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A very nice sentiment and a story that would have been perfect for Christmas, had it not been for the numerous errors. On the positive side, I didn’t find any spelling mistakes (apart from that one in the title...)– well done. Unfortunately, your grammar and punctuation were all over the place. I won’t point out all the errors in this review because there are simply too many of them, but I suggest you read the story again and pay particular attention to speech marks and capital letters.
If one of your characters speaks, there should be an opening speech mark before the first word, and a closing one after the last one, with either a comma before the closing one (if you follow the sentence with something like “he said”) or a period. For example, this sentence:
I heard it Dad, “Melissa replied“
“I heard it, Dad,“ Melissa replied.
Words that follow a comma should not be capitalized, so for example this sentence:
I’ve never seen a tree so decorated; All that tinsels, All them lights, Look at all those candy canes.
I’ve never seen a tree so decorated; all that tinsels, all those lights, look at all those candy canes.
When a different character speaks, you should start a new paragraph. It can be hard for the reader to work out who is speaking, especially if you have difficulties with speech marks. For example, this paragraph:
As we are opening the presents. Carol turns too me, then smiles. You are sneaky. What?
You stayed up late to put these out here. No, I didn’t. Yes you did. That’s why you stayed up late.
should read something like this:
As we are opening the presents. Carol turns too me, then smiles. “You are sneaky,” she says.
“You stayed up late to put these out here.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Yes you did. That’s why you stayed up late.”
I hope you find these comments helpful.
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