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1
1
Review of Trinkets 2021  
Review by RICH
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thanks for sharing.

Being a 'hoarder' of all kinds of bling, makes my day ...

BEST for the season and a good year to follow.

Enjoy,

Rich
2
2
Review by RICH
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
HELLO,
I read the item, wanted to comment on it ... all I remember --- anyways ... I'll get back to you
HAPPY bIRTHDAY
3
3
Review of Trinkets  
Review by RICH
Rated: E | (5.0)
PETS, they do have special place ...Thanks for the trinket
4
4
Review by RICH
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
The flight of the Enola Gay - so many in recent history - Apocalypse comes to mind - not my usual 'happy fare', then this is the day to come for all, one way or another.
Should one go as your poem depicts, then, as you say, in the company of ones love, then it may a good day/way to go.
As my poetry talents lack sadly, edit comments will be kept to one side.
An effort of positive/negative; alpha/beta thought, it painted a realist picture.
Well done.
5
5
Review by RICH
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Definition of Free Verse. Free verse is a literary device that can be defined as poetry that is free from limitations of regular meter or rhythm, and does not rhyme with fixed forms. Such poems are without rhythm and rhyme schemes, do not follow regular rhyme scheme rules, yet still provide artistic expression.(http://literarydevices.net/free-verse/)

Considering all, you made it. You have conformed, you have style, and soon we will hail you as being great in your class. Keep at it, and soon you will be able to confuse the best with the brilliance of all your offerings.

Granted, the battle has already started, now to get back into the saddle and give it your all. The holiday is over. Well done.

6
6
Review of Murphy's Vacation  
Review by RICH
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Muphry's law - Wikipedia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muphry%27s_law

This is to share;
Somewhere out there
is another dolt
went out like a bolt.

Do have a glance, a glimpse;
and by chance,
a poet you'll see
who should never have been.

Based on the famous work of Anon -
"You are a poet, and you donn't know't'

What can I add, you did it !
Good Work.
7
7
Review by RICH
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
An entertaining read to the end.

One has the full right to make an outright fool of oneself, now and then, preferably in private, where the rest of the World is not invited - and then the 'oops'!

"Smile; you're on Candid Camera!"

You lost the tense at the last paragraph, have a slow re-read, as the teacher would say, and do the write-thing.

'If anyone wants to know ...' Could I suggest (?) moving this last sentence as a last paraphrase, as it is a perpetual tense for all time, hence the present time.





8
8
Review by RICH
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
A touching story of a road taken by many.

The parting is never easy when it comes slow and so sure.

A re-read is recommended, have a look at taking all 'but' out as well as a few 'and', even a few other sentences need a bit of polish.

Have a look, the item may appear better for this effort and read more easily.

Best,

Rich



9
9
Review by RICH
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
All 'n all, a pleasant story to read.

Happy endings are still fashionable.

Little nits to consider:

'Sir' capital, and ellipses usage ... (space...space)

This was on a 'read only' basis.

Best

Rich

10
10
Review of All I Really Want  
Review by RICH
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
EDIT:To prepare as a book for publication and by writing, correcting or selecting the matter.

On the edit side, it is all in order. The technical layout/balance will improve with a re-look.


REVIEWING:Revision with a view to improvement.

An honest effort, it is clear, there is scope for better, to make it the best.

A suggestion, the 'balance' needs a relook.

Line 2; could use more -
'And stealing grapes (and ...) from Safeway'.
Line 9; less, what if 'and couches' went away?


Should you agree, then look at the rest.


About poetry, I have little knowledge.
How a work meets the eye, the picture should be in the best balance possible.


Go well,

Regards

Rich

11
11
Review by RICH
Rated: E | (4.0)
EDIT:To prepare as a book for publication and by writing, correcting or selecting the matter.
REVIEWING:Revision with a view to improvement.
I know little to nothing about poetry. On reading the 'How To' book; this is what was read.

Poetry is way out of my league. Considering this ...

Edit:

Form, there are many; style, even more; brevity, a basic element; and many more.
Correctness - very important.

To impress, a balance of lines and words are recommended.

There are a few punctuation issues to look at "..." more.

Peter and Pete (?)

Reviewing:

Here the words: Sense; Feeling; Tone; Intention; is used.

Those were apparent, and the item a pleasure to read.

All 'n all, you can ignore all rules, write 'free form', and call it a day.


Best,

Rich
12
12
Review by RICH
Rated: E | (4.0)
EDIT:To prepare as a book for publication and by writing, correcting or selecting the matter.
REVIEWING:Revision with a view to improvement.

Hello,

As always, we start with the nasty elements of writing, elements which require re-reading, again, and again.

Punctuation:

A general suggestion; your style of writing needs many breaks, most of these breaks are represented by commas. There are ways of reducing the comma use, and even add stress points to the sentence.

...and we the people - with our blindness in place - rushed ...
Yes - ... and yes -

Word choice:

Here I may be at fault - would it be 'person' instead of 'man' - or is gender still an issue ?

howdy dowdy or howdy doody ?

Prepositions:

A few choices here are personal usage. Yet, should be considered, as an alternative may enhance the writing much.

that, just, but.

Introduction & closing typo:

So - here is the question. (or) So - here are the questions. (Singular or plural.)

and definitely not at the millions.

Review:

Not being an American, I can partly see the lure of money being used as a measure to sway sentiment.

The arguments and points were carried over clearly, there is one spacing error on Romney, otherwise, short, decisive, and to the point.

All 'n all, well written, nothing a few good re-reads, and maybe an edit aid, could not have improved on.


Being from a 'new found democracy'; where other 'levers' were used to obtain the results the politicians wanted, there will always be a lever or a gimmick.

Regards,

Rich










13
13
Review of I Am  
Review by RICH
Rated: E | (4.0)
EDIT:To prepare as a book for publication and by writing, correcting or selecting the matter.
REVIEWING:Revision with a view to improvement.
Hello,
Welcome to my home away from home.
I Am

I am a present waiting to be opened,
hoping someone will discover the gift that is inside.

I am an eagle waiting quietly for the day that I can fly,
finding my true place, way up in the sky.

I am a small part of this universe I'm in,
but only I can play this part, or the disguise is rather thin.

I am something miraculous, like a rainbow after a storm,
heralding the returning sun, so sweet, soft and warm.

I am a temple for my spirit, time to set it free,
so I can run, dance, laugh or sing, and just let me be me.
© Copyright 2015 Midnight Wanderer (UN: midnightranger at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.


Consider the following suggestions for an 'edit' to your pleasant poem.

The comma:
A basic is the serial comma for the last line; 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5.
so I can run, dance, laugh, or sing, and just let me be me.

Another comma;
I am a present, waiting to be opened,
I am an eagle - waiting quietly for the day that I can fly, (option - instead of a comma)

Word choice:
A few words on which we frown, is the overuse of 'that', and 'but', consider word use.

A suggestion in the last line:-
so I can run, dance, laugh, sing, or let me be - as I am.


Review:

As it stands at the moment, it is a good poem.
Poetry is not my strong point, and to comment fully, is above me.
The suggestions are for you to look at, use or discard at your discretion.
This work has already been entered, consider this as an exercise for the future.
Well done, and keep at it.


Regards,

Rich









14
14
Review by RICH
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
EDIT:To prepare as a book for publication and by writing, correcting or selecting the matter.
REVIEWING:Revision with a view to improvement.
Hello,
Always the bad part first:
Edit:

In the spirit of the story, the tense issue works, altho, from a purely technical view, past tense is past tense.

Bulk paragraphs - shorter, leaner paragraphs make for more flow, easier reading, and clearer story presentation - my personal view, and even some writers agree.

Review,
I enjoyed the reading, as I have had a few such offers myself. I was very keen on the Somali princess one, then the wife said "NO!" Unfortunately, I am so skint, I can never afford those measly fees. One day is one day ...

Well done, all 'n all said and done. Well balanced and well thought out.


Oh, by the way, maybe when you have a few $$$ saved up again, I have a few genuine wooden nickels, quite rare, a good investment, so I was told - which may interest you.




15
15
Review by RICH
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
EDIT:To prepare as a book for publication and by writing, correcting or selecting the matter.
REVIEWING:Revision with a view to improvement.

Hello,

A delightful story of a first day at school - of course, it was not the best of first day for little Jimmy, then, that is life.

Rereading is always my first suggestion; with all these views, my input may be a bit 'late', or did you prefer to leave the story in its original state ?

On re-reading the story, a few minor items was noticed.

Tense:
Jimmy agrees/d but not wholeheartedly, he knows/knew that he is/was going to be lonely at school without his best friend...Bart.

Flow - construction:
A few glitches on the way, where punctuation or word order could have been looked at.

It was the first day of school and for little Jimmy it was a day that he had been waiting for his whole life.
*As a rule, I normally do not 'rewrite' stories unless I do 'proof', here a suggestion;

It was the first day of school. For little Jimmy, it was the day he had looked forward to all of his life. (?)

Word choice:
A few words to look at, which , if left out, replaced, or altered, would enhance the story;
'and, that, but.' as starters.

He ran up the stairs, into the bathroom, quickly grabbed Bart, and stuffed him into his book bag. (comma instead of 'and')

At this stage, my suggestion is to re-read this (again) delightful story, and apply the basics or ignore.

It was written a while back; should you rewrite it today, what would it look like - still the same?

Dress it up, it deserves it.

Regards,

Rich





16
16
Review by RICH
Rated: E | (4.0)
EDIT:To prepare as a book for publication and by writing, correcting or selecting the matter.
REVIEWING:Revision with a view to improvement.

Hello,

A few titbits to chew on, as the offering is yours, anything I say, should be considered on the merit as you see it. As this item is run thru Microsoft Office Word 2007, read by me - as recommended, slow and almost aloud - consider these;

Paragraph five - bare/bear:
Paragraph two - spacing error before 'Watching pillars...'

A few comma placements -

Sentence fragments -


The use of 'BUT': Even M/S agrees with me on this, reconsider the use of other conjunctions. These will improve the item in many ways. Do try this.

Wordiness and passive voice: A few cases where these issue pops up.


As I have used Words 2007 as an aid (it does not do everything) you may not have it or another aid. In that case, do contact me for a more detailed list or ideas on aids.

Keep in mind - tomorrow is another day, then we build again!

Regards,

Rich

17
17
Review by RICH
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello,

Friday night, and I am cruising around, peeking here and there.

What do I see, a lot of bull !

Go well,

Rich

I have a few of my own.
18
18
Review by RICH
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
As a conservative person, I prefer to use 'like' for things and people I 'like'.

'Love' is at a totally different level -

I have 'shopped' around, and this I must say - this is the best all round - which I have found.

A real bowl of Jelly-Tots, what-a-lot-we-got, at a reasonable price.

Keep at it.

Thank you,

Rich
19
19
Review by RICH
Rated: E | (3.0)
EDIT:To prepare as a book for publication and by writing, correcting or selecting the matter.
REVIEWING:Revision with a view to improvement.

Hello,

It is always sad to hear or know of such cases.
Still, it is some solace to know someone cared to enough to remember Tori and share this story.

Edit:

A few tips to keep in mind, as you seem to be fairly new this world.

Basic writing - Capital letters - Spelling - and the aids the system allows.

There are many systems which assist in editing writing. I use Microsoft Office Word 2007, and I have looked at many other. Keep in mind, these will not correct everything, one still has rely on editors (our 'buddy' system on Wdc) and a basic habit called 're-reading'.


Review:

In all fairness to you, do re-read this item and fix the minor items.

Start with a capital, and see what you can do.

It is your respects to little Tori, give it the best you can, with a bit more effort, the end product - should and can be - more correct.


When you have done all you can, let me know, and I will re-review the story again with a new rating.

Go for it, I am sure you can.

Regards,

Rich




20
20
Review by RICH
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
EDIT:To prepare as a book for publication and by writing, correcting or selecting the matter.
REVIEWING:Revision with a view to improvement.

Hello,

As an ex-pig farmer myself, I did enjoy this item, I would have paid to have been there at this 'event'.

Edit:

There is very little to comment on, except that re-reading it would have been a good idea.

Look at this -

"Well, sir," Tim said, pointing to his older brother who was petting the pig on the nose through the side rails of the pick up truck, making smacking noises and feeding the pig bits of white clover blossoms, "my brother's going to hit the pig in the head with that 12 pound hammer. "Jeff, stop making friends with that pig. You're going to have to hit it in the head in just a minute.

Maybe a capital for Sir(?);

and commas(?);... pointing to his older brother(,) who was petting the pig on the nose through the side rails of the pick up truck,

and those quotation marks for the closing sentence(?).

Review:

I enjoyed the story as a read, and although the method made me wince a bit, all's well that ends well.

It is a pleasant recollection of days gone by.


Well done, and keep at it.

Regards,

Rich

If you were to fix this and inform me, I will re-do the rating.



21
21
Review of That was it  
Review by RICH
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
EDIT:To prepare as a book for publication and by writing, correcting or selecting the matter.
REVIEWING:Revision with a view to improvement.

Hello,

This is a very sensitive path to go down.

The review will aimed at a few directives, and general ideas.

Your use of language is good, and spelling and word use is fine.

Long sentences can become a problem, therefore do re-read your item at the end, and pay attention to sentence control.

Spacing on the item on the left and right hand margins need looking at. The right hand margin is running off the screen.

Sentence openers; a tip, try to break away from repetitive opening words. In this case -'I'.

Play around with your opening, you always need a 'hook', and here a suggestion - use the second sentence as the first. My personal choice.

I was too smart for this. (This is a strong statement.)

Keep at it, you write well, look around, get the habit of re-reading (there are directives on 'how to'.)

You are on your way. Go for it.

Regards,

Rich/j2rr



22
22
Review by RICH
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello,

A fun read - I have commented on this same subject a few times in my life.

Mainly; that it was not what I said, and then, putting my foot into my mouth.
Edit:

The one spacing error, this happens sometimes with the carry-over.

A few minor spacing issues with double spaces between sentences.

Two 'was' here - I was was feeling a bit responsible - typing error.


Review:

An idea about a word - look at the use of 'but' and the possibility of using something else.

Writing usually looks and flows better without all the 'but' around.


Good going with the story.

Regards,

Rich





23
23
Review by RICH
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
EDIT:To prepare as a book for publication and by writing, correcting or selecting the matter.
REVIEWING:Revision with a view to improvement.

Hello,

Dreams are supposed to be the mind's safety valve, so I have been told.

A nightmare is really blowing off some serious steam.

Edit:

Having read this serious story, I had a problem with a few minor items which tripped me, and made my thoughts wander into the ditch.

Word choices, sentence structure -

Re-reading is required to pick up on these.

---- My headlights create a lit tunnel ~ (no comment on your 'headlights')

Surely the car's headlights will be of more concern ?

---- looking for a twin set of reflections warning me of impending danger.

'twin/set' is duplication

Somehow the sentence needs adjusting, it is setting the scene of things to come - my suggestion;

---- looking for that set of reflections that will warn me of impending danger. (or something ?)

Look at paragraph starters (Suddenly) and paragraph closings.

---- For a moment, my paralysis releases. I start to relax.

Relax ?

This sentence does not fit into the story, as it is a recurring nightmare, the tension will surely escalate ?


Review:

The first read was good, then the nit-picking started.

This is my idea.

---- My foot is (flat-out)on the gas, but(and) I'm completely unable to move it.(Why 'but' ?)

Spacing is a writer's tool, it should be used to emphasize certain sentences or whatever requires lifting out from the general form.

---- It's the same every time. (1?)

It's deep in the night when the darkness coats everything with inky, smothering blackness.

I'm driving down a straight road lined with dark(,) looming trees on both sides. Each side of the road has a large(,) deep ditch for siphoning rainwater from the road. My (The car's) headlights create a lit tunnel through the groping branches of the trees above and I(the car/it/we ?) hurtle(s) through the arched darkness with a speed (over which )I have no control(.) over. (omit 'over')

(1?) I was asking myself this question "How frequent does this dream occur ? (Or is it none of my concern ?)

Adjectives - ? An open question, and that pesky comma.

Do re-read the item.

There is nothing wrong, only a little shake here and there.


I have had a few nightmares, still - nothing like this.

Anybody we know ?

Enjoy and go well,

Regards,

Rich
24
24
Review by RICH
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
EDIT:To prepare as a book for publication and by writing, correcting or selecting the matter.
REVIEWING:Revision with a view to improvement.



Hello,

Always the nasty first, the edit.

Edit:

Re-reading, read aloud - this is the general advice to all writers. There are many items written on editing, and this is one of the corner stones to editing - read, re-read, and aloud.

I am no expert on poetry.

Still, I do read.

Is the flow there, is the form correct, are the words in order and correct, is the tense correct.

What did I find ?

It was good, well thought out.

The flow was can be improved on. A few extra words (according to me) which I tripped over.

Try this - remove all the 'too' except the last one:

----I would be suicidal,
but I'm afraid to die.

----A mother caught up in work,
do not see her child's hurt.
A sister beat up at school
cannot see her life's worth.

This is a suggestion, see it as such, play around, beware repetitive lines, tho in poetry it could be the required form.

Correct and words in order - spelling.

----A girl too strong to give in to pain.(into)

No spelling mistakes, only the wrong order.


Reviewing:

It was clear, clarity is important to me, as I am not a poet and do not see the item with a poet's eye.

The message is all too common to most, yet - we have to live.

Do not be afraid, see it through.


Keep it up. Again, well written.

Regards,

Rich

25
25
Review of Monthsary Letter  
Review by RICH
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,

A short letter, the type of letter where spelling, language use, or any form of presentation is of no importance, except the meaning.

The meaning, the feeling - is all - nothing else matters.

We should all try to remember to write such a letter more frequently.

Even if there is no one else, we should write is to ourselves.

Everyone deserves it daily, monthly will be fine.

Go well,

Regards,

Rich

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