I loved reading your poem. I could read it over and over. Something about the way you wrote it. It made me feel good. I liked the unexpected. It flows very smoothly.
I didn't see any errors in the writing except in the twelvth stanza. The 'Q" in Quiet is an 'O'. I didn't even notice it the first time I read it.
Just a note, while trying to set up my email on the new iPhone 6, oms.writing.com was not recognized. I clicked on details and then at the top right of the screen I had to select trust. Just so you know in case someone is having issues. I didn't have that issue on the iPhone 5.
Jo
This isn't meant to be a review. I didn't know where else to make a comment about the instructions.
Hi
This is very good. I don't know why you haven't put more in your port. You are a very good writer.
There are a couple places that I think may be typo's.
The third stanza from the bottom. Is 'your' suppose to be 'you'. And the last line is 'from' suppose to be 'for'. In the sixth stanza 'your' should be 'you're'
Hi. I wanted too review some of you're entries. I don't know much about poetry. I think this sounds like it was well written. It was confusing in some places for me, but that's just me. After I studied it and read a few times it made more sense. I felt like I was back in school-trying to analyze some great poet. It does convey an emotion and an idea.
Excellent writing.
It's sounds like you have a talent for putting deep thoughts down on paper.
Why do the stanzas have different numbers of lines. Are they suppose to be all the same length?
Keep writing great job.
I would give it five stars if it weren't for one of the lines that didn't start with a capital letter. Just a typo.
Welcome to the world of WDC. It looks as though you aren't going to have any problem finding the words to express yourself. I hope the resources here will encourage you.
I'm new at this writing thing. Even though I join WDC last year, I seem to be doing more procrastinating than writing. If I may give a suggestion that I have learned, but not as yet applied myself. Write everyday. No matter what is is or where its coming from. Write everyday.
I look forward to seeing the great things you are going to write.
Love this poem. I don't know much about writing poetry, but why isn't this one broke up into stanzas? Anyone who likes fantasy or dragons should like this.
I would have liked to see something about riding on one. That would be cool.
I could certainly see what was going on with your descriptions. It would be easy to read if you broke it up a little with smaller paragraphs and double spaced between them.
There are a couple of grammar errors:
1. This sentence 'The Andromeda: nothing if not grand, were rocking from side to side like a cradle, granted wherein the baby was not quite safe, threatening as it was, to tip over with every wave that struck.' Just doesn't sound right. And also you used the word 'were' where it should be 'was'.
It might read better something like - The Andromeda, although grand, seemed unsafe as it rocked feverously with every wave.
2. In the next sentence 'live' should be life.
3. This sentence ' I skidded to their side, tying the thick, slippery rope that was soaked in seawater.' First of all who is tying the rope and the commas should not be in there the way it is written. With the commas it sounds like you were saying they were tying the rope. If that is the case the commas are still wrong.
4. In the next paragraph, you have commas separating adjectives. This isn't necessary. It also makes the reading confusing.
There are quite a few places where you have used commas incorrectly. In one sentence you used three commas where there should be none. Even if a sentence is very long, don't think you need to break it up with commas.
Because of the grammar mistakes I can't rate this very high. Otherwise, it's very good writing as far as descriptiveness goes.
This is different. Imaginative. I see no errors but I think it should be longer. You listed it as comedy. I don't see the humor. That doesn't mean it isn't funny to someone else.
Try to add some more stanzas. It looks like this stanza would make a good ending.
I am reviewing this item for the challenge presented by Diane .
An interesting piece of information. I think it is very well written. To me it shows that we shouldn't put labels on people. Maybe because I don't like labels.
It speaks to me because I am and always have been shy but no one believes that because I have learned how to be sociable.
I don't see any problems with what you have written. Great writing.
Jo
I think your stories are interesting. Not terribly scary, if thats what your looking for. It needs some editing. It looks like you left out a word when the child looked out the back window of the car. They look like good beginnings to stories. Suspenseful. I would like to read the rest if you finish it.
Hi
I think its a very interesting story. I think the dialog was good but I think you should break it up a little. Maybe with some mention of your surroundings from time to time. I didn't realize he was in a castle until the very end. Some mention of what the castle room you were in looked like ( maybe off and on through the dialog ) would make it interesting and break up the dialog some.
Like when the witch gets angry she walks to something in the room. Describe that. Or something of that nature.
I notice a couple typos. - How share you ask me such a-a stupid request. I think you meant how dare you here.
And here. -- Infact, none of this feels very odd - I think its In fact all of this feels very odd.
I look forward to seeing the whole story. Its very good
Nicely written. You conveyed all the major points in a concise way. It flows well. Except the last two stanzas. Did you consider trying to word them in the same style as the rest of the stanzas. The two stanzas about the lawyers didnt make sense to me either. Over all i think it works.
I found this to be very amusing. I don't know what kind of comedy you are looking for. I wasn't rolling out of my chair laughing, but it takes a lot before I do that.
I didn't see anything that looked out of place except where you described how to take the bathroom stall door off " by unscrewing the jammed locking mechanism." I think I would leave the explanation off and leave it to the imagination.
I think it sounds great. Very good advice and always appropriate. The only thing I would change is in the third stanza there is an 's' at the end of seem. I think in this stanza it sounds better without the 's'
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