Bloodied sheets, a missing t.v., and a knife with a mysterious, white substance set up this mystery, set in a seemingly unfriendly Inn. Was there a murder? What crime was committed and should this hotel continue to accept guests if there was a murderer on the loose? Those are all questions that one guest has as she tries to uncover the mystery of what happened in room 209.
This mystery was a joy to read and the twist at the end, truely unexpected. I have no suggestions for improvement.
Thank you for sharing such a difficult subject. Child abuse is certainly tragic and something that unfortunately isn't talked about enough. Just recently a little girl was killed by her mothers boyfriend in my area, and despite being notified of the abuse, childrens services never removed her from the home. Outrageous.
I think your story shows how even long after the abuse has ended, the emotional scaring still affects the victim, especially with this line, They say that " time heals all wounds "..... but I say with time,
it becomes a bad memory that never goes away. I think that sentence was just perfect.
I only have a few suggestions.
One, spacing inbetween paragraphs. That's one of my pet peeves, and you can feel free to ignore this suggestion, but I think it helps make it easier to read and for the reader to recognise when a paragraph has ended.
I only found one spelling error:
It started when I was a little child at the age of five years old and
continued through outthroughout my life over and over until I got smart enough to become a recluse.
It is obvious you love your cat. Cat's are often considered aloof, but I have never found this to be the case. My own cat plays with my daughter, chasing her around outside. Sounds like your cat is just as much fun as the ones I have known and I enjoyed reading about your Princess.
A few errors did come to my attention.
Pricking her rearend up, Not really sure, but I think it should be two words, rear end, or have a hyphen inbetween, rear-end.
At some point, ladies decked cats with jewels and bequeathed them their worldy goods. worldly
This is an excellent story! Anyone who has ever had a crush and found out he or she felt the same way, know the feeling that evokes. The author has compacted these emotions into this story, giving the reader a perfect tale of falling in love.
Thank you for sharing this. I have no suggestions for improvement, as I think it is perfect as is.
I applaud anyone that can not only raise their own kids, but other peoples as well. Foster parents are truely wonderful people.
This article gives sound advise for accepting children as they are. Every child is different and needs to be accepted and loved for their differences. I especially love the words of wisdom, Love MORE and Fret less.
Children love them, parents hate them, from Teletubbies, to the big purple dinosaur, Barney.
Rumors abound about the cahracters, {I was shocked when I heard Bert and Ernie might be, (gasp) gay. I always thought they were brothers, and as a child I never gave a thought to their living together.
But some characters, such as Barney, seem more annoying than anything. My middle daughter, now 14, used to love Barney, singing the I love you song, morning, noon and night. I was ready to put my ears out, if I had to hear about Sally the Camel one more time. Then the phase past.
This poll, created by Stallion, asks the question, which of these characters would you prefer to do without. I was surprised to see Winnie the Pooh listed, because I thought everyone loved him, but apparantly I was wrong.
So if you would like to know the answer to which character is most disliked, take the poll and find the answer.
As the only living heir, the main character, Jason, inherits everything his creepy uncle owns, including a fully furnished house. Upon cleaning it, his wife runs across a photo album that shows just how sick his uncle really is and from there the author moves this story into a new realm of horror.
I have noticed a tendancy for some authors to be vague in their descriptions, either an attempt to not gross the reader out too much or no imagination, or perhaps lack of a stomach for writing such things, pennywise has no such problem. The image of an eyeball being sucked from the victims head and being floated around in a vacume cleaner and then later purged and flung against another victim was vivid and well written.
The ending, which I won't give away, was also very well written. I enjoyed every part of this story. Thank you for sharing.
I like the idea of a pirate story where the pirate is a woman, however, I think the pace needs to be picked up a bit. There seems to be too much time spent setting the back story up. That is just my opinion of course, but I think it may cause you to lose some readers before you really get the story going.
I like the idea that her father became a pirate to liberate people from slave traders. I think that adds an interesting twist to the story. I think if you pick up the pace, you should continue with the story. It should make for a very entertaining read.
There is nothing more tragic than when someone ends their own life and the questions those left behind have as to whether or not they could have done something. This poem captures those questions and more.
Children have such amazing imaginations, something I am reminded of everyday by my six year old. Your daughter obviously not only has imagination, but talent as well. This is a delightful poem that I intend to share with my daughter. Thank you for sharing this with us,
This poem is fun to read and I am sure children would love having it read to them and reading it themselves. The flow and rhyme is mostly consistant and has all the qualities a child would love.
There are a few places where I thought the meter was off a bit, but that is just my opinion and you may want it exactly as is..after all it is your work. But if I could suggest:
She dresses all the trees in green,
She gives the grass its dew,
But she's not finished quite just yet But she's not quite finished yet
She's still got much to do.
She put the moon up in the sky
Where the sun could make it glow,
Then she use usedits magnetism
To make the rivers flow.
The stars up in the heavens,
She painted them so bold,
They've inspired every poet
And every story ever told. And every story told
This is just my opinion thyough. Thank you so much for sharing it.
This article about child abuse/rape doesn't state whether it is fiction or non fiction, but the plain fact is, child abuse does happen and in my opinion, is unforgivable.
The author of this article writes from the point of view of an adult who had been viloted by a trusted family member and is being pressured to forgive said family. He speaks of the legal system and the lack of help and the valid fear that the family member will do it again to someone else.
This was a really well written piece about an extremely difficult situation. Thank you for sharing it with us.
This is a story about a country singer who is mourning a lost love. As he thinks about her and wonders about the way things might have been, he writes the words to a new song.
The song is beautiful and this story is very well written. I enjoyed reading it and have no suggestions for improvement.
I enjoyed reading this story about a careless prince and a lost key. The characters are entertaining and the plot keeps the readers interest. I think young children will enjoy this story and the message about being responsible.
There are grammatical errors throughout, but I get the immpression from the way the sentences are structured that the author isn't American or English, so that would explain the error.
The first thing I noticed when I read this poem is that the meter is off. A poem, when read,, should flow smoothly, allowing the reader to get into a rhythm.
This is them syllable count you have for each line of your poem.
10/8/11/8
10/12/8/8
7/6/9/10
612/11
For the most part, the rhyme is good, but towards the middle you stray, leaving one verse that does not rhyme. Perhaps that is because the peom is short one line to make all the line rhyme. Occasionally I have a poem that works out that way, haveing said all that needs to be said, and I will then have 3 lines that rhyme to keep with the rhythm. That seems to work for me, but may not for you.
I do love the meaning of the poem. To be welcomed home to Heaven is something anyone would love. I think if you work out the meter and get the rhythm right, you would have a truely wonderful poem.
Another suggestion I would have, and this is jsut my opinion and I have found not everyone agrees with me on this, but I would capitalize words like His and Masters when refering to God. I was taught that that was the proper way to do it when talking about our Creator,
This poem, written in Scottish brogue, transports the reader back in time to battles long past. For anyone that loves history or has ever seen Braveheart, this poem is a must read. Borrowing the first line, Cry havoc now, me hearties, and let slip the dogs of war from Shakespeare's Julius Caesar, Geoffrey St.Alban continues with a poem that stirrs emotions and would motivate any Scottish warrior to action.
My favorite stanza is:
Cry anguish now, ye orphaned whelps, for what ye all have lost.
The right to live unfettered dinna come without a cost.
So best ye throw yer shoulders back and never wonder twice,
If what yer fathers built here is befittin' of the price.
Even though the poem is written about days long past, those times are not forgotten. Today, as then, freedom comes with a price.
This story of winter in Maine brought back lots of childhood memories for me, Maine winters must not be too diffwerent from Ohio winters. I didn't see anything that needed to be improved but there was plenty to make me laugh and give me fond rememberances.
I spent the third grade in three different states; I'm not sure I learned a lot that year. I found this funny. I can't imagine moving that many times in 1 yea.
One can like the cold quite well by watching the snow swirl, and listening to the wind howl outside, while sitting in front of a warm, roaring fire inside.
My favorite part of winter,
Of course, some of that time was used to make the coolest snow fort ever. It fit three boys quite easily. We each had a place for a soda (ice cold, of course), a small quantity of perfectly formed snowballs, and a built-in seat.
This really brought back memories. I on't know why, but there's just something magical about building a fort and sitting in it with a bunch of snowballs, no matter how cold out it is.
Beware those who presume to be more than they are. That would be the warning of this tale where the lower class are stuck, apparantly by law, and changing tax brackets is a crime. Fawn Roberts appears to be an ordinary psychiatrist, at first, but from the moment 2 orderlies burst into her office and carry off her patients, one by one, it becomes apparant that she is anything but the average doctor.
Thie story is entertaining with characters that hold your interest throughout. From the beginning I was caught up, wondering who this doctor was and why her patients were treated so harshly. I enjoyed reading it.
You have a geeo start here with the first chapter and I am looking forward to reading more. You put a lot of detail in, giving the reader a good look at who the characters are and the scene they are in. The twist at the end was an unexpected surprise. I only found one error, and it may be that you meant to write it that way, so feel free to ignore if you want.
Sure, you couldn't believe a word those women said, but it was an honest form dishonesty. Should it read an honest formofdishonesty?
Again, thank you for sharing this and I look forward to reading more.
A well written poem about an extremely difficult subject, rape. The author successfully compares the victim and the attacker with a rabbit and wolf, comparing the assault to an attack by a wolf.
The sentences: With her jugular exposed, he sees his only chance.
The beast lunges forward, No need to enhance
paints a vivid picture in the mind. The author is correct, there is no need to enhance. The horror the girl would feel is very aptly portrayed.
Not only do you get a story about a family gatthering and the storm that left them snowed in, but you get a recipe to boot. I love pumpkin bread and will be sure to try the recipe out. Thank you for sharing this wonderful story.
My only suggestion is that perhaps it could be a bit longer with more detail. I've been snowed in before and know that when you get a large group together, especially family, there are stories and memories that will be told throughout the night. Those all would help in recreating this family legend.
Again, thank you for sharing this, I will be sure to let you know how the bread turns out.
I have always enjoyed good horror, so when I ran across this story in the Horror newsletter I knew I would be in for a good read. W.D. Wilcox has a way of describing characters and events in such a vivid way and the image of the he gives the reader of the hat is written in such a way that you can imagine all the horror in your mind.
This story puts me in mind of old horror movies that didn't need all the budget todays movies need or all the blood that todays viewers seem to need. Think Alfred Hitchcock or Vincent Price.
I have no suggestions for improvement, as I can't imagine it being written any better.
While I don't quite agree with everything that is written here, it is obviously written with conjviction and belief. And it is true, obesity does lead to a multittude of health problems. But then again, so does societies obsession with making people thin. Anorexia and bulemia are two very serious eating disorders that are affecting teens at a rapid growth. Models are starving themselves and many women these days, look more like boys. But you don;t promote that. Not directly anyway, recomending vitamins and a good diet and exercise program. But with just these 3 paragraphs:
Reality TV presents "Looking Good Naked", a program showing considerably overweight women exposing their nakedness with the detrimental message "love your body". Love who you are!
Are you kidding me?
What a terrible message. No one should be happy or satisfied with being overweight, unless of course you suffer from some medical malady, then you can't help it.
You make it seem as though everyone who is overweight should be ashamed and hidden from view. Perhaps that is not your intent, but it is the intent I got.
If you like to be horrified when you read, if you want to be scared when you turn off the lights, then this is the folder to check out. {user:vamp_cat has such a wicked imagination, You are sure to enjoy the stories you find in here.
Tears came to my eyes asa I read this. I think you did a beautiful job telling the story of a daughter visiting a mother with alzheimers. I have no suggestions for improvement, because I can't see how it could ahve been told any better. I love the last few lines. Just because her mother doesn't remember her anymore doesn't mean she can't enjoy her visits.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
Jezri
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jezri/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/8
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.26 seconds at 12:37am on Apr 18, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
