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To be revolting,
Repulsive to the human eye
seems not so great a worry
if it would mean a full belly,
An end to the (Hunger)
This is the only thing I didn't like about the poem. In the previous stanza, someone who doesn't want to starve is starving. They want "a full belly." But the person in stanza four "lives for" hunger. To be revolting, repulsive to the human eye would seem to be a very great worry, especially if it would mean a full belly, an end to the (Hunger).
It seemed like a Disney movie until the last paragraph, where she get naked. The only problems I could remember were in the second to last paragraph - you used the word "dances" when it should've been "danced" - and in the last paragraph - you wrote "the the" when it should've been "in the". I outgrew the Disney style of storytelling, so I'm not a big fan of this Flash Dance style of escapism. Actually, it's more of a Cinderella story. She starts out as a despised peasant and transforms into this powerful being. I understand that it's just not my style, but it was a pretty big jump from getting food thrown at her to having her own galaxy, hence the Disney designation.
All I can say is, you probably shouldn't start out with although. It makes the beginning look a bit clunky. Also, don't be afraid to put the entire sentence, "Perhaps it would not last forever" in the last stanza. That way, everyone know what you're talking about.
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