Very very good. The emotions are obvious. The she, to me any way, appears to be a grandmother or beloved aunt. I got a great deal of enjoyment from this. You have done well. My one downer is, I don't like the term melting butter sky. It seems like you are reaching to far for something, when something simpler like gold-tinged would work just as well. it didn't keep you from 5 stars - I don't give 5 stars to even myself.
Very well done. Very well written. The character is believable, especially for a short piece, very difficult. My only complaint is the ending is weak. Don't get me wrong - I like that Mom explained things, and naming children after forebears is common. (My grandson is named after me, and a greatniece after 2 of her great-grandmas). I thinkif there were some ways to strengthen it, it would improve it. Just not sure how to do that.
I do not like giving low ratings. This get a low rating on merit. You promise one thing, and do not deliver. I'm sorry if you consider that brutal, but you say the lines will rhyme, and they do not. You call it poetry, and it is, but only in the style of e. e. cummings. If you consider that praise, it is not. I think I understand what you are trying to allude to, but for me it simply does not work. I'm sorry.
I found this by clicking on the Rate & Review button. Imagine my surprise when you popped up! What a pleasant surprise!
Anyway, on with the show!
This is very well done. I didn't know until you explained what the form was. Therefore, it is educational. It was entertaining. I'm glad I read this. Keep up the good work.
Found this when I hit the Read & Rate button. This is very good. There was an issue with pacing in a few placed: "No spark of life is glistening." Try the poetic "Glist'ning." I think it flows better. Same thing in 3rd stanza, 1st line. Try Perm'nent. I think it flows better there, too. Just a suggestion, and remember: If all I can do is nitpick, then, it's pretty good!
Very well written, with interesting characters and gripping interactions between them. I think you could've given the other authors at least a token acknowledgement Haha! I also thought the ending was rather abrupt. Whoever came up with that twist about beating the Great Evil in checkers is some kind of a genius! He should be given full credit for that! Write on! Smiles, Dad
Very well thought out, well written, and interesting. I appreciate the shout-out. Very kind of you. I was, however, a little disappointed that you didn't make any mention of Grandson. Just because he isn't a member, too young to write, or even read, is certainly no excuse, and I expect this to be rectified soon. Thank you very much. LOL. Smiles, Dad
Very good. I really appreciated this. Not, mind you, that I approve of arresting Santa, or Santa going around au naturel, but otherwise harmless. Maybe poetry is a better way for you to write. You never know. I know, from writing "A Really Lousy Poem," I'm a terrible poet. Go for it. Smiles Dad
Deep, angry, angst-filled. I think you succeeded in what you set out to portray. I congratulate you. There's not much for me to say other than you have written this well. I feel anger in your words and emotions, and they are protrayed well. Keep writing. You have a flare for it. Smiles, Dad
You have written this well. The object is to draw a picture with words. I could see what you are saying. So you have done the first part of you job successfully.
We are supposed to make people feel what we want them to feel, using again only words. You have succeeded.
Axidently fownd this pursuing, um, er, ah, I mean, perusing my normall I'O's todaye. Verry inphormatative, an injoyible. Eye probly wont be adding in inspections, .... um, er I mean introspections, but I injoyed my self as much as I hope you are enjoying my review. Write on. Smiles, Dad
I like this. You have done very well. If you hadn't told us, I would've said you have a good story here. Never would've even noticed the lack of the letter e. Which proves you have done well. I have tried to write a story without an e. Hell, I have trouble writing a story without a q, x or z, the least common letters. I'd have hell to pay not using an e. Well done, my friend. Write on! Smiles, Dad
Heavens to Murgatroyd! I haven't reviewed this? Argh! Well,m keetao, this is a good, silly In and Out. You should spend some time here. I think you would like it. May I encourage you to try to get some people to come here and spend some time? I have fun here. Keep up the good work. Write on. Smiles, Dad
Top Ten Reasons I Hadn't Review This Before:
#10 I hadn't reviewd this before?
#9 I didn't take the time
#8 Review? We're expected to review here?
#7 What's a review?
#6 I suppose you expect me to rate it, too
#5 I have so much fun adding to the list, I forgot to reivew it
#4 It's too good an I/O to review.
#3 What's in it for me?
#2 hasn't Steve or deemac or Pengy reviewed it? Isn't that enough
#1 I'm stupid and thought it'd review itself
I'm reasonably new to this I/O, but I must tell you that I enjoy it terrifically. This is a good spot to just hang out, lay low and talk smack. I hope you continue to keep this up so we can contrinue to enjoy ourselves here at each other's expense. Write on! Smiles, Dad
This was fun, although some of my words just didn't seem to make sense. Here is what I came up with:
There once was a cold greatest dog who fell in love with a high-falutin' orangutan. They were a strange couple, but they were very happy together. One day, they decided they wanted to get married.
They followed to a small office in the nearby town of Indianapolis and asked the cowboy if he would marry them.
"I don't know if it's legal for a dog and a orangutan to get married in the state of Kansas," he responded.
"Please," begged the dog. "We are very much in love. We have so much in common. We both like go, spaghetti, and V8 Splash Berry Blend. We love to watch Celebrity Apprentice while walking each other on long summer nights. We just have to get married!"
The cowboy thought about it and then said, "Well, alright. But first, you need to do me a eager favor. Go to the church and bring me a clock and a radio, then sing "The Long and Winding Road while genuflecting each other 47 times."
The green couple quickly ran off to perform these tasks and by nightfall, they were married.
Very well done. I like this. I never care for smugness, which is how "I" comes off, but as usual when carefully written, it comes off well. The character is believeable, the situation is acceptible. You have written this very well. Write on. Smiles, Dad
I was a Johnny-come-lately to this I/O and have found it to be enriching, engrossing, and enjoyable. You have set up a very good I/O, and I really enjoy it.. I promise to keep coming. (That is not an invitation to shut it down!) Write on. Smiles, Dad
Hello, Summer. I can't believe I've never gotten around to giving this an R&R. But, then again, you never come around, so you don't miss it. I thoroughlty enjoy our little joint you got going here. Keep up the good work. I promise to keep coming around. Write on. Smiles, Dad
This is a very very fun I/O and I have enjoyed it greatly for several years. My only complaint is taht you oughta come around once in a while and see what a mess we have made of the joint! I'd've R&R'd earlier, but I thought I already had. Write on! Smiles, Dad
I haven't R&R's this? What the hell is the matter with me. Uh, feel free to not answer that question. This is a great deal of fun. You keep a lively pace going, and never ever use your position of moderator to fix your own mistakes. Something you would never ever do in any of your I/O's, like Question. Have fun with this. Dad
Hello, fellow Dream Team'er! First off, I, too, am a Christian. I did like this. It tells His message clearly and consicely. However, it had some problems. In the stanzas with three lines and in some of the quatrains, there is a serious problem with pacing. I am not a poet, so I cannot tell you how to fix it, but a fell a stumble while reading it that should not be there. This is not a bad poem, it just needs some work on it. Please remember that a 3.0 is average. Write on. Smiles, Dad
Hello, fellow Dream-Team'er! This was good. The pace was good, there were no glaring errors or typos. I'm not clear on what The Dark Matter is, but in a story this short, that is not a bad thing. If you chose to expand this, which I would encourage your to do, you would need to expound on what The Dark Matter is. I really enjoyed this. Write on. Smiles, Dad
Anything titled "Dad" is worthy of a look-see. In this case, however, I'm glad it isn't about me. Haha. Yet. Oo. Not an easy poem to write, I see. Not an easy one to read, either. Fortunately, Alzheimer's hasn't affected anyone in my family yet, although I think Brother-in-Law #3 may have been born with it. This is good. You have done very well writing something not easy to write. I salute you, my friend. Write on. Smiles, Dad
This is excellent. Quite a twist you have going here. I hope you expand this and give us more details, and continue this. I did notice at the beginning of the 4th paragraph, you say, "Although she was sure that he won't pop the question in a restaurant. " This is a sentence fragment. I know it's just picking nits, but if this is the worst thing I found, that means it's good. Write on. Smiles, Dad
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