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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jpaulf
Review Requests: ON
109 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
Review of Click  
Review by often wrong sung
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
          now this month is over I feel free to say I really liked this. Avery nice Idea.
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2
Review by often wrong sung
Rated: E | (4.5)
          I suspect that poll might be skewed in favor of interested. how many people visited the page and did not vote?
         That said if you get 20 of the definitely interested and 10 of the might be interested, along with any old members who may still be around. is probably enough to re-open the forum. And there is more than enough meat on the existing articles to keep a new group busy for now.
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3
Review of The 4 B’s  
Review by often wrong sung
Rated: E | (4.0)
          just added you to my fraviourats list.
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4
Review by often wrong sung
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
          Parentheticals a nice word I’ll have to find a use for.
         This is the first of four articles on the subject of how to write a screenplay. It describes the key structural part of writing a story in script form.
          As someone who is relatively new to writing I have found the information in this article to be quite useful. I think it might be useful to other new writers.
          the advantages of this style of writing to me as a new are;
          The slug lines provide me with the structure for the story. literally where it is and where it is going.
          action. the who does what of the story. having previously split the story into a string of locations the subsequent action fills out the narrative structure. pages of description of a novel or similar story type also go here, but only the absolute minimum.
          Dialogue. there a formal structure to it but basically the same as any other form of writing except that there is no need to say how things are said.
5
5
Review by often wrong sung
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
          intriguing, if it was not for the title I would be wondering where it is going?
          I'm not sure about the grammar, but I'm dyslexic so I'm never sure about grammar.

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Review of April: PROMPT  
Review by often wrong sung
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
a good start from a brandnew member! *Smile* it took me months to get good enough to compete.
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7
Review by often wrong sung
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
again sorry for not doing things right the first time.
         an evocative well-researched work will be well-liked by the Americans. sadly I'm a brit.
two points that might need thinking about
1)each bolt brought twice as me in 1781 I suspect that it was meant to be much [this is the type of mistake I blame on the spell checker. ]
2)the text inserts could be a tiny bit bigger and darker
8
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Review of BRACKENAUR  
Review by often wrong sung
Rated: 13+ | (1.5)
          a bit of advice I was given when I started here was brake it up into paragraphs.

          people are more likely to read something that superficially looks the same as other things they have read.

          I would phrase it as, one long block of text is off puting.
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Review by often wrong sung
Rated: 13+ | (1.0)
"Peatie," he called back to his straggling brown sheepdog. "Come on. Hurry up and bring our little lamb down the path." His Ma wanted something extra for the kettle of potato soup that she kept hot from spring to fall.

if the above sample looks ok on my browser there is no space between lines
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10
Review of Frustration  
Review by often wrong sung
Rated: E | (5.0)
          Reading this and knowing what I do, I can not help but wonder if this decribes the aftermath of a stroke?
          if it is then you are a better writer than I after your injury than I am.
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11
Review of Her First Time  
Review by often wrong sung
Rated: E | (4.0)
          46 4 star + it is worth one more
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Review of Dionysus  
Review by often wrong sung
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
totally believed it!
a brilliant bit of writing
13
13
Review by often wrong sung
Rated: E | (2.0)
          You state the problem clearly then ask that someone else does something about it. if nothing else covid is showing where the inequities of this world are.

A shameless plug for one of mine
 camp covid  (E)
2247815 2244186 reworked
#2248903 by often wrong sung
the suds machine may be useful if your community is high density and has as lots of children
14
14
Review by often wrong sung
Rated: E | (3.5)
still liking it!

is it just me. or has your writing style evolved/become more descriptive over just three stories?
15
15
Review by often wrong sung
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
A nice read but you failed to mention Lesbian Vampire Killers
and My I wish, MyAnna
16
16
Review by often wrong sung
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
until the end, I was expecting some sort of twist in the last few lines.
I'm not sure where the who is he come from. I might have given the nanny a name.
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17
Review by often wrong sung
Rated: E | (4.0)
{size3.5}
This is my first attempt at a full formal review.


         Previously I have used the review box to praise works I have enjoyed. To question what I believe to errors of fact. To pass on some morsel of advice, given to me, which may be applicable. Or to the point where reliance on auto-correction may have to an inappropriate word selection.

         Starting with spelling and grammar, which seems to be the obligatory starting point for reviews on WdC. Partway down the page my word processor has put a red squiggly line under the favour. It is missing one letter. It is hard for me to understand how this error could materially affect a readers understanding of this work. Or why it was worth drawing attention to at all.

         On the subject of grammar, I will simply say that she understands it better than I. I would, however, take this opportunity to restate my view that; Correct grammar is just an attempt, by writers and readers, to use a common internal voice, to aid communication. I believe that this agreed internal voice, speaks with the accent know as received pronunciation. I am attempting, to the best of my abilities, to write this review in that voice.

         The first point I would make about, Taking-a-2nd-Look-at-1st-Impressions is that I am not clear who the target is. This may be insufficient intelligence on my part. My 1st-Impressions is that it is a plea for mainstream society to be more tolerant of those with the types of Neurodiversity issues outlined in the text. However Neurodiversity is only mentioned once, and that in the essay's title.

         The first part of the main text consists of nine, imagine yourself...paragraphs. As I am sure you can imagine, I saw my self in several of them. And I find it easy to imagine that a reader, not seeing him or her self in the first four or five, might conclude that this is of no interest to them, and find something else to read. The tenth paragraph is not much better, stating as it does “What would you think of yourself then? Dumb, careless....”. It is hard for me to imagine that asking a reader to think of themselves in those terms, is not going to alienate the reader that has persisted to this point.

         At this point, you may be asking yourself. Why am I using up a day of writing time to produce this review? Why have I recommended this essay to others, as I am sure some of you are aware that I have? Why am I now asking you to read it? And I am asking you to read it!

         The second half of the assay is more balanced in the representation of, just a few of the conditions that get lumped together under the catch-all term of Neurodiversity. It describes the signs that might indicate someone you are dealing with might have one of these “disorders”. And it makes a plea for understanding.

         On the subject of Neurodiversity. I will at some point write a short essay on the neuro side, because how a human brain forms is interesting. On the diversity side, these are sometimes referred to as spectrum disorders, If I represent one end of the spectrum and most of the population are near the centre of the spectrum, then I would ask the members of WdC should also have sympathy for those on the opposite end of the spectrum. In the language of this essay only ever colour elephants in grey and just up to the line.

18
18
Review by often wrong sung
Rated: E | (2.5)
          a better piece of descriptive writing than any of my early pieces. I will just repeat a bit of advice I was given early on people expect a piece of writing to superficially look like other writings they have read so break things up into paragraphs either with indents or missing lines.
19
19
Review by often wrong sung
Rated: E | (1.0)
          it reads like an add. and on my browser the overlapinf font is hard to read
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20
Review by often wrong sung
Rated: E | (3.5)
         this not so much a review as an outsider (non-American) response to it.

          your examples of what is wrong could have been stronger. you could have looked at Americans killed by failures of Rouservelt era bridges. or the number of Americans blown up by leaky underground gas pipes. or the number of Americans using bottled water, because they don't trust the companies or regulators to provide safe drinking water even before the national humiliation that was Michigans.

sorry

         you don't personally feel embraced by that, why should you?

         I suggest that this lack of civic pride that goes beyond your front door is half of the reason your nation does not infrastructure you can be proud of.

         all the political shenanigans in the world won't make a bit of difference if the politicians don't feel your embarrassment at the physical state of your nation's infrastructure.
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21
Review by often wrong sung
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
          I blame the spell checker! *Crazy*
or do you really see the small minority yielding wedges of power.
as an old dyslexic triple cabbage, I get where you're coming from.
it would have been 4 stars but for the fact that the typo is a howler.
a spell checker once turned a piece about David Attenborough into a piece about a naturist. *Smile*
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Review of Thank you  
Review by often wrong sung
Rated: E | (3.0)
          writing poetry is a better hobby than making holes and in my humble opinion your reasonably good at it.
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23
Review by often wrong sung
Rated: E | (2.0)
          as an old man I am not your target audience so feel free to ignore me if you want.
          this strikes me that it has as much or more story potential a many an afternoon weepy.
          I assume you have written it like this to tell us what you are thinking, and when it comes to writing it you will remember the mantra of some people here show don't tell.
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24
Review by often wrong sung
Rated: E | (4.5)
as someone who has a better grounding in science that I. could I tempt you to have a look at some of my speculations.

as a methanation please do not be put off by
  All mathematicians lie  (E)
the foundations of maths were established by the Babylonians.
#2245765 by often wrong sung


you might even be amused by"Dark matter is ordinary light.and there are others
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25
Review by often wrong sung
Rated: E | (3.5)
          I think the worst sinners in terms of making science a religion are science teachers they have their canon law, not the theory of thermodynamics and they have their profits the universe has to be that way because joe blogs says it does.
          I would question one point you made in particular. on a clear still night there is likely to be a ground frost on a cloudy breezy night less so. this suggests to me that radiation might be more important than you suggest.
         
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