What a cute prose. Keep writing your doing a wonderful job. I really like how you brought the prose to life in my head. I could see every thing as it un folded in the prose. Well done keep writing.
Character Development: I can't see much of the character. It needs more development here.
Historical Referencing: Modern day since she was in a new sports car. But needs more to bring the time into the story.
Plot: Needs work, the story jumps around a lot to me. Talking about famin and then how she wants to be famus.
Grammatical: this is not one of my good points since I need help a lot in this area too. But I did see a few sentances that needed work. Here they are: She cared damn s*** for the starving millions or the unemployed. This line needs work. To me it's hard to read. damn **** does not go good with each other. Try this sentance like this it sounds better. She cared damn litte for the starving millions or the unemployed. This sentance needs work too, and also it conflicks the other sentance about not careing. Famines were striking her little village back in AP regularly. She had to do something to change it. First off never use letters for names of place or cities some people may not know where you are talking about and that makes it harder for the reader to picture the area. Seconed why do you say she does not care then here she has to do something about it. That confused me.
General: This is a good start needs more discription and maybe some back gound information on the girl like looks other dreams feelings.
Personal Opinion: I think this could be a good story it just needs more in depth feeling and souronding to bring it all together.
Please don't get down about this rating it was a good start now just polish it up some and you will have a 4.5 story. Good luck and keep your chin up you're doing good.
You must like Chocolate like I do. I can see you sitting at a table with a bar in front of you I can see a sweet smile on your face and I can see you slowly close your eyes as you put the piece in your mouth well done. Now I have to go fine some Choclate in my fridge. Yum Chocolate, brings a smile to everyones face.
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Great poem, It had a great meaning in it for everyone. I know there have been times when I wanted to just give up because of the pain, but then I remembered the wind in my hair and the feel of freedom as I raced over the hard land. Well done this would be great for children to read to let them know fear can take away all you good times.
Well done keep writing.
What a great poem, it steals your breath and makes you want to ride that golden horse. Wow well done. I liked the imagery; The blue skys the green grass. I could see it, feel it. Wow this poem makes me miss haveing horses again and to feel the wind blow through my hair as I raced across the fields. Great job keep writing.
Somew very good poems in here, not very dark as I was thinking but they sure are good. Wow you are very good at writing poetry. I hope you can get some of them published they need to be seen and read.
This is a great collection of poems. I had to read them since I have a poem named Heart brake hotel. LOL
I love the poem Ten Tiny Fingers, Ten Tiny Toes. Great poem!!!! Then Closer was also great. To me they are must reads. Well done. Keep writing.
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A folder full of out standing Poerty. Well done some of these should be published. They are great, well writen and full of feelings. Please keep writing poerty you have a great writing styal for it.
Hello great story, I think the beging was great the end kinda feel off. If you make the reader surprised or even wonder what could happen next. Make the reader catch his or her breath, make them want to know more but leave them guessing. I really liked how this story was put to gether well done, I only think with a great cliff hanger for an ending would make this story better. Keep trying you can do it.
Setting: To me I did not get the over all feel. I needed to be able to see the characters in my head. The areas where they were I cound not visualise. Tell us how the air smelled tasted. Let us know what they could hear. Paint a picture with words.
Character Development: Good work here I had a good feel for the characters, I would have liked to have known a little more about them their thoughts and what made them who they were.
Historical Referencing: To me this story should had an idea of time to make it work better. Was it 1978 or was it some time in the future. If it was in the past give a refrance like a surtan movie that came out at that time or something big. Or if its leans more to fiction then date it. It just helps the reader to visualise the areas and the way of life.
Plot:Hummmm, this area was good, I was not lost in the story or wondering what was going on. I was strat and to the point. I think a time period would help the plot more though.
Grammatical:This is not my area. Now there were a few areas that sounded like a pause or a comma should be. But as I said this is not my area so that is why I am not going into detail.
General: It was a good read, had a nice flow and had a climax a bit of suspence. Very good start. Well done.
Personal Opinion: I think this was a great start, I think it could be worked on a little more and made better. I really think a time will help this story. With a little help with cloths and such a time can also be brought in. A cave man did not wear bellbottoms , and so you know you are talking about the 60's or early 70's right. So if you refrance cloths and discribe them it will help with your time.
I really think this story can go far it just needs a little work to make it better.
You can do this keep writing you will get the hang of it.
Cute little poem, Needs a little more to it, what kind of questions did he ask? Where they funny, strange or imbarising?
Exspande on this poem to make it even better.
Well done and keep writing your doing good.
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Great job. This is a great poem. If you can enter it into a contest so more people can read it. Well done.
I really liked this poem. I will have to come see your poet soon Keep up the great work.
Always remember write from your heart!!!!
Well done. This was a cute little story great for kids.
You had me chucaling a few times because it seams to me there is something that takes off with the close.
Very good poem, It sure does have a deeper meening. I did like how it rolled off my tung as I read it. I would love to have something like that writen on my oriental scren that in have in my room it seams to match perfectly. since the scen is of cherry blosoms.
Well done, I liked it a lot. Keep writing.
Good, I think it could be worked on a little more. I just can't see who is saying what in my head. If you can add more feelings into it. Tell us who they are and why they are sad or in the shape they are in.
This is a good poem just needs a little work.
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Very good, needs a little work. The fith line from the bottom, I think you ment Scream not sream. The midle where her refuses the next two lines make no sence to me. He refuses to let him main what? I don't think touches his hindquarters sound right. Maybe something like refuses to let his mane lay lifeless on his back.
This is a good poem just need a tiny bit of work.
Keep writing.
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This poem speaks from the heart, I love it. If only I could write a poem the way you do. Well done!!!
Great job I felt the pain. I really like the emotions I felt while reading it.
Keep writing your doing good.
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