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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kathleen_613
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Public Reviews
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Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Michael, and welcome to Writing.Com.

Your title and brief description drew me in as a reviewer. *Wink*

The emotional impact of your words are felt by the reader. The thoughts are expressed through caring, hopeful lines.

One noticed misspelling: I’m deciding whether to

Gonna? How about going to?

white picket (what)? Mention of a white picket does not imply the possible fence referred to in this line.

Although additional punctuation could enhance the writing and demand the reader stop or pause where you choose, I'll allow you to make the final edit.

Overall, I liked the writing and the thoughts expressed in your writing.

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Review of The Wolf  
Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Sharon, and welcome to Writing.Com!

Hold a moment, while I regroup and try to erase the vision of my adopted, feral cat, who attacks same as this wolf, when I least expect. *Laugh*

These words seem to capture the stance, force, and determination of an animal stalking its prey. It paints a picture for your reader. The body language, the physical sketch, and the fleeting, mute movement allows me to be there witnessing the circle of life.

Although I am able to follow the impact of your words, would maybe ellipses (...) help to accentuate the action of listening...watching...anticipating, etc., plus usage through other lines? Just too many parts of speech tossed around uncontrolled. *Wink*

Overall, it creatively nails the chase, the snare, and an enjoyable read!
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Review by Kathleen
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thank you for your entry in "The Writer's Cramp" ’ s 12th Birthday Contest!

How exciting to think that a contest’s entries could eventually turn into a published book! Kudos to your faithful reviewers for encouraging you and congratulations to you on publishing your second book, 1,000 Words or Less, based on your Cramp entries (note: your entry quotes 1,000 Words of Less rather than or. Not only is Mum proud of you, but also your Writing.Com family. *Delight*

This was a delightful testimonial to how contest entries can inspire a writer and through peer admiration can be encouraged to take that step toward publishing.

Reminder: Please do NOT edit your entry until the contest results have been announced.
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Review by Kathleen
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thank you for your entry in "The Writer's Cramp" ’ s 12th Birthday Contest!

This was certainly a fantastic tribute to The Writer’s Cramp and Writing.Com!

Your writing describes how devoted members are to The Cramp, how much inspiration it provides through the daily prompts, plus the encouragement received from the dedicated judges.

Just a few suggestions for editing:

24-hour period
best-written content possible
Bella, my service dog, to alerts me
you ,Lord, for these wonderful

The excitement expressed became contagious as I continued to read through your entry.

Reminder: Please do NOT edit your entry until the contest results have been announced.
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Review of Oh Cramp 22 lines  
Review by Kathleen
Rated: E | (3.5)
Thank you for your entry in "The Writer's Cramp" ’ s 12th Birthday Contest!

This is a comical tribute as to how entering a contest every 24 hours just might cause a few cramps of our own. Of course, this addiction to our writing community and "The Writer's Cramp"  are so worth any cramps endured! *Delight* Well, that’s my personal interpretation of your writing.

This was a fun read and imaginative since no cramp is realistically related, rather like the prompts provided daily by the fun, sometimes serious, yet always creative judges in The Writer’s Cramp. *Wink* Just reading the prompts has to spur a writer’s imagination, regardless if entering that day.

I realize the last line is merely a humorous summation of all the cramps, yet I feel devoted members would definitely nod an affirmative “Yes!" to that question, then admit it's more fun and enjoyment rather than pain and anguish. *Wink*

Reminder: Please do NOT edit your entry until the contest results have been announced.
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Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, karisa, and welcome to Writing.Com.

I am so glad that this writing indicates Chapter 1 because I am already hooked and want to read more.

I feel as though I know the main character already. You've done a wonderful job of developing Mrs. Lovett into a three-dimensional character from features, dialect, and her handling of situations. I have no doubt that Sarah, Aponivi, and Billy will become memorable as the story continues.

The narration of Chapter 1 kept me involved and interested, making me want to continue reading.

The genre of fantasy will appeal to many readers. In fact, I feel even non-fantasy readers will enjoy this story.

The descriptions throughout appeal to this reader's imagination. I can truly visualize Lovett Manor, Mrs. Lovett, and her visitors.

The plot is evolving in a manner that is easy to follow. You have established the mysteries/suspense that will be resolved in future chapters.

I do have a couple thoughts, however. Mid-chapter, you suddenly refer to Mrs. Lovett as Evelyn. To me, this was an abrupt re-introduction. It's minor, but for some reason, bothered me.

The mention of a child's rain slicker and galoshes, plus the description of the wall and chandelier is a little confusing. Mrs. Lovett seems somewhat fearful as she makes her way to the door, but notices the slicker, etc.? I'm sure the slicker and galoshes either belonged to her son or will have an impact later in the story; it just seems an unnecessary mention at this point.

Just a few editing suggestions. Again minor, as they did not detract from the story.

the sun was shining, birds sang cheerfully   This comma should be either a semicolon or period. Since you have already used a semicolon in this sentence, I would change to a period.

lurched forward to put him off guard, she ran past Erebus to the back door   This comma should be either a semicolon or period.

Mrs. Lovett raised her right palm   Missing period after Mrs.

nine-year-old niece

magical like you, Aunt Evelyn

Please, take time to double space between the paragraphs. It is difficult to totally enjoy with every line crammed together. *Wink*

I honestly look forward to reading Chapter 2.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Kathleen
Rated: E | (3.0)
I noticed your post on "Please Review" , so thought I'd drop by for a read.

Your excerpt allows the reader to imagine a peaceful mental location. I find myself in the field enjoying the smells, sights, and sounds.

The opening read a little unpolished:

The air was hung thick with the smell of dirt and manure, no thanks to the cow pasture     The smell of manure had to originate in the cow pasture, so no thanks seems incorrect.

Mathew's writer and poetic thoughts are quite expressive. Unfortunately, there is really nothing that grabs my attention, making me anxious to read the entire chapter. Mathew or his surroundings just haven't generated enough interest.

There is definite hope, though. Mathew is a likable character, and I enjoyed his thoughts and surroundings. Maybe, if he could become a little more real or something a little exciting could occur.
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Review of Fugitive Hearts  
Review by Kathleen
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Oh my gosh, let’s just say that I couldn’t read this fast enough, yet didn’t want it to end! Yes, I could just quit typing now and end this review because anything else will just not match the feeling of enjoying this short story.

The first sentence had me tightening the seat belt because I knew I was in for one heck of ride on your words. *Wink*

The characters were so real and I soon found myself really caring about Jason and Gracie. I so wanted him to get away.

The dialogue was powerful and contributed so much to the focus of the story and the development of the characters.

The imagery and action never ended. It kept me on the edge of my chair from beginning to end.

The ending was as creative as the beginning. No details included since I don’t want to ruin it for future readers…but it was perfect!

Noticed just a couple of possible edits:
He tried to shove the thoughts from his mind
The rising sun revealed {x{/x{a endless green fields

This story was sheer entertainment. There has to be a novel in your future! *Delight*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Kathleen
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

This was a bittersweet story with an encouraging theme from which each of us can learn something about others and ourselves: a little understanding and support can slay the dragons in life.

The characters were family as I became involved in their lives through the story. I was soon drawn into the bond between Jeffery and Frank.

The dialogue was real as it developed the characters and progressed the storyline.

The flow of the story was smooth and inviting. The pace was perfect for me to simply enjoy the information that was critical to understanding what was happening. The use of flashbacks did not confuse the enjoyment of the story.

The accuracy of the facts depicted seem feasible to any reader who is slightly familiar with autism.

There were no noticeable grammar or spelling errors…of course, none were expected. *Wink*

The ending was so real for anyone who has lost a loved one…we do occasionally hear their voice from beyond.

This was just an enjoyable read! *Delight*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Kathleen
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

This was a comical story that pokes a little bit of fun at all the efforts put into a photo shoot; efforts that in the end cannot truly be appreciated by the viewer.

The first line, although generalizing *Wink*, pulled me quickly into the story.

Although there was no use of conversation throughout the story, the characters were well depicted through the comments made by the narrator.

I felt this line read a little strange: Anyway, by the time I reached up, … It reads as though the make up artist is actually reaching for something, rather than reaching the top of the peak.

The ending convincingly summarizes the main point regarding handsome men, or at least Trevor, made throughout the story.

The reader feels nearly exhausted after following around this make up person on merely one photo shoot. *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of A long way to go  
Review by Kathleen
Rated: E | (3.0)
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

This was an entertaining story about the developing friendship between two very opposite characters.

The opening was enough to peak my interest and want to read further.

The characters were likeable, particularly Griffith, who was comical and inquisitive, while trying to maintain his upbringing. *Smile*

I noticed some possible edits:

Wow!" breathes the teen
definitely beautiful and homey in it's own
makes an obscene thbt noise in taunting   Just a personal thought that might accentuate the noice
Griffith’s peevish hands rose to fix the error
little elf won;t have to go back home when the month was over
cackles and tries to make a getaway    one word

The ending was adequate and summarized the story, yet seemed somewhat disappointing. It read like a children’s story where everyone simply lived happily-ever-after.

Again, I enjoyed the characters and imagine this could become a series of adventures that the human and elf might encounter aimed at a tween reader.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Whitemorn. Thank you for your entry in "Rising Stars Shining Brighter" . *Delight*

Thank you for the smile and occasional snickers that your delightful poem provided me, along with reminders of my own cherished memories of Thanksgivings' past.

Your words just dance off the tongue while leaving a delightful song in the heart. The rhyme and rhythm allow a pleasurable read with no stumbling or having to backtrack to find the beat.

Anyone reading this poem will relate to so many lines of Thanksgiving Day present, or in the past.

Although there are a couple lines that seem to have been included to support the rhyme, I can't really say they detract from the pleasure of simply enjoying the words.

There are so many lines that I truly enjoyed, but my personal picks would be:

"And dad is awaiting relief in the john"
"She set out a plate for his spirit today"
"I really do think that Dad gave him a soul"

This was a delightful read and I have enjoyed reviewing. *Bigsmile*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
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Review of Do Not Despair  
Review by Kathleen
Rated: E | (5.0)
The vision created and emotions stirred by your words within this poem are amazing!

Now, I usually do not begin a r&r with such an intense remark of what was read, but I honestly could not stop the fingers from hitting specified keys on the board. *Smile*

The ability to write a flawless poem in Rondeau form based on eight specified words is quite a challenge. You exceeded that challenge and went further: composing the words to celebrate the encouragement, inspiration, dedication to community, and unconditional friendship offered by monty31802 to so many Writing.Com members.

Although written with Monty in mind, this poem will inspire many on any journey they may encounter to not despair.
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Review of My Escape  
Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello, ameliahelen, and welcome to Writing.Com!

This was such a heartfelt poem that I hope was maybe written from your heart but not your feelings. So often the pain of merely existing seems overwhelming...then you discover a smile and it feels so good.

Just noticed one, perhaps, typo?

The first line, rather than breath, I think you mean breathe?

I think the one line of many that really drew me in was: "The devil plays with all my flaws." It spoke to me and if you can accomplish just one line reaching out to your reader...than you have a hit! *Smile*

An emotional writing that leaves the reader with a ~sigh~ and hope that it is just a writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of A Gift For Father  
Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, CJThomasson, and welcome to Writing.Com!

This was simply a beautiful story. Beautiful not only because of the endearing plot, but also due to the vivid imagery expressed through so many lines. I was able to experience each scene of the story: nearly breaking out in a sweat during summer, shivering through winter, holding my nose and grimacing through several hours of working at the tavern.

I'm not sure the opening sentence would have grabbed my interest had it not been for the graphic picture of a "drought that wrapped around the farmers like a shroud of death." As I read a little further, the picture continued to sharpen, and I was definitely hooked! *Smile*

Nothing could dissuade me from encouraging others to enjoy this heart-touching story, although, I do offer some possible editing tips. *Wink*

wounded bird being stared down by a cat   currently reads as starred
watch stood for everything we are humans do not have a lot of on this earth, time. And, my father   currently reads as Any
What I saw in those eyes was the realization that death   currently reads as Wheat
And he was happy about it?!   Although there is such a term as ' interrobang' represented by '?!' or '!?,' most writing handbooks suggest not using any other punctuation with a question mark or exclamation point.
It was the fastest I had ever run in my life   currently reads as fasted
"Yes, I am.   Use a comma when beginning sentences with an introductory word (well, now, or yes)
blood sacrifice, the riches of heaven, and the glory he'll be a part

My only real complaint was the presentation, but only because of the small type chosen and lack of double spacing between paragraphs. Although a wonderful story, it was a difficult read on the screen. The "***" break between sections was great, but the small type and spacing might discourage some readers from enjoying this story.

The time span of your story was clear and effective in illustrating the sequence of events.

The characters were realistic and came to life through dialogue and actions. I felt as though I knew them, and through your words grew to love them.

Now, for the ending... The ending became a little blurred, but only because I attempted to read through my tears.

Overall, I really enjoyed reading your story. I am excited about visiting your port to discover more writing gems. *Delight*

Content and emotional stirrings of your writing deserves a 5.0+, but realistically since it does require some editing, how about a 4.5+++? *Wink*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Sweet Nell  
Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi, tvaughn. Welcome to Writing.Com!

As a critter lover due to the many adoptions my children introduced to the house over the years, I thought your story was sweet but remained untold.

I felt compelled to rate at least a 3.0 since it dealt with critters, but honestly feel this story could grow into a real short story. I want to know about Nell before her diagnosis. How did she become a member of this family? How did she insert herself as a member of this family? Who is she and what did she treasure about sharing her life with this family? I know that Nell was loved, but want to know more about her.

Your words fluently reveal your personal connection with Nell and your flair for writing, so why not share her story of loving this family rather than just write about her abrupt goodbye.
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Review of He Comes  
Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, SpiritWalker. Welcome to Writing.Com.

Although rather short, your story was an intriguing tale.

The opening caught my attention and the remainder of the story kept me glued to the page.

Although the story line jumped abruptly a couple times, the thought wasn't interrupted. They were quick, but well-managed leaps.

The imagery expressed allowed me to imagine myself in the story and get to know the characters.

Noticed one typo?

Sarah sighed and laid back

The ending is adequate to summarize the story, but honestly left me a little disappointed. It just seems the morning news flash regarding the little girl is somewhat a quick, premature judgment. Also, I didn't understood the significance of the puppy right off. Of course, this could be a personal reader-related problem. *Blush* I realize there's a reference in your 'Brief Description' and the one line of dialogue, but it didn't seem to click right away.

I'm just offering my opinion. If you decide not to change the ending, it is still an enjoyable read.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, Anneliese, and welcome to Writing.Com.

This is a bittersweet story about the love between a horse and her human little filly.

The opening, although rather calm, was appealing enough to draw me in for the read. Shortly, my interest picks up and I find myself engaged in the relationship between the two main characters.

Abigail and Annabelle were believable and I found that I actually began to care about their bond.

The dialogue was comfortable and real. You did a good job of carrying daddy's voice throughout the story. Also, you did a good job of expressing Annabelle's thoughts in her own reasoning.

Some things to mention for possible editing:

She taught me to the jump the low fence
I don't remember...shoe against my flank. Much too wordy. Perhaps it could be broken into two sentences?
spending all of the days
he held a glass bottle of amber
Why can't we take Annabelle?

This was an enjoyable, albeit sad, story.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of The Old Man  
Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, TJ.

This was an endearing story with an enjoyable plot.

The old gentleman in the story is likable and well-developed despite his resistance to questions or information of his past. The narrator of the story was believable in his thoughts regarding the old man and carried the story line through his personal observations.

Although there is little direct dialogue to advance the characters, the reader is able to draw their own visuals though the setting provided.

The story was a little difficult to read through due to so many run-on sentences and comma splices. I suggest your reading again and end some of the joined complete sentences with a period. It is difficult to tell where one thought ends and another begins. I've mentioned some in my suggestions below, but there are more throughout the story.

leather. His silver hair
ragged second hand clothes
above the town's garage
how could anyone? The old man never talked
whole world,” he answered.
guard and said, “What?”
be called that. It was always me
memories. These were his riches, and he guarded
friend for about another hour. Finally, he would put everything
sometimes brought him used clothes
able to ever pay off the charge,
for his funeral. It stated that he had
tears filled my eyes. When I read the words engraved
this world has to offer. He found love

I like the ending. It believably wraps up the story and the old man's life. With a little editing, I feel this story would become an easier read that would be enjoyed by any member lucky enough to come across it. *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Pillars Of Stone  
Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, Kasia. I am so glad I was drawn to your words through your entry in June's "Rising Stars Shining Brighter"  entry.

These were powerful words detailed with profound visuals.

Although the rhyme scheme is excellent, it is almost unnoticed due to the intensity of your text. *Wink* I knew it flowed easily, but honestly didn't notice the rhyming until my second read.

The repetition of lines from the first stanza to the last highlights the passage of time and how there is a constant in life, despite the comings and goings. Just my POV. *Wink*

The last stanza was sad, yet so real...life goes on and someone who wanted to mean something to somebody is all too soon forgotten.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of My Friends  
Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, miss nikki, and welcome to our wonderful community!

Your poem speaks for many who discover family without the same dna. *Wink* The emotion of sharing life and secrets with someone who miraculously appears when most needed shines through in your words. Close, cherished friends can be lifesaver.

The first stanza of your poem is spoken directly to a friend, while the remainder stanzas seem to shift to speaking about many friends. This shift in person seems a little awkward, personally speaking.

Although the rhythm isn't perfect, and the rhyme seems somewhat forced occasionally, the intended sentiment is felt by the reader. *Delight*

A couple noticed typos, etc.:

And quietly perish     perish = to decease, die; parish = church community
Blood is to be thicker than     then = relating to time; than = relating to comparison
Tastes sweeter and bold     Subject/verb agreement

Despite the suggestions offered, it is apparent that you can excite your reader with a passion of feeling in your expressed words. So, keep sharing your excitement!



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, A.E. Neal, and welcome to Writing.Com!

This short story captures life in a cubicle...dreaming and realizing those dreams might be on-hold for awhile. *Wink*

While reading, I found myself lost in paradise with Sara. You descriptive setting allowed my senses to enjoy the scenery, sound, taste (yum), and the feeling of being there. Unfortunately, I also felt the rude awakening to reality along with Sara, too. *Smile*

Just a couple things to mention:

empty glass from it's sandy glove - Delete the apostrophe from it's
I few yards away, a young couple strolled - The 'I" is just a typo

My favorite phrases that really drew me in:

casting its cool cloak over me
empty glass from it's sandy glove (minus the apostrophe, of course) *Wink*

The characters were very believable since once upon a time, I shared their cubicle lives, and all too often the daydream. The dialogue is familiar, relaxed and genuine. I think Sara and I may have even shared the same tropical, sandy beach wallpaper on our computers!

Overall, it was an enjoyable read about just another day in life.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Final Goodbye  
Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, Smiles, and welcome to Writing.Com I hope you are taking your time to discover and enjoy our community.

Well, your words were certainly a wake-up call. Not that we would really care once we passed; yet in my present state-of-mind, physical being, and family to protect, I do care what others think and might express once I'm not here to defend myself. *Wink*

Only one suggestion:

You chose the sporadic use of end punctuation (which I applaud), yet begin some lines with a capital with no period ending the prior line.

Your words provoke emotion and mentation of our moments remembered.

I enjoyed reading this wake-up call. *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Beep-Beep, and welcome!

I thought your writing was an imaginative effort to portray the creation of an entire universe. So much to describe in a few selected lines, but your choices offered thought to the reader of the vastness of the universe plus the balance of special effects such as of insects, rain, and whales. It just reminds us of the entire symmetry of HIS creation. Then came man...his most prized, but probably most disappointing design. *Shock* Of course, I'm sure HE knew what to expect of us.

My suggestions are rather minor considering your worded endeavor on sharing a thoughtful writing.
- "Create" and every derivative possible, in my personal opinion, becomes rather repetitive. Of course, this relates to my own affair with words. *Wink*
- My copy of Mr. Webster does list 'caretaker(s)' as one word
- Second to last line: Artist's image, referring to one artist as possessive of the image

I love the last line...what a signature. Thankfully, he didn't watermark each of HIS creations. *Laugh*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Taste of Defeat  
Review by Kathleen
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi, Shelly. I noticed your post in "The Shameless "Plug" Page" , and my mood for the day allowed your 'Title' to draw me in for a read.

The thought behind your words is good. We can choose how the outcome of a situation defines us...allow it drown us in defeat or to learn from it.

The sentiment shared is encouraging. It is a reminder that we do have a choice in how to approach life's trials or joys.

Personally, I feel the presentation is a little distracting. Not that I don't appreciate a unique presentation, but with no spacing and all the underlining, this is a challenge for a reader to simply enjoy the written words. Also, I'm not sure the change of text color adds to the emphasis of your thoughts.

The writing states each line somewhat expressively until "It is the kick in the butt we need." Perhaps, this line could be expressed more fluently?

In the last stanza, maybe using the word 'inspired' rather than re-inspired?

Overall, the views expressed are conveyed in a serious manner, excluding the one line mentioned above.

I feel that with a little editing, spacing, and lack of drama with underlining/text color, this could become a strong writing that deserves some attention! *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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