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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/judity
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232 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by J. A. Buxton
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
What a sad piece, well written but sad. It did have me asking a couple questions, which is a sign of a good writer. Was the arsonist ever identified and caught? Why are only the famous mentioned by name whenever there is a tragedy with multiple deaths?

Thank you for posting this way-too-short piece, and I hope to read more of your stories in the future. Welcome to Writing.com.

Judity
2
2
Review of OLD MEN  
Review by J. A. Buxton
Rated: E | (4.5)
You did express my thoughts about old men. Thank goodness I'm an old woman and near perfect. I must remember to come back and read your poetry more often and hopefully find newer entries.

Judity
3
3
Review by J. A. Buxton
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
YES, YES, YES!!!!

Finally somebody put in words what I've felt about texting while driving for years. I've lost count of how many times I've had to rapidly swerve my little Toyota Yaris out of the way or stomp on the brakes because of some distracted texting driver. Where texting behind the wheel is the worst where I live is in the parking lots of stores. These idiots driving down the lane between parked cars never watch to see if a car is pulling out of its parking space.

((Do you think texting and driving should be outlawed? And if so, should the person be incarcerated if they take a life? For how long?))

I'm not sure what the law for this is in California, but I do believe it should be against the law. After writing the above, I Googled on the subject and found the following, which still is scary. What is so important that it can't wait until a person pulls the vehicle over and stops before phoning or texting?

http://www.wired.com/autopia/2012/07/voice-to-text...

If a person takes a life while texting, no matter how young or tired they are, they belong in jail. How long? To the fullest extent of the law.

Okay, getting of my soapbox now and taking a DEEP breath to calm down.

I hope you get many readers who respond to your questions. Also, I do NOT want to get the attached gift points back. You earned them with your excellent, thought-provoking article. You also are getting one of my extremely rare 5.0 ratings.

Judity
4
4
Review by J. A. Buxton
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Please update your Biography. I want to know more about the person who wrote such a sad yet powerful story. I could find nothing wrong with your words except to wonder what other people at their own funerals would think of family mourning them.

The eulogy read at one I attended a few years ago had me wondering who was in the casket. None of the words of praise matched what I knew of that person, and I cried while wishing I'd know that version of her.

Good luck with the contest. Even if you don't win, your story did what well-written stories should do. That's to make others think even as long-ago scabs are pulled off buried emotions.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/J-A-Buxton/339955082...
5
5
Review of Prologue  
Review by J. A. Buxton
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Garrett, you have a tendency to do what I still do, which is to write extremely long sentences. I call it a rambling style of writing. (grinning)

You might want to clean up the formatting in the story. You have blank lines between many paragraphs and none between others. This probably was caused when you posted the static entry into your portfolio; a good habit to get into is to do a Save and View to double-check how your entry looks.

I do have a problem with how you handle dialogue, whether spoken or thought. It often disappears into the paragraphs instead of being in quotes or in italics.

You might have noticed I haven't reviewed your actual story line. Normally I keep my reviews to grammar, punctuation, and formatting errors. I do have one question, and I hope you simply made a typo.

((I chuckled at the sight, recalling my personal name for the memorial after watching that movie: Aperaham Lincoln))

Who is that?

Good luck with your Writing.com storytelling. You've made a good start with this prologue. As one who has published four e-book novels and one collection of 52 short stories, I know how much fun writing a novel is and how daunting editing will be.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/J-A-Buxton/339955082...
6
6
Review of One wishing gem  
Review by J. A. Buxton
Rated: E | (4.0)
WOW! You have posted one long, LONG paragraph. I can see why people might not want to review it. Probably they don't even bother to read it. I almost didn't, but thought I could offer you my thoughts.

First of all, I have a suggestion to make it easier for your reviewers to read. Your story needs paragraph breaks. A blank line between them would help. You also could use this site's Indent feature as many of us do.

Another problem I noticed in the half of the story I did manage to read is you are not using any dialogue, just telling us what a character has said. After fixing this, don't forget to make paragraph breaks when people have a conversation.

Please take my comments in the friendly way they are meant.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/J-A-Buxton/339955082...
7
7
Review of Veniam: Chapter 1  
Review by J. A. Buxton
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
((Her lips began to tremble as she waved her head to each side, nodding resiliently.))

This sentence confused me; I got rather dizzy when I tried to emulate it. Did she move her head from left to right or up and down? I'm not sure how to wave my head, but the word is your choice to write.

(( [“Pomogite mne, pozhaluĭsta? Kto-to ..”Help me, please. Someone… It echoed.))

This needs work. First, remove the extra [. Then the spacing seems a bit off. Some other sentences in this chapter also need editing for punctuation and spacing.

You've made an excellent start to what I'm hoping will become a full-fledged novel. Please take my comments and suggestions in the friendly way they are meant.

 Why do I write? Who am I?  (E)
A brief look at me - my life, likes, and dislikes.
#1170755 by J. A. Buxton

8
8
Review by J. A. Buxton
Rated: E | (4.0)
Katye, before I read further, I have to point out an error that is running throughout your piece. As many writers do, you have typed the possessive its incorrectly. Here is a link that explains this better than I could.

http://public.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/its.html

In the following sentences, is payed actually a word? Perhaps you meant paid?

Goldie was taken aback. "Bu- I thought this payed back my debt!"

The female bear laughed. "Oh, I'm sure it payed Baby Bear for his loss


Otherwise, this is a well-written story, and I hope to see more of them in the future.

J. A. Buxton
An invitation to check out my three E-Books
Home of the Red Fox
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/72801
and
Home of the Gray Dog
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/78392
and
Seraglio of the gods
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/79201



9
9
Review of Five Minutes  
Review by J. A. Buxton
Rated: E | (4.0)
Carlee, my only problem was your lack of punctuation, mainly commas. That caused me to reread some sentences to make sense of them.

Other than that, this was a very nice story, which shows you handle descriptions well. Because that's a weakness of mine, I look forward to reading more of your portfolio as you add entries into it.

J. A. Buxton
An invitation to check out my three E-Books
Home of the Red Fox
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/72801
and
Home of the Gray Dog
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/78392
and
Seraglio of the gods
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/79201


10
10
Review of Title pending  
Review by J. A. Buxton
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
You made a good start with this prologue, but I do have one friendly suggestion to help you improve the story. Your failure to use commas made for reading these few paragraphs a bumpy ride. I'm including a link that might help you with this pesky punctuation mark.

http://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/commas.asp

Good luck with your future writing, and welcome to Writing.com.

J. A. Buxton
An invitation to check out my three E-Books
Home of the Red Fox
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/72801
and
Home of the Gray Dog
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/78392
and
Seraglio of the gods
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/79201
11
11
Review by J. A. Buxton
Rated: E | (4.0)
First, welcome to Writing.com (WDC) from a writer who has been here since 2005. I hope you have as much fun as I have had.

Next, I do like your imagery of what the girl saw riding on the bus. The only problem I noticed was with hyphenated words. Because I also am struggling with them, I found a great online site that might help both of us.

http://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/hyphens.asp...

When I read your biography, I was delighted to see that Douglas Adams is one of your favorite writers. Maybe you'd like to read my 2008 homage to him.

 DON'T PANIC!  (18+)
This was written with a slap of my towel to Arthur, Ford, Trillion, and Zaphod.
#1483580 by J. A. Buxton

12
12
Review by J. A. Buxton
Rated: E | (4.5)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXZMZ-XvvzI

May this song stay with you until all who read your story get it unstuck like glue from their brains. Ha! ha!

Loved the story; trying to forget the song!

Judity
Home of the White Dolphin
An unpublished but completed novel
http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1355...
13
13
Review by J. A. Buxton
Rated: E | (4.5)
First, Mela, welcome to Writing.com. I hope to read even more of your stories in the coming months.

Although short, this contest entry was well written with a non-preaching message in it. As a first entry to your portfolio, you "dun good!"

Please keep writing and entering the various contests on this site, and good luck with "The Writer's Cramp contest tomorrow.

Google: A Writer's Tool - Part I  (E)
An explanation on how to use the Google search engine. .
#1123627 by J. A. Buxton

14
14
Review by J. A. Buxton
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
You are wicked! I do have a sense of humor, and your silly story tickled my funny bone so much my animals are looking at me like I'm crazy. Other than a few missing commas, your story is perfect.

If "The Writer's Cramp doesn't make you the winner tomorrow, send Mama Grizzly after them. Should you win? You betcha!

Judity
http://judity.Writing.Com/



15
15
Review by J. A. Buxton
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thank you for the delightful poem. A piggacat would fit in nicely at my home.

I have a cat who thinks she's a dog and follows me from room to room.

I once lived with a cat who thought he was a possum, sharing his comfy bed with Possy, a wild animal who often came through the cat door for the night.

Yes, I'd love to have a piggacat joining my feline family.

Stories about Fred, feline extraordinare  (E)
My Fred the cat stories
#1283920 by J. A. Buxton

16
16
Review of 12:34:56  
Review by J. A. Buxton
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow! What a great plot. I've been reading science fiction since I was your age, many decades ago, and always am excited when I read stories like this one. There were no problems in grammar or punctuation that popped out at me, and I hope to continue seeing more of your stories on Writing.com in the future.

For the pleasure you gave me this morning with this piece, I'm giving you one of my rare 5.0 ratings. Good luck with "The Writer's Cramp contest, and a BIG welcome to WDC.

 Why do I write? Who am I?  (E)
A brief look at me - my life, likes, and dislikes.
#1170755 by J. A. Buxton

17
17
Review of Christmas Visions  
Review by J. A. Buxton
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I thoroughly enjoyed your story and was sorry the snowman showed up too soon. John's Christmas Village of cardboard boxes is more than welcome at my local Wal-Mart.

We also have plenty of snowmen, though, in case he gets a wee bit too tipsy.

FOLDER
Home of the Red Fox  (E)
A novel about Walker’s mansion for unwanted elderly people.
#1082587 by J. A. Buxton


18
18
Review of WHERE AM I?  
Review by J. A. Buxton
Rated: E | (4.5)
Of all the lines in your poem, the following struck me as very imaginative.

**And hear a silent sound**

I enjoyed this poem as I have many of your other works. Good luck with "The Writer's Cramp contest.

Judity
November 2009 NaNoWriMo author of:
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1614076 by Not Available.


19
19
Review by J. A. Buxton
Rated: E | (4.5)
I enjoyed your story and thank you for inserting the translation of the various acronyms. So often I read something about an unfamiliar subject and have no idea what the author means.

Your missing "The Writer's Cramp deadline happened to me the first time, too. I have to remember that that noon for WDC means 9 a.m. for me in California. Please keep up entering the contest, just remembering to translate WDC time to India's time zone.

One thing I would like to see in your next story is an attempt at dialogue. Your descriptions, however, came across wonderfully. That's still one of my weaknesses, so I've been told, and you've mastered it right off the bat.

Judity
20
20
Review by J. A. Buxton
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I like the premise of this story. A fountain of youth is a dream of many people, even though finding one might turn out to be not as hoped for or expected.

Drinking from it might be analogous to asking a genie for a wish and not realizing the impact of that wish until too late. This story has potential, and I hope others come to search for that elusive fountain.

Judity
"Seraglio of the Gods"
An erotic story set in mythological times
http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1309...
or read any of my other stories in the link below
http://judity.Writing.Com/

21
21
Review of The Making of Me  
Review by J. A. Buxton
Rated: E | (4.5)
Nichole, I wish more people would add on to their Writing.com bio like you did here. It's always a pleasure for me to learn more about my fellow scribblers.

If you have the time, maybe you could check out my own attempt at expanding the WDC (writing dot com) bio. Periodically I update it, so if there's anything else you think should be shared with other WDC members, just let me know.

I almost forgot. Welcome, rather belatedly, to this great writing site. Sit back and let your poems flow into your portfolio.

Judity
"Who am I? Why do I write?"
http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1170...
or read any of my other stories in the link below
http://judity.Writing.Com/


22
22
Review by J. A. Buxton
Rated: E | (4.5)
(( He is one who doesn't want to change me.

He accepts me as I am. ))

Those two lines could be spoken about my older sister, the only one in my family like that. She left us back in 1996, but your lovely words about your brother brought back my memories of her.

Thank you.

Judity
Stories about my childhood home town
http://www.writing.com/main/portfolio.php?folder_i...
or read any of my other stories in the link below
http://judity.Writing.Com/

23
23
Review of A Special Gift  
Review by J. A. Buxton
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Oh dear, you don't seem to get the hang of writing dialogue. For example, the following you wrote as two sentences instead of only one.

Don’t go anywhere, now.” He said coyly.

Instead of a period before the ending quotation mark, try putting a comma, and then make the word He lowercase, i.e.,

Don’t go anywhere, now,” he said coyly.

Doesn't that make more sense to you? You did this throughout your story. To understand what I'm saying, pretend there is no actual dialogue and say the last three words, as if they stood alone. Does He said coyly really make much sense? Of course, you could always add the word this, as in He said this coyly, but doing that to all those sentences would sound silly, wouldn't it?

The story itself was fun to read, and you managed to pass that bill through five interesting people. Good luck with the contest, and please take my comments in the friendly way they are intended.

Judity
"Seraglio of the Gods"
An erotic story set in mythological times
http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1309...
or read any of my other stories in the link below
http://judity.Writing.Com/

24
24
Review of The Last Birthday  
Review by J. A. Buxton
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
You might want to not copy the history of Jerry Siegel’s Superman so closely in your story. Even when you changed a few items, it still followed the story of this super hero too closely.

For instance, instead of being sent to earth by his father in a cradle, you made it his mother sending him to earth in a cradle.

Instead of being found in a field by a married couple, you had him found in a field by a lesbian couple. In both cases, he was encouraged to hide his strength.

Like Superman, your character moved to a large city and started helping people.

((By day, he had been a mild-mannered tech writer))

Almost word for word, this could be mild-mannered Clark Kent.

(( He was vulnerable to the radioactive effects of the remnants of his destroyed planet, which had traveled with him to Earth in the wake of his cradle.))

Kryptonite, anyone?

I have a suggestion for you, Darry, and I mean it in the friendliest of terms. Why not delve into your imagination and create your own characters? I also started out writing about existing characters in my CSI fan fiction. Trust me, it’s way more fun to write about people you’ve created from scratch.

Judity
My HOME OF THE RED FOX novel
http://www.writing.com/main/portfolio.php?folder_i...
or read any of my other stories in the link below
http://judity.Writing.Com/


25
25
Review by J. A. Buxton
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thank you for translating your poem into English. May we in the USA add our prayers to yours for President-elect Barack Obama.

Like you, I will say, "Namo-namo!"

Judity

1,000 Words or Less

My new collection of short stories
would make an inexpensive gift
http://tinyurl.com/68fkoo

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