Thank you for submitting your story to "Give Me Something to READ!!"
This was an action-packed, fast-paced story. I do have a few suggestions.
The first part was confusing to me because I didn't find out immediately that the MC was trying to talk to someone. Maybe include a description of the silent man.
Also, the opening line doesn't make it clear to me that the main character is speaking, because in the second paragraph there's a lot of "nothin'" and "layin'", but none of that in the first line.
In this bit of dialogue (or monologue, really) "“They use the gold and jewels to catch fools like me. That’s how they decide who to feed to the dragons.”
Well, that just made it worse."
I'm confused about what made it worse? He's talking basically to himself. What happened here?
This bit here confused me too, "Ow.
That hurt worse than anythin’ I ever felt before. Good thin’ it doesn’t hurt anymore. Or is that a bad thin’? It’s good it doesn’t hurt, it’s bad ‘cause I think that means I’m dyin’. Plus side, I can see everythin’ from up here!
What hurt? There's no narration or anything to tell the reader what is happening. Now he's up in the air, so I assume a dragon picked him up, but because the story didn't actually say that, I'm not sure.
"Wait! Pull up! Pull up! Whoa….that is sooo…HOT! HOT! VERY HOT!"
Again, what is hot? Why did the dragons pick up the main character, then continue to circle everyone else, and WHAT IS HOT??
I think this story can work, but it can't be all dialogue. Maybe the contest you entered required it to be all dialogue, but otherwise, with as much action this story has, it feels fake to have one guy chatting away the whole time. Also, this isn't really omniscient, because we really only get to be inside the one guy's head. That works well because any more people's thoughts and it would be really confusing.
Also, why was he used as bait to lure the dragons? Why did the other guys want the dragons to come? Why didn't the plan work? All these were unanswered by the end of the story.
Again, I think this could work, but I was confused for most of it.
Thank you for sharing it with me!