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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jpaulf
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153 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by A Cassandra.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Just read the three sky town stores, I think the second of the three was the best, but enjoyed all tree
2
2
Review by A Cassandra.
Rated: E | (3.0)
eye like the intention here, but high think you could have further, and included word that have one spelling but multiple different meanings. I suppose hide have two had that too my t do list.
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Review by A Cassandra.
Rated: E | (3.5)
         I like it. It as a nice easy flow.
The one line "I wouldn’t give kill you, now would I?" struck me as being a possible editing error.
but overall better than me.
4
4
Review of Lucas Wahl  
Review by A Cassandra.
Rated: 18+ | (2.0)
          I will start with a bit of advice I had to be given when I started here. large blocks of text can be a bit off putting, so think about you paragraph structure.
          there is a catch phrase you will ear here, that needs bit of explaining. when you meat someone, you see what they do and work out for yourself why they did it. As a writer it is too easy to explain why your character did what he did, this means the reader dose not have to work out his motives, this can make the character seem less real to the reader. I still have problems with this one myself.
          you might want to add this to the Fanfiction
and Detective Genera’s.
detective stories and b-romances are not my taste. but I am sure some here will love it.
5
5
Review by A Cassandra.
Rated: E | (4.0)
         A nice counterpoint to all of the god botheras here about. a clear position well presented.
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6
Review of Cloud's Theory  
Review by A Cassandra.
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
I don’t know, the Immortals quartet by Tamora Pierce.
but I followed it easily enough. It has a hint of Earth sea about it.
7
7
Review by A Cassandra.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thurgood Marshall, I looked him up.
a good poem about a good man.
8
8
Review of She Cries  
Review by A Cassandra.
Rated: E | (5.0)
         {size3.5}I had heard FM described as being like the aching muscles of your worst flew, but going on forever, without end. your less detached description is a whole lot more informative and darker.
          I was prompted to respond to this piece by the section heading “Burning hot grease….” put me in mind of an idea. this has probably been tried before, check with the FM support groups.
         Sadists spill hot wax on masochists, it does no lasting damage but causes a brief intence localized pain. It might be the case that swamping her brain's pain center with an intense signal may temporarily deaden the chronic signal.
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9
Review by A Cassandra.
Rated: E | (4.0)
beautifully done.
10
10
Review by A Cassandra.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I liked it, and I will be reading more of your stuff
11
11
Review by A Cassandra.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I quite enjoyed the read. having not read chapter one, this hung together and told its story well,

on the downside
1) A twenty-two-year trip seems unrealistically short. Voyager launched something like forty years ago and has not long since passed the Heliopause.
2) The Sun is dying and only the Americans are intelligent enough to see it? even India as a space program these days.

an enjoyable enough read
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12
Review by A Cassandra.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
          It almost seems wrong me reviewing this. It is so much better than anything I could write.
but I had to say I enjoyed it very much
13
13
Review of Friend or Faux?  
Review by A Cassandra.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
          if you are still around have a look at
 camp covid  (E)
2247815 2244186 reworked
#2248903 by A Cassandra.


          this lovely little poem is brilliant from its title to its final FUCK IT.
14
14
Review of Gemstone Heart  
Review by A Cassandra.
Rated: E | (3.5)
          A lovely song, do you have a melody line or chord structure to go with?

15
15
Review by A Cassandra.
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
I like this, but you missed the green hydrated silica.
         Prase, for the gift of words
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16
Review of Cool Is  
Review by A Cassandra.
Rated: E | (3.5)
talked in the parking lot all night. park?

         very nice*Cool*
17
17
Review by A Cassandra.
Rated: E | (3.0)
          I thought you were an old hand here. but you're a newbie like me.

          to add items to a comp etc. start with {} curly brackets, inside them, type bitem:[then it will offer you the last few additions to your portfolio]
          if you want to promote something of someone else you will have to type or paste the number in.

          a nice review of the song
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18
Review of Last Dance  
Review by A Cassandra.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
          beutiful
if you were a dancer would you mind having a look at
 Ann proves her point  (E)
Beautiful Ann shows how to make ballet slippers that don't cause pain or injury.
#2250092 by A Cassandra.
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19
Review by A Cassandra.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I don't know if you still look in on this if you do have a look at
 Ann proves her point  (E)
Beautiful Ann shows how to make ballet slippers that don't cause pain or injury.
#2250092 by A Cassandra.
20
20
Review by A Cassandra.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
          at the moment governments are lending themselves all sorts of monies

this might amuse
The sea urchin is proof that God, like all practical jokers, does not have a sense of humour.
A round creature with its anus on its top. Its mouth on the floor. And the word of God ringing in its ears for all time.
"I'll teach you to get your own back!"
21
21
Review of Alas!  
Review by A Cassandra.
Rated: E | (2.0)
          you have been here just a bit longer than I have. you are a far better writer than I. And your command of English is better than mine, even though it is my only language.

one thought on this piece,
When the bill came, his wallet empty, alas!
When the bill came, he found his wallet empty, alas!
I would have gone with the less formal phrasing

ps where is the newbie contest challenge?
22
22
Review of Click  
Review by A Cassandra.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
          now this month is over I feel free to say I really liked this. Avery nice Idea.
23
23
Review by A Cassandra.
Rated: E | (4.5)
          I suspect that poll might be skewed in favor of interested. how many people visited the page and did not vote?
         That said if you get 20 of the definitely interested and 10 of the might be interested, along with any old members who may still be around. is probably enough to re-open the forum. And there is more than enough meat on the existing articles to keep a new group busy for now.
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Review of The 4 B’s  
Review by A Cassandra.
Rated: E | (4.0)
          just added you to my fraviourats list.
25
25
Review by A Cassandra.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
          Parentheticals a nice word I’ll have to find a use for.
         This is the first of four articles on the subject of how to write a screenplay. It describes the key structural part of writing a story in script form.
          As someone who is relatively new to writing I have found the information in this article to be quite useful. I think it might be useful to other new writers.
          the advantages of this style of writing to me as a new are;
          The slug lines provide me with the structure for the story. literally where it is and where it is going.
          action. the who does what of the story. having previously split the story into a string of locations the subsequent action fills out the narrative structure. pages of description of a novel or similar story type also go here, but only the absolute minimum.
          Dialogue. there a formal structure to it but basically the same as any other form of writing except that there is no need to say how things are said.
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