Wow! This packs a punch! Well written and thought out. I completely forgot that I was reading a story and got lost in what was going on. You also bring up valid points about how easy it is to find information on people. We are not supposed to give out private information but that really doesn't matter now anymore. Someone somewhere can still find it. I look forward to reading more of your work!
Lol! Good stuff! You do a great job of showing the character of the jock to his pinnacle of perfection as well as allowing us a good eye roll and chuckle at his expense. The situation shows off his flaws and his good side (he was willing to stand up to Baal). I look forward to reading more of your work!
Wow! What a wild ride! You keep the reader guessing from beginning to end! Everyone is not who we think they are, or who THEY think they are! Well done! I look forward to reading more of your work! I hope you keep going with this genre as well!
Such strong visuals and emotions. Well done! It flows beautifully, like crests of waves that we ride to the end of the poem on a crimson sea. Your words tighten like the tourniquet you talk about towards the end of the poem. I look forward to reading more of your work!
Kinda fun! I like that you unglamourized being a Bond girl. Well can you really do that? Lol. You point out the impending dangers of being a Bond girl and you do it well. It is a very fun take on what can be a serious thing in a woman's career. Keep up the good work!
Very beautiful. You capture the rugged landscape as well as the amazing beauty. The reader can feel the unfettered forces of Mother Nature. Your words weave a magic carpet so that we can see the unspoiled Nature as it should be. Thank you! I look forward to reading more of your work!
This is a very poignant piece. You want to show what is hidden to see if you will be accepted and loved but you never really know until you actually reveal yourself. And that takes a lot of courage. A well written piece. I look forward to reading more!
A very interesting set up. I would only change a few things. In the beginning you go between describing your lead character and his henchman. The first lines are confusing as to whom you are talking about when you are describing the dark suit not hiding the muscles. You give too much unnecessary background about the character's money. You can tell us the year and say that is a rare bourbon without telling us how he acquired it. It will still read as expensive and hard to get. Why is "reading room" in quotes? Using the word implored doesn't seem to fit the situation. Maybe barked his question? Implored seems too soft. The lines about what would happen "once he reached the phone" seem redundant since Kendall already said what would happen. Maybe be more specific. Say they would be shot, dealt with, silenced or just take it out. Which men walked into the house? Then you have the muscle walking to the car exiting. The car? The house? You need to be clearer as to who is doing what.
The story has great potential! I can't wait to see what happens next!
How fun! I love Fruity Pebbles myself. Your poem reminds me of Dr. Seuss. I see a character from one of his books reciting this. The only thing I question is the spelling of fruit. If you are keeping your original spelling of froot then the last spelling of front should be changed. Other than that well done!
Good stuff! I like how you show the unsureness of your narrator. She slowly finds her self and her way. She finds things that are good about herself and support from others. Some close others strangers. She is told she's not perfect but that was ok. Many more people need to hear that wisdom.
Sad but true! You did a very good job of not making the phone book and obvious choice. The last line is sad in itself. "No, just too many memories." Time goes so fast and changes so quickly. You show the speed of not just time but technology as well. I look forward to reading more of your work!
A very poignant piece. As someone who suffers from depression I really like how you expressed the pain and hopelessness. The lack of motivation and self belief that things can go right, knowing that you should look to yourself to fix things but also knowing that you cannot. Thank you for sharing this piece!
What a fun story! It was a slow start with detailing what everyone was doing but it added to the background of each of the characters. I like that you gave Superman more than one kid. Do they all have superpowers or did just one of the four inherit Superman's abilities? This might be a fun series if you were so inclined. I look forward to reading more of your work!
You show the subtle signs that you saw and felt as well as some of the more obvious ones. You bring us with you in your hurt and betrayal. Your loss is ours, even if it doesn't hurt as much as yours. Well written. Thank you for sharing! I hope to read more of your work.
Love it! The sun makes so much difference! A wonderfully simple one line poem that helps us look forward to the end of winter. Such a small and simple poem but it holds hope and positivity. It acknowledges the current situation but still finds the good. Well done!
I love this. It shows how creative we are as kids. Sometimes those memories can help us as adults. I enjoy the worlds you create in the minds eye from your childhood dreams and fantasies. You poem flows through the years and though the colors may dull the light never goes away. Well done!
Well said! You captured the history and strife that the troops have faced as well as what they have given up to do that. The word flow is very good considering some of the cities you listed. All in all a beautiful piece about the strength and courage of our troops. Thank you!
I didn't expect to get into this and enjoy it but I did. Thank you! You did an amazing job of bringing the reader into your world. You wrote honestly as well. You didn't deny that bad things can and do happen on the train but you have show the potential good and learning that can happen. I am looking forward to reading more of your work!
Wow! I am married to a gamer and this sounds very much like a few of his game preferences (Warframe(?) is the current play all the time. It is a very moving piece as well as a bit dark with blind power of the masses. You use strong words for visual as well as emotional content. I look forward to reading more of your work!
Wow! Hard hitting and well written! Your flow, each stanza backs a punch. Excellent word choice! It flows more like spoken word for me. I love how you mix and match the good and the bad trying to fix what you can't. Keep up the good work! I look forward to reading more!
Very well done! Love the twist at the end! I like that you still kept a positive til the end. There was hurt but that was ok because she was going to keep him with her forever. She was going to fix this. I look forward to reading more of your work!
Wow! Thank you for sharing that! I cannot imagine what that must be like. I have friends who have gone through similar situations. Their strength is amazing. I like the snippets of life you share to show what he is losing. It really brings it home since he has been so active in his life. I look forward to reading more of your work!
Wow! Intense! You did an awesome job of feeling the emotion and moments with words. You using generalities for the characters made it that more intense. And the ending really packed a punch. I am looking forward to reading more of your work! Well done!
How cool! Thank you for the explanation at the end. That helps those of us non poets out. Well done! It is very Zen and reminds me of a haiku. Very raw and immediate. Very visual with a touch of emotion. A good recipe that works. I look forward to reading more of your work!
Well thought out. We can imagine what is much better than what isn't. Unless it's something that scares us in the dark that may or may not be there. We need to see, hear and feel what is in order to believe. Otherwise it could be all in our heads. Humans have crossed the middle line. We rely more on science to tell us what is real. Even if it backs up what we say (a healing for instance) it still doesn't tell us WHAT healed. Just that it was done.
I look forward to reading more!
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