*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Creative fun in
the palm of your hand.
Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jacobnp12185
Review Requests: OFF
5 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Jacob
Rated: 18+ | (2.5)
I like the concept of the protagonist, Soledad, being a fortune teller due to her ancestry. That being said, you mention that she calls it a curse where as everyone else called it a gift, but you never state WHY she called it a curse. You're TELLING the reader that she felt it was a curse, but it would be much more interesting, I think, if you SHOWED us WHY she feels that way. Also, since so much of this passage is centered around the dream, I believe it would be invaluable to go into the specifics of the dream. How does it make Soledad feel? What happens in the dream? What are the scents/sounds/tastes, and tactile responses that it evokes in her? This would be a great way of acquainting the reader with Soledad's gift/curse without having to TELL them so much about it. Thank you for allowing me to review your work, and if you would review some of mine I would greatly appreciate it. Good luck,
Jacob
2
2
Review of Words vs. Actions  
Review by Jacob
Rated: E | (2.0)
If this poem is meant to address the significance of words vs. actions, then I think it would be useful to give another example besides affection. However, the concept is valid, but you have an incomplete rhyme in the first stanza--satisfaction-actions. The plural ruins the rhyme scheme. Also, the third stanza is somewhat vague--"Our doing beats our telling; its the promises we keep." The promises we keep that what? That matter? That inform our lives, and determine who we are, or that doom us into inaction? A promise kept versus a promise broken? That stanza could be made more clear. Also, I understand the necessity of "pride," in the last stanza to keep with the rhyme scheme, but it really doesn't make sense. Thank you for the chance to read it. Please, feel free to comment on some of my own work. Any reviews would be most appreciated.
2 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jacobnp12185