|Thank you for entering "100 Words of Horror" . Writing 100 words isn't an easy task and I wanted to give you some feedback that I hope will help you out.
What I liked: The concept. I used to spend the night at my Grandma's house and she had a painting that scared the daylights out of me. The eyes followed me everywhere. Also, my sister had a similar experience in my mom's bedroom, dark, hooded shadow, red eyes, fading away... creepy.
Problems: When writing with such a limited word count, every word counts. Writing in passive voice means adding unnecessary words, which means giving the reader less of a description to paint the picture and build the horror.
Using 97 words you wrote:
At eight years old Sarah loved sleeping in bed with her grandma. She thought she was in the safest place she could be. Maybe that's why it came to visit. Her Grandma was asleep, Sarah was about to do the same when she noticed a black shadow rising in the corner. It reached the corner with red glowing eyes. It stared into Sarah paralyzing her. She couldn't close her eyes or look away. she couldn't move, when she screamed nothing came out. It's evil filled her with hororr. After it disappeared she knew it would be back.
Taking out a few words and changing sentences to a more active voice, I was able to stick to 100 words and add in a few more descriptions.
At age eight, Sarah loved sleeping in bed with her grandma, feeling she was in the safest place possible. Maybe that's why it came to visit; to prove her wrong. Grandma was sleeping that night, Sarah about to join her, when a black shadow rose from the corner. It stared at Sarah, with red, glowing eyes, paralyzing her. Unable to close her eyes or look away, Sarah opened her mouth to scream. Nothing came out. The thing radiated evil, filling her with horror, then slowly faded away. After it was gone she knew one thing; it would be back.
There were several repeat words and redundancies. a black shadow rising in the corner, it reached the corner, paralyzing her, she couldn't move. Often, if you read your story out loud, you will catch anything that sounds out of place.
I hope this helps and I hope to see you enter this weeks contest.