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2,311 Public Reviews Given
2,564 Total Reviews Given
I'm good at...
Spotting technical errors and awkward sentences. I also focus quite a bit on plot and scene flow.
Favorite Genres
Romance, Erotica, Paranormal, Fantasy, Mystery, Action/Adventure, Suspense
Least Favorite Genres
Horror
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories, Chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
Poetry
I will not review...
I'll review just about anything except for items containing incest or bestiality.
Public Reviews
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201
201
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hiya, Deepshikha !

*Smile* I noticed you have an anniversary this month and thought I would stop by with a review! I am more than happy to offer my reactions and suggestions for this piece. However, keep in mind these are my opinions, so feel free to disagree.*Smile*


I enjoyed reading this article. It hits on a topic that many people don't consider in their busy day-to-day lives. Many people become so involved with the now, with what is happening each day that they forget the impact other people can have in their lives, even when it is someone they haven't seen for years, or only see for a moment. I also liked how you touched on the fact that we all take risks every day that could have lasting consequences, and we do it without a second thought. It was definitely a great message, full of hope and inspiration. Nicely done. *Bigsmile*

Suggestions:

*Bullet*Often, we have come across unknown faces who are more introduced as strangers.
The section 'who are more introduced as strangers' doesn't quite make sense to me. I think perhaps you are saying that they are viewed as strangers, but I'm not too sure.

*Bullet*Specially, this happens...
Consider rephrasing this to 'This happens especially when...' for a smoother flow.

*Bullet*A fear of facing an accident or was preoccupied with something that was not necessary at that time.
Consider rephrasing the last part just a little bit for a smoother flow. Something like, 'A fear of facing an accident, or perhaps I was preoccupied with unnecessary thoughts.'

*Bullet* It was a bit of frustrating for me...
The word 'of' is not necessary here.

In Conclusion

All in all, this was a very nice read with an important message. Thank you for sharing it with all of us. *Smile*

~A.J. Lyle~
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202
202
Review of A Bit of History  
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)


*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*Candlev*


I noticed you have an anniversary this month and thought I would stop by with a review! I am more than happy to offer my reactions and suggestions for this piece. However, keep in mind these are my opinions, so feel free to disagree.*Smile*

Wow, I was really impressed with this story. So much so that I had to re-read to look for any errors. That doesn't happen to me very often. *Wink* I became engrossed in these characters almost immediately. I saw at the top that this is actually the third story about the same characters, so I will definitely have to go and read the others, but it also stood alone as its own story very well. I had no trouble following the events, or the characters.

Since this is in first person from Laurence's point of view, the reader gets to know him the best through his thoughts and internal reactions. I enjoyed his character's attitude. He had an aura of self-confidence that I found very appealing as a reader. Later on in the story it is revealed that he has done less than favorable things in his life, and probably will again, but for some reason that didn't detract from his character. Extremely well done.

The dialogue between the characters was realistic, expressive, and easy to follow. I had no problem distinguishing between speakers, which tells me that you did a good job giving them each a distinct voice. Nice work.

I found the descriptions of their facial expressions, actions, and reactions very well done. You definitely have a good grasp on showing, rather than telling. I could see, hear, and feel what Laurence did through the entirety.

I was surprised by how effective the story was conveyed through continual dialogue. Normally, when there is that long of a stretch with just one speaker, I become bored and end up skimming. The conversational tone he used, in addition to his own personal comments, allowed me to remain interested in the story straight through to the end.

I have a few small suggestions, they are as follows.

Suggestions:

*Bullet*I stole a glance at Leiden, and was amused at his lost-puppy expression.
I don't believe this comma is necessary since the second section after the comma is not an independent clause.

*Bullet*The night was still young and I headed us toward the Keg-and-a-Half,...
Consider a comma before 'and' to show that it is joining two independent clauses.

*Bullet*My shoulders shook slightly and I couldn't stop a derisive grin.
Same thing here. A comma before the 'and' to show that it is joining two independent clauses.

In Conclusion

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece. The characters were well developed, the story line was intriguing, and it was very well written to keep the reader enthralled throughout. I look forward to reading more about these characters, for sure. *Smile* Happy Anniversary. *BalloonB*

Happy Writing!

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#1583808 by KC under the midnight sun


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203
203
Review of Ominous Side  
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hiya, ~WhoMe???~ !

This review is being made on behalf of Showering Acts of Joy. We hope you are enjoying your shower!

I am more than happy to offer my reactions and suggestions for your work. Please keep in mind these are my opinions, so feel free to disagree.
*Bigsmile*


My Personal Impression: This was a deep, intense, and inspirational read for me. Even without the description the meaning was clear to me. It is so easy to allow ourselves to slip, to give in to the very actions and behavior that we know goes against what we truly believe and think. There is always that part of us that would just love to break free, and if we are not careful it can break through the surface all too easily. Depression is a bit like this for me. Just when I think I have it all good, thoughts that I know do nothing but damage me come running through.

I found this inspirational because it was a recognition of something that many people won't even begin to think about. The only way to get rid of it is to recognize it for what it is, so we can forever distinguish the difference.

Tone & Mood: The tone reflected the struggle well, showing the reader the dark emotions that swirl beneath the surface. Near the end it changed just slightly, showing that it is possible to combat it.

Emotional Impact: Well, I think maybe it is apparent already through my comments, but this hit me in the gut a little. I have been having some issues lately that I didn't know how to deal with, and instead of forcing myself to recognize them, I was hiding under the facade of uncaring. Reading and understanding this piece caused me to see that.

Rhyme, Form, and Flow: There was no rhyming pattern that I could discern, but it didn't need it. You used a very effective pattern of syllables through each stanza, creating a great rhythm. I found it easy to maintain the cadence while reading it out loud.


Suggestions:

I have a few minor suggestions. *Smile*

Your sole purpose,
To keep me vigil,
This could be just me, but I felt as though the word 'vigil' was out of place here. The word 'vigilant' would fit the content easier, but it wouldn't work because of the syllable count, so I was thinking maybe something like 'on guard' or 'aware'.

*Bullet*In the first stanza, there is a comma after 'exactly', but I don't think it's needed for the flow of the sentence.


*Star*In Conclusion*Star*

I found this to be a wonderful, eye opening read. The concept covered in this is nothing that I haven't ever thought myself once or twice, and the way you present it gives it a tangible presence. I have re-realized (probably not a word) that I am susceptible to this kind of battle within myself, and that I must protect against it. Thank you very much for sharing such a well written, intense, and thought provoking piece. *Smile*

Happy Writing!

~AJ
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204
204
Review of Balancing Act  
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hiya, White Teeth !

You were kind enough to stop by my port with a review, and I wanted to return the favor. *Bigsmile*I am more than happy to offer my reactions and suggestions for your work. However, please keep in mind that these are my opinions, so feel free to disagree.
*Smile*

This was a very intriguing, thought provoking read. I found the message hidden throughout was a strong one. Aidan learned much from seeing how Marc reacted to the place, as well as Nika. His thoughts at the end revealed much about his emotional state, and the revelation of his wife's miscarriage let all the pieces fall in place. Nicely done. Loved the ending paragraph, it wrapped it up in a nice little package.

The narrative tone was done well to convey the personality and emotions of Aidan. I found his observations to be reasonable and believable, as well as instrumental in setting the mood and atmosphere for the story to unfold. The descriptions were well placed to enhance the readers visual without taking away from the progression of the story line. Nicely done.

The character development was done in a way that allowed the reader to get to know both characters to a certain extent. In shorter works it is often hard for the reader to understand the characters, but in this I felt you did a good job of making them realistic. I felt I could understand Aidan, and while there was less time spent on the character of Marc, I feel that I got a good sense of his personality.

I have a few technical suggestions, they are as follows.

Suggestions

*Bullet*Marc on the hand had a lot to tell,...
I think you mean, 'on the other hand'.

*Bullet*I did notice that his beard showed premature strands of grey and, with his baseball cap now removed, I saw that his hairline had continued to recede.
I think there should also be a comma before 'and' because it is a coordinating conjunction.

*Bullet* I sometimes go here just to watch her.”
I think 'here' was meant to be 'there'.

*Bullet*He indicated, pulled into a car park, switched...
I think there is something missing here. What did he indicate?

*Bullet*Nika was pretty and imposing, *despite her trim build.
I'm not sure what the asterisk is for.

*Bullet*...a glass of red wine on the new white carpet in our flat and instead of running to get a cloth I had watched mesmerized...
I think 'instead of running to get a cloth' should be surrounded by commas because it is a nonessential element for the sentence. Also, a comma before 'and' because it is a coordinating conjunction for this compound sentence.

*Star*In Conclusion*Star*

I enjoyed reading this piece. It was well written, nicely paced, thought provoking, and meaningful. I look forward to reading more of your work. *Smile*

Happy Writing!

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205
205
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hiya, Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH !

This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. I am more than happy to review this piece and offer my reactions and suggestions. Please remember, these are only my opinions, so feel free to disagree. Above all, keep writing! *Smile*


Ah, this was so much fun to read. The use of dialogue only was very effective in this story. I loved how the speech reflected their life style so well. I could easily hear them as they spoke. The dialogue was used well to provide additional details about their surroundings and actions nicely, providing a mental image for the reader without the reader even realizing it. Well done.

I laughed at the ending of this, it was well planned and executed to wrap the piece up nicely.

Suggestions

I only found a couple of polishing suggestions.

*Bullet*The last line in the first section is lacking any quotation marks.

*Bullet*The third paragraph in the third section needs opening quotation marks.

*Star* In Conclusion *Star*

I enjoyed reading this story. It was well written and humorous. Definitely a fun read. I look forward to visiting your port again soon. *Smile*

Happy Writing!

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206
206
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hiya, jaya

This review is being made on behalf of Showering Acts of Joy. We hope you are enjoying your shower!

I am more than happy to offer my reactions and suggestions for your work. Please keep in mind these are my opinions, so feel free to disagree.
*Bigsmile*


My Personal Impression: Wow. I was completely captured by this poem. The meaning contained in it was wonderful. Without God, everything seems hard and hopeless; with faith, anything is do-able. Very nice.

Tone & Mood: The tone was gentle and loving. A mood of hopefulness and praise was established nicely through the combination of wording and tone.

Emotional Impact: The first stanza introduces the doubt, and then it is swept aside as the the narrator makes a realization, leaving the reader feeling adoration for what God can accomplish in us. Very nice.

Rhyme, Form, and Flow: I found all of these very nicely done. The rhyming sequence was consistent, and the word choices were well thought out to fit the meaning and the rhythm nicely. The flow was smooth from beginning to end. I found each stanza flowed into the next easily, producing an effortless read.

Suggestions:

The very last line could use a comma before the 'and' because it is a coordination conjunction. Otherwise, I found no errors in this piece. I have no suggestions for improvement. *Thumbsup*


*Star*In Conclusion*Star*

I enjoyed this piece immensely. To be honest, I found that my faith was renewed through reading this piece. I didn't realize until the end that I had been missing the sense of fullness that faith inspires. Thank you very much. I look forward to reading more of your work. *Smile*

Happy Writing!

~AJ
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207
207
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hiya, Bikerider !

This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. I am more than happy to review this piece and offer my reactions and suggestions. Please remember, these are only my opinions, so feel free to disagree. Above all, keep writing! *Smile*


This was a very emotional story. I loved the way you used the Father's words at the funeral to break up the memories. It allowed for the reader to be reminded that the memories were of someone who was no longer around, heightening the dramatic impact of the main character's guilt. Nicely done.

The narrative tone was soft and filled with sorrow. I could feel Millie's sadness over losing her last parent, as well as the regret she felt over never having thanked her dad for how hard he worked for their family. The incident with the tire swing was a major event for her because as an adult, she could see how much it had affected her dad when she didn't appreciate what he had done to give her a swing.

If I'm not mistaken, this was written in response to a picture prompt. I remember the prompt well, and I think you did a marvelous job with it. The character of Millie was developed through her memories, allowing the reader a directly personal view of her emotions. I believe this allowed the emotional impact of the story to be heightened.

The structure was very nicely done. I had no problem going from present to the past. The use of the Father's speech was a great way to mark the definition for the reader, as well as spur more memories for Millie. It progressed well from beginning to end, showing a bit of each stage of their lives together. I believe this was instrumental in developing a realistic and well rounded personality for her. Well done.

Suggestions

I have a few suggestions for polishing. *Smile*

*Bullet*Consider editing for the use of introductory phrases. Sentences such as 'As tears began to roll down my face my body shook like an autumn leaf,...' contain an introductory phrase which set up the scene for the main sentence. In this one, 'As tears began to roll down my face' could be followed by a comma.

*Bullet*Daddy wasn’t in the house so I went out to the barn to find him.
There are a few places which contain coordinating conjunctions, such as in this sentence, which require a comma before them. In this instance it is 'so'. It requires a comma because it combines two independent clauses.

*Bullet*“We commend Frank to you, Lord; and he’s a good man to have with you,”
I think you could get away with removing the 'and' in this sentence. It seemed to throw off the flow.

*Star* In Conclusion *Star*

I enjoyed reading this very much. It was well written, emotional, and vivid. I look forward to reading more of your work. *Smile*

Happy Writing!

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208
208
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hiya, Rose Praying for Peace !

I am more than happy to offer my reactions and suggestions for this piece. However, please keep in mind that these are my opinions, so feel free to disagree.
*Smile*

This was quite a meaningful short piece. There is little information about her past other than the fact that she is tired of trying to live up to what her sister's can do, and I think it worked well like that. The situation in question, the try-outs for the cheer leading squad, didn't really require much more than the overall sense provided.

I'm not sure if this was written with a word count in mind, but if not, it may be a great one to expand a little bit. I would have loved to witness her try-out's, to feel her exultation as she nailed the combo she'd been working on so hard. *Smile*

The narrative tone worked very well. It was consistent, and it reflected the need she had to be her own person. Nicely done. The progression of the story was fairly smooth, though I would have liked to see a bit more of the action. I think providing a few scenes would be a great addition to an already good story!

Suggestions

*Bullet*"Finally," she said "finally I...
Just missing the punctuation after 'said'.

*Bullet*"I know " she said "I'm the new coach."
There should be a comma after 'know' before the quotation mark, and another one after 'said'.

*Bullet*Consider placing her direct thoughts in italics. As it stands, it seemed that there was some tense confusion, but I believe it was because the main narrative was in first-person past tense, and then the thoughts were present tense. If there is something to distinguish the narrative from the thoughts, I think it would reduce confusion.

*Star*In Conclusion*Star*

I enjoyed reading this piece. I think many people will be able to relate to the feelings the main character experiences in this, regardless of age. Thank you for sharing! *Bigsmile*

Happy Writing!

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209
209
Review of Monopoly Spies  
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hiya, Amay !

This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. I am more than happy to review this piece and offer my reactions and suggestions. Please remember, these are only my opinions, so feel free to disagree. Above all, keep writing! *Smile*


The narrative tone was set very well right in the beginning. Before the end of the first paragraph, I could feel the emotion bottled up inside of Sam. I could sense the pain he felt, the regret he felt that he made it out when others suffered.

The story progressed nicely from beginning to end. Even though the piece was fairly short, you managed to show real emotion regarding the events that led Sam to escape. I really liked how Brittany made him see that him surviving was a good thing, that what he had accomplished in his life was meant to be. It's neat to think about, really, how one life can make the difference.

After reading this, I was left feeling good that Mr. Sam was able to see the good side of his survival, rather than just focusing on his guilt over the suffering of others.

Suggestions

*Bullet*Gently she patted his knee. “Mr. Sam?”
Consider a comma after 'Gently' because it is a disjunctive adverb that modifies the action of the sentence.

*Bullet*Nobody should remember those days.
Just missing the end quotation marks on this section of dialogue.

*Bullet* “That’s where you’re wrong, Mr. Sam, the fact that you’re here, the fact that your son is about to be sworn in as president, the fact that this simple plot saved so many lives is all important.
Consider starting a new sentence with 'The fact...'. I think the first part would make a heavier impact if it had its own sentence. Also, the section 'is all important' feels off. Perhaps add a 'that's' after 'all'?

*Bullet*Gee, Brittany, can’t you think of a different argument.”
I think this should have a question mark.

*Bullet* Brittany stood up, “Mr. Sam, are you going to be alright?
The comma before the dialogue should be a period.

*Bullet*She worked for the Secret Service during the war and she was proud of the work she did for them.
I think a comma before 'and' would be appropriate because it is joining two independent clauses.

*Bullet*Mr. Sam tired of rocking in the exhibit room surrounded by his memories, slowly got up out of the rocker, and decided to find Brittany.
I think this sentence would read smoother with a comma after 'Mr.Sam'.

*Bullet*“I think I did Son, she left me in the exhibit room.
Just need a comma before 'Son' because it is being used as a direct address.

*Bullet*...and have a rascally little neighbor girl that brought them altogether.
I think 'altogether' should be separated into 'all together'.

*Star* In Conclusion *Star*

I found this story to be very intriguing. I hadn't realized that the game of Monopoly was used in this way. You presented it in a very personal context by showing Sam's emotions regarding the past events. I look forward to reading more of your work.

Happy Writing!

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210
210
Review of mercenary  
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*Candlev*


*Smile* I noticed you have an anniversary this month and thought I would stop by with a review! I am more than happy to offer my reactions and suggestions for this piece. However, keep in mind these are my opinions, so feel free to disagree.*Smile*

This was definitely an interesting read. One quick question, just out of curiosity. Are you planning to make this an article, or is it the basis for something else? It seems to me that this subject would allow for quite a bit of exploration, for sure.

The tone you use to convey the information about Mercenaries was full of energy. I could feel the conviction behind the words, the desire the author had to make people understand the subject from their perspective. The arguments presented all had great merit. I could definitely see how soldiers and ex-law enforcement could find themselves living as a mercenary if they feel they have been discarded by the very country or community for which they risked their life over and over.

I believe that adding some facts in with this would create an even heavier impact on the reader. For those of us who have family and friends that served, it is easy to see that the statements in this piece are true, but for those who have never been around such people, it may not be as understandable. I think that if you were to add some actual statistics to this, it would have a larger impact on those people.

I could easily detect the emotion in this piece. Because it came directly from the author's perspective, it was felt strongly through the sentence structure and use of personal references. If creating this as an opinion piece, that is definitely a good thing. It draws the reader in on a more basic level, reaching out to their emotions for understanding.

I have some technical suggestions, they are as follows. *Smile*

Suggestions:

*Bullet*You use the semicolon quite frequently through this. Semicolons should be used when linking two dependent sentences which are connected by the same idea. I found some areas in this where they were used when not necessary. A few quick examples, just to show you what I mean:

They arrive; like you and I, mere babes.
Here, a comma would suffice because it is only one sentence.

Only time will show whether their choices in life will bend and sway; sending them along the path where the label mercenary will be the defining persona of who they may be.
Here, the semicolon actually cuts off the sentence because 'sending them along...' is a part of the previous sentence. A comma would do nicely in its place.

*Bullet*The end punctuation is missing on the second paragraph.

*Bullet*But for many its survival.
The word 'its' should be 'it's'.

*Bullet*Trained, skilled in such ways that the general public, have or wish not to fully know or understand.
Consider rephrasing this just slightly to increase the flow. The area 'have or wish not to fully know or understand' doesn't quite work because when you removed 'or wish not to', which is an added element, the sentence doesn't make sense. Consider something like, 'skilled in such ways that the general public have no wish to know or understand.'

*Bullet* For me; I see that once their time whether it be within the military or law enforcement draws to an end.
The structure is just a bit off here. When I read this out loud it doesn't quite make sense. Consider, 'For me, it is when their service for the military or law enforcement draws to an end.'

*Bullet* Its here, that choices are made.
The word 'Its' should be 'It's'. Also, the comma before 'that' is unnecessary.

*Bullet*...skills of little use with in the general society?
I believe that 'with in' should be 'within'.

*Bullet*The use by date now marked expired.
I'm not sure if this is just a difference in how I say things, but I had to read this sentence over a few times to understand it. Perhaps 'best before date' would make it a little clearer?

*Bullet* Many choose the path for they have no other way , no longer able to fit back in the general population.
Consider adding 'they' before 'no longer', as well as using a semicolon in place of the comma.

*Bullet*They do not know or are unable to step back in the general community..
I stumbled here a bit. Consider, 'They do not know how, nor are they able, to step back into the general community.'

*Bullet*... with all its conortations.
The word 'conortations' has an 'r' where it shouldn't be.

In Conclusion

I enjoyed reading this piece. It was intense and compelling, and I think that with some editing to improve the flow, it will be an amazing read. Thank you for sharing this. *Bigsmile*

Happy Writing!

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#1583808 by KC under the midnight sun


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
211
211
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hiya,~WhoMe???~ !

This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. I am more than happy to review this piece and offer my reactions and suggestions. Please remember, these are only my opinions, so feel free to disagree. Above all, keep writing! *Smile*


Wow, the images and poems used to create these images are truly gorgeous. Each cNote contains its own wonderful message, allowing the sender to say what they want to with the words of the wonderful poets you have included. To be quite honest, I lost myself a bit as I went through each one. I found each one either brought someone special to me to my mind, or a special time in my life. Either way, I did a whole lot of thinking and remembering. *Smile* It is an easy thing to see that you spent a lot of time in preparing these images in order to convey heartfelt messages to the recipients.

I found the cost of the cNotes very reasonable, especially considering how effective they are. Extremely well done. I really liked the multi-colored wording, as well. It flowed with the images of the flowers very nicely to create a beautiful, complete message, both in meaning and visual perception.

I will most definitely add this to my favorites for future use. Thank you very much for going to the work to provide such beautiful cNotes for the WDC community. *Smile*

Happy Writing and Creating!

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
212
212
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*Candlev*


*Smile* I noticed you have an anniversary this month and thought I would stop by with a review! I am more than happy to offer my reactions and suggestions for this piece. However, keep in mind these are my opinions, so feel free to disagree.*Smile*

This was a really good read. The narrative tone was gentle and sorrowful, a deep regret present right from the beginning. I love how you began the history of the cottage so far back. Each generation placed their mark on the place, granting it a certain 'perfect' quality, as though only good things could happen there. The time he and Caroline spent there was told in a magical way, allowing me to see just how special she had been to him.

I found there to be a cadence to this as I read, a slow building of events to that last moment when realization dawns of what had happened to Caroline. I could feel his pain as he accepted the turn of events. I don't want to give it away in the review, just in case, but I found the ending very emotional. It wrapped up the feelings that built over the course of the story in a realistic manner, though I could shake the sense of sadness even after I finished reading. A very effective piece. *Thumbsup*

Suggestions:

*Bullet*She only had eyes for me and I was putty in her hands.
I think there should be a comma before 'and' because it is a coordinating conjunction used to connect two independent clauses.

*Bullet*I could see the cottage had been neglected for some time so it didn’t bother me at all I was trespassing.
I believe there should be a comma before 'so'.

*Bullet*This was my chance to tell Caroline everything I’d never been able to say and I wanted to be alone when I said goodbye to her.
A comma before 'and' for the same reason as above.

Overall

I really enjoyed reading this piece. It was nicely written, compelling, and emotional. I know the character development was spot on just for the fact that I reacted to the main character's emotions. I look forward to reading your work again. *Smile*

Happy Writing!

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213
213
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hiya, Angel !

This review is being made on behalf of Showering Acts of Joy. We hope you are enjoying your shower!

I am more than happy to offer my reactions and suggestions for your work. Please keep in mind these are my opinions, so feel free to disagree.
*Bigsmile*


My Personal Impression: I enjoyed reading this poem. There was some very raw emotion expressed in this piece with the use of rhetorical questions, and I was immediately drawn to that. I read it over about three times all at once. I think you are right, it flows a lot like a song. *Smile*

Tone & Mood: The tone revealed the emotion behind this piece very well. I found the lines to come out like statements rather than questions, showing confusion, or perhaps an inability to accept the heartache. It reflected the content very well.

Emotional Impact: I could feel the pain in this poem. I remember well this sort of pain, the feeling as though life just lost all meaning. There was a hint of bitterness, and I found it was just enough for me to feel how raw the emotion was.

Rhyme, Form, and Flow: The rhyming sequence seemed great to me. I didn't notice anything off in that area. The flow was really good, as well. Each stanza worked into the next, allowing a constant flow of content. I think the short stanzas worked nicely to enhance the tempo.

Suggestions:

*Bullet*How come it hurts that your not there,
The word 'your' should be 'you're'.

*Bullet*Consider a period at the end of stanza two, and again at the end of five. For me, it seemed as though they were the ending spots for the phases of the poem.

*Bullet*Show me you’ll be here for me forever,
When I was reading this out loud, it seemed to flow a bit smoother with the next line when I removed 'for me'.

*Star*In Conclusion*Star*

I really enjoyed this piece. The emotion came through clearly, allowing the reader to be able to understand, relate, and identify with the pain of the narrator. Well done. *Bigsmile*

Happy Writing!

~AJ
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214
214
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hiya, Jeff !

This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. I am more than happy to review this piece and offer my reactions and suggestions. Please remember, these are only my opinions, so feel free to disagree. Above all, keep writing! *Smile*


This was a fun read. I remember this prompt well. I sat and struggled for an idea for hours before giving up. This was an original and entertaining take on it, for sure. *Smile*

The tone suited the main character's mood very well. It showed his frustration that he never got his wishes, and then his agitation as his wish came true for someone else. It was funny how he was all for the karma when he thought it would get him his own wish the next year, right up until the wish he made for his friend turned out so well. I couldn't help but laugh when he decided it probably took up all the luck he'd been saving for the past ten years. A perfectly cranky thing to think. *Wink*

The ending line was perfect. It summed up his frustration well, while maintaining the humor of the situation.

Suggestions

I found no errors in this piece. I have no suggestions for improvement.*Thumbsup*

*Star* In Conclusion *Star*

This was a great piece of flash fiction. The character's mood and temperament come through nicely, and the sentence structure reflects his personality. Well written and entertaining.*Smile*

Happy Writing!

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Review of Harry's Prairie  
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*Candlev*


*Smile* I noticed you have an anniversary this month and thought I would stop by with a review! I am more than happy to offer my reactions and suggestions for this piece. However, keep in mind these are my opinions, so feel free to disagree.*Smile*

This was a cute story. The characters of Katie and Harry were likeable and realistic. I found myself drawn to their personalities easily. Harry's love of wildflowers and native grasses was really well done. I could feel his excitement as he planted them, and then again on the trip home as he looked forward to re-seeding his lawn with native vegetation. Ah, I couldn't help but laugh when Fred stated that he had helped Harry with his weed problem. The look on Harry's face was priceless. His character was too nice, though, to do anything about it, I'm sure. Poor guy.

The story progressed really nicely from beginning to end. Active scenes were used to move the story line along while keeping the reader interested. The exposition was laced through the dialogue and narrative well to educate the reader without a chunk of just exposition. I liked that. It kept the flow intact and allowed the story to move as quickly as it needed to.

The use of the prompt words was smooth. They were all placed well to flow with the sentences without seeming forced. I have to admit, I was with Katie on wondering what xeric meant, but the content in which you placed it supported it well. I think even those of us that don't know the word before reading this could decipher its meaning from the way you used it.

Suggestions:

*Bullet*Harry whispered. his face was so white...
The word 'his' should be capitalized.

Otherwise, I found no errors in this piece. *Thumbsup*

Overall

This was an engaging story with believable characters. It flowed well, producing a smooth and effortless read. I enjoyed the humor, as well. Thanks for sharing!

Happy Writing!

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#1583808 by KC under the midnight sun


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216
216
Review of Katie's Christmas  
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hiya, Amay !

This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. I am more than happy to review this piece and offer my reactions and suggestions. Please remember, these are only my opinions, so feel free to disagree. Above all, keep writing! *Smile*


This was a wonderful story of love and hope. The progression as Katie went from being unemployed, depressed, and hopeless, to her find of generosity from an anonymous source was good. It told the reader how hard life was for her, and let the reader understand that she turned to her faith in her time of need and her needs were answered. It was an inspiring progression of events, and it speaks of the true spirit of the Christmas season.

Katie's personality was shown well. Her refusal to let anyone see her cry demonstrated inner strength, and the fact that she found her peace at the church was a great way to show just how wonderful the love of God is. The message was strong, clear, and thought provoking. Well done.

The only thing that took away from the read for me was the tendency to tell the story to the reader. The use of lines such as, 'She was perplexed', and the continual use of passive words such as 'had', 'was', and 'were' don't allow the reader to 'see' what is happening directly, but rather tells the reader what is happening. This leads to understanding, but not necessarily to experiencing the story and emotions for oneself. For a much better explanation, check out this link: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Voice_(grammar). I believe that using the active voice a bit more often through this would increase the impact of the message.

Suggestions

*Bullet*Then she lucked up and found a job...
I think 'lucked up' should be 'lucked out'.

*Bullet* Then she lucked up and found a job in the mill, making the fabric that went on the furniture, needless to say, she’d gotten an envelope there too.
Consider breaking this into two sentences. The second starting with 'Needless to say'. I believe it would flow a touch smoother.

*Bullet*Katie packed up her few belongings, and started that long walk to the door.
The comma here is unnecessary because there is only one independent clause.

*Bullet*After all, it was more that baby Jesus had.
I believe the word 'that' should be 'than'.

*Bullet*Katie’s boys ran over to her ready to go home.
There should be a comma after 'her' to show that 'ready to go home' is referring to the boys, rather than the 'her' it directly follows.

*Bullet*We told him, that you had worked and worked,...
No comma before 'that'.

*Bullet*She went to her desk and took out a clean envelope, and placed all but three of the bills inside.
Consider replacing the first 'and' with a comma to promote a smoother flow.

*Bullet*She got up and put the envelope on the offering table and left the church ready to start a new year with a new beginning of hope and joy in her heart.
Consider replacing the first 'and' with a comma. Also, a comma after 'church' would be appropriate.

*Star* In Conclusion *Star*

I loved the story line in this piece. There was a large offering of hope, love, understanding, and compassion. Katie's faith and perseverance really paid off and allowed for her to have a bright future to look forward to with her sons. Thank you for sharing this. I look forward to reading more of your work. *Smile*

Happy Writing!

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217
217
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hiya, Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH !

This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. I am more than happy to review this piece and offer my reactions and suggestions. Please remember, these are only my opinions, so feel free to disagree. Above all, keep writing! *Smile*


The narrative tone in this piece held constant with Lou's personality. His thoughts granted insight into the case, as well as his growing feelings for Gloria. The relationship between the two seems to be progressing well, becoming more pronounced in each story. I find their interaction sweet. They are both uncertain and unwilling to make a move, and it provides a cute relationship between them.

The plot line in this was pretty involved, and I liked that you didn't reveal everything to the reader as it evolved. I was holding my breath when he busted into the judge's chambers, wondering how he expected to arrest them both. When he called the others in, I realized that it must of been Smith he was talking to on the phone.

The ending wrapped up the situation well.

Suggestions

*Bullet*They could have plugged you when you showed up at the place, They‘re toying with you, Zeke.
The comma after 'place' should be a period.

*Bullet*I looked at the judge's name. Judge Gerald Casey was listed as presiding judge, and Judge William Toomey was the back-up. This had to be the case. I don't know Judge Casey, but I do know that Toomey never refused a good bribe.
There seems to be some tense confusion here. The narrative is in first person past tense, but the section, 'I don't know' is present tense. I noticed a few places like this.

*Bullet*and walk out the same way you came in here, Nobody gets past me to see the judge unless they have an appointment."
The comma after 'here' should be a period.

*Bullet*that pillar has a big crack in it judge.
Need a comma before 'judge'.

*Bullet* I told him it was going to be hard to find someone we can trust,...
The word 'can' should be 'could' to maintain tense.

*Bullet*ah, yes judge, good work. Sure, my man is in place, it will be easy judge.
The word 'judge' should have a comma before it because it is being used as an address.

*Star* In Conclusion *Star*

Another good read! I enjoy Lou and his unique personality. I look forward to seeing what he gets into next. Thanks for the read! *Smile*

Happy Writing!

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218
218
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hiya, Showering Dutchessbarbie. !

This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. I am more than happy to review this piece and offer my reactions and suggestions. Please remember, these are only my opinions, so feel free to disagree. Above all, keep writing! *Smile*


I apologize that it has taken me so long to come back to review this piece. I have no excuse, either, except a bad memory. *Blush*

This is a good letter. You sure do have a lot of expectations for yourself, but they are great ones. Each and every goal in this letter will work toward the main goal of making you a stronger, more confident writer. *Smile*

My only suggestion for you, other than one technicality below, is to give yourself reasons why you will do all of these things. I think adding the cause of your desire would serve as motivation and encouragement to you when you read it again, especially if you are feeling less than happy about your accomplishments up to that point.

Suggestions

*Bullet* However, I would be also doing at least double that number from the rest of the members.
I think you are missing the word 'be' after 'also'.

*Star* In Conclusion *Star*

All in all, this is a good letter. I wish you luck in completing the tasks you have set for yourself. I am sure you will do well. *Smile*

Happy Writing!

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219
219
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hiya, Angel !

This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. I am more than happy to review this piece and offer my reactions and suggestions. Please remember, these are only my opinions, so feel free to disagree. Above all, keep writing! *Smile*


First of all, I have to say that this is one really intense piece of flash fiction. The elements for a great story are all there, and I think you could definitely continue this into a longer story if you wanted to. You set the mood very well with the intense narrative tone, allowing the reader to become caught up in the action right away. Another great point is that it starts in the midst of the action, and that intrigues the reader straight off.

There are a few things that hamper the read a bit, and I think if you are willing to edit this a bit, you could end up getting some very good reviews and ratings on this piece. One of the main things is that having all the dialogue and narrative in the same paragraph makes it hard for the reader to follow easily, and provides a read with work. I am going to take the first part and separate it up to show you how different it is when it's not all crammed together. I will email that to you. *Smile*

I have some technical suggestions, mainly typos and punctuation. *Smile*

Suggestions

*Bullet*I went flying through the tree's feeling the wind choke me, but I could not stop.
The apostrophe in 'tree's' doesn't need to be there. It should be 'trees'. Next, instead of 'feeling the wind choke me', which 'tells' the reader what is happening, consider 'showing' what it feels like. For example,
I went flying through the trees, my throat burning from the sensation of the wind as it choked me, but I dared not stop.
Do you see the difference? This way, the reader actually 'feels' the sensation of being choked.

*Bullet*“Your going to regret this!”
The word 'Your' should be 'You're'. When you are saying 'you are' then the apostrophe and 'e' are necessary.

*Bullet*“You know there after you right?”
The word 'there' should be 'their'.

*Bullet* “Yes, I know. Don't remind me”
Just missing a comma before the end quote mark.

*Bullet*“There closer!!!!!!!!”
The word 'there' should be 'they're'. Also, only one exclamation point is needed. The extra will only distract the reader without showing any higher stress level. I know it works in email and chat, but in written stories it is not useful.

*Bullet* as I pulled my sward from my sheath.
The word 'sward' should be 'sword'. Also, consider 'the sheath'.

*Bullet*...turned into ont of the big black...
The word 'ont' should be 'one'. Just a typo. *Wink*

*Star* In Conclusion *Star*

All in all, this is a really good story, and I really think that some editing will get you the reviews and ratings it deserves. If you do decide to edit, let me know. I would love to re-evaluate this piece accordingly. *Bigsmile*

Happy Writing!

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220
220
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hiya, Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH !

This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. I am more than happy to review this piece and offer my reactions and suggestions. Please remember, these are only my opinions, so feel free to disagree. Above all, keep writing! *Smile*


The voice of Lou Ryan has been very well developed to show his personality. I could hear him as I read this, and I found his point of view very entertaining. You have done a nice job matching the speech patterns and the wording of this time period.

I liked how this piece referenced the other story, "One Busy Night in Chicago". It sparked my memory of his and Gloria's first meeting, which allowed for the ending of this piece to be even more sweet. As he was buying the perfume, the reader sees well how he is smitten with her.

The way this case unfolded was consistent and understandable. I could follow the events easily, and the descriptions enhanced the dialogue and the run in with Lenny. Lou Ryan shows that he has a soft heart by helping Estelle with her problem without letting her husband know. Well done.

Suggestions

*Bullet*Maybe I'm looking into to the wrong person's business.
I think there is an extra 'to' in this sentence.

*Bullet*...and I won't let you destroy him or me.
Just missing the end quotation mark.

*Bullet*"Well, hello, Lou. Long time no see, ehh?
Missing end punctuation.

*Star* In Conclusion *Star*

All in all, this was a very enjoyable read. I see you have another Lou Ryan case in your port, and I look forward to reading that one as well. *Bigsmile*

Happy Writing!

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221
221
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hiya, The warlock !

I found this piece on the "Review Me List for WDC Power -ON HIATUS. Thank you for posting for us to read and review. I am more than happy to offer my reactions and suggestions for this piece. However, please keep in mind that these are my opinions, so feel free to disagree.
*Smile*

Short, sweet, and to the point. I like it. The message is powerful, perhaps even more so because it is so short. A true declaration of everlasting love. The essence of love was shown with the use of the flower of love, a flower that can never die. It shows that the love you have also will never die. Very nice.

I love the following linea:

With steadfast cores,
My love shall forever be yours.


A strong, meaningful statement. It gave me little chills to think about it. Well done.

The flow was really nice through this, and I found the words chosen carefully for the rhyming sequence so that it didn't feel forced. There was one line that felt off, perhaps a little too long:

Shall not die whatsoever.

I stumbled a bit over this. It feels like it's a syllable too long. However, I can't think of anyway to change it and still maintain the message.

All in all, this was an enjoyable piece that I am sure many will be able to relate to. The subject of love never gets boring, especially when written with such a heartfelt tone. *Wink* Great work!

Happy Writing!

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222
222
Review of Hey, You!  
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hiya, Rose Praying for Peace !

This review is being made on behalf of Showering Acts of Joy. We hope you are enjoying your shower!

I am more than happy to offer my reactions and suggestions for your work. Please keep in mind these are my opinions, so feel free to disagree.
*Bigsmile*


My Personal Impression: A very powerful piece. I was captured right away with the use of meaningful repetition and great tone. How true this piece is. So many out there do so much for others that they neglect themselves. This is a great message to send to them, to care for themselves before it's too late. Well done.

Tone & Mood: The tone was demanding but not aggressive. I found myself compelled to read on. This was one of those 'aha!' pieces where you keep nodding your head as you go, and at the end, you realize it's talking directly to you.

Emotional Impact: I found myself taken back by this. I was nodding along as I read, until I realized this was a problem I was having just a few weeks ago. I ended up in the doctor's office because I was too busy taking care of my mom through her surgery, and not spending any time to take care of me. This piece made me realize how important it is to take care of yourself. After all, if you don't take care of yourself, then you eventually won't be able to take care of anyone else.

Rhyme, Form, and Flow: The flow was great. I can't say I noticed a rhyming sequence or form, but there was certainly no lack because of it. It flowed well when I read it out loud.

Suggestions:

The only thing I noticed was some improper spacing between words and punctuation, but that could be formatting, too. Otherwise, I have no suggestions for improvement. *Thumbsup*

*Star*In Conclusion*Star*

All in all, this was a great read. I just love poems that can deliver a strong, meaningful message while maintaining a great flow. You have definitely done that here. Great work!

Happy Writing!

~AJ
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223
223
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*Candlev*


*Smile* I noticed you have an anniversary this month and thought I would stop by with a review! I am more than happy to offer my reactions and suggestions for this piece. However, keep in mind these are my opinions, so feel free to disagree.*Smile*

Due to the fact that there are several different scene breaks in this piece, I thought it might be helpful if I gave you my impressions as the story progresses.

The first scene was intense. It was a great introduction to Graziella's personality, as well as her emotional state. It was evident that she had fallen for a man who didn't feel the same way, and finding out that her best friend was dating him was the last straw. I found her personality well developed, really, in such a short section. I learned about her past, and a showing of her inner strength was given at the end of the section with her determination to move on. Well done.

There was a lot of emphasis put on Graziella's feelings towards their marriage moving along so quickly, and I could feel her pain easily. You did a really great job with her personality. She feels like a real person to me already. I also noticed a couple of small hints in this part, but since I haven't finished the story, I'm not sure if they actually mean anything. The fact she didn't know about his heart problem or his brother tells me something is off because the two of them spent a lot of time together, and I think that would have come up. I'm eager to read on.

The memories were intense! Wow, their relationship was much closer than I thought in the beginning. This section was a great way to show the relationship as it progressed. It drove home why her emotions were so intense. Very good addition. Also, loved the use of different colors to show the definition between scenes. It worked nicely.

Ah, I loved the ending. It was one of those, 'Awww! How sweet' endings that leaves you all fuzzy and contented with love. Very nice.

Suggestions:

*Bullet*Two months ago, she told Monique about a guy named Chris, that she has fallen in love with.
The section 'that she has fallen in love with' feels off for this sentence. The tense changes with the use of 'has'. Consider something like, 'that she fell in love with'. Also, there is no need for a comma before 'that'.

*Bullet* Her best friend said they were dating and she seemed to be falling for him.
Consider using a comma before 'and' because it is being used as a coordinating conjunction in a compound sentence.

*Bullet*...drying her tears as she made up her firm decision.
Consider removing 'up'. It feels like extra in this sentence.

*Bullet*her throat dry, stomach tied into knots and tears threatening to fall anytime.
I think a comma before 'and' would be appropriate because this is considered a list of actions.

*Bullet*but you've only known each other for more than three months...
This statement seems off to me. 'More than three months' could be anything, and it seems to me they have known each other for 'barely' three months.

*Bullet*She didn't even know about Chris' heart ailment and even his brother.
The use of 'even' twice in the same sentence feels repetitive. Consider 'or his brother'.

*Bullet*And I'm just here, grieving on my own." she said to herself...
The period at the end of this dialogue should be a comma because it is followed by a direct tag - he/she said. There are a few places like this.

*Bullet*then you suddenly punch the lights out of him."
This part feels off. Consider, 'then you suddenly punched his lights out.'

*Bullet*I don't remember that but I bet it had been hilarious!"
The part 'it had been hilarious' doesn't quite go with this part. Consider, 'it had to be hilarious', or, 'it was hilarious'.

*Bullet*She already knew that Chris is the groom but she had to pretend she doesn't.
There is a bit of tense confusion throughout this. This is one example. 'She already knew' and 'she had to pretend' are past tense, while 'is the groom' and 'she doesn't' are present. You may want to smooth it into one tense so the reader doesn't become confused.

*Bullet*"I guess it can't be help then.
The word 'help' should be 'helped'.

Overall

All in all, a wonderful love story. There was a bit of a twist, and it was handled nicely. You did a really good job portraying her emotions and reactions in a realistic way for the reader to be able to relate to them and feel bad for her. If you decide to edit, feel free to let me know. I would love to come back and re-evaluate this piece accordingly.

Happy Writing and Happy WDC Anniversary!

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#1583808 by KC under the midnight sun


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
224
224
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hiya, Rose Praying for Peace !

This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. I am more than happy to review this piece and offer my reactions and suggestions. Please remember, these are only my opinions, so feel free to disagree. Above all, keep writing! *Smile*


Wow, I really enjoyed looking through these images! I have to admit, I spent a lot of time looking through Holiday cNotes last week, and if I would have happened upon these ones I would have surely purchased some.

I liked how you didn't concentrate on only one aspect of Christmas, but provided images and messages for other cultures as well. There are images which promote the religious aspects of Christmas, as well as a beautiful alternative without the religious theme. This allows for many to benefit from these images. There are many people who choose not to concentrate on the religious side of Christmas, and this collection provides images for them as well.

The price on these is reasonable, especially considering that the cost is for a set of recipients, rather than just one. *Smile*

The images were all attractive. Each one had its own charm, whether cute, gorgeous, or heartfelt. Well done!

Suggestions

I have no suggestions for this collection. *Thumbsup*

*Star* In Conclusion *Star*

All in all, an impressive collection of Holiday cNotes. I have added it to my favorites so I can use them next year. *Bigsmile*

Happy Writing!

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225
225
Review by ~A.J. Lyle~
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hiya, Prosperous Snow Valentine !

This review is being made on behalf of Showering Acts of Joy. We hope you are enjoying your shower!

I am more than happy to offer my reactions and suggestions for your work. Please keep in mind these are my opinions, so feel free to disagree.
*Bigsmile*


My Personal Impression: This was a wonderful acrostic. I just love reading acrostics that can blend a smooth rhythm with a great message. *Smile*

Tone & Mood: The effective use of tone in this piece allowed me to feel the thanks being expressed in this piece. The little things were shown in this piece, allowing for a soft, homey feel to the piece. Very nice.

Emotional Impact: The fact that this piece focused on the small things, like eating turkey soup on Black Friday, and nuts waiting in a dish were great in setting the atmosphere and allowed me to reflect on just what I am thankful for. I loved the line, 'Giving change to bell rings in the mall' because it is such a great showing of a thankful and giving spirit.

Rhyme, Form, and Flow: The flow of this piece was great. I read it out loud a few times and found it smooth each time. The words flowed off my tongue easily.

Suggestions:

I have absolutely no suggestions for this piece. *Thumbsup*

*Star*In Conclusion*Star*

A wonderful read. Thank you for sharing this piece with all of us! *Bigsmile*

Happy Writing!

~AJ
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