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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jmariah
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135 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by JMariah
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I really enjoyed reading your story. I stumbled at a couple spots and noticed a couple of spelling mistakes. But as for the story line itself, you kept me riveted throughout. Well done.
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Review of A Mermaid's Tears  
Review by JMariah
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem is absolutely beautiful! Congratulations on winning first place!
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Review of YOUR PHOTOGRAPH  
Review by JMariah
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi yours rohit, although I'm a seasoned poet, I'm new to reviewing. I hope you will take my opinions as just that - one person's opinions. My aim is always to help. With that said, here is my review of your poem "Your Photograph".



Initial impression: This is a lovely poem, reminiscent in nature and romantic. You captured the memories that flash through a mind while looking at a photograph. Well done.

Title: The title is absolutely perfect for this poem

Tone: The tone is romantic and reminiscent.

Content: The first two lines do not make a grammatically correct sentence, and made me stumble right at the beginning of reading of this poem. The spelling mistake in the second to last line ("lough" should probably be "laugh"), messed up the rhyme at the end. But other than that, this is a very "feel" good poem.

Overall impression: I think this is a very tender poem that is a wonderful tribute to whoever this poem is written for. I can so relate to staring at a photograph and remembering the person in the picture and the times we spent together.

This poem is very real.
Good job.



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
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Review by JMariah
Rated: E | (5.0)
I just heard about this awesome group and would like to make a donation.
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Review of If Only  
Review by JMariah
Rated: E | (4.5)
This poem is a beautiful composition of love. It doesn't seem to be written about a heartbreak, as the love is reciprocated (line 8). Well done, well expressed.
Keep writing!
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Review of You  
Review by JMariah
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is beautiful, a well-crafted Haiku. But the phrase "on the sun" threw the image off. It gave me the vision of someone "raining on someone's parade".
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Review of I Love You  
Review by JMariah
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Smile*This is a cute little poem, that is brief and to the point. It didn't really move me to "feel" or challenge me to do anything, hense the *Star**Star**Star**HalfStar* rating.
Thank you for the honour of reading and reviewing your work.
Keep writing,
JMariah
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Review by JMariah
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Very nicely done Itchy Water,
*Smile*I enjoyed how you stuck to the specifications of the form while relaying meaningful content. I especially like the contrast between the time you were made to feel special and the time you felt used. The last line is a line of hope for others who go through this same experience, as it let's us know that we can learn from it.

*Confused*The only word I thought stuck out (and felt out of place to me) was "washstand". Maybe because it isn't a typical item used with the theme of being used (such as a rag, or mat). But as colloquialisms vary from culture to culture (or from place to place), it could be just that my ear isn't attuned to its usage.

*ThumbsUp*Overall, I'd say this is a fantastic poem. Well done.
Keep up the great work!
JMariah


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
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Review of Robbery  
Review by JMariah
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Interversus,
I'm new to writing flash fiction, so I'm probably not the best at reviewing them. But I know what I like to read. I found the plot to be well developed, keeping me captivated all the way through. *Laugh*Your story had me in stitches. Oh my goodness, I love the twist at the end. I found this to be very creative and very funny, well deserving of 5 *Star*'s. I can't find anything that you would need to change to improve it. Congratulations on winning the contest too.

JMariah
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10
Review of Minute Acrostic  
Review by JMariah
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Deb, thanks for reviewing my Acrostic. I thought I would return the favour.

Title and Tone: The title fits this little poem perfectly. The philosophical tone works well with the content.

Content and Form: I really like this poem. This is an Acrostic with something to say; there is a message here worth getting: How precious are those tiny moments that culminate into the memories we later reflect back on. The form (Acrostic) fits the content. I love the word "tableau".

Overall thoughts and Rating: This is a very well written Acrostic, deserving of 5 *Star*'s.



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Review of I Love to Rhyme  
Review by JMariah
Rated: E | (5.0)
What an absolutely beautiful Celtic design! You are blessed to have Sherry B design this for you.
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Review by JMariah
In affiliation with Two-in-One Poetry Contest Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Initial impression: I love how this poem moves from a social to a personal view (the crumbling building and broken teacup, to the whispering rope and smell of despair). I find this movement extremely effective in getting readers to "feel" the poem rather than judge the act described in its content.

Title: The title fits this poem perfectly, as it is also one of the strongest lines in the poem.

Tone: The solemn voice is successfully maintained throughout the entire piece.

What works: I find the last two stanzas to be very effective and very powerful for moving the message along in this poem. The contrast of "light and dark" and "freshness and cloistered smell" suggest to me a brief moment of mixed feelings, perhaps even a little too little and a lot too late. But wow! All I can say about the last stanza is that everything written before it builds up the emotions in preparation for the powerful ending. The taking of one's life is generally seen as an ugly or vulgar act; the character in this poem sees it as his "salvation" (my word). But the powerful ending is in HOW he sees himself passing (line 3 of the last stanza). The contrast between the writhing of a dying body and a dance is striking. The fact that the only two witnesses to the act are the character himself and the old building emphasizes the loneliness and despair.

What doesn't work: Nothing. I don't see anything that doesn't work well with all the elements of this poem to create this poetic masterpiece.

You are a very talented poet. It was a pleasure to read and review your poem, and I look forward to reading more of your work.
JMariah



This review has been given on behalf of the "Two-in-One Poetry Contest
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Review of Spirit Phone  
Review by JMariah
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem is absolutely beautiful and so true. The first stanza is a very powerful introduction to the message of the poem. The rhythm is perfect, the rhyme, natural. So the poem flows very musically in the ear. Congratulations on winning the Lighthouse Poetry Contest. Your poem so well deserves it.
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Review of A Broken Wish.  
Review by JMariah
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi Jadearielle, I'm a seasoned poet, but I'm new to reviewing. I hope you will take my opinions as just that - one person's opinions. My aim is always to help. With that said, here is my review of "A Broken Wish".



Overall feelings: Oh my goodness! I love this piece of writing. It is so sad and so beautifully written - straight from the heart. Your honesty is refreshing. You opened yourself up and made yourself vulnerable on the page, and I wanted to cry along with you.

Corrections needed: This piece has sentence fragments ("But as I continue my journey, down this path.") and run-on sentences, that would have to be corrected in order to have a well polished composition. But so what. You were able to tug at my heart strings, and I enjoyed that most of all.

My favourite line(s): My favourite parts of this writing are the phrases "I decided it was time to break. So i broke down", and "so I grabbed the flower, and I wished you away."

Well done.

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Review of Master Artist  
Review by JMariah
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi Rusty, I'm a seasoned poet, but I'm new to reviewing. I hope you will take my opinions as just that - one person's opinions. My aim is always to help. With that said, here is my review of your poem "Master Artist".



Title: The title fits the poem perfectly.

Tone: The tone is one of reverence for the beauty in the world around us and for the Hand that created it. This voice is well maintained throughout the poem.

Content: Every line is pertinent to the message of this poem. It remains focused from beginning to end. I like how the first two lines introduce the drops of paint, and the rest of the poem tells about all the things those drops colour. Very creative!

Musicality: The rhythm and rhyme of this poem make each line flow well.

Corrections needed:
Spelling - In lines 2 and 8, "painters" should be "painter's". In line 9 "natures" should be "nature's".
Grammar - In line 9, "does" should be "do" (to modify the plural noun "colors").

Overall, this is a beautiful poem. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.
Thanks for posting.



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
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Review of Green Thumb  
Review by JMariah
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Oh my goodness, I love this story!
Hi Jonas, I hit "random read" and your story came up first. I don't usually like scary-type stories, but I thought yours was so well written. You developed the plot so well that I couldn't turn away from it. Well done!
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Review by JMariah
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thank you so much for this beautiful poem. It took me back to my childhood days in England, especially the picking of bluebells, kiss chase and marbles. You did an awesome job of taking me back. Thank you.
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Review of Alzheimer's  
Review by JMariah
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very very well done. I watched my mother wither away from Alzheimer's. You have portrayed this Disease so well. And you have followed the form of this poem perfectly. I am about to enter a Sept poem myself, but I do hope yours wins. Good Job.
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Review of A Short Poem  
Review by JMariah
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: E | (3.0)
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Hi Stella, I'm a seasoned poet, but I'm new to reviewing. I hope you will take my opinions as just that - one person's opinions. My aim is always to help. With that said, here is my review of your poem "A Short Poem".



What works: The first 3 lines set an interesting tone for this poem. Line 4, without the second "flickers", is a great line. I love the word "quiescence"; it rolls so nicely off the tongue *Smile*

What doesn't work: Lines 4 to 10 form a confusing run-on sentence, with only one comma to help with the meaning (which remains obscure). In the phrase "terrified tremor", is it really the tremor that is terrified, or is someone being terrified by the tremor? I also had trouble figuring out what the "yours" and "mine" were referring to in lines 11 and 12.

Overall feelings and suggestions: I found this poem to be very confusing with very little focus. I would suggest the rewriting of it. I would suggest that you concentrate on the phrases that enhance the desired message and add punctuation to help your readers understand the points you are trying to get across.

Best of luck
Keep writing and keep posting,
JMariah



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
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Review of dreams of dreams  
Review by JMariah
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi mday, I'm a seasoned poet, but I'm new to reviewing. I hope you will take my opinions as just that - one person's opinions. My aim is always to help. With that said, here is my review of your poem "dreams of dreams".



Title: I thought the title was very creative and fits the content.

Tone: The tone is pensive throughout the poem.

Content: The content is in keeping with the art of dreaming. You captured the essence of dreaming well. Good job.

Musicality: The rhythm of the poem is very pleasing to the ear. It flows well.

My favourite lines: "Reality and fantasy intertwine." This is exactly what happens when we dream. Good line. Also, "familiar becomes strange. / Strange becomes familiar." This is also so true and well portrayed in your poem.

What doesn't work: The forward slashes don't seem to work in this poem. They are more of a distraction than a help. I would suggest that you take them out.


If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to email me.
Keep writing.
JMariah



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
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Review of Homerun  
Review by JMariah
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Wow....well done! Congratulations for winning :o)
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Review of Nature Glue  
Review by JMariah
Rated: E | (5.0)
Congratulations for having the winning poem for the week. This truly is a very delightful poem.
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Review of Sometimes I Feel  
Review by JMariah
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hi , I'm a seasoned poet, but I'm new to reviewing. I hope you will take my opinions as just that - one person's opinions. My aim is always to help. With that said, here is my review of your poem "".



Title: The title is appropriate for the poem

Tone: The tone is not one that evoke much emotion, but is maintained throughout.

Content: There are some good points put down, but are muddled in statements made simply to fit the rhymes (ie. Like I’ve eaten a hundred bees, and Without your voice the pain won’t ease). I think you have much to say, but your thoughts just need to be organized to fit better together.

Musicality: There is rhythm and rhyme that add to the pleasant sound of this poem.

Suggestions: My suggestion would be for you to remove what doesn't fit with the images used. For example "voice" doesn't fit in the sense of stanza 4.

I hope I've been able to help. If you need any further explanations, please feel free to contact me.

Write on!


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Review of Together  
Review by JMariah
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hi BloodSlayer, I'm a seasoned poet, but I'm new to reviewing. I hope you will take my opinions as just that - one person's opinions. My aim is always to help. With that said, here is my review of your poem "Together".



Title: The title fits your poem well.

Tone: The tone is romantic and is maintained well throughout the piece.

Content: I enjoyed reading this poem. I like that you chose to use the image of two stars to represent the people. The details of the images were a little confusing though. You mention the stars being in the summer night, but they are in blinding light, then you describe them as being dull. Stars? Dull? Lines 5 and 6 are confusing too. You mention the lengthening of nights and shortening of days as a strange way that fortune moves. Yet this is actually the changing of season.

Musicality: This poem has a very pleasant rhythm. The well-metered feet give this poem a good sound and feel.

Strengths: the rhythm and rhyme

Weaknesses: confusing images, inaccurate facts about stars

Suggestions: work on fixing what doesn't make sense.

I hope I've been a help. This poem is worth working on. I wish you the best of luck with it.
Write on!


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Review by JMariah
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi again Cianter,
as I couldn't break down this poem the same way as the last one, this review is set up differently. I'm sending you my overall impressions of this piece instead.

This is a great introduction to the book you are writing. I'm not sure if it works well as a poem, as it doesn't evoke emotion or encourage action. The writing is poetic, so I think if it was written as poetic prose, this would be more effective.

A couple of errors made: "Air, breathe that sustains..." (breathe should be breath, which is the noun). "...who will be their teachers and guide" (guide should be guides, as companions is plural).

Suggestion: I would suggest that you write this out as prose. If this is to be an introduction to your book, I would suggest that you add an element of surprise; elude to something different (as this theme has been done before) or exciting that will happen.

I hope this helps. Good luck with the book.


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