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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jman17724
Review Requests: ON
154 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by Dad
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very interesting. I realize you chose to give no reason for Linda getting stuck, but that is actually a good idea. Leave 'em wanting more. I was curious as to shy all the teachers were young and curvy. In my 12 years of school at a small school, I doubt if we had 4 curvy teachers total! Keep up the good work

Write on

Smiles
dad


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review by Dad
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Not that I expect you to see this, but on the off-chance you accidentally return to this website, I just want you to know that i have enjoyed this I/O very much. Sometimes I don't know what I want to say, and other times, the post writes itself. Whatever you are doing, enjoy life.

Write on

Smiles
Dad
3
3
Review by Dad
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Bravo! Bravissimo! Wonderful 17 times! Just getting over a cold I've hsd since Halloween (yes, 2018, although it seems longer) so I can relate. Good for a grin and a chuckle. I saw nothing I'd change. Although, I will say I noticed in the weather that Grandma & Grandpa will have a high temp of -17 tomorrw Fahrenheit. Ironic. (Yes, that is minus 17)

Smiles
and glad I'm in Florida
Dad


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review of A Poem for Cats  
Review by Dad
Rated: E | (4.0)
Yup. It is exactly what it says it is, isnt it. Too bad I don't speak cattish (Cantsch?) I see no obvious errors or typos. The flow is good. The meter seems to stay even. I would probably have given it 4 1/2 stars if I could read Cattich. I really enjoyed this.

Write on

SMiles,
Dad
5
5
Review by Dad
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like this very much! It started rather slowly and I wasn't sure where you were going, but I'm glad I stuck through it. I saw no glaring errors or typos. Nothing to pick apart. I hope she finds someone in Madrid who will appreciate her better than you did!

Write on

Smiles
Dad
6
6
Review of Susie  
Review by Dad
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This is very good. As a straight man who has two gay cousins, I understand that coming out to your family can be extremely difficult. Gay Cousin #2 came out on Facebook by defriending all of us and telling us it was because he's gay. We all refriended him immediately. (It even led to a family reunion!).

As for the writing, I just have a few nits to pick. You should tell us who Danny is before she starts in on you about Susie. And maybe tell us your name earlier. Also, show a little trepidation when coming out to the family. I even think the kiss is unnecessary, but leave it there if you want to.

Otherwise this is very well written.


Write on!

Smiles
Dad
7
7
Review of I See, You See  
Review by Dad
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was interesting from a minimalist point of view. I'm not a poet, but I do feel the rhythm. You have a flare for this type of poetry. Try being upbeat on the next one: angst isn't a know-all, be-all. Best of luck.


Write on

Smiles
Dad


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review of Button Puller  
Review by Dad
Rated: E | (4.0)
I fund this upon hitting the Rate & Review button. This is good. The rhythm is tigh, and not forced. I feelyour pain with the buttons. I could detect no typos, no glaring errors. Funny without being over the top. You write well. Feel encouraged. I like this.

Write on
Smiles
Dad
9
9
Review of Angelina Jolie  
Review by Dad
Rated: E | (2.5)
I found this when I hit the rate & review button. OK. Something about Angelina Jolie. I'm not a fan, but I'll bite. First, the good news. I see no glaring errors, no typos. It's clean, easy to read.

Now the bad news. I just don't get it. I'm completely bemused and befuddled. Maybe it's because I am not a fan, but I do b=not ynderstand why you have written this. I can't tell if you like Miss Jolie, if you dislike her, or what. Just my honest opinion. I am sorry.
10
10
Review of Tired of Nothing  
Review by Dad
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This is very well written and I see no glaring errors or typos. Your characters are believable, and situation is normal. You have this rated as GC. I question this. It isn't that graphic, I see it as more like 18+. You give us no information on how Leslie and Dylan meet and became more than friends. You tease us a little at the beginning. You might consider expanding this, giving this background. If you have said all you have to say with them, it is fine as it is. Again, a good piece of writing.

Write On

Smile,
Dad


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Review of Double Wide  
Review by Dad
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
You obviously spend way too much time at Wal-Mart. All kidding aside, this was well written, and very true. I found no glaring errors, nothing I would change, other than maybe make it longer, you know, marrying her and calling her the Queen of your double-wide trailer. Reminds me of the time Mom (my wife) & I were in Wal-Mart, and saw this girl wearing (I swear I'm telling the truth) Celophane. Yes, plastic wrap. Her boyfriend proudly said to her "That old man is checking you out!" I didn't mind being called old man, I am an old man. Checking her out? Hell no.

Write on
Smiles,
Dad


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
Review by Dad
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Excellent! Excellent! A well-thought-oot toot, if I say so myself. Poetry is not my main writing interest, but humor is my favorite read. If I were to say anything, I'd say draw it out a little bit more. Add something about gas in the middle of life. But great as it is. If you like humor, I invite you to try out some of the In and Outs I take part in: Linericks, Questions, Fortunately/Unfortunately, Nearlies. Give 'em a try. And keep writing.

Write on
Smiles,
Dad
13
13
Review by Dad
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Once upon a time, a baseball umpire was calling a game behind the plate. Every day, it was balls and strikes, balls and strikes. He loved it! Some days, he'd work the bases, and occasionally there were days off. The players and the coaches thought Ernie the Umpire was fair, competent, and very knowledgeable of the game, and grudgingly liked him. One day, at the end of the season, the league polled the players and the coaches to rank the abilities of the umpires. Ernie finished in the top 5 in every category polled, and 1st in 3 categories. Because of that Ernie was very happy, and the league was very happy with Ernie. All the good umpires got pay raises. Ernie was cheered wherever he went, until finally, he chose not to retire like he was planning.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Review of Write Your Books  
Review by Dad
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Very well written. Sounds like thousands of conversations I've had over the years. I recommend you edit it to say 2017 & 2018 self at the beginning of the year. Other than getting on the stick and actually doing what you say you are going to do, I have no other suggestions.

Write on

Smiles
Dad


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
Review of Window Pain  
Review by Dad
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (3.0)
First of all, I hope this isn't about yourself. If you are suicidal, GET HELP NOW! IT IS AVAILABLE! GOD LOVES YOU AND WANTS WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU!

Now, if this isn't about yourself, it is very well written. You already knew that, based on my "first of all" reaction to it.

I saw no (other) glaring faults with this. This seemed to me like a great opening to a gothic love story told in flashback after the narrator's suicide, telling who she loved, why she loved, why the object of her affection never noticed, etc, etc, etc. Give it a try.

Write on

Smiles
Dad


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
Review of Earth 2.0  
Review by Dad
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
You have a very good start here. A couple thoughts. I personally don't like passive voice. The very first sentence is passive voice. I would suggest "Two silhouettes marked the dawn of a new era." Otherwise, so far so good. I like the first person narration. I would also suggest you tell, perhaps in flashback, what ruined the earth. Keep up the good work

Write on

Smiles,
Dad


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
Review of Shadow Walks  
Review by Dad
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very very good. The emotions are obvious. The she, to me any way, appears to be a grandmother or beloved aunt. I got a great deal of enjoyment from this. You have done well. My one downer is, I don't like the term melting butter sky. It seems like you are reaching to far for something, when something simpler like gold-tinged would work just as well. it didn't keep you from 5 stars - I don't give 5 stars to even myself.

Write on
Smiles,
Dad
18
18
Review of Trixy the Pixie  
Review by Dad
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very well done. Very well written. The character is believable, especially for a short piece, very difficult. My only complaint is the ending is weak. Don't get me wrong - I like that Mom explained things, and naming children after forebears is common. (My grandson is named after me, and a greatniece after 2 of her great-grandmas). I thinkif there were some ways to strengthen it, it would improve it. Just not sure how to do that.

All in all, a very good children's story.

Write on
Smiles,
Dad


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
19
19
Review of Antastic  
Review by Dad
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
I do not like giving low ratings. This get a low rating on merit. You promise one thing, and do not deliver. I'm sorry if you consider that brutal, but you say the lines will rhyme, and they do not. You call it poetry, and it is, but only in the style of e. e. cummings. If you consider that praise, it is not. I think I understand what you are trying to allude to, but for me it simply does not work. I'm sorry.

Write on
Smiles, Dad


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
20
20
Review by Dad
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I found this by clicking on the Rate & Review button. Imagine my surprise when you popped up! What a pleasant surprise!

Anyway, on with the show!

This is very well done. I didn't know until you explained what the form was. Therefore, it is educational. It was entertaining. I'm glad I read this. Keep up the good work.

Write on
Smiles, Dad


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
21
21
Review of The End of Time  
Review by Dad
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Found this when I hit the Read & Rate button. This is very good. There was an issue with pacing in a few placed: "No spark of life is glistening." Try the poetic "Glist'ning." I think it flows better. Same thing in 3rd stanza, 1st line. Try Perm'nent. I think it flows better there, too. Just a suggestion, and remember: If all I can do is nitpick, then, it's pretty good!

Write on!

Smiles,
Dad


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
22
22
Review by Dad
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Very well written, with interesting characters and gripping interactions between them. I think you could've given the other authors at least a token acknowledgement Haha! I also thought the ending was rather abrupt. Whoever came up with that twist about beating the Great Evil in checkers is some kind of a genius! He should be given full credit for that! Write on! Smiles, Dad
23
23
Review of I Love WdC  
Review by Dad
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very well thought out, well written, and interesting. I appreciate the shout-out. Very kind of you. I was, however, a little disappointed that you didn't make any mention of Grandson. Just because he isn't a member, too young to write, or even read, is certainly no excuse, and I expect this to be rectified soon. Thank you very much. LOL. Smiles, Dad


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
24
24
Review of Naked Santa  
Review by Dad
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Very good. I really appreciated this. Not, mind you, that I approve of arresting Santa, or Santa going around au naturel, but otherwise harmless. Maybe poetry is a better way for you to write. You never know. I know, from writing "A Really Lousy Poem," I'm a terrible poet. Go for it. Smiles Dad
25
25
Review by Dad
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Deep, angry, angst-filled. I think you succeeded in what you set out to portray. I congratulate you. There's not much for me to say other than you have written this well. I feel anger in your words and emotions, and they are protrayed well. Keep writing. You have a flare for it. Smiles, Dad


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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