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690 Public Reviews Given
1,260 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of The Bob  
Review by Jezri
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I KNEW IT! Duct tape fixes EVERYTHING! Great story! As always.

Lisa
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Review by Jezri
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi. I stumbled across this while browsing and thought I would give it a read. A tragic story of abuse and alcoholism, it is a story too often seen in todays society.

This could be a good story, but there are a few things that need to be worked on, from a readers point of view. You have the entries labeled day 1, Day 2, etc, etc, instead of dates. This leads the reader to believe it is an every day entry, but in Day 1 you mention your mum and dad are still together and on Day 6 you say that your mother has been dead for 2 months.Also, with seven entries leading from beginning to end, with her suicide, the reader doesn't get much of a chance to care for the character. There is a lot that obviously goes on in a very long period of time and as the author, it is your job to bring the story to the reader. Her father is sexually abusing her, but this is mentioned in a casual way, as though, oh, by the way, my dad has been sexually abusing me and I think I may kill myself. There could be many, many entries of her horror at what is happening to her, starting with the first time.

I am trying to decide if the spelling errors are intentional, as in, the character misspelled when she wrote the diary, or if they are errors. I am going to assume errors, because you have spelled Diary wrong in both the title and description. (A dairy is a milk farm.)

I would suggest you find a critique partner, someone that can proof your spelling. My husband does this for me, if I don't get to impatient, and I have a friend that also helps. I would be at a loss if not for them, because I am dyslexic. Spell check is also good, but that only catches words spelled wrong and not words spelled correctly, but are the wrong word to use.

Good luck with your writing and I look forward to reading more from you in the future.
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Review of Today, I Will  
Review by Jezri
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Beautiful!
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Review by Jezri
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Thank you for your entry into "Invalid Item" . The prompt was to write a poem about child abuse and you delivered with your entry about internet predators. This is something every parent worries about and should be on the lookout for. Even worse, a lot of times the predator doesn't even think he is doing anything wrong. You did a good job showing the thoughts of the abuser.

I especially love that short poem at the bottom. Thank you for sharing this. I will be announcing the winners shortly.

Jezri

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Review of Home Sweet Home  
Review by Jezri
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
W.D. Wilcox has been one of my favorite authors since joining writing.com. This story reflects one of the reasons. He has a way of drawing the reader in, painting an image in their head and at the end delivering a twist that was never seen coming.

This particular story is about a man named Charlie. Like so many we hear of, he went to war for his country and came back changed. But the change in Charlie isn't natural. The plane taking him home has crashed and as he wanders,looking for home,he realizes he's been 'infected'. As the days pass he discovers a new craving indide, one that won't be denied.

I enjoyed reading this very much!

Jezri
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Review by Jezri
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
OOOH, I like this. This is a hauntingly sad tale of a woman who loves her husband, but her jealousy causes her to yell words of hate at him. What follows is a tragedy and the story of loss, death and regret. The twist at the end is wonderful.

I only noticed a few things that I can suggest changes to.


I can offer no solid explanation for why I am drawn to this specific lonesome place. It has become forgotten by all but a few reclusive individuals like myself. We are united in our passion for this sacred place (Here you use the word place twice in close proximity to each other. Perhaps use another word, such as area, because it stands out and seems repetative otherwise.)

I';m not sure. This is 10 paragraphs down. I don't like to nit pic but I figured you may want to correct the punctuation.

Thank you for sharing such a wonderful story.

Jezri
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Review by Jezri
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I really liked this short story about a witch that seems to know things before they happen. She has been plagued by a dream and can't figure out what it means, but at the end of the story she has it figured out and knows just what to do.

I liked this becasue it was a modern witch tale and was written with a lot of humor. Thank you for sharing. I have no suggestions for improvement.

If you get a chance visit my port and read an excerpt from my short story, "Invalid Item" 

Jezri
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Review by Jezri
Rated: E | (5.0)
This "garden" is put together of pictures from various members of the community. The pictures are of flowers and some pets that can be seen hanging around the garden. Beautiful words of poetry or explenation accompany the poetry, such as the Peace Garden Rose. The pictures are very beautiful!

Jezri
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Review by Jezri
Rated: E | (5.0)
If you have seen the name Rising Stars, you may wonder what it is all about? This page answers all the questions that you may have. A history and overview of the group, it explains the purpose and the steps that are taken for membership. There are several programs in place to assist the rising author and Rising Stars is an important part of the community! Please take the time to check them out, and while you are at it, check out my Rising Star Mr Zaborskii . You won't be disappointed!

Jezri
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Review of Anticipation  
Review by Jezri
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
While I loved the sentiment of this poem, the memory of a love and the anticipation from his touch, I felt the rhythm was off. It started out well, but as it progressed, it became increasingly difficult to keep pace with it. I was disappointed, in that you are truely talented. I believe a little work on the syllable structure of each line will help greatly!

Also, one other thought...I was confused by the picture related to the poem, since it looks like a little girl looking out the window in anticipation, yet the poem is clearly an adult subject.

Thank you for sharing this!

Jezri
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Review of A Penny Saved ...  
Review by Jezri
Rated: E | (5.0)
This humorous poem is sure to bring a smile to your face. A twist on the saying, A penny saved is a penny earned, it made me laugh. The author is truely talented, with a knack at humor. Thank you for sharing this. *Smile*

Jezri
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Review of Shadow Dance  
Review by Jezri
Rated: E | (5.0)
This Terza Rima poem, written for a contest, describes a dance as old as the universe. The words are beautiful and descriptive. I enjoyed reading this and hope you did well in the contest, I would be surprised if you didn't.

Jezri

p.s. Thank you for your donation to "Invalid Item" 
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Review by Jezri
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
This web page is put together in such a way as to let you know just who ShelleyA~13 years at WDC is. It provides links that lead to her poetry...and believe me, you want to read her poetry, and also a poem that explains why she believes as she does. Thought the poem is not one of hers, I enjoyed reading it and it rang a strong chord within, since I agree with every word of it.

Thank you for sharing this page with us. I look forward to reading more of your work and getting to know a bit more about you.

Jezri


 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1154716 by Not Available.
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Review of The Trial  
Review by Jezri
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is the second review in my raid of your port. Again, thank you for your donation to "Invalid Item" . As with the last story, I enjoyed reading this, also about a forgetful George and a nagging wife. I think I am detecting a pattern, lol. I couldn't help but feel sorry for the poor husband as his wife called out her check list and he realized that there were things he had forgotten. I found myself wishing with him for the cell phone to remove from the charger without any noise.

Thank you so much for providing an entertaining read!

Jezri
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Review of Time  
Review by Jezri
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thank you for inviting me to visit your port! I enjoyed reading this poem. You have done a wonderful job with the staying within the restrictions and guidelines of this particular form. I find trying different forms of poetry can often be challenging, especially when it is crucial to the form to stick within the structure. You did this superbly. Thank you for sharing!
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Review by Jezri
Rated: E | (4.5)
Let me start by saying that haiku is not my best form of poetry. But I do know what I like and I like these. I do know haiku is supposed to be 3 lines, 17 syllables in, 5, 7 and 5 and these 2 poems fit the form.

I am a tree watcher. I love the majesty of trees, how their branches seem to reach to the sky, reaching towards God. In the first haiku you write about the calmness of a tree and in the second you show how they can liven up too, bending towards each other. I enjoyed both of them. Thank you!

Jezri
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Review of Paper World.  
Review by Jezri
Rated: E | (4.5)
It is difficult to write a 55 word story. I have tried it myself on several occasions. I think you did a good job here, telling a story of the helplessness one would feel as a loved one is being cared for by doctors.

I like the question he asks. Life does seem to pass to easily sometimes and we may wonder why, even question God about it.

The last line is perfect! To me, it indicates how He loves us, even in trying times. Your character felt empty inside and gave God and empty smile, but saw God smiling too. You don't say why, but between the lines it screams, I love you child and all will be well.

Thank you for sharing this! I hope you did well in the contest.

Jezri
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Review of mothers love  
Review by Jezri
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is a poem about a difficult choice a mother has to make, to save the life of her baby or to save hers. With children at home it would be especially difficult. I know how I would decide. This poem doesn't say what the decision was, leaving it unanswered.

I think the flow and the sentiment of the poem was excellent. It speaks of a difficult decision and how unfair it is. The main problem I had in the poem was that God was spelled in lower case. Also, each line should begin with a capital letter and I think Heaven is supposed to also, although I will admit, that I am not sure of.

Thank you for sharing this with us and welcome to writing.com.

Jezri

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Review of Trapped  
Review by Jezri
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a poem that expresses the hopelessness felt in a relationship you can not get out of. It spirals down, showing the despair and the loneliness and the longing to be free. But free from who? From someone else or from herself?

Thank you for sharing this!

Jezri


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Review by Jezri
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi and welcome to writing.com! My name is Jezri and I am doing a review of your poem, My Love, My Lord.

First, while there are parts of the poem that I truly love, I found the poem a bit confusing and difficult to follow. The poem is obviously about someone who has lost their love and is pleading to God for her return. At least it seems that way at times, but other times it seems as though it is a new relationship, which is where I am confused.

Are we together? I am not sure if you are referring to the love or to the Lord.
I also feel that the lines are short, too choppy and sometimes incomplete.

But that doesn't mean there aren't things I like. I love the lines,

I truly miss

Her soothing arms...!

I truly miss

Her affectionate kiss...!

Her benign touch

They are deeply touching and moving. Those are the words of love, the plea of a man that misses what he has lost and is suffering. I just wish I could feel that throughout the poem. Perhaps if you went back and looked at it again. Of course it is your work and it may be getting across feelings of confusion because that is what you are aiming for.

Thank you for sharing this!

Jezri



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Review of Purer than a Dove  
Review by Jezri
Rated: E | (4.5)
Writing.com has a new poet and her name is EverAnon ~ typing like mad! . This poem, "Purer than a Dove"  is about the growth of a new flower as it begins to emerge into the spring sun. It is written well and the rhyme and rhythem is nearly perfect. My only suggestion is that in the last line, it seems to falter a bit. My suggestion would be to take out the word splendour, which would bring the syllable count down to 5, matching it up with the 2nd line in the stanza. I realize the other stanzas don't have matching syllable counts, but it seems to work with those lines, where as with this one it makes it feel forced. I read it again, leaving out splendour and it read much better.

Also, correct spelling would be Splendor. Sorry. Don't mean to nipick. I love your writing and look forward to reading more.

Jezri
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Review by Jezri
Rated: E | (4.5)
Excellently descriptive! It sounds like a motel I stayed in once on a family vacation. Horrible, horrible, horrible, lol. If I closed my eyes I could imagine myself back there.

Good luck in the contest!

Jezri
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Review of Prism  
Review by Jezri
Rated: E | (4.5)
This begins with Dafni, enjoying a lazy day in the sun when she encounters a mysterious 'stranger', who has been invading her dreams.

The ending leads to disappointment for Dafni, but somehow I have a feeling there will be more to this dream man than meets the eye.

A good beginning with the promise of more. I really enjoyed reading this. I look forward to reading more.

Jezri
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Review of NYC  
Review by Jezri
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Scenes of a city, describing the sights and sounds as a man rushes home from work, anxious for the solitude of his home. The descriptions brought the scene to my mind, and I loved the description of the maitre'd and the woman "selling her wares." The last line of the prose seems rather ironic.

This was a wonderful read. Good luck in the contest.

Jezri

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Review by Jezri
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I couldn't agree more. Most reviews, even the negative ones, I don't have a problem with. We all love the great reviews, but the negative ones, if written constructively, can be helpful. As a writer, I feel I can grow when someone suggests to me a way I could have written something better. What I hate is a review that does nothing to help you. I received one like that today. A 1.5 rating on a story I wrote for a contest, from some jerk that just joined writing.com last month. He has written nothing, so I do not know if he can write and has only in his time here given 1 review. Mine. And it was a public review. His review...A good explanation, but not up to point. What the hell?!?

I see the Angry Rant contest is in hybernation at the moment. I am disappointed because I have a rant, lol I hope you did well with this piece, because it is very angry and very accurate.

Jezri
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