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Review Requests: ON
781 Public Reviews Given
786 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to always pick out the positive points in a piece, even if overall I am not enamoured by it. I tend to point out grammatical and spelling errors. I will be honest, but not unkind *Smile*
I'm good at...
Empathising with people, giving my opinion, analysing poetry.
Favorite Genres
Travel, Sci - fi, psychology, opinion, music, horror, gothic food, emotional, death/dark, animal.
Least Favorite Genres
Western/war, Parenting, History, Erotica/Adult
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, Flash Fiction, Photos, Articles.
Least Favorite Item Types
Campfire creatives, interactive stories.
I will not review...
Novels.
Public Reviews
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Review of Through the door  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a very well written and emotional piece with some lovely lines.

I especially like :

- "in the room he had shared with her mother for half a century, but now shared with silence" I think the idea of him sharing the room with silence is very fitting and slightly haunting.

Also

- "Most recently it had been used to dampen the old man’s lips as his struggles mounted. Now it would erase the last evidence of life." A chilling but truthful statement.

Even though it is a short piece and we know little about the man who has passed away, it allows the reader to gain a little insight in to family life and also see the insecurities of the writer surrounding old age and death.

Just a couple of (gramatical) things I would change -

"It couldn’t be put it off any longer." - delete the 2nd "it"

"She stood in the doorway looking on the body" - change on to "upon" or "at"

Just a couple of things I thought of when reading it - feel free to disregard of course! Lovely piece :)
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Rated: E | (4.0)
An interesting question! Personally I come to "The Shameless Plug Page" to review items - as a) I think that people who post their item here would like a review whether it have positive or negative content b) People who post on here tend to be active members who are on at the moment and c) It is probably nice for the writer to get responses when they have bothered to post on the page and disappointing when they have not!

I think the Plug Page is a great part of WDC :)
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Review of Forest's Fountain  
Rated: E | (3.5)
You have some lovely imagary and intersting metaphors in your poem here. There are a few lines I really like such as

"and radiant water cascades
down angel's wings in pace with time,"

and I also like your last verse:

"Mankind champions emotion,
Young love, passionate on display,
but at the core just darkened rage,
that always drives your love away."

However I do feel that when reading the poem it is a little confusing in parts as the images run in to one another and it is not clear to me what the writer is trying to say (this could just be me of course!) It does seem to be prose rather than poetry - but then you state it is lyrics so maybe it would connect more if it was sung!

Some lovely ideas though :)
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Review of Black Dog Waiting  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Very powerful poem with some great imagary here. I like the way you have used the repetition of the theme of the corridors, the stations, the choices of death. Your poem really captures the depths of depression and how (as I read it) this is something which is always there in the background, no matter what you do. Plus I love the Nick Drake song :)
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Review of My Nightmare  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Lovely poignant poem about such a terrible and sad incident :( Although can I offer a couple of gramatical tips:-

"But from this nightmare this is no waking."

should probably read "THERE is no waking"


"For in my heart you will ever stay"

would perhaps read better as " For in my heart you'll forever stay"

I am not trying to be mean about your poem! I think it is lovely that you have been inspired to put into words how you feel about the incident, just an idea of how you could express your opinion a little more succintly - feel free to ignore my opinion if you wish :) x
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Nice theme for a poem and I like the format, it also rhymes well. From "The razor" on I think you have the basis of a good poem here, but in the first part I was a bit confused to be honest - I thought you were talking about an eating disorder or something to do with obesity - it was not until later in the poem I realised you were referring to santa. Your poem rests quite heavily on the idea of santa eating a lot....it almost sounds a little bit bitter. I would maybe have one verse about his rotund stature and then move on to some other santa related subjects such as toymaking, elves ot the North Pole maybe?

Just an idea - it just seems to suggest Santa has an eating disorder to me!!
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Review of Star's Song  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Sweet poem about the Christmas story, rhymes well and pleasant to read - interesting perspective to write from the point of view of the Christmas Star - but it is always nice to read something a bit different :) Well done and good luck with the contest
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Review of Dead Man's Alley  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Great entry for the 100 words of horror :) (I know it is harder than it looks! ) You set the scene straight away without needing much description and it has a very grizzly ending which I was not expecting! The first part of your story reminded me of when I went on a tour of the caverns in Edinburgh recently - I'm glad our tour guide did not turn out to be a monster though....

The only line I was not so sure about is the "Oh yea? How so?" I would probably write (or say) how come? or "when?" But that is a minor detail and Im guessing "How so" is a colloquialism. :)

Good luck with the competition!
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Review of The Snow Globe  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, I think this is a great story - I started reading it and was hooked until the end, as I really could not work out which way it was going to go. I always find it hard to create much of a plot in a short story but here you have created a plot, dramatic scenes and characters so that as I was reading I could really visualise what was hapenning. Also there is an absence of lengthy descriptive paragraphs or "waffling" which keeps one interested in reading the story. Also of course, it carries the anti drink driving message which I think is very important. On a separate note which is not really to do with the story itself, I like how you have written it in large print which makes it much easier to read on the screen! :)
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Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
This is a lovely descriptive poem and I find the format in which it is written is unusual but it works well - jagged like the splintered crystals. I especially like the way you describe the way breath freezes in the air when it is cold -when reading it, you can really see this happening in your mind and feel the familiarity of it :) I also like the way you have described the ice fragments almost "come alive" at the end.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Well Savannah I think you write very well, and in fact amazingly well for a 13 year old! I'm sure I neither wrote with such conviction, description or correct grammar when I was your age ;)

I am also amazed (and slightly frightened!) by your very pointed opinions about love at the age of 13! I wish I had been so streetwise at that age.

So YES you should deffo keep writing!

I have 2 suggestions for your piece:

1) "And the way he behaves to me!" This may read better as "The way he behaves towards me"

2) "they treat me special" This may read better as "They treat me as if I were something special"

Sorry if this sounds like I am "nit picking" These lines just did not seem to fit in with the overall feel of the piece as I was reading it :)
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Review of November 7, 2012  
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is a very interesting perception of the American election day with an excellent display of descriptive vocabulary. This allows the reader to really picture the characters which you have depicted here.

I would say, that although you have listed this item as poetry, when reading it, the piece seems more like ideas laid out for an article or similar. I think that this could be expanded in to a great "opinion" piece about the election or putting the idea in to a format which flows better as a poem.

However, I really like the imagary you have created here :)
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Quite amusing and good rhymes - As a vegetarian for most of my life I don't especialy appreciate the anti - vegi sentiment - still, being good humoured I like the poem until

"of such an innocent jar of food?
Then I thought, "Get a grip, dude."

I jammed the knife into the cream
and as I did I heard it scream:

"You'd murder me to butter your bread?
Why didn't you eat a burger instead?!"

I feel that the first part of the poem is a satirical look upon vegetarianism and is written well, yet the last few lines are slightly childish, and remind me of children in school asking me whether I knew vegetables have feelings ;)
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Rated: E | (4.0)
A very apt poem and good rhymes :)
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Review of My Cats!!  
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a fantastic folder, it has been lovely to see and read about all your cats although a little sad that several of them are no longer with us :( I absolutely adore cats, I am the person who, when walking down the street and a cat approaches, I stop for a chat! Sometimes a cat will run up to me as thought they have something of the utmost importance to tell me!! I would love a cat - or many cats - but I live in a house share in the city so it is not possible these days :(

I found your portfolio as I searched the word "vegetarian" to see what it came up with. I have been a vegetarian for nearly my entire life, around 30 years and am constantly made to feel like there is something wrong with me because of it! I noticed your vegetarian recipies you have posted. I had the idea to create a vegetarian/vegan group here on writing.com, do you think this would be good idea?

Jellyfish x
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a great contest and so much work must be put in to it to think up different themes for each day as well as reading and judging all the entries - I have really enjoyed thinking up poems for the "Poem a Day" contest and am proud to have a trophy for one of my poems already! It is a great way to get back in to writing :)
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Review of Photosynthesis  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi there, I think this is a very well written piece and very imaginative - I do not think I have ever read a story where the main character is plant based! (Maybe Day of the Triffids lol) As your sun rises I can almost feel that I am the plant becoming warmer as I watch "him" rise. One point - You open the story with "Tonight was so dark" But the dawn is rising, so would it not be more appropriate to state "Last night was so dark" "The night had been so dark" something like that? Just a thought, but overall a great piece. :)
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Rated: E | (3.0)
You have some powerful imagary and expressions of emotion in this piece - I think if you could break this down in to a poem rather than a series of statements you would have a really great poem here :)

For example:

Battling with depression.
Hiding behind it -
An excuse for failure and missed opportunities

Sadness and frustration
Is a shield
Even though it hurts

...And so on. I don't mean to be disrespectful about your expression of emotions because I know it is a good thing to get your feelings down on paper, I just see the artistic merit of it as almost a poem but not quite :)
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219
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Interesting to read your take on the "review" system on this site. It is intriguing how you have broken this down in to your 4 "levels". At first I was a little confused about what you meant but then I re-read it and can see your point. (Although I'm not sure about the Bugs Bunny reference) I suppose that the thing with reviews is that they are largely subjective - apart from pointing out spelling mistakes or not being able to understand the content, a review is really just one person's opinion on someone elses writing - and like art, is there such a thing as bad writing? Or will all types of writing appeal to SOMEONE out there?!
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Review of Memories  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Your poem here may be short but it is very effective - I had to read it a few times, and it is a very true feeling you express in these short verses. I really like the description of memories as "Minute movies" although personally I think the fact you have put the words "minute movies" in to quotation marks spoils the poem a little - although I am sure there is a reason you have done this!
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Review of Abandoned  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hiya, I think you have some powerful images of despair and depression here, although I feel your piece is more of an excerpt from a story in some ways than a poem. I really like this part of your poem:

"No one out their,
My friends,
Vanished,
Moved on, grown up.

A tear, a waterfall,
A hug is all I need,
Someone to care for me,
Someone to say I care. "

This really captures an element of lonliness that one can empathise with.

However, I would urge you to change your "Their"'s to "There"'s as such grammatical mistakes can be very offputting to the general tone of the poem

I would also leave out this part:

*tear*
*gulp*

As I think it takes away the serious side to the poem.

But really, some good imagary and portrayal of emotion.
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Review of I'm Lonely  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Have I felt alone in a crowd? Yes, all the time! Your poem captures the feeling Im sure a lot of us have every day _ maybe it is something people just don't talk about !
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Really "HORRIBLE" Flash fiction congrats on being the winner :) x
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
You have some very familiar feelings in your poem and you are right - depression is a monster, and an invisible one at that. Im glad your poem has a positive end. The odd thing about depression is that millions of people are supposed to suffer from it - yet everyone who suffers from it probably feels totally alone. But anyway, know that you are not alone!!
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Review of Ocean Boy  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I love the beach and the ocean and your poem invokes really good images of both - very enjoyable and easy to read with great imagary :)

Jellyfish x
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