|Hello, BradJShaw ⚓
Here is the review I promised you...sorry if it's a bit late.
Overall, this is a good first chapter. There are a few small things that could be improved, but overall it's strong writing.
First, pay attention to how many times you use the word "was." It implies passive voice and should be avoided whenever possible. For instance, in your first paragraph there are two "was's":
"Jacob Arthur Byrne, known to his friends as 'Jake', was moving all his worldly possessions into the small two-bedroom, one-bath beach house that was adorned on the exterior in baby blue with snow-white trim." This can be edited to this:
Jacob Arthur Byrne (do we need his full name here?) known to his friends as 'Jake', spent the (moring, afternoon?) moving his worldly possession into the small two-bedroom, one-bath beach house adorned on the exterior in baby blue with snow-white trim." Something like that.
The other thing I noticed here is the story does a little bit of head-hopping. We are in Jake's head for this chapter, so I think it would read better if we stay there instead of having brief glimpses into what Nadine is thinking. Yes, some people will argue that head-hopping is fine, and if you are in this camp then you can ignore this...but there's something about it that I don't like and I avoid it like the plague (but I apparently don't avoid cliches. ) That would be easy to remedy in this chapter because there are only a few instances where we get a brief view of her thoughts.
I suggest fewer spaces between paragraphs, and there's an extra "s" on "simple" on the last line.
There are a few issues here, but nothing major and I didn't want to do a full-on line edit. It's really nothing that Grammarly couldn't help with.
I'm giving this a 4.5. It's good. It's interesting and makes me want to read more. A strong first chapter. Nicely done!