Short but very well written. All of the time's were very clear and well defined. I loved the ending the most. It reminds me very strongly of the bond me and my mother share and how much I will miss her when she is gone. A beautiful piece but you should warn people there will be tears!
This was really interesting. IT was a little hard for me to follow but I"m not used to reading that style. The caps to convey shouting were a little over used. Also I noticed you used 'u' for the word 'you' and 'r' for the word 'are' at least once. To me that makes the piece look unprofessional. Overall, good story.
I liked this story but I felt like it could be so much more. There's not a whole lot of description going on in the story and it made it hard for me to really see the story happening, it all felt too fast, rushed almost. Well, that's just my opinion though.
I think this sounds like a very interesting story and I'd be very interested in reading more of this story. The formatting you used is a little hard to read, there was too much text all bunched together on the page for me to read it easily. Just something to think about. Great story idea though.
This seems very interesting and your use of language is very captivating. However, I felt like I got a simple taste of something much more,much greater. Is this part of a larger story? If so I'd be very interested in reading more of it. I wonder what happened to this man and why this woman can save him but the others couldn't.
I really liked this story. It's sad but also so very sweet. However, I don't think any couselor would tell a young man to forget his dead sister, especially if he was so involved in her death. That's the only thing I found unbelievable. I liked how you portrayed Alexa though, I wish we could have me her.
This is very happy and simply. I like the way you never really come out and say that you're talking about hand holding but it's very obvious what you are talking about. It was a little short and I whished there could've been more to read. Very good poetry though!
Wow, the ending really surprised me. I'm not sure what was going on in this story. Was he sick or something? Was it all a dream? Very confusing but very compelling as well. I would've liked to know what was actually going on but that's the only thing that put me off at all. I enjoyed reading it!
Wow, so she ended up leaving the little baby all alone? That's really sad but it's something I could see happening in real life if someone didn't understand much about babies and how much care they need. Great story but the ending made me really sad!!
This was really sweet. I like the freeverse way you did this, it made it seem more natural instead of trying to stick to a beat. The stanzas were a little long and I lost my place a couple times because of it. The bittersweet emotion you bring to this is amazing though. Good job!
This was a very interesting story. I know a lot of parents would give up their life for their child but I really liked your take on it. You told the story smoothly and paced it so that the reader never got bored with what was going on. I loved seeing how much this man loved his daughter!
Wow, this was nightmarish. I loved how you were able to write horror without it getting grossly bloody or gruesome. Somethings are that much mroe scary if left to the imagination. I very much enjoyed it and look forward to reading more of your writings!
This seems like an interesting story and now I want to read more. I didn't notice any mistakes and everything seemed to flow pretty naturally. There were a few gruesome images but I think you're just trying to set the tone though it brings up a lot of questions as to what type of school this is...etc../
I like how you give us so much information in a very believable way. This caught my interest for the story and makes me wonder what will happen next. It also makes me wonder what happened with the reporter and if anything we just found out was actually accurate. Can't wait to read more!
The ending of this made me cry. I was truly invested in your characters and was sad to see their story end on such a sad note. The beginning was a little hard for me to get into but I enjoyed the over all story and the story line. I also loved where it was set! I also enjoy writing fiction set in the far past.
This was actually really sad. It makes me wonder what really happened to Sid but kinda hints that he never really was able to pull himself out of his slouch. The writing was good and clean, I didn't see any mistakes. It was a crisp style and focused on the dialogue, risky for a new writer but I don't think you are as your dialogue sounds very natural and carries the story quite well.
Aw, this was very sweet! I have always owned multiple animals at a time and this artfully shows how annoying they can be but then also shows why we keep them.
something to work on might be the addition of a few words. I could hear my inner editor adding some things where they weren't complete thoughts.
All in all, a very sweet poem!
I think this is a very sweet poem about adoption and how adopted children are just as much their parents as biological children. I hope to adopt some day and it's nice to see that others feel this way as well. I'm not really a poet so I can't give too good of advice for editing and stuff but I really liked it!
This was a very grounded piece. I liked that you wrote accurately about this important year but it also felt like to be light and happy, then very somber, and then happy again. I felt like it was a bit harsh in its expectation for the reader to switch emotions that fast. Other than that, it was very good.
I really like your style of writing and enjoyed reading this. However, I couldn't figure out if he was crazy or really hearing a noise. It sounds like he might have some history of being unstable but it's not clear. I liked the way this moved though, it felt very comfortable.
This seemed a little forced to me. You obviously have a lot of emotions towards the person who this is about but it seems bottled in the writing, as if you are holding yourself back. Don't hold it in! Let it all out! That's what writing is for, put everything into it and it gives it back.
I'm going to put up a button on my facebook profile and hopefully that will bring people! I don't visit many other sites but if I do find other writing sites I'll be sure to link them back here. I only found this place a few days ago but I already love it here!!
This was amazing. I simply love this idea, it's great. I got so into the story that I barely realized I was writing. I think my favorite part was the aftermath of The Attack in 2012 but I liked the fact the human race didn't seem to learn anything from the past. Bottom line, this is amazing. I know this is classified as a short story but I would love to see it expanded in to a novel or even a series!!
This is a good poem but it seems to wander a little. When I started reading it, there was talk of going back to remedy wrongs done in the past but then changes to say love the present. It seems to have transitioned a little fast, maybe if you added a couple more stanzas it would come across a little bit stronger. I did enjoy it though and hope to read more.
This was an amazing poem. You have real talent for putting someone in that position. I actually cried at the end of this. It's short but also perfect in length, any longer and it would've sound preachy, any shorter and I don't know if you would've been able to get your point across.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jedigrl330
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.23 seconds at 6:02am on Apr 24, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
