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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ironworker156
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107 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
Review of Dreamcatcher  
Review by Ironworker
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
While a very interesting tale. And understanding you had some constraints to the length. I, after reading this, would love to read this story in a more expanded version with more description given the emptying of the nightmares and other contents. And what might happen after that.

Nice story. Well told tale, and I look forward to reading more of your work.

Ironworker AKA Dayna
2
2
Review of Die For You  
Review by Ironworker
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
It rhymes but is it what you really want to say. The poem hints at love ignored or taken for granted. It does so ever so gently, yet I feel from the cyclic nature of the rhymes you want to make the imbalance of this heart beat clearer. I do sense some anger.

I'm no expert but I liked it, I only wishing it captured your feelings in a stronger manor. That's just my opinion. I hope this in some way is helpful.

Ironworker AKA Dayna
3
3
Review of Crafting you.  
Review by Ironworker
Rated: E | (3.5)
My first thought is that this is very full of romantic overtones. I'm not an expert but I've come to some Ideas as to what make the telling of a thing work, and I offer it hoping it helps you to move your work to that place where you see yourself, better. "Smiling"

Poem Writing or storytelling is the act of creating a communication(s) to capture another's awareness and holding it long enough to transport that conscientiousness to where you want it and allowing it, to just be there.

I still strive for this in my own work and have still to perfect this. As I've said, It a goal of mine and I'm no expert.

You have done a nice job of it here. I like the poem. I hope my personal conclusion offered to you is a helpful and useful one to you in future works.

Nicely done

Ironworker AKA Dayna
4
4
Review of magpies  
Review by Ironworker
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
The metaphors and imagery are good ones. Now let me ask, was the metaphors of the Magpies (Crows) to subtly hint to the reader, "Murder" as in a grouping of crows is called a Murder of Crows? If so, nicely done.

Hopefully the following comment will be helpful and meant only as a suggestion. Throughout the tale, I had the great sense she either didn't understand fully what had transpired but we're given little to see whether she was afraid, nervous, relieved or something else. Especially when see visits upon the body. But, this is just my desire to better see deeper into the tale.

Altogether this is a well written tale which you could in my opinion easily expand into a longer more involved story.
Definitely keep writing.

Ironworker AKA Dayna
5
5
Review by Ironworker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Direct and sweet. Nicely done.
6
6
Review by Ironworker
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Nicely Done. Strong imagery, creative story-line. Defiantly keep writing.
7
7
Review of The Dialogue 500  
Review by Ironworker
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
That was indeed pretty good. Nicely done!
8
8
Review of Caught  
Review by Ironworker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Nicely written. Congrats!
9
9
Review by Ironworker
Rated: E | (4.5)
Nicely done. Good read.
10
10
Review of I Loved Him Once  
Review by Ironworker
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Nicely done. A sadness wrapped in regret comes through. I like it.
11
11
Review of Out Of Place  
Review by Ironworker
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Nicely done. Well told.
12
12
Review of The Lake  
Review by Ironworker
Rated: E | (3.0)
Congrats! Nicely done.
13
13
Review of The Planner  
Review by Ironworker
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Very interesting form, and very strong, in the way it conveys the story. Flashes of events and moments are conveyed in 'matter of fact' communicays of planned actions. I like it. Well Done, and creative.
14
14
Review of THE WAR HAMMER  
Review by Ironworker
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Nicly told, the passage of time is so clear. Really great read.
15
15
Review of Greed  
Review by Ironworker
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
A well told tale of greed and retribution. In the act of reviewing this I would site one primary troubling point with technique. When the subject of the rocket entered the story. You seem to have desired for us, the reader, to have a suspended experience as to the subject being spoken of, as in,

"Why in the world are they allowed to build that thing?" Betsy Rivers asked.

"Have no idea, Mom," her youngest son, Robert, replied. "It sure is a big one."

This approach had the effect of throwing me out to the story as I had no idea of what was being spoken of. This moment of darkness was small but it was enough for the story to stop in my mind and have me contemplate what just happened, and pause in reading. While suspense or intrigue seemed to be the goal. In my own work I've found that keeping the reader in the information loop is best. The surprise would have been just as intense, had you said something like, "Damn, glancing out the window, how is he still able to build that stupid rocket out there."

This is only my opinion, but I offer it in the hopes, that it in some ways aides your work in some way.

Well done, I liked it quite a bit.

Dayna, The Ironworker
16
16
Review of Bang  
Review by Ironworker
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
You might consider expanding this one because it is very good. It immediately, made me want more. Great story. Dialog was very real. Nice pace. You created a strong desire to know more by the way you touched many aspects if the human experience. Deception, aggresion and profiteering of the black market variety.

Nicely done indeed. Congrats

Dayna, aka Ironworker
17
17
Review of Unrequited Love  
Review by Ironworker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Nicely Done!

I will read more of your work.

Dayna
18
18
Review of BLAVATSKY'S BUS  
Review by Ironworker
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is very well done. The voice of your character is strong and with clear personality. The feel of the story leads us to feel we are about to follow onto a mystical journey. Very nicely done indeed.

I hope this comment will encourage and support your efforts in writing.

Dayna aka The Ironworker
19
19
Review by Ironworker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Nice! And I love the ending. The voice of the story captured me and carried me through. Awesome tail, well told. Congrats on the win. Well deserved.

Ironworker156 aka D. Sanarra
20
20
Review by Ironworker
Rated: E | (5.0)
That was pretty good. I didn't see the end coming, and it made me laugh. Nicely done. I was still wearing a smile while writing this.

Ironworker aka Dayna Sanarra
21
21
Review of A First  
Review by Ironworker
Rated: E | (4.5)
Congrats on the win. A very creative story indeed. Writen well with a cool ending. Keep writing, There's talent under that pen.

Best to you Iroworker aka D. Sannara

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
22
22
Review of An Acrostic Poem  
Review by Ironworker
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very cool, Nicely done.

Ironworker156 aka Sannara
23
23
Review of The Promise  
Review by Ironworker
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was a powerful image and message. The love and anguish of the one whom has to retrieve their loved one. If I've got that right, this is a powerful story filled with a painful sadness. The hurt of momentarily not seeing the father where he was left or expect but turning to see him huddled on the ground was a great image. Well done. I liked it.

Ironworker156 aka Sannara
24
24
Review by Ironworker
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wickedly creative. Nicely done. Great story told real well. Congrats!

Ironworker156 aka Sannara
25
25
Review by Ironworker
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Nicely done! The magic infused into this story was was amazing. The emotions expressed were clear and vibrant. Lances voice coming from the grave and Julies un-dieing love. Very skillful writing indeed. You have some Jewels through out. Awesome read. Thank you for sharing.

Ironworker156 aka Sannara
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