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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kathleen_613
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Public Reviews
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Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Michael, and welcome to Writing.Com.

Your title and brief description drew me in as a reviewer. *Wink*

The emotional impact of your words are felt by the reader. The thoughts are expressed through caring, hopeful lines.

One noticed misspelling: I’m deciding whether to

Gonna? How about going to?

white picket (what)? Mention of a white picket does not imply the possible fence referred to in this line.

Although additional punctuation could enhance the writing and demand the reader stop or pause where you choose, I'll allow you to make the final edit.

Overall, I liked the writing and the thoughts expressed in your writing.

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Review of The Wolf  
Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Sharon, and welcome to Writing.Com!

Hold a moment, while I regroup and try to erase the vision of my adopted, feral cat, who attacks same as this wolf, when I least expect. *Laugh*

These words seem to capture the stance, force, and determination of an animal stalking its prey. It paints a picture for your reader. The body language, the physical sketch, and the fleeting, mute movement allows me to be there witnessing the circle of life.

Although I am able to follow the impact of your words, would maybe ellipses (...) help to accentuate the action of listening...watching...anticipating, etc., plus usage through other lines? Just too many parts of speech tossed around uncontrolled. *Wink*

Overall, it creatively nails the chase, the snare, and an enjoyable read!
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Review of Is This Not Shame  
Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, Thomas Kenney, and welcome to Writing.Com.

Well, I must say that your first attempt at a non-rhyming poem caught the attention of this reader.

These words shout your personal feelings and frustration of greed, power, control and the many other cited abuses of wrongful deeds.

Usually, I would be put off with the continued repetition of "too" that you chose to use, but the impact seems to fit the mood and facts of this writing. I would usually also comment on the lack of punctuation stressing each thought or line, but your lack of punctuation seems to allow each sentiment to settle within my own thoughts and examine my own beliefs per expressed verse.

I have to wonder about the expression of 'concrete circus." To me, this reads as though everything stated is set in stone. Can this intrusion of our rights/taxes be cemented or maybe heard by anyone who might care? Like, it's election time, again.

The ending reads as a challenge: is this not shame? My personal thought: it is! *Wink*
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Review by Kathleen
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thank you for your entry in "The Writer's Cramp’ s 12th Birthday Contest!

How exciting to think that a contest’s entries could eventually turn into a published book! Kudos to your faithful reviewers for encouraging you and congratulations to you on publishing your second book, 1,000 Words or Less, based on your Cramp entries (note: your entry quotes 1,000 Words of Less rather than or. Not only is Mum proud of you, but also your Writing.Com family. *Delight*

This was a delightful testimonial to how contest entries can inspire a writer and through peer admiration can be encouraged to take that step toward publishing.

Reminder: Please do NOT edit your entry until the contest results have been announced.
5
5
Review of Oh Cramp 22 lines  
Review by Kathleen
Rated: E | (3.5)
Thank you for your entry in "The Writer's Cramp’ s 12th Birthday Contest!

This is a comical tribute as to how entering a contest every 24 hours just might cause a few cramps of our own. Of course, this addiction to our writing community and "The Writer's Cramp are so worth any cramps endured! *Delight* Well, that’s my personal interpretation of your writing.

This was a fun read and imaginative since no cramp is realistically related, rather like the prompts provided daily by the fun, sometimes serious, yet always creative judges in The Writer’s Cramp. *Wink* Just reading the prompts has to spur a writer’s imagination, regardless if entering that day.

I realize the last line is merely a humorous summation of all the cramps, yet I feel devoted members would definitely nod an affirmative “Yes!" to that question, then admit it's more fun and enjoyment rather than pain and anguish. *Wink*

Reminder: Please do NOT edit your entry until the contest results have been announced.
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Review of A Gun to my Head  
Review by Kathleen
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Thank you for your entry in "The Writer's Cramp’ s 12th Birthday Contest!

This is a fun poem that relates to the Cramp’s trigger of a 24-hour time frame (at least that’s how I interpreted it).

The rhyme was good although it seemed somewhat forced in this line:
Don't be an also ran

The ending was amusing since those are the words we all hope to read on the closure of a contest. *Smile*

Reminder: Please do NOT edit your entry until the contest results have been announced.
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7
Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, karisa, and welcome to Writing.Com.

I am so glad that this writing indicates Chapter 1 because I am already hooked and want to read more.

I feel as though I know the main character already. You've done a wonderful job of developing Mrs. Lovett into a three-dimensional character from features, dialect, and her handling of situations. I have no doubt that Sarah, Aponivi, and Billy will become memorable as the story continues.

The narration of Chapter 1 kept me involved and interested, making me want to continue reading.

The genre of fantasy will appeal to many readers. In fact, I feel even non-fantasy readers will enjoy this story.

The descriptions throughout appeal to this reader's imagination. I can truly visualize Lovett Manor, Mrs. Lovett, and her visitors.

The plot is evolving in a manner that is easy to follow. You have established the mysteries/suspense that will be resolved in future chapters.

I do have a couple thoughts, however. Mid-chapter, you suddenly refer to Mrs. Lovett as Evelyn. To me, this was an abrupt re-introduction. It's minor, but for some reason, bothered me.

The mention of a child's rain slicker and galoshes, plus the description of the wall and chandelier is a little confusing. Mrs. Lovett seems somewhat fearful as she makes her way to the door, but notices the slicker, etc.? I'm sure the slicker and galoshes either belonged to her son or will have an impact later in the story; it just seems an unnecessary mention at this point.

Just a few editing suggestions. Again minor, as they did not detract from the story.

the sun was shining, birds sang cheerfully   This comma should be either a semicolon or period. Since you have already used a semicolon in this sentence, I would change to a period.

lurched forward to put him off guard, she ran past Erebus to the back door   This comma should be either a semicolon or period.

Mrs. Lovett raised her right palm   Missing period after Mrs.

nine-year-old niece

magical like you, Aunt Evelyn

Please, take time to double space between the paragraphs. It is difficult to totally enjoy with every line crammed together. *Wink*

I honestly look forward to reading Chapter 2.

** Image ID #1971199 Unavailable **




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Kathleen
Rated: E | (3.0)
I noticed your post on "Please Review, so thought I'd drop by for a read.

Your excerpt allows the reader to imagine a peaceful mental location. I find myself in the field enjoying the smells, sights, and sounds.

The opening read a little unpolished:

The air was hung thick with the smell of dirt and manure, no thanks to the cow pasture     The smell of manure had to originate in the cow pasture, so no thanks seems incorrect.

Mathew's writer and poetic thoughts are quite expressive. Unfortunately, there is really nothing that grabs my attention, making me anxious to read the entire chapter. Mathew or his surroundings just haven't generated enough interest.

There is definite hope, though. Mathew is a likable character, and I enjoyed his thoughts and surroundings. Maybe, if he could become a little more real or something a little exciting could occur.
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Review of Fugitive Hearts  
Review by Kathleen
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!

Oh my gosh, let’s just say that I couldn’t read this fast enough, yet didn’t want it to end! Yes, I could just quit typing now and end this review because anything else will just not match the feeling of enjoying this short story.

The first sentence had me tightening the seat belt because I knew I was in for one heck of ride on your words. *Wink*

The characters were so real and I soon found myself really caring about Jason and Gracie. I so wanted him to get away.

The dialogue was powerful and contributed so much to the focus of the story and the development of the characters.

The imagery and action never ended. It kept me on the edge of my chair from beginning to end.

The ending was as creative as the beginning. No details included since I don’t want to ruin it for future readers…but it was perfect!

Noticed just a couple of possible edits:
He tried to shove the thoughts from his mind
The rising sun revealed {x{/x{a endless green fields

This story was sheer entertainment. There has to be a novel in your future! *Delight*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Kathleen
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!

This was such a lovable, touching story…one of those where you wanted to continue reading yet never wanting to turn the last page. *Smile*

The characters were so real. It took no time at all for me to fall in love with Derrick, Miranda, and Darren.

The storyline was romance, intrigue, and somewhat, thanks to ol’ Bart, somewhat a mystery.

Just a few possible edits to mention, although none really detracted from the story or its ease of reading and flow:

You must love that girl a lot, Derrick   Direct address requires a comma
if it's ok with you    Contraction meaning it is; in writing, okay would be the more appropriate spelling
there is another legend too, bro   Direct address requires a comma
it's next to impossible to make the final climb    Contraction meaning it is
Come on up, Miss Miranda    Direct address requires a comma
This is the way, Miranda, keep coming    Direct address requires a comma
“I am coming, Derrick    Direct address requires a comma
There's one thing left for me to do, Miranda    Direct address requires a comma
Thank you, Father, for giving Miranda to me    Direct address requires a comma

The dialogue was simple and real. Each line of dialogue not only helped to develop the characters, but also advanced the story in a believable manner.

The imagery was vivid enough to draw me into each scene.

This was an enjoyable read! *Delight*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Kathleen
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!

This was a bittersweet story with an encouraging theme from which each of us can learn something about others and ourselves: a little understanding and support can slay the dragons in life.

The characters were family as I became involved in their lives through the story. I was soon drawn into the bond between Jeffery and Frank.

The dialogue was real as it developed the characters and progressed the storyline.

The flow of the story was smooth and inviting. The pace was perfect for me to simply enjoy the information that was critical to understanding what was happening. The use of flashbacks did not confuse the enjoyment of the story.

The accuracy of the facts depicted seem feasible to any reader who is slightly familiar with autism.

There were no noticeable grammar or spelling errors…of course, none were expected. *Wink*

The ending was so real for anyone who has lost a loved one…we do occasionally hear their voice from beyond.

This was just an enjoyable read! *Delight*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of A long way to go  
Review by Kathleen
Rated: E | (3.0)
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!

This was an entertaining story about the developing friendship between two very opposite characters.

The opening was enough to peak my interest and want to read further.

The characters were likeable, particularly Griffith, who was comical and inquisitive, while trying to maintain his upbringing. *Smile*

I noticed some possible edits:

Wow!" breathes the teen
definitely beautiful and homey in it's own
makes an obscene thbt noise in taunting   Just a personal thought that might accentuate the noice
Griffiths peevish hands rose to fix the error
little elf won;t have to go back home when the month was over
cackles and tries to make a getaway    one word

The ending was adequate and summarized the story, yet seemed somewhat disappointing. It read like a children’s story where everyone simply lived happily-ever-after.

Again, I enjoyed the characters and imagine this could become a series of adventures that the human and elf might encounter aimed at a tween reader.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of The Mountain  
Review by Kathleen
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!

This was a sweet story of love, loss, tragedy and anticipated reunion.

The opening was intriguing and made me curious enough to keep on reading. Why was Dave standing outside this abandoned, decaying cabin?

The main character was well-defined and the reader was soon submerged in his emotion.

The setting was clearly depicted, allowing the reader to visualize the self-made challenge.

There are a few edits that you might consider (it’s is a contraction for it is):

The cabin had lost all of it{c}red}'s colour,
A jolt of cold wrestled it's way through his gloves
He left the cabin with it' musty smell and darkness
ignoring the ache in his muscles and the heaving

Personally, I feel the sentence, “All that was left of his wife was a spattered mess of blood and gore,” could be expressed a little more tenderly. This statement just doesn’t seem to fit within the voice of the story.

The ending provided an unexpected twist to the story.

This was an enjoyable read. *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Do Not Despair  
Review by Kathleen
Rated: E | (5.0)
The vision created and emotions stirred by your words within this poem are amazing!

Now, I usually do not begin a r&r with such an intense remark of what was read, but I honestly could not stop the fingers from hitting specified keys on the board. *Smile*

The ability to write a flawless poem in Rondeau form based on eight specified words is quite a challenge. You exceeded that challenge and went further: composing the words to celebrate the encouragement, inspiration, dedication to community, and unconditional friendship offered by monty31802 to so many Writing.Com members.

Although written with Monty in mind, this poem will inspire many on any journey they may encounter to not despair.
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Review of My Escape  
Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello, ameliahelen, and welcome to Writing.Com!

This was such a heartfelt poem that I hope was maybe written from your heart but not your feelings. So often the pain of merely existing seems overwhelming...then you discover a smile and it feels so good.

Just noticed one, perhaps, typo?

The first line, rather than breath, I think you mean breathe?

I think the one line of many that really drew me in was: "The devil plays with all my flaws." It spoke to me and if you can accomplish just one line reaching out to your reader...than you have a hit! *Smile*

An emotional writing that leaves the reader with a ~sigh~ and hope that it is just a writing.





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of A Gift For Father  
Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, CJThomasson, and welcome to Writing.Com!

This was simply a beautiful story. Beautiful not only because of the endearing plot, but also due to the vivid imagery expressed through so many lines. I was able to experience each scene of the story: nearly breaking out in a sweat during summer, shivering through winter, holding my nose and grimacing through several hours of working at the tavern.

I'm not sure the opening sentence would have grabbed my interest had it not been for the graphic picture of a "drought that wrapped around the farmers like a shroud of death." As I read a little further, the picture continued to sharpen, and I was definitely hooked! *Smile*

Nothing could dissuade me from encouraging others to enjoy this heart-touching story, although, I do offer some possible editing tips. *Wink*

wounded bird being stared down by a cat   currently reads as starred
watch stood for everything we are humans do not have a lot of on this earth, time. And, my father   currently reads as Any
What I saw in those eyes was the realization that death   currently reads as Wheat
And he was happy about it?!   Although there is such a term as ' interrobang' represented by '?!' or '!?,' most writing handbooks suggest not using any other punctuation with a question mark or exclamation point.
It was the fastest I had ever run in my life   currently reads as fasted
"Yes, I am.   Use a comma when beginning sentences with an introductory word (well, now, or yes)
blood sacrifice, the riches of heaven, and the glory he'll be a part

My only real complaint was the presentation, but only because of the small type chosen and lack of double spacing between paragraphs. Although a wonderful story, it was a difficult read on the screen. The "***" break between sections was great, but the small type and spacing might discourage some readers from enjoying this story.

The time span of your story was clear and effective in illustrating the sequence of events.

The characters were realistic and came to life through dialogue and actions. I felt as though I knew them, and through your words grew to love them.

Now, for the ending... The ending became a little blurred, but only because I attempted to read through my tears.

Overall, I really enjoyed reading your story. I am excited about visiting your port to discover more writing gems. *Delight*

Content and emotional stirrings of your writing deserves a 5.0+, but realistically since it does require some editing, how about a 4.5+++? *Wink*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Sweet Nell  
Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi, tvaughn. Welcome to Writing.Com!

As a critter lover due to the many adoptions my children introduced to the house over the years, I thought your story was sweet but remained untold.

I felt compelled to rate at least a 3.0 since it dealt with critters, but honestly feel this story could grow into a real short story. I want to know about Nell before her diagnosis. How did she become a member of this family? How did she insert herself as a member of this family? Who is she and what did she treasure about sharing her life with this family? I know that Nell was loved, but want to know more about her.

Your words fluently reveal your personal connection with Nell and your flair for writing, so why not share her story of loving this family rather than just write about her abrupt goodbye.

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Review of He Comes  
Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, SpiritWalker. Welcome to Writing.Com.

Although rather short, your story was an intriguing tale.

The opening caught my attention and the remainder of the story kept me glued to the page.

Although the story line jumped abruptly a couple times, the thought wasn't interrupted. They were quick, but well-managed leaps.

The imagery expressed allowed me to imagine myself in the story and get to know the characters.

Noticed one typo?

Sarah sighed and laid back

The ending is adequate to summarize the story, but honestly left me a little disappointed. It just seems the morning news flash regarding the little girl is somewhat a quick, premature judgment. Also, I didn't understood the significance of the puppy right off. Of course, this could be a personal reader-related problem. *Blush* I realize there's a reference in your 'Brief Description' and the one line of dialogue, but it didn't seem to click right away.

I'm just offering my opinion. If you decide not to change the ending, it is still an enjoyable read.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, Anneliese, and welcome to Writing.Com.

This is a bittersweet story about the love between a horse and her human little filly.

The opening, although rather calm, was appealing enough to draw me in for the read. Shortly, my interest picks up and I find myself engaged in the relationship between the two main characters.

Abigail and Annabelle were believable and I found that I actually began to care about their bond.

The dialogue was comfortable and real. You did a good job of carrying daddy's voice throughout the story. Also, you did a good job of expressing Annabelle's thoughts in her own reasoning.

Some things to mention for possible editing:

She taught me to the jump the low fence
I don't remember...shoe against my flank. Much too wordy. Perhaps it could be broken into two sentences?
spending all of the days
he held a glass bottle of amber
Why can't we take Annabelle?

This was an enjoyable, albeit sad, story.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of The Old Man  
Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, TJ.

This was an endearing story with an enjoyable plot.

The old gentleman in the story is likable and well-developed despite his resistance to questions or information of his past. The narrator of the story was believable in his thoughts regarding the old man and carried the story line through his personal observations.

Although there is little direct dialogue to advance the characters, the reader is able to draw their own visuals though the setting provided.

The story was a little difficult to read through due to so many run-on sentences and comma splices. I suggest your reading again and end some of the joined complete sentences with a period. It is difficult to tell where one thought ends and another begins. I've mentioned some in my suggestions below, but there are more throughout the story.

leather. His silver hair
ragged second hand clothes
above the town's garage
how could anyone? The old man never talked
whole world,” he answered.
guard and said, “What?
be called that. It was always me
memories. These were his riches, and he guarded
friend for about another hour. Finally, he would put everything
sometimes brought him used clothes
able to ever pay off the charge,
for his funeral. It stated that he had
tears filled my eyes. When I read the words engraved
this world has to offer. He found love

I like the ending. It believably wraps up the story and the old man's life. With a little editing, I feel this story would become an easier read that would be enjoyed by any member lucky enough to come across it. *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, Mitchopolis.

This is a wonderful short story that can't help but leave any reader with a smile on their face.

The main character is so likable, even if portrayed at first, as a cranky old man. The teenagers are quite tolerable of Crenshaw's verbal abuse which makes the reader admire them and their parents. *Wink*

The dialogue is comfortable and believable. It brings Crenshaw to life and I found myself actually wanting to scold him for being rather nasty toward the kids.

The plot was quite good and kept me more than interested in completing the read.

The ending was perfect. The teenager's patience with this crotchety old man paid off and they'll learn from each other.

Noticed one typo: “You got a name?” Cranshaw asked. It is typed as Crenshaw throughout the story.

Again, this is a delightful story that I really enjoyed reading. *Delight*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Pillars Of Stone  
Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, Kasia. I am so glad I was drawn to your words through your entry in June's "Rising Stars Shining Brighter entry.

These were powerful words detailed with profound visuals.

Although the rhyme scheme is excellent, it is almost unnoticed due to the intensity of your text. *Wink* I knew it flowed easily, but honestly didn't notice the rhyming until my second read.

The repetition of lines from the first stanza to the last highlights the passage of time and how there is a constant in life, despite the comings and goings. Just my POV. *Wink*

The last stanza was sad, yet so real...life goes on and someone who wanted to mean something to somebody is all too soon forgotten.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of The Harbringer  
Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello, Calvin Reddick. Well, I'm not a big fan of fantasy writings, or haven't been in the past. *Wink* I am so glad this was entered in June's "Rising Stars Shining Brighter, which gave me the chance to totally enjoy reading it.

The opening line was interesting but I'm not sure that it really grabbed my attention at first, but only because of my prior statement of not being a big fan of fantasy. I honestly was not planning on enjoying the read which tainted my initial interest regardless of the opening line. Of course, after reading further, the opening line was so perfect. *Blush*

The plot was fabulous. This was so well thought out actually from beginning to end. I was engrossed in the story after just a few lines.

The characters just popped into my life through their actions and dialogue, even if their names drove my Spelling & Grammar check into a near breakdown. *Laugh* The major and minor characters were vivid, believable, and likable.

The dialogue again, on occasion, nearly drove my Spelling & Grammar check to insanity, but was so fine-tuned to each character and the plot. Although not always interpreted, it wasn't necessary and added feeling to the story.

The pace/flow was perfect. It moved smoothly allowing the reader to enjoy without becoming confused in too many details or lost with not enough.

The twist was so unexpected. I thought I was a Harbringers' fan! *Bigsmile*

Ahhh, the ending. So, so perfect, that ending line. (I won't tell.)

Alright, I stand in front of Writing.Com and proclaim...I am a fan of fantasy writing now, thanks to CJ Reddick . *Delight*

P.S. No spelling or critical grammar errors noted by me or my frazzled Spelling & Grammer checks. *Wink*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of My Friends  
Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, miss nikki, and welcome to our wonderful community!

Your poem speaks for many who discover family without the same dna. *Wink* The emotion of sharing life and secrets with someone who miraculously appears when most needed shines through in your words. Close, cherished friends can be lifesaver.

The first stanza of your poem is spoken directly to a friend, while the remainder stanzas seem to shift to speaking about many friends. This shift in person seems a little awkward, personally speaking.

Although the rhythm isn't perfect, and the rhyme seems somewhat forced occasionally, the intended sentiment is felt by the reader. *Delight*

A couple noticed typos, etc.:

And quietly perish     perish = to decease, die; parish = church community
Blood is to be thicker than     then = relating to time; than = relating to comparison
Tastes sweeter and bold     Subject/verb agreement

Despite the suggestions offered, it is apparent that you can excite your reader with a passion of feeling in your expressed words. So, keep sharing your excitement!



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, A.E. Neal, and welcome to Writing.Com!

This short story captures life in a cubicle...dreaming and realizing those dreams might be on-hold for awhile. *Wink*

While reading, I found myself lost in paradise with Sara. You descriptive setting allowed my senses to enjoy the scenery, sound, taste (yum), and the feeling of being there. Unfortunately, I also felt the rude awakening to reality along with Sara, too. *Smile*

Just a couple things to mention:

empty glass from it's sandy glove - Delete the apostrophe from it's
I few yards away, a young couple strolled - The 'I" is just a typo

My favorite phrases that really drew me in:

casting its cool cloak over me
empty glass from it's sandy glove (minus the apostrophe, of course) *Wink*

The characters were very believable since once upon a time, I shared their cubicle lives, and all too often the daydream. The dialogue is familiar, relaxed and genuine. I think Sara and I may have even shared the same tropical, sandy beach wallpaper on our computers!

Overall, it was an enjoyable read about just another day in life.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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