*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Creative fun in
the palm of your hand.
Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jadeamberjewel
Review Requests: ON
6 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Abbey  
Review by Jade Amber Jewel
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi! I'm Jade Amber and I'm giving you a review!

This is a beautiful poem about looking at the universe.

It seems to be a free verse poem, if I'm not mistaken.

The way you've worded the whole poem can make me imagine the night sky as a giant curtain, with each star painted on that curtain with its own unique pattern, and me leaping through the sky, swiping at clouds and flying every time I bounce from a cloud.

And when you can do something like that to the reader, you've made a poem worth reading. *Smile*


Oh, and by the way:

*Vine1**Flowery**Vine2* Welcome to WDC from me and "Invalid Item *Vine1**Flowery* *Vine2*
2
2
Review of Grandma's House  
Review by Jade Amber Jewel
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi! I'm Jade Amber and I'm giving you a review!

This is a beautiful story of the drive to Grandma's house.

You write like a writer.

You're a natural.

But of course, with every good writer, there's bound to be a mistake.

When you mention the pine trees and evergreens, lowercase the p and t in 'Pine Trees' and the e in 'Evergreens'.

This has the feeling of being told from a seventeen or eighteen year old grandchild, but the question is, is the character male or female?

Though there is a part that confuses the reader.

The line 'You think with a smile on your lips' might make the reader think that they are the character driving to Grandma's, but in the details, it says that this story is from experience.

But all in all, this story is a very good read. *Smile*


Oh, and by the way:

*Vine1**Flowery**Vine2* Welcome to WDC from me and "Invalid Item *Vine1**Flowery* *Vine2*
3
3
Review by Jade Amber Jewel
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi! I'm Jade Amber and I'm giving you a review!

Now this is a good story about a girl who goes out on a date with someone she just met online and gets the biggest slap in the face by the world.

This could be a true story, stuff like this has happened many times, and you did a good job telling it in a story.

Though, the rating is a bit off.

This story, in my opinion, should be rated 13+ or 18+ at the highest, mainly because of the language and sexual abuse.

All in all, the only problems I see are problems that I sometimes have.

In the sentence "Finally after two looooooong hours I went to POP's bar.", shorten the 'looooooong' to 'long' and put a comma after 'Finally' and 'hours'.

In some sentences, you need to capitalize your sentences.

Also, in the fourth line in between the two sentences, you put a long line of periods.

Ditch the dots and put a comma in between the two sentences to make it look nicer.

In another sentence "So of course I clicked ok and like 10 minutes later I got a message from him.", again, comma after 'So', 'course' and 'after', change the 'after' to 'later', and write 10 like ten.

Same when you mention the old man's age, change it to fifty instead of it being 50.

It's just neat when you do that.

But again, good job with this piece! *Bigsmile*


Oh, and by the way:

*Vine1**Flowery**Vine2* Welcome to WDC from me and "Invalid Item *Vine1**Flowery* *Vine2*

4
4
Review by Jade Amber Jewel
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi I'm Jade Amber and I'm giving you a review!

This is a good article. It helps people see that pain is a part of life and everyone struggles with it.

The only problem is the errors.

Through out the entire article, people see misspellings and punctuation issues everywhere.

From words missing capitalization to words being misspelled, it makes it hard to read the article!

I want to "see your flower garden", but before I can, you have to "get rid of the weeds".

I know you have wonderful words of wisdom in there, so if you want help, feel free to send me an email. I'll be happy to help with what I can. *Smile*


Oh, and by the way:

*Vine1**Flowery**Vine2* Welcome to WDC from me and "Invalid Item *Vine1**Flowery**Vine2*

4 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jadeamberjewel