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248 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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101
101
Review by jolanh
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very classic Western. You didn't reinvent the wheel, which is fine because your not supposed to. I am going to be working with a western/early 1900 type deal. I like your style and would it be alright if I picked your brain now and again
102
102
Review by jolanh
Rated: E | (5.0)
I remember my grandfather's typewriter. I think I wrote my first story on it
103
103
Review by jolanh
Rated: E | (5.0)
Lol this is awesome I like the conversation with the devil. It lends to the theory the devil doesn't make us do things but rather whispers in our ears until we choose to act.
104
104
Review of The Coroner  
Review by jolanh
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Your concept is good man.bear in mind I am not a pro. Please understand I say these things because I want you too succeed. I would scale back the descriptions a little. Rather than talk about what you guy is wearing,try for a trademark feature or two. You can describe his other features as needed. Give him a reason to be a vigilante.be it personal tragedy, or under the genuine belief he is doing good. Do some research on anti heroes, my good buddy Blimprider says they need to be handled differently than normal heroes. I trust him on that.
105
105
Review of love is a bath  
Review by jolanh
Rated: 13+ | (1.0)
Charlie do not freak out with the one star I hate ratings. Numbers mean nothing to work felt by the soul. This is not really a story. But what could be is a great poem.i really think it would shine as a poem.
106
106
Review of Thank you, Abba  
Review by jolanh
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am not one for religion, but your sermon speaks to me. Especially the part about Abba. As a father myself I try to give as much love to my children as possible and is something every parent should be striving for.
107
107
Review of About That...  
Review by jolanh
Rated: E | (4.5)
Lol great conversational piece, a couple of parts were hard to follow. Although I guess this was practice though
108
108
Review of Mom!  
Review by jolanh
Rated: E | (4.5)
Lol I knew where this was going but the relatability of the situation as a father and someone in the young man's shoes it worked well.
109
109
Review of Phil Never Loses  
Review by jolanh
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very nice it made a point.a nice reversal on Dan's part. More importantly the characters changed perceptions. This is solid and gives me a couple of ideas on how I could improve nicely done.
110
110
Review by jolanh
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is really nice, and captures that awkward yet sweet first time. It clearly highlights the feelings. Thank goodness there was no sex in this scene, because if there was it would ruing the piece a little. I am not going to go into grammar since I am still grasping the subtler aspects of it. I will say smaller paragraphs would make this a little easier to read.

Should you have time check out Silverbolt.
111
111
Review of Hogwarts Fanfic  
Review by jolanh
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
You know I have some magical mercenaries in a Potter fan fic maybe if we have time we should do project together.
112
112
Review by jolanh
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I like this very nice tastefully done. I have never been a big fan of any romance with too much sex, or too much focus on the impending couple to be this is well done
113
113
Review by jolanh
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Crazy, but it happens. Human desires are a real pain
114
114
Review of Handy Andy  
Review by jolanh
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I love this it reminds me of home improvement.i hope my writing gets half as good
115
115
Review by jolanh
Rated: E | (4.5)
Originality at its finest I hope Silverbolt is as successful
116
116
Review by jolanh
Rated: E | (3.5)
Nativity story through the eyes of the animals. Interesting,
117
117
Review by jolanh
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
First of all the concept is fresh and original. It is easy to understand, and the characters are miserable. You could seriously move Tom into a sheriff role and do barnyard parodies of old westerns
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