This is really good! I am going to have to read more of this! You keep the reader interested with not only the pace and action but also with the characters. What is motivating them? Why is he seemingly hated by everyone but her? I am really looking forward to continuing this story! Thank you!
Well done! A modern article on the Boston Tea Party! I like the mater of fact way you describe not only the scene but the possible consequences, not just on the people but the environment as well. Very concise and clear rendition of the events as we think they happened. Looking forward to reading more of your work!
I really like the picture you painted with your words! I especially like the fact that we have no idea what she is other than a hybrid. Two legged or four legged. And the best part is it doesn't matter! You constructed the story to tell just that, the story. Well done! I'm looking forward to reading more of your work!
This has the potential to be a very good story. What language are they speaking? That is my big stumbling block in reading this. The characters say a lot of things that obviously mean something to the story but I have no idea what they said. I would somehow find a way to translate what is being said but let the reader know that the character is in fact speaking another language. I'm looking forward to episode two!
Well done! A very realistic story. And sadly one can see the possibilities of this all to well. I like the journal idea. For me it flows better than sitting back and watching the story go and characters interact. I am looking forward to reading more of the story.
Wow! You can read this many times and see something new each rime you read. Well done! The visual line set up is very cool. It draws the eye as well as the words. Each line is connected yet on it's own. I really like this and I am going to have to read more of your work!
Very unique perspective! I like the analogy and it is very true. Life is random like the lines of your poem. The words are clear cut and have definition. They give solid pictures of random events and choices that can make or break you. I look forward to reading more of your work!
I like that you keep questioning yourself as to what happened. I notice that when something happens at night we tend to allow ourselves the luxury of disbelief whereas if something happens during the day it is harder to disprove. I like the way the poem flows back and forth between what is and what could be. I'm looking forward to seeing more of your work!
Very fun! I have dogs but I have had cats in the past as well. That is probably cat thinking. I think they care as much as dogs but tend not to be as obvious about their feelings. I wasn't sure til the end that Tab was a cat. Well done! I'm looking forward to reading more of your work!
Interesting. You are ambiguous as to what or who you are talking about. And the reader is able to see those emotions connected to a person, God, or even an inanimate object. I think it is cool that this was translated from Hebrew. Do the lines flow differently in Hebrew? I'd like to hear it spoken in Hebrew and English to compare them. Thank you for sharing!
Very good advice! And you explained things very well. I usually do that when I write but I never stopped to think about why. And thinking about the why can make it that much more effective. So thank you for the choice in topic and the succinct way of explaining it!
Well thought out and well spoken. I found it a bit long but I understand why it is. I like the rhythm and rhyme as you work your way through your arguments. This might make an interesting article or essay. Thank you for sharing your poetry as well as your insight!
Interesting! I've not seen this type of mash up before. Well done! You set the scene and give us a feel for the character of Molly but then throw in a little unexpected piece of insight about her. It is short and sweet. A little blip of reality. I look forward to reading more of your work!
Wow. A powerful piece! Very visual and you give us a sense of who this woman was and how special she was. And most importantly how much she was loved. It flows readily from one line to the next giving us glimpses not just of her but of those that loved her as well. Thank you for sharing this piece.
Sadly this is probably going to be true soon. You did a very good job st creating character. You told us not just how he thinks but what he does with those thoughts. You also did a very good job at giving us glimpses into the world he lives in without over encumbering with all the new gadgets and gizmos. Well done!
I really like that there is next to no dialog in this and it still flows well. Really the only thing thing I would suggest for you to change is maybe put a state after the city's name the first time you mention it. I read a lot of stuff that is in Europe and the name of the town sounds European. Unless that is part of the background for the story line. Thank you for asking me to review this. And honestly if you need me to read something else feel free to ask. No strings attached. Keep up the good work! I'm looking forward to reading more!
I cannot find the chapter to read. Am I looking in the wrong spot? It sounds very interesting from your description. Please send me a link to the story if it's available or another piece to read. I'm sorry I had nothing to read but I am looking forward to reading something soon.
Wow! It's like each line is it's own separate thought. You can take them singly or as a whole. It is simple and complex. It is long but not wordy. That makes it easier to read and understand. Thank you for sharing! I'm looking forward to reading more of your work!
Well done! I like the short lines and the rhyme cadence. It flows very well thru the story of the quest. I have only question for you. The last few lines confuse me. "Until I am much too strong
and fall to broken to pieces
At Hell's door"
It seems a contradiction being too strong and then falling to pieces at Hell's door. If you are too strong I don't see you falling to pieces. Or am I reading it wrong? If I am reading it wrong I'm sorry.
Looking forward to reading more of your work! Thanks for sharing!
I like this. A LOT! Very appropriate for right now (although I see it’s from 2008). We dislike what is different from us. We try to change them or change ourselves instead of trying to get along. It’s a fun piece with serious undertones. Thanks for sharing!
What an amazing adventure! Well written and you keep the readers interest. Something I noticed were you randomly change from first person saying “I” to third person saying “he”. It can get confusing as to if you are still referring to yourself or another male. And sometimes your wording is a bit confusing. “I began to call from different parts of Europe and assign interviews.” Did they call you? Did you call them?
Thank you for sharing your story! I’m looking forward to reading more of your work!
Love this! I don't have to muddle through similes and metaphors to understand what you are writing. Thank you! It is simplicity about a complexity. You show death as something (or someone) that is always there. Even if you don't see it. Thank you for sharing. I'm looking forward to reading more of your work!
I really like this! It is modern poetry with an old time twist. You show the love through the years never dimming just growing stronger. Each line flows from one to the other. It gets better on a second read through because I'm not focusing on content I'm focusing on writing. And I'm not disappointed. Thank you for sharing!
Short but very poignant. It describes how everyone has felt at one point or another. Very simply put you use visuals to express what is going on inside. I like that because what goes on emotionally is very much like the weather. Usually predictable but sometimes a storm pops up out of no where. I hope to read more of your work!
You have combined a lot of things in a small space. The anxiety of things being out of your control and going into places you've never been. The hopes that things will go well for everyone. The fear of someone else being in control that may or may not know what they are doing. Thank you for sharing!
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jengriffin/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/5
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.26 seconds at 10:51pm on Apr 17, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
