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Initial thoughts:
To make this easier to read, I recommend not indenting paragraphs. Instead, leave a blank space between paragraphs. This is the norm for written pieces online.
The first paragraph uses the word "was" a lot. That means you're using a lot of passive voice.
Also, in this sentence " it wasn't just her's, but her mothers as well." You shouldn't put an apostrophe in "hers", but you do need one in "mother's."
"The ground was vibrating, or was it her imagination taking flight?" more "was." Repeating words in a story gets tiresome for the reader. "The ground vibrated", or "the ground shook," would work better.
The word "was" appears 20 times in this story. I read ahead a little and see that it changes from past tense to present tense, which is most likely why there aren't more "was"s in the rest of the piece. It's mostly found in past tense.
"not her imagination but rather reality, a cruel reality." this is a bit wordy. I would cut "rather reality."
"Another wave of sob rushed up at her"
"wave of sob" makes no sense.
"Crashed" is used twice in the last paragraph of chapter one.
Chapter two switches from the third person to first person, and from past tense to present. Plus it has chapters...all very strange things to happen in a short story.
"stiff uniform and an their arrogant swagger,"
I'm not sure what this is supposed to say, but "an their" can be cut completely.
"children who slinks in alleys although..."
children who "slink"
"we are in fact one of them."
This doesn't make sense, because "we" implies many, and "one" is, well...one.
"I scan the market again to see if there's any easy target."
an easy target.
I suggest getting the free version of Grammarly. It will catch most of these. There are a LOT more, so I won't go through each one, but running it through a spelling/grammar checker would help a lot.
I've looked pretty hard, and I can't see chapter three. It skips from 2 to 4.
I'm not sure if this is supposed to be a short story or the beginning of an outline for a longer work. If it's a short story, I'd rework it so there are no chapters, and the whole piece stays in the same POV and tense.
BUT, if this is going to be a longer piece, then stick with it. There is good writing in there, this is just a little rough as I'm assuming it's the first draft. Those are always rough, no matter who you are.
Having now read to the end, I see that the story doesn't end, which leads me to believe that it's an ongoing longer piece. That's good. I wouldn't spend too much time on grammatical changes, because once the first draft is done, there's a lot of rewriting that will need doing. (Again, that's not because of problems with this particular story, rewriting ALWAYS needs to be done with every piece.)
Thank you for sharing this with me.
IceSkating SugarCube
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