I really loved the imagery of this piece. My favorite season is autumn, and this poem evoked a lot of the things I love best about this season, from the sights to the smells to the feelings. You did a great job of using a lot of sensory input in this poem to make it come alive on the page (or screen, as the case may be).

The stanza with the apples felt a bit repetitive, having used the word "apples" in all three lines. Even taking the word "apple" out of the second line (so that it reads "for homemade pie and cider") would go a long way toward helping avoid some of the most repetitive parts of this poem.

The first stanza also threw me for a bit because it includes both a description of morning and evening simultaneously. The other stanzas paint a moment in time while this one (and the line "the days grow shorter, and the nights grow longer") describe a span of time. The juxtaposition of those two sentiments caused me to pause as I was reading, and I wonder if it might be more effective to keep all the stanzas in the same "moment in time" style to paint a clearer picture.

Overall, I really enjoyed this poem and all the feelings and emotions it evoked. It made me look forward to the season change coming up!

I really enjoyed the sentiment of the piece. After having lost my mother unexpectedly two years ago, I can really relate with this sentiment that life always seems fleeting, and one never knows when a health issue or something else is going to come up and cut short your time with loved ones. I thought you did a good job establishing the family concerns you're struggling with, and put that in great context against the larger argument for making the most of the time you have.

In the first paragraph I think you may have meant to say "Delayed effects from his fall" (rather than "thus fall").

I think the piece would also be stronger if you started with a bit of background about your current situation and outlook (before the health scare with your brother JG, of course). Normally I advocate for jumping right into the main content of the piece, but since you're making a case for not squandering the chances that remain to spend time with family, I think this piece might be a bit more effective if you show the reader what your life was like before that important revelation.

Overall, I really enjoyed this piece and thought you did a good job with it. The sentiment definitely stuck with me. Nice work!

One. I really like your take on the prompt. What could have been a really generic premise turned into something way more intriguing by the way you structured this first entry.

Two. The way this entry dovetailed with the first one was a pleasant surprise and a really great way to keep the reader interested while presenting them with two different, seemingly unrelated at first, storylines. Nice work!

Three. I absolutely loved your take on the prompt here. Using the word prompts as a source for character development is a really inspired choice. Also, the decision to include some significant action elements after the prior two entries being smaller in scope is a smart decision to change things up for your reader and keep them on their toes.

Four. Good use of the coffee shop prompt. Whereas prior prompts were used for different effects (general setting, backstory, character identity), this one focuses on the prompt as a primary location of the story. Your use of the prompts in different ways really stands out and makes this entry unique.

Five. The prompt in this entry was a bit of a throwaway prop in the context of the scene. I know that contests like these, with multiple varying prompts, can be challenging to continue to find ways to weave together, and this was the first one that felt like a bit of an afterthought.

Overall. Overall, I think your use of the prompts you were tasked with was excellent. You incorporated them into your entries in a variety of different ways, some of which were quite memorable. That said, I'm not sure that the premise of the story across all five installments as a whole is quite clear.

One. While there isn't much narrative to evaluate at this point, you instead used the first entry to great effect in teasing what's to come later. It's a smart tactic to use for a contest where you know you have more space to play with, and the time to set the stage for something interesting.

Two. This section was very reminiscent of the first, where there's not really an internal narrative to evaluate within this section, but it's clearly building toward something more. I'm still invested.

Three. There's definitely some story to dig into with this entry, and you do a great job of creating some interesting conflict, particularly the juxtaposition of what Cakey is seeing as compared to everyone else.

Four. While the narrative continues to be interesting, you're starting to lose me here because I'm still waiting to see how the earlier installments of the story are going to pay off, and at this point it doesn't seem like they're going to. Cakey continues to be a vibrant and interesting character, but I'm 80% of the way through the story at this point and not sure how it all ties together.

Five. The description of events in this entry is great, but I'm a little confused about what's actually going on and how this narrative is meant to resolve.

Overall. For me, the narrative across all five installments needs some work. A challenge where you have to respond to five different prompts and write five different stories that are all interconnected is definitely a challenging one, and there are definitely parts of this entry that read like it's five different tangentially-related vignettes rather than a cohesive story. In particular, I think readers need to be able to answer the question "what was this story about?" and I'm not sure there's a clear answer here.

One. You did a good job of giving the reader just a few key details to get a sense of Kellen's personality and, combined with the twist at the end, it really keeps the reader engaged and leaves them wanting to know more.

Two. Starting a piece then immediately transitioning to a new set of characters and a different (ish) setting can be challenging, but I think you handled it well by creating echoes of the first installment in this one.

Three. Cakey is a unique and really engaging character. With just a few lines of description and a brief interaction with a few other characters, you've managed to create a compelling individual that the reader sympathizes with. This is a very difficult thing to do in fiction writing and your character development in the few hundred words of this specific entry is truly exceptional.

Four. Cakey continues to be an interesting character and point of view while witnesses events unfold, but there isn't much new character development in this specific entry.

Five. Based on the pink and gray color references, I'm assuming the gray man is Kellen and Pinkie is Isiqalo from the first two installments of this story, but there's really nothing in this entry to connect those dots or explain what/who Kellen and Isiqalo are and what their connection is here.

Overall. Your characters are one of the strongest elements of this piece. From point of view characters all the way down to incidental characters that are only there to serve the plot, you managed to find a way to make each and every one of them memorable and unique. This is a very difficult skill to learn to do well as a writer, and you should be really proud of your ability to make a lasting impression on your readers with your characters.

One. The dialogue was minimal in this first entry, but I think that works to the piece's advantage, keeping the reader focused on establishing the setting and the character.

Two. Like with the first installment, the dialogue here is minimal, and I think that's to the advantage of the narrative right now.

Three. The dialogue in this entry was great, particularly the interaction with the "tan-and-blonde perfect twink" and "his equally stereotyped partner." The realistic dialogue, paired with the savvy use of description and characterization really made this entry stand out.

Four. There's no dialogue in this piece, except for Cakey's inner thoughts which are effective at moving the story along.

Five. The dialogue between Pinkie and Cakey at the end feels a little unearned, because the reader still doesn't really understand how all of this is meant to fit together. Using a technique where there's very little dialogue in a piece as a whole until the very end can have tremendous effect in emphasizing the importance of that dialogue... but the flaw here for me is that the dialogue isn't very resonant because it feels a bit random based on what's been established in the story so far.

Overall. Your use of dialogue was very good. The actual words came across as realistic and, more importantly, you know when to have your characters say something and when it's better for them to remain silent and let actions speak. A lot of authors have a tendency to pad scenes and chapters with excess dialogue and you definitely don't have that problem in this piece!

One. There wasn't any internal structure to this entry per se, but as part of a larger narrative it worked just fine to set the stage for what's to come. The pacing was excellent and the narrative moved along nicely, ending with a great teaser about what is going on and encouraging the reader to continue on.

Two. I liked the echoes of the first installment here. You set the scene, moved things along quickly, and created an intriguing mystery by the end of these few hundred words. You're off to a great start in terms of a larger narrative!

Three. I'm still not entirely sure where this story is going because you've now introduced three different sets of characters in three different settings in and around New York, each of whom experience different things... but you've managed to make each of them individually interesting and well-paced, so I'm not sure that really matters that much. Although I will say that, from a personal standpoint, I'm starting to wonder how (or even if) all of this narrative will come together knowing that there's only two installments left.

Four. This entry was fast-paced and full of action. You made good use of your description and kept the imagery vivid while also moving the story along at a brisk pace.

Five. I would suggest a little something to break up the two sections of this piece. The fantasy element and the real-world element at the very end when Cakey finds herself in the shop as if nothing happened kind of run together.

Overall. From a structural standpoint, each individual entry works well internally, but I think there's room for improvement in terms of how they relate to one another. The first two installments introduce us to characters that aren't mentioned again in the story (although there's an assumption that they make an appearance). It's unclear how the middle installments build to a cohesive conclusion. Some of that is clearly due to the unique circumstances of the contest and only having a day to write to an unrelated prompt without having the option of going back and editing, but for future challenges like this, my advice would be to put a little more energy into developing a cohesive narrative where the things you set up in prior installments have a chance to more fully pay off.

One. In the fourth paragraph, when the description says, "The paradox of safety in numbers while alone in a crowd was something he'd argued internally (eternally?), but..." really threw me off as I was reading. I can't tell if it's because this is the first (and only) time that the narration is treated directly like Kellen having an inner monologue with himself, or if it's the juxtaposition of internally/eternally which isn't the usual pairing of similar concepts that one uses when trying to discern the right word to use. It almost felt like Kellen was trying to figure out if he used the right-sounding word, but that language difficulty isn't on display anywhere else in this piece so it makes it stand out as odd.

Two. I think I may have mentioned this in a prior review, but there are a couple of points in this installment of the story where it feels like you're trying a little too hard to be unique in your word choice, and it tends to make the piece read a little awkward and overwrought. In particular, phrasing like, "something bloated and oppressive as it embossed her olfactory system" and "What was enslaving her focus?" read as a bit stilted because you're trying to convey simple information in a more-complex-than-it-needs-to-be kind of way. On the plus side, your turns of phrase are excellent. "The Big Apple's big apples" and "realizing his fruit-bearers would bear him no financial fruit" are fun turns of phrase that I particularly enjoyed.

Three. No criticism here, but I did want to point out, as a callback to my note in the first entry, the line where you say "They scampered through the terminal tunnel (escaping, Miz Cakey thought)..." is exactly how this particular device is used to the utmost effect, where you have the thoughts of the character clearly elaborating and refining the information that came before it. I would recommend looking at how you used the device here and seeing if you can apply the same principle to the part in the first entry.

Four. I think the "What did it mean?" line was a weaker sentence to end this piece on than if you removed it and ended with, "Was it a dance, or was it a fight?" The latter leaves the reader with something much more specific and dynamic to contemplate. Adding a more generic question after the specific one leaves the reader finishing out the entry on a less impactful note.

Five. Assuming Pinkie and the gray man are actually Isiqalo and Kellen, what threads are there to connect this final scene to the first two? It feels like there's a missing piece here, and the reader isn't seeing the full picture about how the disparate parts of this story are meant to work together.

Overall. On a personal note, I loved the humorous little notes in the word count of each entry. Overall, your technical writing is quite good. Your use of detail and description is vivid but restrained, you know how to keep the story moving along, etc. But I'd recommend taking a note from Elmore Leonard (Jayne told me you're currently reading Out of Sight which is a personal favorite of mine) or Stephen King and figuring out a way to tell your story more simply. Word choice is an immensely powerful tool in a writer's toolkit and there's no question that there are times when sophisticated, highly specific language is the right way to go. But there are also times when you don't need to overthink it and can sometimes just say "the scent of something bloated and oppressive hit her" or "she huffed while she climbed up among the branches." Sometimes, just saying the thing you want to say plainly is the most effective way to go (particularly when you're in the middle of describing action and trying to keep the pacing tight).

Overall, I think this is a quality story and I can easily see why you won Third Place in the "The '5-Day Prompt Challenge' Contest"  with it. Given the particulars of that contest (the daily prompt, the word limit, the no editing, etc. while still trying to tell a cohesive story), I think you did very well with the framework you were given.

I do think there are a number of opportunities for improvement which hopefully this (very long, sorry about that!) review goes into in some detail. Some of them are related to very specific, minor things such as word choice or description or tying things together. Some of them are "bigger picture" type things, and there's one more bigger-picture type suggestion I wanted to make before I close out this review.

In my experience, these types of challenges are a lot of fun because they really stretch you to work within a confined space to create something unique. I think it's always beneficial to look at the entire challenge as you're working on your entries, with an eye on the bigger picture. I'm not sure how you conceptualized this story you were telling (i.e., if you just kind of winged it every round or if you knew where you were going from the very beginning), but for my own writing I try to leave myself a lot of openings to draw from later in the activity. Sometimes just a couple of small throughlines from entry to entry can help really pull the thing together, and I thin this entry would have benefitted from that as well. For example, just knowing for certain that Pinkie and the gray man at the end of the story were Kellen and Isiqalo would have worked wonders for the cohesiveness and unity of the entry as a whole.

Ultimately, I think you've done really good work in this piece. There's a ton of potential here if you should choose to revisit the piece, and some parts are truly exceptional already. There's room for improvement (isn't there always? ) but I think you did an excellent job given the constraints of the contest and that you should be proud of what you've written here.

I really enjoyed this item. In my childhood, I also watched a television series (and a number of movies) about parallel worlds and they've fascinated me ever since. I like the way you took that initial premise and found a way to expand it into a philosophical/psychological journey for yourself.

The only small suggestion I have is to consider expanding this piece a big. I rarely give general commentary like, "I think it should be longer" because I tend to defer to authors making their writing as brief or as long as they see fit, but in this case the subject matter that you're describing (i.e., the concept of parallel worlds), as well as the breadth of subject matter (i.e., your own travels and the argument that everyone is a time traveler that doesn't need a time machine to do so), I think the structure of the piece almost requires a bit more context in order to fully explore and connect the dots between the different parts of this article.

I really enjoyed reading this piece. I think you're off to a great start and there's a ton of potential here. A bit of revision and fleshing out has the potential to make this a truly exceptional piece.

I really enjoyed the level of detail and description you infused into this piece. You created a lot of vivid imagery in comparatively few words. I also thought you did a great job with the character development and casting the narrator's mother in a tragic yet sympathetic light after the passing of Jonathan.

The ending, for me, created more problems than it solved. I'm all for a twist ending, or a surprise ending, or an ending that raises some questions, but having the narrator suddenly pivot from a story about his/her mother's untimely death after another death in the family, to asking someone about their engagement, was a real jolt. I think the story needs some sort of connection to that ending throughout the story so that the ending doesn't quite feel like it's coming out of nowhere. At the very least, I think it would be helpful to have some context as to why the narrator is relaying this anecdote against the backdrop of someone visiting to tell of their engagement.

I think there's a lot of potential in this story. It's atmospheric and dramatic and has an emotional resonance to it, but a little work is needed to refine the piece and really make sure the ending pays off for the reader.

The worldbuilding was well established in relatively few words. With flash fiction stories of this length it's critical to get right into the story quickly while still being able to engage the audience and you managed to accomplish that effectively. The three characters carrying the alien (plus Dr. Boris) were engaging and I was invested in their plight.

The story felt like it was missing some conflict in the middle, as the three crew members and the doctor were just going through routine procedures. The ending felt a little random as well, because there wasn't really anything to foreshadow the sudden animation of the alien. With really short, quick stories like this, I find it helpful in my own writing to build everything toward the payoff. If the payoff is going to be that the alien they thought was dead actually isn't, every action they take should somehow put them more and more at a disadvantage for when that moment inevitably happens.

Taking off all their clothes for decontamination was amusing, but it lacks the tension that you would create by them leaving their weapons outside the room (or handing them off earlier for decontamination). Being focused on the slime that was on them was fine, but it could be even more effective if the slime somehow contributed to their predicament, like making it too slippery for them to handle defending themselves. I'd recommend playing with the setup in the story so that the payoff is just a little stronger and more rewarding for the reader.

I think you have a solid start to a really compelling flash fiction sci-fi story here. I think some work could be done to hone it further and really capitalize on all the opportunities you've set up, but you're off to a good start.

This essay is definitely full of passion, and has a strong point of view. I like the way you put the conflict in Ukraine in historical context, and tackle a variety of different aspects of both the Ukrainian conflict and the United States' current policies and political composition to make your point.

There are quite a few points in the essay where I think a little more clarity would help make your points more effectively. For example, in the second paragraph you make the assertion that the USA "began a dramatic swing toward socialism" in 2021 and that the U.S. government began to "decree which products could/couldn't be manufactured/sold" and "The U.S. and state 'governments' began issuing royal proclamations and calling them 'mandates'." Both of those examples have nothing to do with socialism (defined as a political/economic theory where people/the community as a whole control the means of production, distribution, etc.).

Additionally, a lot of your arguments presuppose a particular point of view. Regarding the issue of leaving military equipment and supplies in Afghanistan upon withdrawal, you assert that can only be because of traitorous intent or incompetent management, and ask how an employee would be treated who left equipment behind at a job site. In truth, people leave equipment behind all the time when it's financially advantageous to do so (American companies routinely tell customers to keep refunded products because the cost to ship them back isn't worth it to them). And that's not to say that I'm arguing in favor of the decisions the current administration made in Afghanistan; I'm just pointing out that presupposing the worst or only allowing for negative assumptions limits the audience of this piece mostly just to people who are already inclined to agree with you.

Overall, I think you've presented an impassioned argument, but I think there's room for improvement in how you make your case. For me, if you're going to argue that the whole Ukraine conflict is a set-up in order to draw in U.S. involvement and co-opt the weaponry and equipment being provided for the defense of the country, I think you'd be better off focusing on making the specific elements of that case and focusing less on the social commentary around the administration's domestic policies, which have the effect of detracting from the point you're making. I think there's some potential here to write a really convincing persuasive essay, but some work is needed to get it there.

I was drawn to this piece because a friend of mine recently completed a solitude retreat where he spent three weeks at a remote cabin with just his Bible and very limited connection to the outside world. How strange to be back in a place where that kind of isolation is voluntary and not required by public health declaration!

You did a great job of capturing the feeling of those early days of the COVID-19 pandemic when isolation was a very real thing for a great many people. The way you set up your protagonist as having simple pleasures was a great way to introduce us to the character and set the stage for a very simple but effective story.

One small suggestion for improvement would be to consider a different approach to the ability for the protagonist to watch his church service online. For me, it was a story about isolation and loneliness and the final moment of Sam's note was undercut by, just a few moments earlier, the protagonist having a major moment of not feeling so isolated. From a standpoint of pure narrative structure, the final gesture of the story was lessened in effectiveness by what happened just before that. If the protagonist were to receive news that his church's services would still be delayed for some time, or if the service itself were a bit of a disappointment, it would enhance the effect of Sam's kind gesture toward the protagonist.

Overall, I thought this story was solid. There are a couple areas for improvement, but it would be improving on an already solid foundation and looking for ways to make it really stand out. Well done!

I really like the depth of thought in this piece. You clearly put a lot of thought into how to read something and contextualize it, and it definitely gives the reader a lot to contemplate. I also like that you drew from a variety of sources which made the piece feel much more well-rounded than if you had chosen solely religious or philosophical texts to reference in the piece.

The piece feels a bit unfocused, as it starts and ends with symbolism. But the vast majority of the middle part of the essay focuses instead on sensory input and cognition. It felt a bit like I was reading two different essays rolled into one, rather than a cohesive piece that addressed one or the other, or a broader-scope piece that interwove the two concepts. I would recommend learning into one or the other so that it doesn't feel like the essay has two disparate parts.

Overall, I really enjoyed the read. It was thought-provoking, and something that all critical readers can relate to at one time or another. It can be a real challenge not to overcomplicate our own analysis of a piece of art!

I don't have a lot of experience with Andre the Blog Monkey's Banana Bar, but I do from time to time enjoy these fun prompts where you include other members of the Writing.com community in your stories.

I thought you did a great job with the detail and description in this piece; the imagery about your muse's tuxedo in particular was vivid and memorable (as Really Green tuxedoes should be!), and you did a nice job of working the other characters into the story.

On a personal level, I would have loved a little more context about the event (both the event in the story, and the nature of the prompt) to know whether this was an ongoing story, a standalone, etc. It seems like perhaps there was a little more to it for people who follow along with the activity, so it would have been great to know whether this was part of a larger world created for the activity, or a one-off.

Very enjoyable, though. It was a really fun read.

I really liked your take on the prompt and absolutely loved the glimpse into your process as you started with something and steadily honed it, narrowing it down to the requisite number of words to meet the challenge. I do something similar with syllables for structured poetry, so it's nice to know that I'm not alone in that!

Overall, very nice poem and good take on the prompt. Good luck in the contest!