You have combined a lot of things in a small space. The anxiety of things being out of your control and going into places you've never been. The hopes that things will go well for everyone. The fear of someone else being in control that may or may not know what they are doing. Thank you for sharing!
I like the use of the desert. It says a lot about him. You get across so much with so little words. It is a poem of loss not just of words but of love. I hope to read more of your work. Thank you for sharing. I am glad I found your poem. Keep writing!
Too fun! A good read that moves right along. The story telling is wonderful. The only thing I would change is the format. Make paragraphs, indent lines, check spelling and capitalize a few letters. But it is a very good read! I hope to read more of your work!
Wow! Love this piece! It starts out like a teen angst story but becomes so much more! The only thing I question was the line "Then she paused thinking of the passage..." the sentence sticks out. I had to stop reading to try to place what she was saying because I didn't realize that she was saying to herself that her Dad never hit her or her Mom. But the rest of the story flows very well. I'm looking forward to reading more of your work.
This is short but very moving. Thank you. You capture the fear of both father and son as well as the anxiety of both them and the faceless crowd surrounding them. Thank you as well for the notes at the bottom. That small snippet you wrote makes me want to learn more.
How fun! I'm looking forward to seeing these two in action! Well done with the gifts too! I like that both received something of value but the beauty is NOT just skin deep. That should be a fun twist in the story! I enjoyed reading your characters backgrounds and thanks for reminding me of this useful tool.
Very powerful piece! I like the stream of consciousness flow that you get. You could make this into a published piece if you wanted to. I would slow down and read thru this piece again. The last paragraph pushes the reader thru fast. Break it up into smaller paragraphs. I would also go thru and put in words you missed (unless this was on purpose then I apologize) like "And then with time, these children hide themselves in chamber of darkness" could be "a chamber of darkness."
A very strong bit of writing! Keep up the good work!
Thank you! This is so true! This is well written and seems to be a cross between a poem and an essay. It flows and you have combined emotions with physical actions which makes it all that more attainable to the reader. I'm looking forward to reading more of your work!
I love this! It's a bit Poe, a bit Universal monster and all about creepy. Well done! It flows so well your hands are cold before you know it. The wording brings the visuals and paint a wonderfully dark and romantic poem. I am looking forward to reading more of your work!
LOVE THIS!!!! Ha ha! You give a fun modern twist to the holiday and much needed praise to Mrs. C.! It is a fun little trip behind the red curtain and you are left wanting more. I love that you humanize both Santa and Mrs. Claus for the more adult readers instead of the happy-go-lucky pair that we are used to. Well written and fun to read. Keep up the good work!
That is a good breakdown of what to look for (and what not to)! You gave us information simplified and not stupefied as many writers do when it comes to politics for someone who has no clue. I like that you have links to back up your writing as well. Thank you for the insight into polling. And the smile at the end. Well done!
Your words at so true! You get to certain age and everything seems to speed up! This is a very beautiful and heartfelt piece. Should the word past be fast in the third line of the second stanza and the last line? If not I apologize. "Passing past" and "passing so past" seem awkward to me. I look forward to reading more of your work!
I don't think that this is something that can be reviewed. And I mean this in a good way. This is a heartfelt letter and as such there is no wrong or right way to write it. I assume that Madalyn was a regular customer. I can relate. Although I did get to say goodbye to a lot of my customers I missed a lot of them when our store closed. I hope you have found greener pastures!
Interesting! It reads like a paragraph but looks like poetry! The information you shared is vital though for reviewing, both receiving and giving. I don't understand the line "Is the review wee-rounded?" Can you please explain it? Thank you for sharing!
I love this! I had snow for my wedding as well but we were married in February (my wonderful hubby did not complain that I wanted an outdoor wedding). I really enjoyed the descriptions. The lush visuals help express the happiness, love and completeness. At times you are, as a reader, right in the middle of everything. And at others you are a light distance away just observing. It is a beautiful balance! I'm looking forward to reading more of your work. Thank you for sharing!
I really enjoyed this piece of poetry! Each line evokes it's own visual (and visceral. It flows very well until you get to the last stanza. Then it feels clunky. It may be your intent to convey that with those words. If that is the case I am sorry. I wasn't sure. Otherwise that is really the only thing I would change. Thank you for sharing! Keep writing!
Ha ha! Love this! Algebra was the only math I was really good at. Loved it! The rest of the world seems to hate it. Love the flow of words and that you don't let us know what you are dreading until almost the last moment. I look forward to reading more of your work!
I really like this. Anyone who has had the courage to fall in love can relate to the broken heart. And the miracle of finding someone who can help you heal that broke heart. Your words flow and evoke not only the visual but also the emotional side of love. Thank you for sharing!
I like that. I'm glad you did free verse because it flows better that way. And what you write is very true. Now that my grandparents are all gone my aunts and uncles are beginning to die. Which means my parents are next. That is a scary thing. You never think your parents are going to die or get older. Keep writing!
I really like this! As a music fan I'm sure she was much more thrilled that he noticed her! But it is a bright story. I like that he makes a conscious choice to do something (or not do something) just as we all do. It makes the character more believable. Looking forward to reading more of your work!
Very well done! Short lines to run the point home. Crisp and clean wording to keep the point moving in and out. To share that one last mistake and tell the stories untold and give closure if for no one else for himself. I really enjoyed this piece and I hope to read more.
Nice! Short and sweet. Well thought out. You think you know the character but do you really? I expected the story to keep going but you finished it wonderfully! I'm looking forward to reading more of your work. I hope you placed well in the contest!
This is gonna be fun! I can't wait to read more! The only thing I would change is to take out "He made dolls." You've already said that. If you had said he was a toymaker that's one thing. I am going to have to keep coming back to see what Dollie gets herself (and everyone else) into! Keep writing!
This is both and sad. As someone who suffers from both anxiety and depression I can relate. I just wonder whether or not breaking free means death or making it through another day. But that is probably the point. I like the open endedness of it. Because you really don't know until you get there. Well done!
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