8 9 10 11 ... Next
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Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (4.5)
My Thoughts/Impressions:

When I read the title and genres my first thought was ... boring. You abolished that thought with humor and everyday ancedotes that your readers will relate to on one side of the fence or the other. *Wink*

You did an excellent job of explaining the mechanics of your craft without losing the less domestic readers.

The mention of such treasured items as that favorite pair of jeans, our tattered memory of concerts gone by, and family pets exude warmth and comfort.


Any errors noted:

*Note4* You’re so sorry you’re cancelling my scheduled vacation day so that you’re ((your)) girlfriend can have a spa day?

*Note4* An old blanket may become a warm spot for bare feet on the cold tile of the kitchen floor on a winter morning (,) or a comfy spot for a loyal canine companion to catch a nap. (first part seems very wordy. You might consider cutting it down a bit. ...An old blanket may grace the kitchen floor, warming bare feet against the winter chill ??


Any suggestions for Improvement:

I really liked this bit ... 'become multicolored works of art and heart.' and was looking for something similar to wrap the article up. The ending as is seems a little sudden and tense.

Tying the past to the future, these simple rugs prompt cherished memories bringing warmth and comfort to artisan and recipient alike. ???


*Note4*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!*Note4*

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
A cute sig won from Shannon's Sig Shop!
** Image ID #1523778 Unavailable **

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Review of Compassion  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
The first thing that catches my eye here is obviously the amazing folder art. You have out done yourself on this graphic, as only seems fitting on what has become my favorite piece of Adriana Noir writing to date. Awesome job of blending the photo, capturing a time, and evoking so much emotion with such simplicity.

If your graphic art does not capture the eye, heart, and imagination of a reader than your perfectly chosen words of introduction will.

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
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128
Review of Working Girls  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Interesting look at the profession from the casual outside public looking in. He has his own problems in life and wouldn't waste his time judging the choices of others. The ending is sad but yet brave at the same time as he makes his decisions on what the other wants and needs rather than his own desires.

** Image ID #1383609 Unavailable **
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129
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Well spoken words from the heart, Judity. I watched my first inauguration yesterday. I sat at work, with my eyes glued to the tv and became a believer in a man I hadn't wanted in office. I pray that he is the man he claims to be and wish him all the best. My prayers will be with him, his family, and all Americans as he takes this huge task on his bony shoulders.

~ Mara
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Review of Winter Wonderland  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Good use of multiple prompts for this contest entry and an interesting twist for the reader. I didn't find any errors of a technical nature when reading through this piece, however for me it came across as rather flat and hurried. I would have liked to see a little more emotion/interaction in the tale, extending it. As with most things, a great deal of writing and reading preference is personal choice so take that with a grain of salt. *Bigsmile*

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
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Review of Black Ice  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I love the way you think outside the box on this one. You took the "Black Ice" prompt in a direction that assures your contest entry will stand alone in its originality while creeping the holiday element in there just to assure your buttocks were covered. LOL

The flashback/action sequence was well told and the characters movement flowed believeably, not slipping into Matrix impossibility. Good use of detail such as the choice of weapons, ammo, and the roar of the 357. The fact that she didn't need to stop and police her brass was a clever add.

Our anti heroine came across as a strong and confident woman who knows what she wants and goes after it with gusto! Her fetish for the jewels themselves over the financial gain was a great twist and a delicious little addition for those of us that like a little spice.

Over all, no errors noted and I wouldn't change a thing!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
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132
Review of The Wager.  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello!

Welcome to WDC and Happy Holidays! *Bigsmile*

I enjoyed your story of Christmas and human spirit. The story touched a cord in me, one that I hope others will catch as well. Your "hero" here shared words/thoughts of extreme wisdom with the readers...

The cold sliced through his clothes as he thought and he realized that twenty dollars wasn’t gong to change his life one way or the other; it wouldn’t bring his mortgage up to date, it wouldn’t buy his wife the diamond necklace he saw in the window today and desperately wished he could afford. But, it might keep the old man alive another day.

Thank you for the reality check in these difficult times.

A simple sig with my trademark shamrocks courtesy of the incredible Adriana Noir
Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
Host of the new "Erotic Tales of Pleasure & Pain~closed! "  contest!
Proud member of the "The WDC Angel Army" 
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133
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I love the theme of your contest. I love stories with an unexpected twist to them. Your rules and are clearly stated, even if some people fail to read them *Blush*, your prizes generous and the time you spend making WDC a fun productive place to be is obvious. Thank you.

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
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for entry "Invalid Entry" 
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
You have done an excellent job of description and techinical detail in this tale. Julius's distrust of Lain and his contact is well done. I loved the early description with the fire, debris, space, very well done.

One error I think ...

*Note4* The doors opened and (( he)) trekked across the bridge to his command module.

Well done and I am looking forward to reading the rest of it. Write on!
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Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (5.0)
I think that Fan Fiction can be a great form of writing exercise. It allows you to play with established and originall characters both and just have FUN! I love all three of those shows! I am a HUGE fan of Sons of Anarchy and of NCIS.

Another one you MIGHT consider that was a popular new show this summer is In Plain Sight. An excellent show about the Witness Protection Program and the US Marshall Service. Just a thought.

Good luck! I hope you have a positive response!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
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Review of Portsmouth  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Excellent start to your fantasy tale. Your sentences flowed easily. The dialect read well. I did not note any spelling errors or issues at all. You end the initial chapter giving the reader just a hint of who they are dealing with and hooks them to continue reading to figure out the why and what. Nice start.

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
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Review of November 5, 2008  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Do I share your political views? No. However, I did find this a very interesting look at how a lot of us grew up and the effect that it had, good and bad. There are very few blacks in the small, Indiana farming community I grew up in and still live in. Yet I do not consider myself racist. Rather I try to take each person as I meet them and form my own opinion. I am happy to say that it seems more are willing to do this these days as the election shows. I honestly didn't think that I would see a black man as president of the United States in my life time. I will be more surprised if he makes it to office and thru his term. I add my prayer to yours for peace and safety.

One small typo...
*Note4* I never go ((got)) to know any of them either.

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
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Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (4.5)
I thought that this piece was extremely well written. You pointed out both fact and emotion calmly and with great eloquence and went so far as to admit that people do not always INTEND to hurt with their words regardless of the consequence.

What I think would improve this fine piece is if you defined colorism for those of us out here that are not familiar with the term. Everyone has heard and comprehends racism, regardless of how they decide to live their life. However colorism is a new term to me.

I hope that you will accept my thoughts and opinions as exactly what they are ...mine alone, to do with as you wish. Good luck and WRITE ON!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
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Review of No Ho Ho Here  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Awesome use of the prompt and so very fitting for both the season and our ridiculous presidential hopefuls. The sad thing is that a monkey might do a better job and at least we don't have the monkey telling us the lies it thinks we want to hear. It's a sad state of affairs when we have nothing to vote for. Liar dee or Liar Dum ... hmmm.

A gorgeous autumn themed signature created by the talanted Kiya and gifted by Adriana!
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Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Wellllll you pegged me to a T, TT! lol Like you said...there are something that might make a lass wince but it is all honest and a lot of it brought laughs. You know me better than anyone else. We have been through good times and bad in the time we have known one another but I wouldn't trade a moment of being your friend.

Thank you for the offer to be your official writing buddy. I wouldn't have anyone else.

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
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141
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (4.5)
I thought the story quaint , original, and humorous. I think there is more Charles Hemingway von Liechtenstein in most of us than we would like to admit. Excellent job of creating a character that most can relate to and yet in showing how the "real world" trys painting us into a corner.

The ending is abrupt in my opinion and think that the story could benefit from lengthening.

A gorgeous autumn themed signature created by the talanted Kiya and gifted by Adriana!
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Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Thank you for your entry into my first round of "Erotic Tales of Pleasure & Pain~closed! "  contest! *Heart*

My Thoughts/Impressions:

I was absolutely enthralled with A Scourge of Roses. Your descriptions of the D/s relationship were both enlightening and beautiful to behold. This was beyond a doubt one of, of not thee, favorite piece of D/s erotica I have had the pleasure to read on here.


Any errors noted:

*Note4* You know how to appear the perfect supplicant but we both know who weilds wields the true power here.

*Note4* There is no other sourse source of sustenance for me

*Note4* You glance back at me, all uncertain, and I nod encouraging your you to continue.

*Note4*Chivarlrously Chivalrouslythey bend with the breeze to make your task easier and you take them down one by one with your shears, laying them carefully in piles on the lawn. They are a gift from me...therefore sacred...and you would not mistreat even those that must be scaraficed sacrificed. I feel the smile die on my lips, replaced by a grim set of concentration as your you move through the dance, bending and swaying, standing on tip toe and stretching to reach.

*Note4* You try your best to meet my gaze and your discomfrot discomfort with this exchange is plain, It isn't easy for you to display what have always been concealed.

*Note4* Impatience hums along my nerves but I have my moments of disciplin disciplineand no fear of waiting.

*Note4* If you say your you are not then I will wait.

*Note4* Dust particles rise and fall, dancing in the raidianceRadiance.

*Note4* I put one hand on your shoulder and you descend like Ishtar through the Gates. each one depriving you of the defense you so desperately need to lose until you come to rest on your knees, head bowed, waiting to be hung above the alter. punctuation

*Note4* Others who needed safety more than disciplin discipline I used to bind at this point, easing the wieght weight of responsibilty from their shoulders.

*Note4* You swoom swoon again and I pull you back; harder this time. From this moment on holding yourself up the way I want you to?will be part of the challenge.

*Note4* Instead I stand and take the scourge of roses from the table where is it has waited patient all this time.

*Note4* There is little I can do now but be a bulk work in the storm until exhaustion brings us the peace we both seek.

bulk work was a new term to me and confused me a bit. Did you mean bulkhead?


Any suggestions for Improvement:

Many of the mistakes found could have been prevented by a simple spell check. These type of errors can frustrate your reader and distract from the content of your tale.



*Note4*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!*Note4*

A gorgeous autumn themed signature created by the talanted Kiya and gifted by Adriana!
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Review of Try  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (4.5)
I thought that "Try" was an extremely accurate look at the way the human race would react to the coming of the end. If the general public was allowed this type of knowledge all commerce would grind to a halt. People would stop going to work and stop bothering to pay their bills.

A gorgeous autumn themed signature created by the talanted Kiya and gifted by Adriana!
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Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was a very well worded and dramatic look into the tortured life of a true mad man. The short sentences served to increase the tension in the story and keep the reader on the very edge of their seats.

I did not note any errors of any sort in this story and hope you will write on!

A gorgeous autumn themed signature created by the talanted Kiya and gifted by Adriana!
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Review of Dragon Pairs  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I loved the premise of Dragon Pairs however it only whets the readers appetite when it is restricted to a flash fiction. Trying to come in under a stringent word count limit makes the story a bit jumpy and doesnt allow it to flow in my opinion. I truly think this could be a fabulous short story if you decided to lengthen it.

A gorgeous autumn themed signature created by the talanted Kiya and gifted by Adriana!
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Review of Iron Horse  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I really loved what you did with this prompt. You kept the ending realistic when I know the hussy in you wanted to have them go at it like bunnies! *WEG* I thought the way they settled for cuddling was very realistic as was the fact that Kara had tried a couple of times to leave and suffered the consequences.

Don't worry about the contest. It happens. You had it done but posting doesn't always go smoothly. *hugs*

It's a great story and one you should be proud of. I hope you choose to continue it at a later date.

A gorgeous autumn themed signature created by the talanted Kiya and gifted by Adriana!
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Review of For They Fear  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (5.0)
You have a unique gift with words. I am impressed by the choices you make. You use words used seldomly and not easily inserted into the flow of things and yet you make it seem effortless. I am admittedly not a fan of poetry and yet have been very impressed with both your prose and this piece. Awesome job. Write on!

A gorgeous autumn themed signature created by the talanted Kiya and gifted by Adriana!
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Review of Moments of Gold  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (4.5)
Moments of Gold is a cute story. They say we are shaped by our experiences and as you pointed out, you were jaded and assumed the worst of your grandson w hen he was truly only initiating play with his cousin. It is amazing what we can learn from the purity of the tiny ones.

{Imange:1376409}
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Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Your word choices and description in this piece were absolutely fabulous. You kept me hooked from beginning to end and even managed to get me to admire a description of a man vomiting. LOL

No errors noted or suggestions for improvement.

Kudos on a fantastic story and I am looking forward to the next segment.

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
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Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This piece was insightful and thought provoking, very well written. I thought in the beginning this was going to be one of those cute stories about losing something and going out of your mind only to find it in the most obvious or insane places, but it turned out to be so much more. I am currently writing a book of a woman in prison and reading this was inspirational to put me more inside her head. LOL I'm sure that wasn't your intention, but thank you.

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
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