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26
26
Review by Happy Spring
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*UmbrellaB* This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item! *UmbrellaB*


Hi,Prosperous Snow Snow!*Smile*

This is Jan and this is a review to help fullfill your shower in the SAJ Garden. I liked your story and your title, which pulled me in.*Wink*

*Check3*Over-all Impression:

A very funny discussion between an aunt and niece to whether or not the refridgerator is haunted.

*Check3*What I liked the best about your story:
The humorous remarks by Aunt Lora to K.C.

*Check3*My Favorite Lines!*ThumbsUp*
“Fine,” Lora scowled, “then help the ghost put the stuff back in and, while you’re doing that, clean out the refrigerator, as well.” Aunt Lora is filled with
denial, telling her neice to clean out the refridgerator at the same time...lol
I guess there's more than one way to skin a cat!*ThumbsUp*

*Check3*Your Tone and Mood:
A humorous, matter-of-fact way that the whole situation is handled.

*Check3*What didn't work for me:
I assume that there was really a ghost. The sounds of ice cubes clunking in a broken freezer makes sense to me...Still, I'm not all that sure!*Wink*

*Check3*Characters:
Aunt Lora, your main character, seems to not believe anything her neice tells her. You portray K.C. as the typical teen. Wide-eyed and spooked about the
possibility of a haunted fridge...*ThumbsUp*

*Check3*Plot:
A neice sets out to prove to her aunt that her refridgerator is haunted.

*Check3*Setting and descriptions:
Good imagery is used in your description and setting. I can visualize that
mold building up in the fridge...*Laugh*

*Check3*Dialog, if any:
Great dialog, moving your story forward from beginning to end. Through it, you
describe your two characters through their actions and verbal remarks.
You are very good at this!

*Check3*Grammar, spelling, sentence structure, etc.
This is good, except for one: lima bean(s} Lima beans...This should
be plural.

*Check3*Please know that my suggestions are meant only to be constructive. Feel free to use any or none.*Smile*

*Check3*My Personal Thoughts Here:
Funny, although I'm shaking my head as to whether there was really a ghost (not too clear) or does Aunt Lora just want her fridge cleaned out! Although, ice cubes keep dropping when it could never be, makes me believe there is. Or perhaps
Aunt Lora knows there really is a ghost, because she acts so indifferent. Perhaps she just wants her fridge cleaned while she soaks in her bubble bath.*Laugh*

*Star*I came away laughing ...Thanks for sharing your story! It was very funny. Keep on writing more things just like this!

Inker
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed!
27
27
Review of Spunky Old Broads  
Review by Happy Spring
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*

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Hi Rose! My name is Jan and I dropped by on your WDC Anniversary to do a review of your poem "Spunky Old Broads" .

*Star*Please know that I am not a poet, but I do read them. I can only give
you my personal thoughts.


You, the poet, show your humorous "Voice" This was a very funny read!*Smile*

Best lines:
"No more little old ladies
Just spunky old broads!"

Imagery and dramatic element:
I think you drove your point home. We seniors have certainly changed, for the better.

Meter, rhyme, and pattern:
There is none, for good reason. This is humorous prose.*Smile*

Grammar and Punctuation:
Your punctuation may need some work, not sure, because of the type of prose that you have written. I'm not sure if it even calls for it!*Laugh*

The Senses:
I can see the imagery that you portray here, vividly. Very Nice!*ThumbsUp*

In Closing:
Thanks for sharing your piece with me. You make us oldsters know and see just how far we have come. I know this. Knitting and crocheting are not for me...Only rarely.*Laugh* You gave me some laughs here, for sure. Keep the ink flowing and write some more of this silly and true stuff!*ThumbsUp*

"Inker"*Quill*

*Star*I am a proud Reviewer and a captain of WDC's Power Reviewers Group.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed!

28
28
Review of Doomed  
Review by Happy Spring
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*

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Hi Qest-have net trouble! My name is Jan and I dropped by on your WDC Anniversary to do a review of your poem "Doomed".

*Star*Please know that I am not a poet, but I do read them. I can only give
you my personal thoughts.


You, the poet, show your "Voice": This is one of the more beautifully written poems I have read on WDC. Your vocabulary is exceptional and your words are carefully chosen.*Smile*

Best line:
"Hoes intimate with the sappy weeds
So near their hearts.."

Imagery and dramatic element:
I see a young farm boy, working in the field with his young crop.

Meter, rhyme, and pattern:
There is no rhyme for good reason. This is prose, written with beautiful emotional impact.

Grammar and Punctuation: I saw no problem with sentence stucture and punctuation. I did find one misspelled word "civilisation". There
should be a "z": cilvilization.

Your Poem is Deep:
I've read it a few times because there is much to understand in your poem. Because of your title, I gather there is no future for the farmer and his
plot of land.

I see both, love and sadness for the farmer's plight. Is man hurting the
farmland? Meaning civilization? I'm not too sure of this "pain."
If I've lost your total meaning, please don't be offended. I'm fumbling here with the genre of poetry, expecially the deeper ones.

The Senses:
I can see, smell and feel the earth in your poem. Very Nice!*ThumbsUp*

In Closing:
Thanks for sharing your beautiful poem with me. I wish I understood more with poetry, but I think this touches the heart and all I see here is perfection.
Keep the ink flowing and write, write and write some more!


"Inker"*Quill*

*Star*I am a proud Reviewer and a captain of WDC's Power Group.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed!
29
29
Review of Blarney  
Review by Happy Spring
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)

*Shamrock* *Shamrock* *Shamrock**RainbowL**RainbowR**Shamrock* *Shamrock**Shamrock*



*Shamrock*A Power} Raid Review! *Shamrock*



Hello, ibmoongazer! I just dropped by to give you my thoughts on "Blarney." I Thought your poem was hysterical and found it on our list of Irish poems and
stories to read and review for our St. Patty's Day Raid.

*Check3*Over-all Impression:
A very funny piece with lots of imagination.*Laugh*

*Check3*What I liked the best about your poem:
The theme of your poem. Of course! it's always the wife yapping, right?*Wink*

*Check3*My Favorite Lines:
"her yappin never stops even when she sleeps

and pert near drives me nuts

that mouth of hers is always goin

the darn thing never shuts"

*Check3*Your Tone and Mood:
There is sarcastic humor through out your poem. This is good, because this
husband hates his wife's yapping!*Laugh*

*Check3*Rhyme, Form & Flow:
Your rhyme and form are a little bumpy and lacks a smooth read. I feel
with a little work on punctuation, it could be made better.*Wink*

*Check3* Grammar and Punctuation:
This is where you need to brush up. Example:
The beginning of each line should be capitalized. Your poem should
read smoothly, like in a story. Readers want to know where the sentence
begins and where it ends, even though it is poetry. Otherwise your meaning can be lost.

"I" should always be capitalized, not "i".

"that mouth of hers is always goin" You need to puctuation "goin" like this:
goin'

There are many places on the internet to check out how to puctuate poetry, correctly. Here is one: How-To/Advice
POETRY WRITING- DO, DON’Ts: winner  (E)
Ten tips about what to do or not to do while writing poetry.
#1345990 by Dr M C Gupta
.
I think this link will give you some good ideas on punctuation, etc. You have the imagination and the humor, for sure!*ThumbsUp*

*Check3*Emotional Impact:
It holds laughter galore with each line. You stuck to your theme regarding
the Blarney Stone.....lol I feel you have a very funny poem, but as I've said, it needs polishing.

*Check3*My Personal Thoughts Here:
Please know that I am only trying to be constructive.*Smile*This poem can be polished and really bring out your poetry with all the humor. Please remember too, I am only one reviewer. Use what suggestions I have made or none. It is up to you. You are the poet!*Smile*

I did come away howling after I gave it a second read. The typical Irish husband bashing his wife....*Laugh* ...Thank you for sharing your very humorous poem.

"Inker"
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I am a proud member and a captain of WDC Power Reviewers

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed"!







30
30
Review by Happy Spring
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)

*Shamrock* *Shamrock* *Shamrock**RainbowL**RainbowR**Shamrock* *Shamrock**Shamrock*


*Shamrock*A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Raid Review! *Shamrock*


Hello, Maggie! (Nice Irish name*Smile*)
I loved your poem "Do You Know What It Means To Be Irish?"

I just happen to be Irish and your poem made me think of my Great, Great Grandfather who landed here to fight
the Civil War. He was given a piece of land in Wisconsin, when he mustered out of Alabama.*Smile*

*Check3*Over-all Impression:
Your beautiful words capture the Irish Heart, of their land and my ancestry.

*Check3*What I liked the best about your poem:
The simplicity of your words that were carefully chosen to cover every aspect of being Irish.

*Check3*My Favorite Lines!*ThumbsUp*
"Will you come when the Land finally calls you
Back home to kin and to clan?
Will you rise up and go?
Will you follow your soul
‘Cross the Ocean home to Ireland?"

*Check3*Your Tone and Mood:
I hear your words and you make an Irishman proud.*Smile*

*Check3*Rhyme, Form & Flow:
Your rhyme and form were flawless and the flow was easy. Your rhyme is consistent. Your words appeal to the auditory senses. Every line suits your theme and is not forced.*ThumbsUp*

*Check3*Grammar and Punctuation:
You were right on, with no errors that I could see.

*Check3*Emotional Impact:
You made me think of every aspect of being Irish and wanting to know more. I have done my family tree and your poem is a beautiful
tribute to Ireland and its' people.

*Check3*My Personal Thoughts Here:
A beautiful tribute to the Irish! I thought it was perfect. That is why I gave you a 5.0.*Smile*

*Star*I came away with a wonderful and proud feeling of being Irish! ...Thank you for sharing your beautiful poem. I truly did enjoyed it.


"Inker"
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*Star*I am a proud member and a captain of WDC Power Reviewers

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed"!










31
31
Review of Joe Leprechaun  
Review by Happy Spring
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

*Shamrock* *Shamrock* *Shamrock**RainbowL**RainbowR**Shamrock* *Shamrock**Shamrock*



*Shamrock*A WDC Power Raid Review! *Shamrock*


Hi Shaara! I saw your story on the St. Patty's Day Raid List and wanted to give you my review and thoughts. *Wink*

*Check3*Over-all Impression:
A very funny story and full of surprises. You see things coming and Joe Leprechaun makes you wonder is he the kind of man you would
want to meet in person, especially at a bar.

*Check3*What I liked the best about your story:
Joe is a mystery and Casey wonders if she should continue this romance or run. But she is too adventurous and can't help herself.

*Check3*My Favorite Lines!*ThumbsUp*
"Magic is not fictitious. It is in a kiss like the one Joe gave me."
Favorite Paragraph: My leprechaun husband now flits back and forth from his home in the caves of the wee ones near Dublin...." This paragraph told everything.*ThumbsUp*

*Check3*Your Tone and Mood:
Apprehensive, not too trusting, but a sense of mystery. You whett the reader's
appetite.*Wink*

*Check3*What didn't work for me:
Nothing. It all worked and you had all the gems that the contest called for. Great job!*ThumbsUp*

*Check3*Characters:
Casey was apprehensive but adventurous. She wanted more than an internet romance. Joe Leprechaun was mischievous and a bag full of tricks. I couldn't wait to see how far he was going to go. I wondered if he was just a little evil...lol

*Check3*Plot:
An internet romance that finally was reality for this couple on St. Patty's Day. But Joe wasn't your normal date....lol

*Check3*Setting and descriptions:
The bar was the main setting and your story played out with great descriptive lines. You are very good!*ThumbsUp*

*Check3*Dialog, if any:
Great dialog that moved your story forward and you dropped hints throughout of who Joe really was.

*Check3*Grammar, spelling, sentence structure, etc.
Mostly good. I did find one correction:
“But but most names have an origin."

*Check3*My Personal Thoughts Here:
You had good rising and falling action. A funny story that progressed quickly to the funny climax.
I gave you a perfect 5.0 score. I felt this original story deserved it!*Wink*

*Star*I came away laughing. Thanks for sharing your story! I truly did enjoyed it. I hope you won the contest!

"Inker"
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*Star*I am a proud member and a captain of WDC Power Reviewers

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed"!
32
32
Review by Happy Spring
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Shamrock* *Shamrock* *Shamrock**Shamrock**RainbowL**RainbowR**Shamrock**Shamrock**Shamrock*


*Shamrock*A St. Patty's Day Raid Review! *Shamrock*


Hi,Shaara!*Smile*

My name is Jan and I saw your story on our Raid List for St. Patty's Day!I a member and captain of the Power Reviewers. I wanted to drop by and give you my thoughts.

Your story and title drew me in.*Wink*


*Check3*Over-all Impression:

A really cute and humorous story that kept me reading until the climax.

*Check3*What I liked the best about your story:
You wrote your story as if a little leprechaun held your pen, right down to the Irish brogue.*Smile*!

*Check3*My Favorite Lines!*ThumbsUp*
"Margaret O'Henry raised up her head. Her eyes were a fine mess with streaks of black mascara running down her cheeks. She lifted a hand and wiped at the tears that waltzed down her cheek." You are good at showing vivid detail and "show, don't tell" .

*Check3*Your Tone and Mood:
Your tone was definitely Irish brogue throughout and the I felt the romance beginning to take hold with Margaret and Shaun.

*Check3*POV and Tense:
Told in Third Person and Present Tense.

*Check3*Characters:
Margaret and Shaun's characters were well-defined. You showed her as a serious and troubled scientist, but capable of falling in love.
Shaun is a well-meaning and helpful Irishman, who falls in love with her. He doesn't take life too seriously, except for Margaret.

*Check3*Plot:
You jump-started your plot from the very beginning. You had great rising and fall action. The climax really had a twist!*Wink*

*Check3*Setting and descriptions:
Your limericks were great and I could hear the rhythms and humor.*ThumbsUp*

*Check3*Dialog, if any:
Fantastic dialog that moved your story forward. You flushed out your character's physical features and emotions through your dialog.
Very nice.

*Check3*Grammar, spelling, sentence structure, etc.
I saw no problems here and you used excellent vocabulary. Your story was perfect and that is why I gave it a 5.0 rating.*ThumbsUp*

*Check3*I have nothing to add to make your story better. It was extremely well-thought out.*Smile*

*Check3*My Personal Thoughts Here:
A definitely fun read, right down to the climax. You solved Margaret's dilemma and proved that the computer had a sense of humor!

*Star*I came away laughing and ready to dance an Irish Jig.....lol. Thanks for sharing your story! I truly did enjoyed it.

Inker
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*Star*I am a proud Reviewer of WDC's Power Group and Showering Acts of Joy.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed!
33
33
Review by Happy Spring
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
 Dear Me Letter Contest Entry  (E)
Letter written to me by me for the dear me letter writing contest.
#1844632 by dogpack:saving 4 premium: DWG


Hi,dogpack!*Smile*

Congratulations!*BalloonR**BalloonB**BalloonR**BalloonB*
This is Jan and I wanted to congratulate you on your new yellow case! It's exciting and to help you celebrate, I thought I'd do a review for you. Your new color looks good on you!

I liked your "Dear Me Letter" which covered so many stages of your life, past and present.*Smile*


*Check3*Over-all Impression:

A letter to celebrate yourself and what you have given here on WDC. You have compassion and humor too! I am referring to the giving up coffee for the
tea. Cheaper it is....lol But still has caffeine, if it isn't decaffeinated...*Wink*

*Check3*What I liked the best about your letter:
The honesty of your letter to really strive to learn and understand.

*Check3*My Favorite Lines!*ThumbsUp*
"Through everything you do; write, say, and your actions, you are leaving a legacy. People will know you were here." These are powerful words!
You make every writer sit up and know that what they write can make an impact and/or difference in our world.*ThumbsUp*
Yes, the penned word is most powerful!

*Check3*Your Tone and Mood:
You are very serious, but your tone is loving and gentle on yourself and others.

*Check3*POV and Tense:
First person and present tense, of course.

*Check3*Your letter:
Your letter to yourself was important to you and to help you define and plan your goals. These great guidelines will help you succeed.

*Check3*Grammar, spelling, sentence structure, etc.
Your words were chosen wisely and written with good structure. However, I did see some mistakes in this paragraph: "The tea goes further so therefore it is less expensive which is another good reason to drink tea more ofter. Should be 'often'. Enjoy your writing with a cup of tea at your side waiting for you to take a sip and enjoy its bouquet of aroma and lush-us(?) taste..."

*Check3*Please know that I couldn't find anything earth-shattering to make this a better letter. Why? Because you were so honest about everything that you do and want to achieve. *Smile*

*Check3*My Personal Thoughts Here:
A beautiful letter to guide you throughout this year and onward. Your plan is huge but I have the feeling you will succeed.

*Star*I came away with a good feeling ...Thanks for sharing your letter! You are a wonderful and honest writer*Smile*
"Inker"
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*Star*I am a proud Reviewer of WDC's Power Group and Showering Acts of Joy.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed!

34
34
Review of The Steps  
Review by Happy Spring
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
 The Steps  (E)
The steps are the gateway to a meadow; they argue with each other about their true value
#1701314 by Sum1


Hi,Sum1!*Smile*

*Heart**Heart*A Happy Valentines Review from one member to another!*Heart**Heart*


This is Jan and I'd thought I'd drop by to give you my thoughts on your original contest entry!*Smile*

I liked your title and your remarks that went with it, so you pulled me in.*Wink*


*Check3*Over-all Impression:

A very original story and discussion between old steps that were built for a family years ago.

*Check3*What I liked the best about your story:
You gave each step a personality...*Laugh* You set them apart with their
complaints and discussions.

*Check3*My Favorite Lines!*ThumbsUp*
"Step Six was always the one to cry wolf at every turn, his glass was never half full; it was usually empty." Ah, the pessimist! They're all the same, aren't they?

*Check3*Your Tone and Mood:
Serious and argumentative over the past fifty years. The bickering between them regarding their conversations with one another was funny. Kind of like eleven
old women!*ThumbsUp*

*Check3*Characters:
The steps themselves, numbered one through eleven. How neat was that!*Laugh*

*Check3*Plot:
The steps after their discussing, was finding out how important they really were. Having been built as an after thought, they had felt slighted and not
as important as the house itself.

*Check3*Setting and descriptions:
The setting of the steps to the arch, with overlooked the meadow, was filled with imagery.

*Check3*Dialog, if any:
Fantastic! The steps had all these memories to discuss with one another, especially with the children who play on them. Your dialog moved your story
forward.*ThumbsUp*

*Check3*Grammar, spelling, sentence structure, etc.
I really saw nothing that jumped out in error here.


*Check3*Please know that my suggestions are meant only to be constructive. Feel free to use any or none. Here are some suggestions you might consider:*Smile*

*Check3*My Personal Thoughts Here:
A great original take on eleven steps and their history. Kudos to you!*Laugh*
*Star*I came away with laughing...Thanks for amazing your story!
If you didn't win, you should have!*Wink* I truly did enjoyed it!


"Inker"
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*Star*I am a proud Reviewer of WDC's Power Group and Showering Acts of Joy.
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed!
35
35
Review of My mother !  
Review by Happy Spring
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey, kalai, this is Jan*Smile*.

Poem: "My Mother"
 My mother !  (E)
My heart aches if I see my mother working hard at times when she needs rest.
#1422839 by Kalai



Congratulations*BalloonR**BalloonB**BalloonR**BalloonB*


First of all I want to congratulate you on your new yellow case. It's a happy color and I want to help you celebrate. I saw your poem in your port and would like to give you my thoughts.

Personal Impression
Your poem was loving, emotional and very original! You truly show the love you had for your mother and would return it if you could in another life.

Tone and Mood:
Your tone was loving throughout and clear.

Rhyme, Form and Flow:
The little that I know of writing a poem, your words were simply written and to the point. Your flow was smooth. You chose your words wisely and I feel you did an excellent job!

Emotional Impact:
Your words drove home the emotion that a mother, inspite of receiving no love herself from her own, she made sure that her daughter would have all the love that she didn't. To know that a mother was so loved, that a daughter would want to become her mother to make sure that her mother received the love that she was given, held such an emotional impact.

Grammar/Punctuation:
I saw no errors here. I feel your punctuation was write on!

Thank you for your well-written and beautiful poem! What a beautiful and original tribute
to a mother!*ThumbsUp*

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I'm a proud member of WDC Power Group and Showering Acts of Joy!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed!










36
36
Review of Wilgar's Dilemma  
Review by Happy Spring
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi,Bertie!*Smile*

I'm back again, as I promised you, to do another review for you from the Power Board! Here are my thoughts and/or suggestions:

I liked your story and this guy Wilgar was being nagged. I thought for a cave man, he was no different than any other hubby.*Wink*


*Check3*Over-all Impression:

Way too funny and you brought humor and reality to this tale.

*Check3*What I liked the best about your story:
Wilgar's Dilemma as a cave man was no different than if he was here today in
many neighborhoods. Your smooth way of writing this story made it very natural.
You intertwined cavemen with modern day living. Very nice.

*Check3*My Favorite Lines!*ThumbsUp*

"You said last night that you didn't need to take them on the raid. You said that they should stay to protect me. That means they will not be exercised. Take them," she said, a thick rod of ironwood in her hand." Herta was a
typical nagging wife. He could have been just going to a foot ball game, etc.

*Check3*Your Tone and Mood:
Your mood was natural and Wilgar and his wife, Herta, were believable. A nagging wife and a disgrunted husband who thinks he is so macho!
I have a few neighbors like that.*Laugh*

*Check3*What didn't work for me:
Nothing. Your story took place in a cave, but they might as well have lived
next door. *ThumbsUp*

*Check3*Pov and Tense:
Your story was told in present tense and second person? {Not sure about the POV. Correct me if I am wrong.}
I can get it wrong, believe me! It's not one of my strongest points.*Wink*

*Check3*Characters:
Wilgar and Herta were a couple that had their everyday chores and Herta kept
her husband in tow. With a an ironwood rod, no less! He wanted to be macho but
was very passive with his wife.*Laugh*

*Check3*Plot:
Macho Wilgar was preparing for an expedition with the male villagers, but he
had to take their wolves out to do their business first. Wolves, not dogs, were their household pets. How was he going to avoid the other males laughing at him? Of course, he didn't succeed.

*Check3*Setting and descriptions:
Very nice. The cave setting and descriptions were all good. You have a "show, don't tell" way of writing. Nice job*ThumbsUp*

*Check3*Dialog, if any:
Great. Nice nagging job there! Wigar's thoughts were only thoughts. He truly was afraid of her...lol

*Check3*Grammar, spelling, sentence structure, etc.
Nicely done and I saw nothing that jumped out, except one:
"then let him do it today . . ." Should have a capital "T" for the word "then".
Although it is dialog, the first word should be capitalized. Knowing you, I'm sure it was probably just a typo.*Smile*

*Check3*Please know that my suggestions are meant only to be constructive. Feel free to use any or none. *Smile*

*Check3*My Personal Thoughts Here:
A story about a caveman and his nagging wife, brought to light with modern day
thinking. Very nice and you did a great job.*ThumbsUp*

*Star*I came away laughing. A good twist of a story about a
cave man! Thanks for sharing your story! You are a talented writer!


Inker
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

*Star*I am a proud Reviewer of WDC's Power Group and Showering Acts of Joy.
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed!
37
37
Review by Happy Spring
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi, Arpita!*Smile*

My name is Jan and I saw your package on the Lightning List and dropped in to review "The Demise of Basil Smith." I am a WDC Captain for the Power Review Group.

I liked your story and the title, and curiosity got the best of me.*Wink*


*Check3*Over-all Impression:

A man who thought he was invincible and could take anything or anybody he wanted. You did excellent on the writing prompt. You used both, emotional and physical prompts with your story.

*Check3*What I liked the best about your story:
Your character, Basil. My oh my. Wasn't he something?

*Check3*My Favorite Lines!*ThumbsUp*
"He did not see, for he did not need to see. After all, it was just her body that he wanted. Her feelings did not matter a sand-grain to him." These
lines were the essence of Basil's character.

*Check3*Your Tone and Mood:
Your voice of conceit and indulgence can be heard throughout your story. Your beginning paragraph hooked the reader. Of course, I knew Basil would
not have a happy ending in death.

*Check3*What didn't work for me:
Nothing and horror stories are not my favorite genre. I guess I am a wuss...lol

*Check3*Characters:
Basil, your main character, was pompous, conceited and indulgent. Lacking emotion for anyone, he stayed that way until he died. Your creation of Basil was of a disgusting man and you stayed true to your character.

*Check3*Plot:
A man of no conscience, he set out to take his best friend's wife to be. He wanted her as a trophy and was hell-bent on getting her, the day before her wedding. You had good rising and falling action. Your climatic ending made me laugh. Revenge is sweet!*Wink*

*Check3*Setting and descriptions:
All good, with good imagery and descriptions.*Smile*

*Check3*Grammar, spelling, sentence structure, etc.
This was all good. You used strong words and verbs to convey your story.*ThumbsUp*

*Check3*POV:
Your story was told in the third person and the right choice for your story.*Smile*


*Check3*My Personal Thoughts Here:
I think your "horror" story was well written and I have no corrections or suggestions for you.

*Star*I came away laughing. ...The perfect man met his demise in death. He thought he was invincible. Thanks for sharing your story! I truly did enjoyed it.

Inker
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
*Star*I am a proud Captain of WDC's Power Group and a member of Showering Acts of Joy.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed!
38
38
Review of Martha  
Review by Happy Spring
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Bertie!*Smile*

It's Jan and I saw your story on in the Power Shop. I wanted to do a review on "Martha" to help fulfill your nuclear package, gifted by Lornda. Congratulations!

I liked your story and your befitting title. I knew it would be something that I would want to read.*Wink*


*Check3*Over-all Impression:

A heart-felt story of a woman who held all the strengths of a woman of her time, until the end. For a short story, I think you covered many aspects
of our heartland, showing the pioneers of a past era.

*Check3*What I liked the best about your story:
It took place in the present, but Martha's memories took me on a journey of a past era. It was a romantic tale of a woman's strength of a bygone era and as she reached the end of her life, she had nothing but memories that were all too real.

*Check3*My Favorite Lines!*ThumbsUp*
"The labor pains started, just a belly ache at first, but Martha knew what it was and hurried to finish scrubbing her floors. She finished, went to the bed and birthed Annabelle. She cleaned up, checked the dinner on the stove and was laying in bed with the babe to her breast when El returned hours later. He lit the lamp and brought it to their bedroom to see his new born daughter, amazed at Martha's fortitude."
*Star*These lines showed the fortitude of Martha and many women just liked her, that helped settle the midwest. Martha was a woman of strength and character.*ThumbsUp*

*Check3*Your Tone and Mood:
The tone and mood of your story was sad. Martha was at the end of life, leaving her with only memories. Her daughter now had to deal with dementia and
trying to get her to move into town.

*Check3*Characters:
Martha, your main character is strong throughout. It is only this kind of woman who could have made it in those early times.

*Check3*Plot:
Waiting for her son, Ben, to return home from the war. The preparations and her memories were sprinkled throughout. There was good rising and falling action. The climatic ending came at no surprise, with the two arrivals of the sheriff. The first was the mention of telling Martha she should sell
her house and move into town, to be next to her daughter, Annabelle. I love the trick Annabelle and the sheriff used to get her to go with them. That was clever! It brought about a fast climax.*ThumbsUp*

*Check3*Setting and descriptions:
Your setting and descriptions showed wonderful imagery throughout your story. Your story could be the beginning of a wonderful saga.*ThumbsUp*
I guess I am the old-fashion type of reader and this type of story is what I enjoy the most. I learn a lot of history through this type of genre.

*Check3*Dialog, if any:
Wonderful dialog used to "show, not tell" throughout your story. The dialog
brought the reader back to the present, as your story was written to show both, past and present.

*Check3*Grammar, spelling, sentence structure, etc.
Mostly good, except for some minor corrections. I have pointed out a few of them:

"even this has seen better days," she said aloud. "Even this has seen better days,"....

"sit down with me Mama." "Sit down with me, Mama."

'ma, why do you suffer yourself so? "Ma" should have a capital M.

All of the above are just minor things and some are most likely typos.
*Check3*Please know that my suggestions are meant only to be constructive. Feel free to use any or none. *Wink*

*Check3*My Personal Thoughts Here:
A great story that could be the beginning of a wonderful novel.

*Star*I came away with a good feeling, knowing Martha would be taken care of in her final days. ...Thanks for sharing your story! I truly did enjoyed it.

Inker
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*Star*I am a proud Reviewer of WDC's Power Group, Showering Acts of Joy and have been a Student at Horizon Academy

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed!
39
39
Review of Dear Me  
Review by Happy Spring
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi,TJ!*Smile*

My name is Jan and I saw your "Dear Me Letter" requesting a review. I am member of WDC Power Reviewers. I wanted to drop by and give you my thoughts.

First of all, I liked the simplicity and style of your letter. Your letter shows a good out-line and format.*Wink*


*Check3*Over-all Impression:

Your enthusiasm shines throughout your letter. You list all your
goals and your letter is written well. Your paragraphs blend and there is
no confusion. Great job!*ThumbsUp*

*Check3*What I liked the most about your letter:
You shrugged off where you may have slowed down from last year and your determination shows that you are not a quitter, willing to keep trying.

*Check3*My Favorite Parts of your letter:*ThumbsUp*
Contentment and your partner were placed high on your list. That should
be easy for most of us, but some times we forget about these things, especially the "contentment" part. If we all kept that in mind, we would be much happier.

*Check3*Your Tone and Mood:
Enthusiastic and happy with the simple things in life. You impress this on
the reader with ease. I do appreciate your optimism. You do make it sound much
easier than we think. The key word "organization" is used to make it less of a task.*Wink*

*Check3*Grammar, spelling, sentence structure, etc.
All good here.*Smile*

*Check3*My Personal Thoughts Here:
I found nothing that stands out for correction. A great letter and one that we should all read! *ThumbsUp*

*Star*I came away with a good feeling. Thanks for sharing your letter and good luck! I truly did enjoyed it.

Inker
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

*Star*I am a proud Reviewer of WDC's Power Group and Showering Acts of Joy.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed!
40
40
Review by Happy Spring
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi,DarkDragon!*Smile*

My name is Jan and I visited your port. You had two entries and I chose this one to do a review.
Your fairy tale is a bit strange, to say the least. However, you did warn me.*Wink*


*Check3*Over-all Impression:

For a fourth grader back then, you have a vivid imagination.*Wink*

*Check3*What I liked the best about your story:
This story was fantasy, a cinderella-type story and just off the cuff thoughts.
I think it can be refined better of course, to connect your thoughts. It could be a very funny
children's story.

*Check3*My Favorite Line!*ThumbsUp*

"Okay, I need a watermelon, three oranges, a bowl, and 200 bucks," said Eoj. Really?*Shock*

"He was wearing a T-shirt, ripped jeans, and a pair of fuzzy bunny slippers."

*Check3*Your Tone and Mood:
Nonsense and humor abounds in your tale. Nothing really makes sense here. you need to go over this story again. Of course, on second thought, maybe you don't want to. I will say this, your story's pace was fast and raced to the end. So much said in so little words! *Wink*

*Check3*What didn't work for me:
The very last letters of your story. What does it mean?

*Check3*Characters:
Two women, Allerednic and Allavera, a mother and daughter that are like the sister and mean step-mother from Cinderella. Ragged and nagged from the beginning, Ittap and Nej are mistreated by Allerednic and Allavera. Eoj, the Person Godfather? You got to be kidding me!*Laugh*. How in the world did you come up with these names and story?

*Check3*Plot:
Eoj, appeared to the girls by falling down the stairs. The plot was to get Ittap and Neg to the ball to meet Prince Gnimrahc.

*Check3*Setting and descriptions:
I think you did well here, especially the part where the Person Godfather falls down the stairs...lol

*Check3*Dialog, if any:
Great dialog! Even back then, you could right dialog correctly, including the tag lines.*ThumbsUp*


*Check3*Grammar, spelling, sentence structure, etc.
I see no problems here.*ThumbsUp*

*Check3*My Personal Thoughts Here:
I can't think of any for you, because I'm having a hard time following your humor.
I keep thinking: But hey, this kid was only in fourth grade. I have to give you an "E" for effort!*Laugh*

*Star*I came away shaking my head....Thanks for making me laugh, though! I truly did enjoyed it.

Inker
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

*Star*I am a proud Reviewer of WDC's Power Group, Showering Acts of Joy and a Student of Horizon Academy

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed!
41
41
Review by Happy Spring
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Cat**Jackolantern**Cat**Jackolantern**Cat**Jackolantern**Cat**Jackolantern**Cat**Jackolantern**Cat**Jackolantern**Cat**Jackolantern**Cat**Jackolantern**Cat**Jackolantern**Cat**Jackolantern**Cat**Jackolantern**Cat**Jackolantern*


Boo,Raechelle! This is Jan, a Captain of the WDC Power Halloween Raid!


I was slinking along the alley and saw your light on. I'm jumping up to review your story and give you my thoughts.*Cat*


*Check3*Over-all Impression:*Pumpkin*

A story of a facebook incident that keeps Liz on the edge of her seat, because of a picture that her nephew Brian was
found dead as a result of a fire.

*Check3*What I liked the best about your story:*Cat*
You are good with description and settings. I can even hear the birds outside Liz' office window.

*Check3*My Favorite Lines:*ThumbsUp*
"Even though they lived on another continent, they kept in good contact via all the latest technology like standard e-mail and Skype." Living on two different continents, I think this shows well how family and friends keep in touch, including facebook. It keeps your story real.

*Check3*Your Tone and Mood:*Pumpkin*
The beginning set the tone for an event that had supposedly happened, but I felt it was short-lived because of the backstory.

*Check3*What didn't work for me:*Cat*
The exposition (background) of your story. Although interesting, I feel too much exposition (three paragraphs) moves the reader away from the actual plot. In this case, less is more. If you were to elongate this story, then perhaps this exposition would have a place in your story. I have done this many times and had to take things out of the story which
didn't fit. However, I save these lines to use in other stories. Nothing is really wasted.*Smile*

*Check3*Characters:*Pumpkin*
Your main character Liz needs a little more telling of her, perhaps through dialog with her husband, Dave. I only
know of her past history, living and working in the United States, where she met her husband. She is happy and has
energy but you need to add more to her character. What are her physical attributes, personality, etc.

*Check3*Plot:*Cat*
Liz sees something on facebook that set off alarms. Is her nephew dead from a fire? She and Dave go about making
calls and writing e-mails to find out. I loved the surprise ending! Good job! I had no idea that it was a dream and a premonition! What a shocker!*Shock**ThumbsUp*

*Check3*Setting and descriptions:*Pumpkin*
You are very good here.*ThumbsUp* I can visualize everything from your descriptive way of writing. Good Job!

*Check3*Dialog, if any:*Cat*
Your dialog is natural and this was good. You spaced it throughout your story to make it interesting.

*Check3*Grammar, spelling, sentence structure, etc.*Pumpkin*
"Before he was half way across the yard from the studio to the house..." This is redundant. You have already established "the studio" in the line previous.
"Just a minute” You need a period here. "...him where the statuses showedup; still nothing.
"For a moment, Dave got up to see what the birds were squawking about outside." This line adds nothing to what
is happening at the moment. However, it is a good line to use elsewhere in your story!*Smile*
"So, as Dave dialled...." You need just one "l" here in "dialed".
You need to use a break after "Liz just went blank." Such as: *****
The next paragraph tells what really is happening and your climax of your story.

*Check3*Tense and POV:*Cat*
Past Tense and in Third Person. This is appropriate for your story.*ThumbsUp*

*Check3*Please know that my suggestions are meant only to be constructive. Feel free to use any or none. This is only one opinion.*Jackolantern*

*Check3*My Personal Thoughts Here:*Cat*
I feel you have a neat story going and with a some rewriting, it will be just fine! I like the whole idea and it is original. I would like to read your story again, after you do another draft. Read it aloud and you will see how it flows and what corrections are needed. I would also like to rate it again, even higher.*Smile*

*Star*I came away with a good feeling, knowing that with a little work it could be a great story. Thanks for sharing your story! I truly did enjoyed it.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

*Star*I am a proud member of WDC Power Reviewers, Showering Acts of Joy and a Student of Horizon Academy

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed!
42
42
Review by Happy Spring
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Cat**Jackolantern**Cat**Jackolantern**Cat**Jackolantern**Cat**Jackolantern**Cat**Jackolantern**Cat**Jackolantern**Cat**Jackolantern**Cat**Jackolantern**Cat**Jackolantern**Cat**Jackolantern**Cat**Jackolantern**Cat**Jackolantern*


Boo*Ghost* SpookyB! This is Jan, a Captain of the WDC Power Reviewers!



I was slinking along the alley and saw your light on. I'm jumping up to review your story and give you my thoughts.*Cat*


*Check3*Over-all Impression:*Pumpkin*

A very romantic story! If he is a werewolf, I might still want to stay with him!

*Check3*What I liked the best about your story:*Cat*
You showed action from the first line. Your lines were filled with romance. I see your story as the beginning of a great romance novel!*Smile*

*Check3*My Favorite Lines:*ThumbsUp*
"The flame flickered, casting stark eerie shadows over his cheekbones, giving him a feral appearance." The word "feral" said it all.

*Check3*Your Tone and Mood:*Pumpkin*
Quiet, hushed and romantic was the tone throughout your story.

*Check3*What didn't work for me:*Cat*
The last line: After several long minutes, she remained in her seat." What seat? You didn't lead up to this but I'm taking it as a "no" from Audrina, refusing to join Damian in his bed. I think needs to join in her aunt's footsteps
and just remain friends. However, can she do this?

*Check3*Characters:*Pumpkin*
Audrina, your main character, is beautiful. I see her beauty through Damien's eyes. She is fascinated by
Damien and trys to fight the emotion that she feels. Damien, the antagonist, is hard to resist. Your characters
are strongly written.{e:ThumbsUp"

*Check3*Plot:*Cat*
Audrina goes to an old lighthouse to check up on a friend of her elderly aunt, who has recently passed away.
I feel you have good rising and falling action, with a small amount of exposition which is needed here because of the history of the lighthouse and Damien.

*Check3*Setting and descriptions:*Pumpkin*
The setting of the lighthouse is done well. You are good with the description here as well as with your characters.

*Check3*Dialog, if any:*Cat*
Loved the dialog between these two people. It was romantic and believable, moving your story forward.

*Check3*Grammar, spelling, sentence structure, etc.*Pumpkin*
This is all good. Your spacing was good, including the break to show different scenes.*ThumbsUp*

*Check3*The Picky Part:*Cat*
"His eyes snapped open, fierce and adamant none be spent." I wasn't in love with the last part of this line, because I found it confusing.

*Check3*Tense and POV:*Cat*
Your story was written in past tense and third person. I tend to have trouble with tenses so I hope I am correct in this! If not, I stand to be corrected.

*Check3*Please know that my suggestions are meant only to be constructive. Feel free to use any or none. *Jackolantern*

{e:check3}My Personal Thoughts Here:*Cat*
It was romantically written and I as your reader would find it hard to say "no" to Damien. A romantic werewolf, indeed!
Kind of like "Love at First Bite." I'm not sure of the climax and what is being written here. Did Audrina join Damien? Off-hand, I would venture to guess "no."

*Star*Thanks for sharing your story! I truly did enjoyed it.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

*Star*I am a proud member of WDC Power Reviewers, Showering Acts of Joy and a Student of Horizon Academy

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed!
43
43
Review of CHARLIE HEART  
Review by Happy Spring
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi, Charlie!*Smile*

This review is being submitted by a student of Dynamic Reviewing. Thank you for inviting me to read and comment on your writing.

I liked your story and the catchy title. Your remarks perked my interest immediately.*Wink*


*Check3*Over-all Impression:

Charlie is unscrupulous, but in a heart-warming funny way. He reaps an inheritance that an otherwise greedy family stands to receive through an elderly woman who will soon die. She woman knows that at least, Charlie will pay the
hospital bills.

*Check3*What I liked the best about your story:
Your sarcastic humor that is embedded throughout your story. The characters are disgusting and you show them as such. I
tried not to like Charlie but inspite of myself, I did!

*Check3*My Favorite Lines!*ThumbsUp*

"I’m a little bee walking into a hive of greedy, nasty, jealous bees, and walking out with all their honey because the queen likes me better than all the rest." This line tells the theme of your story completely..lol.

"Half her face is dead so she smiles with the other half." A good "show" not "tell" line!
I assume that this woman has had a stroke.*ThumbsUp*

*Check3*Your Tone and Mood:
Your overall tone is set from the beginning: Sarcastically funny, but with heart. You know Charlie doesn't care about a lot of things or people, but he does have a heart if he likes someone.

*Check3*What didn't work for me:
"Crying would just lead to buying another one, (I already have three) and getting angry just never worked too often for me." I think the word "Crying" is way out of character for Charlie, Would crying really lead him to buy another car, since he already has three cars. Is he really that greedy? In other words, I don't see him as a cry baby since
he takes the expected beating from three thugs and still treats it like a joke. These are just my thoughts here.


*Check3*Characters:
Charlie, your main character, is very complex but lovable.
The reader learns that he has heart and you build the softer side of his character throughout your story.
He takes a liking to Jimmy and mentally makes plans for him. In spite of himself, he likes the dying woman.
The other side of Charlie? He stands to make some money off of the old woman soon and feels no guilt. He takes away the family's inheritance and he feels no guilt. Charlie is a very interesting character that I would like to meet.*Wink*

*Check3*Plot:
Charlie needs to get the old woman to sign the paper, as he would now be the trustee. He knows that if she should
die soon, he would reap a larger amount, after hospital bills are paid. The family hates him and the little boy
Jimmy, an inquisitive little soul, makes sure Charlie knows it.

*Check3*Setting and descriptions:*ThumbsUp*
The hospital waiting room is the main setting, where the family sits and waits for Charlie to be called in to sign
the viatical settlement. Your descriptions are well done, bringing in all the senses, especially in the patient's room. Visualization and imagery are in abundance. I don't think you left any of the five senses out here. This is by far the
most explicit: "Then she coughs a deep broken cough in my face, the kind that everyone in the room can taste." All I can say is "Yuck!"

*Check3*Dialog, if any:
Excellent dialog, including inner dialog. You manage to tell us through dialog that Charlie was an orphan, the family
were poor blue collar workers, that the dying grandmother had foolishly spent her money on many things, but smart enough
to give it to Charlie. He would pay the bills and the greedy family would get nothing. Your dialog was natural and I could "hear" the voice in Charlie, whether he was speaking or in his actions and also little Jimmy, the inquisitive and tattle tale of a boy.

*Check3*Grammar, spelling, sentence structure, etc.
You definitely need some work here and I will not spell out every line. A few examples will be given and you can easily
see what needs to be worked on:

1."He says, “is she going to die?” The i in "is" should be capitalized.

2."She would let me read booksto herand offer to share her morphine with me." A funny line*Laugh*

3."Are you a an evil snake, Charlie?

4."I look at him and smile a sad smile." This sentence almost become redundant. The word 'smile' is used twice
and it reads too clumsy. Why not say... "I look at him and sadly smile." Or something like that?
.
5."A nurse comes out of the room..." This shows a new scene or paragraph. ***** I usually use these astricks in short stories to show a break.

*Star*Note: I feel there are several errors in your grammar and sentence structure. If you read it aloud, you will find them. You will be able to fix those grammar errors easily. If there
is a pause in the sentence, show the punctuation by a comma or a period. All dialog starts and ends in quotes, with the
first word in each complete sentence capitalized. I don't want to be your English teacher here. I don't hold the credentials.*Laugh*I feel I should focus on the more important aspects of your story.

*Check3*Imagery and Sensory Description:
I think you pulled all the stops out when it came to showing, not telling, active descriptive dialog and all the senses.
I felt I was part of the story. I could see, smell and experience everything, including the beating. I felt actually felt blows to my stomach.


*Check3*My Personal Thoughts Here:
Your story was funny and at the same time, funny. had all the elements of a good story and it flowed until the the end.
You stayed true to your main character. After being beaten, he would wait to barf on them!

*Check3*Please know that my suggestions are meant only to be constructive. Feel free to use any or none. *Smile*

*Star*I came away laughing and I did not hate Charlie Heart!*Smile* ...Thanks for sharing your story! I truly did enjoyed it. I'm planning to read another chapter soon.*ThumbsUp*

Inker
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

I am a proud Reviewer of WDC's Power Group, Showering Acts of Joy and a Student of Horizon Academy

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed
44
44
Review of The Bench  
Review by Happy Spring
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Scarlet!*Smile*

This review is being submitted by a student of Dynamic Reviewing. Thank you for allowing me to read and comment on your writing.

My name is Jan and I saw your story on The Review Request Page.
First of all, I liked the title, which intrigued me. I always wonder how one object will become
the theme of a story.*Wink*


*Check3*Over-all Impression:
A story of a man, his son and while on their daily walks in the park, they
end up sitting side by side on this bench, discussing money...only money.

*Check3*What I liked the best about your story:
Mr. Lanton's discovery that what good was the money, when he no longer had a son.
That big old tree is symbolic of life itself and the bench was symbolic of a father and son's relationship over the years.

*Check3*My Favorite Lines!*ThumbsUp*
"This was the fate of most leaves in Queensland Park. They grew, they aged, and eventually they fell."
This was the essence of your story.

*Check3*Your Tone and Mood:
You set your story in the fall and this invokes a sadness. The narrator sets the tone of a story-teller. He describes a father whose only concern was teaching his son about money and his inheritance. This went on daily from the time the child was eight years old. The child was sad and the only thing he learned from his father was money.

*Check3*How your story worked for me:
This short story was like reading a poem. The wording held underlying meaning, but it was not a difficult read. It made me really "think." This story held the element of "man versus self."

*Check3*Characters:
Mr. Lanton, the father who wants to teach his son about money and his inheritance. He offers nothing else to his son
in the way of a relationship, but to teach him his greed for money.

*Check3*Plot:
The bench holds the memories of a man and his son, until twelve years later, it held just the man. He crys and weeps
for his dead son and accepts now, that the one thing he had faithfully taught his son was for nothing. The last leaf that fell, along with his tears told this sad story.

*Check3*Setting and descriptions:
The bench and the huge tree was the setting of this story. The falling leaves are symbolic of death.
This is where this story takes place.

*Check3*Grammar, spelling, sentence structure, etc.
All good here. You are well-versed in your grammar and spelling.
Your sentence structure and wording added to the pace and impact of your story. An example: "The bench was not visited that day. Or the next. Or the next." This added the impact needed to proceed with your story, as the story is told
at a slow pace.

*Check3*I don't have any suggestions, because I feel that your story is written well.*Smile*

*Check3*My Personal Thoughts Here:
I can't think of anything that will make this story better. You are a good writer and your story demonstrated your wisdom.

*Star*I came away with a sad feeling ...The father learns too late that money isn't everything. Thanks for sharing your story! Keep on writing more things just like this!

Inker
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

*Star*I am a proud Reviewer of WDC's Power Group, Showering Acts of Joy and a Student of Horizon Academy

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed!
45
45
Review of Rising Sun  
Review by Happy Spring
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi,Pokeoh!*Smile*

My name is Jan and I saw your story on the WDC List for American Indian stories to do a review. As a member of WDC Power Reviewer, I wanted to give you my review and thoughts.

I liked your story and the title. Your prologue is a good beginning for your story.*Wink*


*Check3*Over-all Impression:
I feel the prologue promises a story filled with the adventures of this Native American boy.

*Check3*Your Tone and Mood:
I feel "distanced" from the story teller. I feel that the tone and mood is rather flat. In other words, I do not "feel"
your story.

*Check3*Characters:
Rising Son is your main character and title. I know this is only the beginning, but I hope you will show some physical
traits and personality of him. This will keep the reader more interested.

*Check3*Plot:
I see no plot so far, as this is only the prologue and Chapter one. I visualize lots of adventures for this future Chief.

*Check3*Setting and descriptions:
I think you can show more description and action here, especially in Chapter one to move your story further.

*Check3*Dialog, if any:
Your dialog with his mother helps tell more about Rising Son. You probably could expand here and show more action, during


*Check3*Grammar, spelling, sentence structure, etc.
Your spelling is good but you need to work on sentence structure to help the flow.
"Eventually, this baby would become their leader if it was a boy, and "she for it would just become another person to do the chores if it was a girl." This sentence needs to be rewritten I feel it is written rather clumsy. Also, try replacing "it" with "he" being that you are speaking of a special baby boy.

*Check3*The Picky Part:*Wink*

Watch your tenses, because you tend to change them in the same paragraph. With a little rewrite, I'm sure you can fix this to improve your story.*Wink*


*Check3*Please know that my suggestions are meant only to be constructive. Please do with what you wish
as this is your story.*Smile*


*Check3*My Personal Thoughts Here:
A beginning of a great story. It just needs reworking and more emotion to move the reader.

*Star*Thanks for sharing your story! I truly did enjoyed it. Keep on writing more things just like this!The tales and stories of the Native American should be written so your history may not be forgotten. I live in Arizona
and the Native American stories are a joy to read!*Smile*


Inker
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*Star*I am a proud Reviewer of WDC's Power Group, Showering Acts of Joy and a Student of Horizon Academy

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed!
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Review by Happy Spring
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Country Mom!*Smile*

This Jan and I just dropped by to read your poem. I would like to give you
my thoughts, as a member of your forum: Senior Center and the Showering Acts of Joy. I'm not a poet but I do read them....Yours is lovely and is filled with emotion.

There was nothing here that was complicated or hard to understand. Your thoughts
are beautifully portrayed here.

Your point of view, imagery and dramatic emotions here of times gone by, reminds
me of such things when I was a child.

You as the speaker reminds me of all those times that were happy. You make us
remember and it is a good thing.

Your central message here is remembering these times is good, now that some of us are in the twilight of our lives.*Smile*
I can identify with these lines below and are my favorite:*ThumbsUp*

"There is too much rain, rivers rise too fast,
There is nothing left of happy days past.
Burning hot sun makes me wish for cold,
An air conditioner is worth its weight in gold."

Your images were vivid and I can see and feel these things, that you speak of. *Wink*

It was nice to be a child again, if only for a few moments. What a beautifully written poem and thank you!

I found nothing here that wasn't perfect!*Smile*

Inker
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*Star*I'm a also a proud member of Country Mom's Senior Center, WDC Power Group and a Student of Horizon Academy!


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed."{/left}



47
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Review of Nothing To Fear  
Review by Happy Spring
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi,Royal!*Smile*

My name is Jan and I liked your story and the title. I'm here to do a review for you that was listed in
the Showering Acts of Joy Garden.*Wink*

*Check3*Over-all Impression:
I thought your story held a lot of emotion. Charles was filled with the fear of driving and used his
brother's accident and parents for his excuse so that he wouldn't have to drive.

*Check3*What I liked the best about your story:
The lightness and banter with which your story started out. In the beginning, I wasn't sure where your story was going.
What I mean by this, the "fear" wasn't exposed so quickly to the reader. I felt this was good to make the reader go further in the story to find out. You showed good exposition here for your story.*ThumbsUp*

*Check3*Characters:
Charles and Andrea. I think you have done well to bring out their personalities. He is filled with fear and she
just wants to be his friend and help him.

*Check3*Plot:
Andrea wants to help Charles get over his fear of driving. You never swayed from the plot from start to finish.

*Check3*Setting and descriptives:
You are good on description and setting, which in this case, is the car.

*Check3*Dialog, if any:
I liked the dialog between Andrea and Charles. You were able to establish Charles' fear of driving and hiding behind
Greg's accident as an excuse.

*Check3*Grammar, spelling, sentence structure, etc.
The Picky Part:*Wink*
Here are a few corrections on punctuation and grammar. I hope it helps you*Smile*
"You know I haven't and I don't intend to. I can live my life very happily never having to do," I was shaking, it was silly but the thought of doing something like that drove me crazy. "Having to that"
The above sentence needs rewording, because it is not clear to the reader.

"when i said no the subject would be dropped," and here: "hardship i had come across." Change "i" to "I". This word should always be capitalized.
"it was brought up." Change to "would be" for proper tense.
"This was it, this was how I died, bitter thoughts about Andrea drifted through my head." You should start a new sentence after it. Start with "This" for the next sentence. Two different thoughts here.
"What happened to Greg was tragic but not usual." Did you mean "unusual?"

*Check3*A few Suggestions, if I may. After all, this is your story.
*Wink*
I know that the above corrections seem like a lot to do, so just do one sentence at at time. In that way, you won't
become too overwhelmed.*Wink*
To read aloud your sentences and to use your spell checker for grammar, punctuation, etc. These are only suggestions
to help your good story become even better. My suggestions are meant only to be constructive. Feel free to use any or none at all. I only gave the corrections that I knew that should be changed. I feel your story is really good.

*Check3*My Personal Thoughts Here:

A story with good rising and falling action, right down to the climax.

*Star*I came away with a great feeling ...Charles got over his fear of driving. This is a good story and all you need to do is polish it up!*Smile*

Inker
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*Star*I'm a proud member of SAJ, WDC Power Group and a Student of Horizon Academy!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed."

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Review of The Orange  
Review by Happy Spring
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Dreamin1,!*Smile*

This is Jan again... to do another review for you! This is a gift celebrating your enshrinement in "Tome of Artistry" from PatrickB , coordinator of "The Art of Criticism". Thank you for your community spirit!' Your story "Bridge Mix"
should have also included PatrickB's comments, that were omitted by this reviewer.

*Check3*Over-all Impression:

A very heart-felt, emotional story, filled with love. A flash back of a time long ago, sets the beginning of your
story...All because of an orange. Your title was perfect and your pleasing tone made it an easy read.

*Check3*What I liked the best about your story:
You captured the longing of a little girl, who had nothing, including nothing in her stomach.

*Check3*Characters:
You captured the main character, Nina's personality. She was shabbily dressed, shy and longed for attention.
She is a strong, well-thought out character. I found this girl very believable.*ThumbsUp*

*Check3*Plot:
Nina wants that orange sitting on her teacher's desk, but is afraid to ask.
Her teacher notices this and offers her the orange. After Ms. Avery's insistence, she took it gratefully.

*Check3*Setting and descriptives:
You are very good with detail and showing emotion.

*Check3*Dialog, if any:
All good and it helped carry your story at a smooth pace. Inner thoughts reveal a grown-up Nina and a teacher herself.

*Check3*Grammar, spelling, sentence structure, etc.
"Currently it was vacant, the children in their classes." I think I am correct in suggesting a semi-colon, in place of the "and". This sentence reveals two different thoughts.

*Check3*Things you might consider:
Using **** to show breaks between pauses in your story.(It represents chapter breaks, so to speak). Example: Ms. Frances Avery, fourth grade elementary teacher. Use**** Then a space before you begin the next sentence: "The summer heat radiated off the school yard grounds,..."

“No, I’m okay. Really.”{
Remove this typo above after the the ending quote.*Wink*



*Star* Remember that the above suggestions are just one writer's opinions. A few minor small changes will make this
story as perfect as it should be. Please feel free to use them or throw them away. This is, after all...your story!

*Check3*My Personal Thoughts Here:
Your story held a surprised climatic ending. Nina was both, the child in the past and presently,the adult. To think an orange was responsible for all this and it was the beginning of shaping a young girl's life. This was good subject matter to tie in your story from beginning to end.

*Star*I came away with a good feeling ...Thanks for sharing this wonderful story! If this was one of your first, you have nothing to apologize for. It was indeed, wonderful!*Smile* Please keep on writing more things just like this!

Inker
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*Star* I am a proud student of Horizon Academy and also a member of Showers of Joy.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed."

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Review of Bridge Mix  
Review by Happy Spring
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi,Dreamin1!*Smile*

My name is Jan, a Power Shop Reviewer, dropping by to give you a review for your Nuclear Package.*Wink*

*Check3*Over-all Impression:
A very funny account, during a visit to the "In-Laws" for dinner.

*Check3*What I liked the best about your story:
You are on guard thoughout your story and you really don't trust them when
it comes to food. You showed and kept your tone throughout your story.

*Check3*Plot:
Your story builds up, from the time your sister-in-law offers you almonds.
After must persistence of saying "no", you finally take some, because you
were hungry. Was your sister-in-law being nice or just plain mean.*Wink* When you learn with surprise, the disgusting habit of your father-in-law, you just wanted to leave what you ate, behind in the bathroom.

*Check3*Setting and descriptives:
This was all good here. You show action along with description. I think this does help a story with narrative move along more smoothly.

*Check3*Dialog, if any:
Just enough to break up the narrative of the story. This always adds more
interest and shows what really is happening.

*Check3*Grammar, spelling, sentence structure, etc.
All good and I saw no mistakes here.

*Check3*My Personal Thoughts Here:
A funny story for me, but not for you. That ex-father-in-law of yours had a
very nasty habit! Disgusting!

*Check3*I have no suggestions to make this story better. It was written well. All in all, I give you credit for just being married to this family.

*Star*I came away gagging, just a little. However, I did laugh at your mishap. I'm been thinking about that mouse. Your ex-brother-in-law is
oblivious to animal cruelty. I'm glad you decided to change your name.*Laugh* Thanks for sharing your story! I truly did enjoyed it.


Inker
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*Star* I am a proud student of Horizon Academy and also a member of Showering Acts of Joy.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed."


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Review of Your Today  
Review by Happy Spring
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Cairylee!!

I'm a member of The WDC Power Reviewers and dropped by to give you my thoughts on "Your Today."*Smile*

I'm not a poet, but I do read them. Your poem inspired me! I love the wisdom and uplifting feel of your poem.

It reminds us to be thankful for even the small things.

As the narrator of your poem you describe the importance of today. Yesterday has come and gone. Life can pass us by
if always dreaming of tomorrow and what we wish to be.


Meter,Rhyme and Pattern

I'm not a good student to judge this, as I do not know the rules of poetry. But I do recognize the flow and
simplicity with which your poem represents.

Today is what counts and your last two lines are beautiful:

"Because your today is a gift
That's why they call it the present."

This is cleverly written and brings home your point of the importance of "today".
What we make of it is up to us.*Smile*

Thank you for writing your poem!

Inker
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

*Star* I am a proud student of Horizon Academy and also Showering Acts of Joy

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed."{/left}

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