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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jasib
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12 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Twisted  
Review by JA
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I like it. It's a very easy read. The rhythm is good. It falters in a few spots, but that in no way takes away from the poem. The flow could be tightened up a bit, but I'm not sure I would mess it. The read on this is good.

I love the line, "No, I'm not dead; My mind has just drifted. I can't help that I'm so sick and twisted."

Great line.

Keep on bringing it, I would love to read more.

Ja Sibley

2
2
Review of The Passage  
Review by JA
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is wonderful. Your tale of being on the road with your dad and family. It's priceless. I could see myself looking at the mountains. Having a snack with Dad, just us.
You did a great job. I didn't find any grammar errors, the story flowed wonderfully.
I smiled all the way through and laughed at getting the hit meant for a sibling. I been there.

Good job, keep it coming.
Ja Sibley
3
3
Review of Beneath the Tree  
Review by JA
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is a nice, dark poem. The AABB is spot on. Rhythm and Rhyme flow through easily and make this an easy read.

I could easily, in my minds eye, see the guy as he tortured this poor girl and left her for no one to find.

Great job on the overall.

Keep on writing,
Ja Sibley
4
4
Review by JA
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love this.
I have written in the normal, at the table, my home office, sitting on the couch. But for the weirder at heart... I write in the car on road trips, I write poolside, enjoying the sun. Camping in the woods, but the oddest was when I did some of my best writing in a bar as my hubby played with the band. The hubby is singer, songwriter of the blues. I sat at the end of the bar and wrote all night long.

The odd places that bring out the muse.
Ja
5
5
Review by JA
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi there Platinumb. I saw your work on Read and Review. I enjoyed reading it and I hope this is helpful for you.

Impression: I enjoyed the overall theme of the poem. I love the lines "I need to stop to catch my breath, When you step too close for comfort." That's a good combo of lines.

Imagery: The imagery was good, I could see where you were going. Good flow to the last verse.

Grammar/Spelling: I did not notice any misspelling. The grammar I noticed was small. A double word maybe, "Another day day" A missing word here or there. Not a big deal. Sometimes my brain works faster than my fingers and I get a head of my self.

Suggestions: What I noticed may be intentional and that is all good. The poem is well done and a good read.

Please remember this is only my opinion. Take what you want and throw out the rest, the thing to keep in front of you is to keep on writing however it makes you the happiest.

Write On,
JA Sibley
6
6
Review of Butterflies Die  
Review by JA
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Very well done. I wouldn't change a thing.

This is a well done poem with spot on AABB approach. As I read this, I could feel the child's pain.

I believe for a writer to write with heart and feeling, one must have either seen this pain or been a part of the pain growing up.

Your insight is deeply touching.

Thank you for the beautiful poem.

JA Sibley
7
7
Review by JA
Rated: E | (4.0)
Oh my gosh. You been reading my diary! lol I can so relate to this from start to finish and I'm not a waitress. This works for all jobs. I've had bosses like this one and I have stopped and said "I quit."

Excellent painting of a wonderful picture of life on a daily basis.

JA Sibley
8
8
Review by JA
Rated: E | (5.0)
Bah hahaha... I love it. I want one and I don't even know what it does. Great job on the poem. Fun to read and it was an easy read. I understood everything. But I am a Dr. Suess baby and I know what a Flamdanglefoo is.

Fabulous!

JA Sibley
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