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388 Public Reviews Given
490 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Three First Words  
Review by Happy Spring
Rated: E | (4.5)
I liked your story very much. It held the moral of not placing pocessions before everything else in life and god knows there are enough of those people today :). I assumed it was an angel that sat beside him on the bench presenting him with the bible.

I saw no grammatical or spelling errors and the flow of your story was smooth. You had good transition. I also liked the
dialogue between the two men. This helped made it an easier read and kept me interested until the end.

I have only two suggestions: Elaborating perhaps on their characteristics some and giving the two men names? Just suggestions of course and do with it what you will. I don't try write the stories, because I am not the author. I just try to give constructive feedback. All in all, I think you wrote a very nice piece! Congratulations!

Welcome to WC and keep the ink flowing!

Inker
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Review of Boy's Best Friend  
Review by Happy Spring
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
You did very well with your fifteen minutes to write your story from a photo prompt. Very good!
The story quickly hooked me, taking me through to the very end.
Your surprise ending was unexpected.
I appreciated the dog's voice from a canine's point of view.
Your story was well laid out, and your grammar and spelling were correct..
An experience shared by a boy and his best friend. In saving her best friend, she lost her own life.
My favorite three lines: "She never once lost her hold on Joshua. He was her best friend in the world. She would either save him or die trying." This gave your story the absolute meaning of "man's best friend" and a canine's determination and loyalty.
It made it very believeable.
All animal lovers will appreciate your story and perhaps you can lengthen this story later, with other events prior to the accident? This is just a suggestion and only one writer's point of view. However, your story stands alone, as is.
Although the ending was sad, it held sweet surprise when she wrapped her wings around the boy.

Thank you for your story and I liked it so very much! So keep the ink flowing!

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Review by Happy Spring
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you Diane for the poll! I appreciate the time you took to set this up.
Inker
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Review by Happy Spring
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was very informative to me, regarding the rating and reviewing of another's work. Thank you for the question and answer portion. This answers a lot of my own questions regarding the rating system. Thank you!

Ok, I have to rate this 5.0 :) and several pats on the back!
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Review of Member Survey  
Review by Happy Spring
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
My overall impression of this survey was that it lets Writing.com Support know what their members have done in the past and what they are doing and achieving now as a member of Writing.com. It is a good survey and maybe a few more questions could be added. Perhaps one might be: Are we a member of any group here at WC. As a habitual survey taker, it wasn't a task to fill out for me. Thank You!
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Review by Happy Spring
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello!

A charming story between a little girl and her father. Your vivid descriptions were well written. I could visualize this little girl and her daddy all dressed up.

The dialog was great and I loved it!

Spelling - No errors that I could detect.

Punctuation and sentence structure needs just a little work. Example:Jess shrugged throwing the tutu onto his lap. “Try make it fit Daddy, you can do it.

Jess shrugged, throwing the tutu onto his lap. A comma after shrugged

(You might need two sentences here ) and to add the word "to"
"Try to make it fit Daddy. You can do it.

This is my suggestion to allow your story to flow. Read your story aloud. You would be surprised how silly little errors can be found.

Your over all tone was consistent. I especially liked the ending, with the Mother walking in to this ridiculous scene.
A few years back, my husband had to endure almost the same scene with his grand daughter....lol

Your little girl will certainly appreciate your story one day!
Again....I absolutely loved this endearing story. Keep the ink flowing!

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Review by Happy Spring
Rated: E | (5.0)
Now this was great! Thank you for this eye-opening piece! We were never sure what my "Sara" was. Part Ridgeback and something. Sadly, she passed away this past June 14th. "The Special Box" in my portfolio tells it all.

To me, she could hang with the best of them. When I took her for her daily walks, everyone would stop and pet her. She was an angel. The most wonderfully loved mutt in the whole world.

I loved the way you get your points across. I would love to hand this story out to all those "pedigree lovers!" lol

Keep the ink flowing and I loved it!

Ps. I loved Sara's cold nose!
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Review of One Last Request  
Review by Happy Spring
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A heart-felt poem told from a beloved Pet's POV. Beautifully written and I cannot see any errors here. It made me cry and that is good. You did your job.. Keep the ink flowing. It is a very special poem.

Thank you for a wonderful read!

"The Special Box" written for my "Sara" is my memorial to her. She passed to go to Rainbow Bridge this past June. Tell me what you think?
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Review of Jimmy the Dog  
Review by Happy Spring
Rated: E | (3.5)
I loved your poem about your "Jimmy". Some how that name fits. My favorite lines:

"I always came to you, with my problems; you couldn’t speak to give me an answer. But you listened and sometime a bark. Where you trying to tell me a little remark?"

By your bringing in a brother was so heart-felt to me. Very nice.
And your last line: Your ashes are where you loved to be, but your heart, soul and your memories are with me.

I enjoyed reading your poem.

I have only two suggestions: Do a check on your grammar and punctuation.

An example below:
You always be my best friend; my boy. Did you mean "You will always my best friend?" Reading aloud will help you catch these small mistakes. We all make them :) These are only suggestions to help your poem flow and become a better read.

I can identify with your loss, as I have recently lost my "Sara" this past June. I have written a short story about her, called "The Special Box," which is in my portfolio. I wrote it while I cried. It was good therapy for me.

Good luck with your writing and thanks for Jimmy's story. You are keeping his memory alive. Keep the ink flowing!
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Review of Jack 'O Tens  
Review by Happy Spring
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Doug,

First of all, there are no negatives...truly and no suggestions here to change anything. The structure and flow of your story was very good.

What a funny and original story. Your story kept my interest, as dialog keeps the story flow moving, if it is good. It was. That had to be hard to spell and work out,huh? The "voice" of your story with the "red neck" accent was clever.This made the story even funnier and you definitely had to pay attention to the conversation :)

The way you worked out the story to end up with a straight, was too cool. I know Poker. I didn't see it coming, since the bar was already named for the ten, how ever ficticious...lol Since Jack became part of the group, I figured that part was already written in stone. What next?

The fantasy and magic kept me in suspense as to what town I was going to visit next. Don't know why. A good diverstion from the dialog too.

Loved the characters. You made them "pop." Your dry sense of humor made it all work.

The "voice" of your story with the "red neck" accent was clever.This made the story even funnier and you definitely had to pay attention to the conversation :)

Jack scared the stupid IRS guy right out of his pants, but he was still temped enough to want that card game....lol The devil made him do it....lol

I did wonder from the very beginning, after hearing Jack's circumstances, how did he get that boat. The twist at the end was great.

My favorite paragraph and character:

Queen of Clubs was a fine full-figured black woman, with bulges in the right places, and a big old-fashioned afro hairdo. She was friendly as can be, she never drank all that much, and she had a mellow gospel singin' voice that came all the way up from her toes. I never heard Queen sing no songs, though. She just sounded like she could.

This was a very humorous and fun read!

Thank you and keep the ink flowing!

.
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Review of The End of Summer  
Review by Happy Spring
Rated: E | (5.0)
Oh, wow! Where have you been hiding? This is about as sweet as any story I have read here.
Grammar and spelling are correct, of course.

One error here: "tired an unable to water the last fifty." The word and, not an. (I know, you were in such a hurry to get this one out here and I don't blame you.)

I saw no other errors.

But let me get to the good stuff here: I liked the flow of your story, from beginning to end. .

This is as sweet as it gets! Your description and details are wonderful and I truly mean that. The title, the description everything, including the little martins. You did a great job here.

I liked the "tone of your voice" in this story. You writing tells love,tenderness and caring between this couple and her friend.

As a reader, you touched all my senses.

Your story line? What was there not to like? Sad ending of course, but such is life. At least I survived my "place in the sun" so far{e:.wink}

Your ending, describing Lois' foreseeable death thru the "martins" is what good writing is all about. I came away with a sigh of contentment.

Welcome to WD and keep that ink flowing....Great Job!
Author's Note: Check out my "We are the Spirit"
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Review of Group Therapy  
Review by Happy Spring
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I liked the dialog. My kind of read. The nurse was a "Nurse Ratched", in "One flew over the Cuckoo's Nest." , played by Louise Fletcher, Back in the 70's.. I loved that great movie and I can see her in your characterr. Good Job here.

I have seen the movie several times and spent a couple of years (working :) working in an institution such as this. I can really identify with your characters! Your story was fiction, but oh, so true!

Your main character here certainly wanted her patients to want what she wanted....lol A controling soul, to say the least. She knew how to beat them down, did she not?

Spelling and grammar are good and so is your dialogue. A good story and it flowed well. I have no "dislikes," about your story. You had strong characters here. I thought it was great!. I really wanted more!

My favorite two lines below:

"I liked this descriptive line: Others were less comfortable; their legs jiggling incessantly like the flare from an oil rig, burning off excess energy. (Desciptive and sets the mood)."

"The two bus drivers stood up, and paced angrily toward each other, eyes blazing." I liked the new names quickly given to them to really show what happens in the minds of patients who are "insane", when they became so upset...lol.

I enjoyed it and I think you should definitely keep on writing! Welcome to WC!
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Review by Happy Spring
Rated: E | (4.5)
Inspirational and though-provoking. Good descriptive writing here. Spelling and grammer were fine.

What I liked the most: The feeling that no matter what road a man takes,even if it wasn't his choice, he can still get back on track. That he shouldn't give up, if he has the will.

I liked this paragraph the most: " He first dusted off himself and came up with a plan. He put away his sadness, sucked it up like a man. He put aside the memories that freely called to remind that the dreams he had were left far, far behind. No! He would not listen...No! he would not hear...for he would make this work, some way, some how, and he moved on one foot in front of the other, sometimes it felt like years."

The last paragraph (somewhat confusing) said to me: If only in his dreams, this void would be filled and the pain would go away. So, is it only in his dreams? Or is it never too late to pursue those dreams?



A pleasant and inspirational read. One to read again and ponder....Write on!



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Review of Dog Mind?  
Review by Happy Spring
Rated: E | (4.5)
Oh, did I like your story. Telling it from a dog's point of view...Very Nice!

Your first line drew me right into your story. It got my attention.

I can't see anything wrong here, so I guess you'll have to write another one :)
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Review of unfinished story.  
Review by Happy Spring
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Your very good at detail and this story shows promise. I was depressed over this story, but that is to be expected, as the topic is after all, about "death."

Some suggestions regarding your story: Your spelling is good, but pay particular attention to your grammer, punctuation and paragraphing. Read it aloud. If the sentence seems too long, it probably is. Watch your commas, especially when using the word "and." When the story shifts, it's usually time for a new paragraph.

one example:

"He arrived at a homeless shelter and parked his bike against the wall, and walked inside, he had been in this particular shelter many times and although the food wasn’t great he still ate it, as a last resort, but only as a last resort." This sentence is way too long and needs to be broken down, into two, possibly three sentences. A suggestion here: "He arrived at the homeless shelter and parking his bike against the wall, he walked inside. He had been in this particular shelter many times (give it a name, since he has been there before) and although the food wasn't great, he still ate it, but only as a last resort."

Another suggestion: Is there a reason your characters are nameless? The reader might feel more connected if your characters have names. Without them, it seems so cold, unless this was your intention.

Remember, these are only suggestions and I hope I have helped you.. Do your Bio Block, as this gives the reader a little more insight about you. I wish you well in your story writing and good luck!!
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Review by Happy Spring
Rated: E | (4.5)
A great story and it touched my heart. I myself am nursing an 11 year-old dog who is very sick. When the end comes, I want to be there for her and remember the good times and memories. I guess that is why I chose to read your story. :)

Telling your story through the eyes of a dog gave a more human touch so that we can better relate to them. More importantly, your story gave me a better understanding of how our dogs feel and think about us humans. To give us love and protect us, no matter what. Your story says too, that in the "end", we will always remember the good and better times we had with our "best friend." That in itself helps heal the loss we feel when we lose one of our beloved pets.
Your story touched on many things that a canine might experience in his lifetime, from his birth to adulthood."The good, bad and the ugly,." of the many things a canine can endure but he cannot tell you his story.

Your grammar and spelling are good and your story is good from beginning to end. The only suggestion I can make is perhaps you may wish to add some dialogue. As a reader, it helps keep my interest and it makes for an easier read. This of course is only a suggestion.

Keep on writing your wonderful stories and I wish you the Best of Luck!
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Review by Happy Spring
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well-written and yes, we often take our children's wisdom for granted. The see and know more than we give them credit for.
You portrayed Steve taking on his share of responsibility for his little brother. Divorced parents don't often see their divorce through children's eyes and what an impact it has on them.

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Review by Happy Spring
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I'm a newbie and would love to join your senior forum...May I? Your article made me feel welcomed and I like to meet
other people and writers my age. I am a senior....lol
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Review by Happy Spring
Rated: E | (5.0)
I found this article very informative and was well written.. Your article was very organized and proved why the EP's are a great tool for both, the writer and the reviewer/reader. I'll keep this in mind for future reviews.
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