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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jmay194
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4 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Freedom Run  
Review by Jeffrey Penn May
Rated: E | (3.0)
This has potential, but obviously it is only in the rough draft stage. I would suggest you go ahead and at least hit return for each paragraph ASAP. Not many people will want to read and review in its current form. But for now, here are my thoughts.

There needs to be a time/setting with some details. Perhaps there is mention of what war and town. Is it the civil war? If so, north, south, or is it in Europe? Secondly, there appears to be nothing gained from trying to write it in present tense. Unless there is a compelling reason for doing so, then I would suggest just using past tense. Then of course there is the name of the horse. Again, I couldn't find any reason to name him "Dick." Why have readers of something other than a whole horse, rather than just part of its anatomy (and many will even if it is meant for children)? The negatives outweigh the positives on this one. "Freedom" seems like a good name. In any case, "Freedom Run" needs to be flushed out a bit. Right now, it's significant is a little obscure. I would also like to have more detail about the difficulties of taking care of so many sick horses. That is what seems so interesting. All the challenges Theresa has to overcome to eventually get Dick/Freedom back.

Anyway, I hope this helps. If not, just feed it to the fish.
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Review of "Thank You RAOK"  
Review by Jeffrey Penn May
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thanks for the upgrade. How can an item like this receive anything but a rating of 5+. :)
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