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Review Requests: ON
779 Public Reviews Given
784 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to always pick out the positive points in a piece, even if overall I am not enamoured by it. I tend to point out grammatical and spelling errors. I will be honest, but not unkind *Smile*
I'm good at...
Empathising with people, giving my opinion, analysing poetry.
Favorite Genres
Travel, Sci - fi, psychology, opinion, music, horror, gothic food, emotional, death/dark, animal.
Least Favorite Genres
Western/war, Parenting, History, Erotica/Adult
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, Flash Fiction, Photos, Articles.
Least Favorite Item Types
Campfire creatives, interactive stories.
I will not review...
Novels.
Public Reviews
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151
151
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello Princess Zelda

I have chanced upon your poem and would therefore like to send a review *Smile* Please note that I only offer my personal opinions, and all opinions of anyone's work are really only subjective.

This review comes as part of your winning package in
P.E.N.C.I.L. Anniversary Fundraiser   (E)
Almost closing time... Hurry and get your bid in!
#1919860 by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm


*StarP*The title of the poem is quite a long title for a small poem and I can see it is a line taken out of the poem itself - I would probably condense the title a bit - although I tend to go for quite condensed titles as this is my personal preference *Smile*

*StarP*To me, the poem has two different meanings - on the surface it speaks about the rain washing away a persons sorrow, later bringing the sunlight and a feeling of hope. However I feel there may be an underlying meaning and the rain is a metaphor for something else - although I am not quite sure what - perhaps this is for the individual reader to decide.

*StarP*What I liked about the poem was how you have described the coming rain as having these tiny footsteps - it made me think of the patter of raindrops and how they could sound like footsteps - although this has never occurred to me before now.

I also like how you have contrasted the two different emotions - the pain followed by the hope - the poem takes the reader from the darkness in to light, as if from the rainclouds in to the sunshine.

My favourite verse is:

"As the tiny steps hurry towards me,
I stand parched and drained
of this lonely life."


*StarP*Overall -

I enjoyed reading your poem and it was my favourite in your collection *Smile*
I like the imagary and the fact that it left me with a sense of hope at the end.


Signature won in an auction :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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152
Review of The Collapse (1)  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Mrs Desjardins

This is a review for your short story : "The Collapse (1)

I found this story as you have requested a review.

*BalloonB**Books2**BalloonB**Books3**BalloonB*


What the title says to me

The title "The Collapse" indicates that this is a story about something bad hapenning - that something or someone has fallen apart. The "1" indicates this is the first part of something. I think it is a good title and appropriate for the story.

The opening paragraph

This is quite unusual with the repetition of "He may not be compatible with life" written three times. I like the opening sentence as I think it throws the reader in to the story and has a sense of urgency about it. However, I think it would read better if "He may not be compatible with life" was only written once -as you have already pointed out to the reader that it is repeating over and over with your opening line.

How I felt about the characters

I automatically felt sorrow for the main charcter Katy - although we have not learned much about her in this short story, her emotions are very well described as is her overwhelming sense of loss.

I think it is interesting how you have created a character for the emotion 'Grief' who I suppose is rather like the character of 'Death' in films and so on, with his long black coat. This is a new way to look at dealing with grief, by personifying it, and I think that it works well in your story.


The setting

I note that you have not written much about the setting but as I understand it, the story is more about emotions therefore the setting is perhaps not wholly relevant.

What I liked best

What I liked best is how you have personified Grief in the story and I think that the way you introduce him to the reader is great -

"She grasped the handle, swung the door open, and there he was, already holding the fragments of her shattered heart"

I really like this line *Smile*

Suggestions

In this sentence -

"She wanted so badly to push the statement out of her mind. Katy imagined ripping the cassette from her mind"

I would change the second part to just "ripping the cassette out" or something similar as I think this would work better than the repetition of "from her mind"



In Conclusion.....

Your story is powerfully emotional and at the same time creative and imaginative. Although I could not empathise with the character of Katy, you have described her feelings very well and made me feel for her.


*BalloonB**Books2**BalloonB**Books3**BalloonB*


Signature won in an auction :)



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
153
153
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello Jane

I have chanced upon your poem and would therefore like to send a review *Smile* Please note that I only offer my personal opinions, and all opinions of anyone's work are really only subjective.

*StarP*The title of the poem

As I have already entered the contest - I am aware that "In the Fields of Clover" is a prompt title.

*StarP*To me, the poem is about

An adult who stops one day to wander across a field of clover which causes her to remenisce about her childhood.

*StarP*What I liked about the poem was how you have interpreted the prompt - I always like to see different people's interpretations. The poem has a sunny, cheerful tone to it which fits the title. I like the inclusion of the bees buzzing as I am a big fan of bees *Smile*

*StarP*The things I would suggest are that you limit the repetition of the line "The fields of clover" I know that this is the prompt and title but the line is used 8 times which is a lot in this small poem and quickly starts to sound a bit repetitive.

I would also suggest the following changes to these lines:

"I look at the field of green,
that are top with a field of white."


to

"I look at the field of green,
which is topped with a field of white"

"That day I learn that bees are meant to be watch not touch."

to

"That day I learnt that bees are meant to be watched, not touched"

(As you are talking about a day in the past)

"Today I set in a field of clover."

to

"Today I SIT in a field of clover" - I am presuming this is just a typo *Smile*



*StarP*Overall -

A cheerful and summery poem looking back at ones childhood and a good interpretation of the prompt, but could probably use a bit of editing. *Smile*


Signature won in an auction :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
154
154
Review of Mother said  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Dorian Gray

This is a review for your short story : "Mother Said"

I found this story on The Shameless Plug page.

*BalloonB**Books2**BalloonB**Books3**BalloonB*


What the title says to me

The title is a bit of a mystery as it could relate to anything - the only think it tells me is that there must be the character of a Mother in the story - and therefore probably also a child. I think the mystic title is fine, as the story itself is a bit of a mystery....

The opening paragraph

I like the opening paragraph as it introduces the three charcacters of the story at once and throws the reader in to the story - straight away in the first line I am curious as to what the strange circles are and then who this eerie character is and this encouraged me to continue reading the story.

How I felt about the characters

The story does not give a lot of information about the characters - it is told presumably by a young child. I thought it was a girl but at the end of the story it appears he is a boy. The "Mother" is clearly upset as something tragic has happenned.

The plot

I am slightly confused by the plot and the ending - After reading it once I was very confused and then after reading it a second time I am presuming the "creature" outside is the ghost of a sibling who has recently died.

The story, from the beginning seems to insinuate that something frightening is going to happen at the end but I still feel a bit lost, as though I am missing something?


What I liked best

I liked your writing style and the fact that you have put the child's "thoughts" in to brackets. This may not necessarily be grammatically correct writing procedure but I like it nontheless.

My favourite line is the bit about not all Grandfather Clocks being given by grandfathers *Smile*

I think you have created a chilling tale which is written in an unusual fashion.

Suggestions

I would split the last paragraph in to two smaller paragraphs as it is a very lot of information bombarding the reader at once - it does not make a huge difference but just something that occurred to me *Smile*

In Conclusion.....

I enjoyed reading the story and certainly felt an air of mystery and suspense whilst reading it - but was slightly confused by the ending. I think you show an engaging and interesting writing style.


*BalloonB**Books2**BalloonB**Books3**BalloonB*


Signature won in an auction :)

155
155
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Pat

I have chanced upon your poem and would therefore like to send a review *Smile* Please note that I only offer my personal opinions, and all opinions of anyone's work are really only subjective.

*StarP*The title of the poem has a cheerful and lighthearted feel about it and the word "echoes" denotes something which has already hapenned and so fits well with the "Memories" theme

*StarP*To me, the poem is about somebody looking back on their childhood and remembering make - believe games with a sibling - the memory spurred by a phone call from said sibling one day.

*StarP*What I liked about the poem wasthe language in which it is written - I really love the way that the "olde Englishe" style matches the game of knights and kingdoms the girls seem to be playing in the poem. My favourite line is

"Fair laughter flew like fireflies o'er the vale
and fluttered through the oaks above the dale."

I like the simile of the laughter being like fireflies


*StarP*Your poem made me feellike smiling *Smile*I can really picture the scene of the children playing and it reminded me of my own similar games as a child!


*StarP*Overall - I felt this was a fantastic poem and really enjoyed reading it. I think this shows you have a great writing style - good luck in the contest!


Signature won in an auction :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
156
156
Review of The Eagle  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
HelloYellowRose

I have chanced upon your poem and would therefore like to send a review *Smile* Please note that I only offer my personal opinions, and all opinions of anyone's work are really only subjective.

*StarP*The title of the poem is short but self explanatory and drew me in as I enjoy reading poems about nature and animals or birds.

*StarP*To me, the poem is aboutThe beauty of the eagle and how this bird of prey which was once revered is now under the threat of extinction due to humankind.

*StarP*What I liked about the poem was the subject matter - I think it is important to bring such issues to the fore and you have expressed your sentiments of sadness and fear for these creatures well. I also like the line about the indians, I think this is my favourite line

*StarP*Your poem made me feel ashamed for what humans are doing and how we are destroying a lot of nature. It also made me feel sad.

*StarP*The only thing I would suggest is that the spelling of "priviledged" should be "privileged" and "pass bye" should be "pass BY"

*StarP*Overall - I enjoyed reading your poem, I like the subject matter and the emotions you have conveyed. There are just a couple of typos.


Signature won in an auction :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
157
157
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Great entry ElizJohn and very chilling! I like the way you speak of the village "elder" and giving the "offering"which make me think of this story in more of a fantasy setting rather than in our present day - this is advantageous as it makes the piece timeless. (Perhaps I am reminded of the film "The Village"...)

I have been able to see the characters and the setting in my minds eye - I also like the fact you have added the bits of blood and flesh for the horror factor!

My only negative point is that I think the word "remanents" should be spelt "remnants"

Good luck with the contest! *Smile*
158
158
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello C Hall

As I am reviewing this for the "I write" contest and therefore had little choice in the matter since I had to review the entry posted before mine *Wink*, I have to admit, my heart sank a little when I read the description of your piece "Commitment of my Lord. What He Brought me from."

The reason being that I often find it dificult to review a "religious" piece being not a particularly religious person myself.

Luckily, you have made it easy for me here as your language is so beautiful and your metaphors so inspired that really, it is an incredibly pleasing poem to read regardless of any differing opinions in Faith we may have.

Straight away I liked you poem with the description of your heart being "hard as ore, and darker than onyx." What a fantastically powerful line! Your first verse really conveys the feelings of despair within the writer and you have used excellent metaphoric comparison to achieve this. I think your first verse is the best verse - which is important in a poem as one needs to hook their reader in a short space of time, and page!

This is not to say that the rest of your poem is substandard - I just feel the opening stanza is a burst of words! I love the rest of your imagery here also. My favourite lines are:

"You gently called my name; I hid in my shame"

and

"Changing my heart, clearing my eyes; opening me up like a flower to the spring sun"

I have awarded your poem 5 stars because I can find no fault with it on a written level - and because it is so refreshing to read a religious poem which is as much about poetic expression and metaphor as it is about your desire to spread your love of God! x
159
159
Rated: E | (5.0)
Fantastic idea for a contest - where contestants can learn a little about another country as well as encouraging members to write reviews! *Smile*
160
160
Review of A Unicorn is Born  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Magoo

What I love most about your poem is how you have turned your fantasy poem in to something which comes across as a real nature poem *Smile* I would LOVE to see a unicorn - and your poem makes me think that I really can! As though this experience of seeing a unicorn born is something which is commonplace to you. Or maybe it is.....*Wink*

My favourite line is:

"The tiny horn upon his head
shone brilliant in the sun."

I can just see this lil' unicorn in the sunlight, with his spiraled horn shining bright - so cute *Smile*
161
161
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello R Arn.

I really enjoyed reading this piece. I love your intense descriptions of the filthy slums, the colourful materials and the weathered old indian grandmother. I also like the fact you have written of the guilt of the girl in the story, once she realises the huge gap in weath between herself and this family, which makes the reader stop and think.

This story seems so realistic I am wondering if there is something autobiographical in it, or whether it is simply fiction? I have never been to India myself. It is probably not somewhere I would go but I love to read stories of other people's travels. *Smile*
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162
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi OOT

This is a great feel - good poem. Whilst reading it I can almost believe I am on a sandy beach with the sun on my back, listening to the sound of the waves, not in my room in freezing cold England *Wink* I like the ending of the poem, where the dream and reality merge.

The beach is one of my favourite places also *Smile*
163
163
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Percy.

I really like the first part of your essay about the beauty of the written word in the form of a play and found your language very poetic and a pleasure to read. I am a fan of theatre and can really connect with what you are saying here.

I really like your line:

"How Shakespeare managed to sell tickets to the poorest of souls for the privilege of listening to his productions outside the theater where they couldn’t even see the stage and actors?"

I think that with all the modern technology of today, many people have forgotton the importance of the play in the community. Sadly, the community theatre where my am - dram group performs has just been closed down. This line evokes an image of a time where every one would get together and go out to see a performance dressed in their Sunday best, rather that sitting alone in their lounges gazing blankly at 100 channels with nothing on *Wink*

I was a bit confused by the second half of your piece from:

"So what then is the student going to learn."

It seems it could relate to yourself as a student, yourself as a teacher or just an analytical look at writing students in general? However it does not seem related to the first half, as though this is two different essays rolled in to one.

However, as I came across this piece through the "Random reviews" page it may be related to something else which is not detailed here! *Smile*


164
164
Review of Trial  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is a great 100 words entry - lol - it is amusing how people interpret different prompts in different ways! I LOVE the way you have interpreted this prompt, which is totally different to my own interpretation ! *Smile* Plus - it has the gore factor.... good luck in the contest! MWAHAHAHAHA!! ;)
165
165
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Rhiannon.

A lovely name, by the way.

Firstly I would like to say what a fantastic style of writing you have. You write with such passion and such great description, using fantasic analagy's - your writing style is quite poetic.

Unfortunately, you have not written a poem - which is kind of a shame because with this great and intense flow of emotion and vibrant imagary, a great poem may have been created!

Although I do love your writing style and your descriptive analysis I am afraid your story does not grip me and unfortunately, I do not really grasp the concept of it. I realise it is abstract but would probably label it as a completely abstract piece or turn it in to more of a generic short story x
166
166
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Tobias

I think it is interesting how, for your poem you have taken the theme of valentines day but turned the ideal of the "romantic" on its' head - pointing out how the flowers, songs, jewellery and promises are not necessarily the most important part of a relationship.

The poem rhymes well and I can see what the writer is saying. I do feel that it has a slightly folorn vibe, like the writer has "settled" for this boring person ("Through every boring thing you do") and it does not seem to convey much love or passion - but maybe that is the whole point!

I don't think this is the way it was meant to come across - I think it is the word boring, it makes the relationship seem a little depressing to me. I would maybe think of a different word - just my thoughts of course *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
167
167
Review of Chance Encounter  
Rated: ASR | (2.5)
Interesting madlib - yet does not make any sense when it has been completed! I like the idea and the theme - and point "4" turns out okay but the first part is very confusing - you should probably make the noun types a little more specific for them to make sense in the overall story. Also some of the grammar does not fit with the verbs i chose - although I appreciate this may be a difficult task to engineer! *Smile*
168
168
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love this, what a cute idea - this really made me smile - I think I like the ballgowns best! *Smile*
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169
Review of Is It Worth It?  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi BBWolf

I enjoyed reading your poem. I like the way it is laid out and reads partly like a poem and partly like a story. As the poem went on I was not quite sure where it was going, whether the man was going to die at the end perhaps or whether he was going to question if it was indeed, worth it. However I like the way it ended with the Son in law becoming the "young man" and asking the question he had always asked his own Mother.

I found the poem sentimental, but without being soppy which I think works well and I like the way you have kept the characters in the poem anonymous as though they could relate to anyone.

Personally, I don't have children and have no desire to do so but I enjoyed reading this insight in to someone who finds this such an important thing in their life. *Smile*
170
170
Review of The End  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Marcas

I think the good thing about your poem is that it is very raw and emotional and the reader can clearly see how this break up of a relationship has affected the writer profoundly. The poem tells of the emotions many of us can relate to when a relationship has ended - the simple title of "The End" reiterating how final this is.

Perhaps the negative side to your poem (and maybe why someone rated you 2 stars - which I think is a bit stingey *Wink*) is that the images are a little too straightforward and generic and do not really tap in to the writers true emotions - for example:

"Depression is bad.
It makes you gloomy and sad."

Whilst this is true, it perhaps seems a little flippant and does not really reflect how the writer is truly feeling.

Overall it rhymes well andhas an effective theme - although the imagary could be a little more powerful.*Smile*

171
171
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
LOve this cool pic with the M&M man! So what colour is your hair now then? *Smile*
172
172
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is*TrainB*A review for"Invalid Item *TrainCar2B*

Our Third stop is FANTASY BRIDGE

Hello Maxine

First off I will say I am not too keen on the "All caps" layout of your poem - it reads a little like I am being shouted at, and gives the poem an angry feel when I am not sure this is the tone you intended!.

Your poem is powerful and the reader can tell that the writer is filled with emotion over this character she knows only virtually. I think this is a good theme for a poem and one which many people can no doubt relate to in this day and age - I like the idea at the start of the poem of the person being left where (he) was the night before! - ie : on the computer screen!

The main thing that I feel when I read your poem is that it does not read as a poem, more as a section of writing which has been streched into a poetic form. Of course, this may have been the way you intended it *Smile* I do think it would be better however if you lose the CAPITAL LETTERS!! x

173
173
Review of The Door  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is*TrainB*A review for"Invalid Item *TrainCar2B*

Our Third stop is FANTASY BRIDGE

Hello Eons

It was interesting to read your flash fiction piece - which is indeed thought provoking. At the start of your story I thought that it was going to be more of a horror/fantasy flash fiction although in the end it is written with more of a philosophical slant - ie: we feel that we are caged in, staring at walls when suddenly an oppertunity to escape the situation arises yet we are afraid to take advantage of it. Slightly obvious but a good analagy all the same and I think your writing style is pleasurable to read.*Smile*
174
174
Review of My Nation  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is*TrainB*A review for"Invalid Item *TrainCar2B*

Our third stop is FANTASY BRIDGE

Hello Nikki

I really enjoyed your poem. I read it once and liked the tone and the imagary of it, but had to read it through again in order to try and figure out the deeper meaning of the words. I often think that this makes a good poem - not necessarily being instantly accessible to the reader. It shows that the poem has depth and usually means that the poem is more emotional.

I love the way you have opened the poem here:

I’m on a trip to my imagination.
I am the ambassador of this unruly nation.


I think it flows really well (rhyme of imagination/nation is great!) and it also tells the reader straight away what the poem is about.

I think the way you have likened the "imagination" of this character to a city of unrest is a great analagy - It is like I can picture all these tiny unruly people shouting and fighting around a peaceful sea!

The image of the houses made of "Bricks of hate" is also good, and very powerful.

Finally, I think the ending works well - with the writer challenging the reader, perhaps to come up with something better.

The only bit I am not keen on is

They get to live in the boat.
The boat that floats on the sea.
The children that were once me.


The content is good but I just don't think the lines flow as well as the others - The flow of the poem seems to stop quite abruptly when it reaches these lines.

This was just a feeling I had so please feel free to ignore, as I liked the poem very much *Smile*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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175
Review of Fuzzy Thoughts  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This is*TrainB*A review for"Invalid Item *TrainCar2B*

Our 2nd stop is DETECTIVE DEPOT

Hi Bob County

Your poem makes no sense! But it did make me laugh, probably because it makes no sense - plus I like the way it mentions a Jellyfish. I am wondering whether it is in the "Detective" genre because one has to be a detective to work out what it means! *Wink* However I am foiled......
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