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Action starting to build, (new character introduced). More back story on Bloodtooth. Family (blood or other) very important. (Good to add info on shells, some may no know what would put a hole in a dragon's skull. I didn't think anything would). Story is going along at a good pace.
Small introductions to additional characters. More back story and history of the characters. Are there additonal connetions between Bloodtooth and Jenkins? More questions are brougth and not a lot of answers. Some of the paragraphs could use a split, seemed to run together.
Reading one more tonight.
There is the strong hint of humor in this chapter. Nice intro to Bloodtooth's past and Jenkins. There is a very intersting assortment of characters. (Did you leave anyone out? lol You added one (so far)). There is a lot of information in this chapter (as in most).
Reading on.
That's why I love cats!! They never judge and almost always forgive! Wonderful story, it has a nice rhythem, almost like a poem. You have a wonderful way with words. I could feel his sorrow and loss. Great comparisms also. Anyone who has experinced a heartbreak will love your story.
Nice story, you gave great details, my eyes could see the rug. I didn't see any typos. Your story had a good flow and went along at a good pace. I did get distracted with the Clamp, clamp... breaks. (But that's prob. just me). I could see this story in a collection.
Great story! (I was giggling). I really could see this short story expanded into a novella or more! The life of a "vodoo child" or something like that. lol.
I can see a message here, "Sometimes snoops get what they deserve." I look forward to looking at more of you work.
There is a very strict set of rules, but I can understand why. It seems like a very complicated world that has been created. Had to giggle at the end, tasty feet, yuck. That takes a lot of trust (especally for a human) and teamwork. I did notice the dialouge ownership shifting back and forth.
What a total twist in the story. Not what I was expecting. Alway good when a story suprises me. The way the dialouge was explained was distracting, (took me a few for the brain to wrap around the concept). Can see another one of your stories included within this one.
I liked the opening, a werewolf. (is there a hidden message?) The ending of the chapter gave me questions, Monsters running the military, how and when did this happen. This world you have creatated must really suck for some one to commit sucide. Can't wait to read on.
You got a sad story here! But I liked it. I liked the way you included the backstory. You have great discriptions, and wonderful characters. I feel that the children's ages should be included, it would help identify more with them. (If I missed them, Sorry).
Nice story over all!
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