Sometimes, for reasons unknown, it just seems to rain more into some lives than others. You have related your personal tragedies with grandeur that touches the core of your reader.
Suggestions:
Having your mother knock on your side door, telling you to let your neighbors and pastor in the front door while she talks to your husband is a sick feeling. A sentence fragment...perhaps instead of 'is,' yields, delivers, renders, communicates? Just some words for thought.
Especially when you don’t see your daddy with them, because you know he’s on the road. Again, a sentence fragment that requires editing.
My husband, my 11-year-old stepdaughter, and I
Summary:
Your personal life has suffered a flood. I have no doubt that your intimate suffering will enable you to touch so many lives in your ministering to others.
Congratulations to you for possessing the strength to walk away and to slam the door on an abusive relationship. Granted, you never mentioned the word 'abusive' in your words, but I read it and felt it throughout the writing.
Suggestions:
"If only you could be a little less like yourself."
but did they warrant such brutal honesty of such?
"It's not the same, why, not brutal enough?"
a waste of space.
'You know, son, you're quite different
So, bud, what do you say,
Before I knew it I was in a tempestuous rage.
And the sacrifice you want me to make
I would suggest double spacing between paragraphs to create an easier and more aesthetic presentation.
Summary:
Despite the suggestions above, I personally feel this is a powerful writing. One that I hope anyone in a relationship that makes them feel less then their beautiful self will take a moment to read. Any relationship in life, be it a friend or partner, should not demean who we are...but foster our belief in ourselves.
The first paragraph of your entry immediately offers comfort to your reader. The reminder that we are not alone in our pain or our joy...someone else has experienced the same and will offer solace or express elation.
Suggestions:
Then, the steady drizzle of fallout – grief, fear, uncertainty, coping. A sentence fragment.
Summary:
An amazing writing that prompts the reader to count their blessings amidst the downpours in life. Not always an easy endeavor to accomplish, but your words and those of others that have shared throughout this contest, offer such inspiration.
Well, your writing surely was inspired by the quote, "when it rains, it pours," but perhaps also by "the best laid plans of mice and WOmen."
Suggestions:
with rain and tornados that Friday night. I'm from the midwest and understand the respect tornados demand, but not necessary to capitalize unless the sirens are going off right now...then I'd capitalize, color, and italize the word.
Summary:
Your ending left the reader with a smile...leave it to a princess to color, not only the eggs, but your entire world a beautiful shade of love.
An interesting and educational read. I never realized what stress that little Morton Salt girl was under over the decades...going from 'worth her salt' as rare commodity to 'not worth her salt' as a sodium-infested 'no-no' icon.
Suggestions:
back in the days of salt cellars,
Summary:
A different approach on the quote "When it rains, it pours" that created an enjoyable, informative read.
"Giving until it hurts" seems to be your motto, my friend. Your story, hopefully, will remind readers not to forget to take care of themselves, as they are caring for so many others.
Suggestions:
As always, no punctuation, spelling, etc. errors.
Summary:
Thanks for sharing the rainbow behind the dark clouds in your life, and reminding us to search through the darkness for our own rainbows. Congratulations on your upcoming publications.
I was totally worn out and reminded how much I truly despise winter and the white stuff after reading your story. A very catchy title that the story supported.
Suggestions:
your unknowing boyfriend is
as your friend is added to the long waiting list of stranded
The words "you" and "your" became somewhat overwhelming and distracting throughout the read. Personally, I feel an edit of several sentences could eliminate the repetitive usage of these words.
Summary:
The story conveyed the frustrations and drew the reader into the feeling of what can possibly happen next? The imagery was good throughout the story allowing the reader to visualize the blizzard and annoyances.
A refreshing, uplifting read that reminds me of the many blessings bestowed, even that of a rain storm to renew life. A visual delight expressed within your words.
Suggestions:
Cleansing rain, redemption rain, healing rain. A cool spring morning. The sun peeking over the horizon. Rain pouring out from heaven to cleanse the trees. Getting rid of all the debris left over from the winter. Back and forth with the rhythm. Then suddenly a snap. To move with His gentle breeze of life. These are all sentence fragments requiring either a subject or verb to complete the thought.
Just some fuel for thought on editing: A cool spring morning as the sun peeks over the horizon. Rain pouring out from heaven cleansing the trees, while getting rid of all the debris left over from the winter. Not breaking, just swaying back and forth with the rhythm. Then suddenly a branch snaps. You and I are free to sway with God, moving with His gentle breeze of life. I realize my fuel for thought destroys the blunt statements that I feel you are wanting to make in this writing. As always, just my personal feedback.
Summary:
As an avid lover of rain and vicious thunderstorms, this was an enjoyable read. Your conclusion was a beautiful reminder that occasionally we have to sway to the breezes that life may blow our way.
, 4provinces. I'm sure you inherited that temper from dear ol' grandma, but we're ALL glad you didn't inherit her dented frying pan.
A delightful read related by a martyr of the Thinking Chair. Now, had it been a parochial school, you'd be relating stories of a ruler across the knuckles and kneeling in the corner. To this day, rulers are banned, and the corners of house have invited entire cobweb families to move in.
The smugness of a five-year old knowing she was too good for any Thinking Chair was an adorable thought that didn't last too long, thanks to Daniel. Now, you owe Daniel for this adorable story.
Just one suggestion:
messing up my barrette in
Thanks for sharing a laugh and memory with me about young martyrdom and older brothers...I can relate. An entertaining read that planted a smile on my face.
~Hello~ Delamar. An interesting, albeit erie poem that I interpret as dabbling into that ol' black magic.
"Bilingual evil is hard to avoid. This is the line that made me ponder over voodoo possibly being cursed? A very good line that delivered a message to this reader.
"Hears what you mind says," Perhaps, your rather than you?
Your poem describes so many aspects of friendship and love through touching memories.
Personally, I found myself skipping the repititive line of "i remember" to enjoy the rest of the writing. I understand the essence of the poem is about remembering, so might I suggest perhaps breaking into stanzas with "i remember" as the first line?
i remember
what life was like before you and i were here
what it was like to be able to sit and talk to you, for hours
what my life was like before you
what my life is like without you.
i remember
what it was like to kiss you for the very first time,
etc.
This might help to break up the monotony and make the writing an easier read while preserving the thought behind your words.
Hello, Mrs. H. Oh, I cannot believe I haven't visited your port before, and after reading this I may just pitch a tent and stay awhile.
A totally creative, delightful and entertaining poem! I honestly can envision this as a children's book with darling illustrations that most likely would have been drug out of the pile of books night-after-night when my munchkins were little.
You had me smiling from the first line till the last.
~Hi~ sherri. A touching poem that grips the heart of anyone who has lost this most important woman in their life. The emotions you so lovingly express speak for so many of us.
The rhyme scheme and flow of words is very good. The story it tells so very heart breaking.
The opening two lines draw the reader into your words as the poem leaves them with a sigh and hug for you.
~Hello~ sherri. An interesting poem about only a bird. It's descriptive and well composed.
In all honesty though, since you chose to add the note that the bird is an eagle, I have a hard time envisioning this powerful hunter as only a bird. Of course, it's just a personal observation.
the idea a trifle absured, Perhaps you meant absurd?
"Silently observing all below me as I soar the billowy skies," is a great opening line that creates a vision of this hunter in the sky.
~Hi~ Kiya. I actually think I forgot to breathe while reading this powerful story.
The characters seem so real that the reader gets pulled into their feelings. The dialogue demands to be read with emotion. The story develops logically so the reader can enjoy it without getting lost and having to backtrack.
Noticed just a couple very minor things to mention. These in NO WAY detract from the perfect story.
“Yes, I can, Jakey, and maybe one day you’ll come to understand
I can hear him rising to his feet just as the garage doors open to let in my parents’ car. To me, this sounds like more than one door is opening for just one vehicle to enter.
Coming to the end of one of your short stories is like closing the cover to a good book, I just hate for it to end. Thanks for another wonderful read!
~Hi~ Sue. Oh, I enjoyed reading this short story so much!
Mabel is quite the character and you did a great job of bringing her personality to life for the reader. I'm personally wondering about her physically though. Other than being short, there's really not too much mentioned that describes her.
Noticed what might be a typo below:
gracious would not doubt be a stretch
Overall, you did a great job with the prompts to create a very enjoyable read.
I like the way your poem portrays the process of anger simmering within, flaring to fury. Then masking the frenzy with a smile as you take a deep breath and count to ten (so to speak).
It's a good thought process with a moral ending.
Personally, I would suggest varying the word "start." You use it in four consecutive lines. A few words for thought might be: begin, commence, bud, dawn, open, stir. This might require editing a few of these lines.
Last two lines, maybe capitalize "I?"
The emotion is already in your words. I just feel with a little editing, this emotion could grab the reader and not let go.
~Hi~ lydgriffin, and welcome to Writing.Com. A very thoughtful writing to begin your new Writing.Com port.
Hmmmm, after(cough) decades (cough), somedays I'm still not sure I feel like a grown up. You've definitely hit upon some major age milestones and their significance.
I would personally suggest double spacing this amusing writing between paragraphs just to enable those around for decades an easier read.
One possible typo I noticed:
makes me want to act differently.
Albeit short, the writing was entertaining and enlightening as to how age and actions affect feelings of maturity.
~Hi~ Sherri. A gripping poem that captures the reader's attention and demands they keep reading the heartbreaking words.
They rhyme scheme is good, although it seems to get lost in some of the longer lines.
For instance in line three, would deleting some of the words change the concept? Personally, I think if you could drop a few syllables from the longer lines, the rhyme would flow and it would read more smoothly.
She pretends that I'm her child and I have nowhere to go
forever Maybe always? Deletes one syllable.
escape her If I weren’t
cry out when she lifts her
better change; That I’d best get used to it because with her I will remain
wherever I am forced to go
Again, these are just my personal observations as I read through your heartfelt writing. The message depicted certainly seizes the reader's heart and doesn't let go.
A touching poem that warms the soul...so reassuring the thought that despite ourselves, we are loved.
Now for my personal opinion:
Her face was unattractive SHE is a creation of HIS...never unattractive. Old and wrinkled HE wrote into the plan, but NOT unattractive. We are all beautiful in HIS eye. So, I'm wondering...Her face was etched with worry? age? lines? Just my personal thought that revealed itself while reading.
The last verse was awesome! Just a reminder that all we need to do is say 'Yes!'
A good storyline that appeals to the masses...adults and teens. A writing that enables adults to understand the problems and pressures of our kids today, plus a writing that assures teens that their thoughts and feelings are felt by many others...they are NOT alone.
Unfortunately, despite the storyline, it is not an easy story to read. First, I suggest reading yourself again to catch any spelling and/or grammar errors that you can...then running through a grammar/spell check on your computer.
Next, I suggest contemplating your thoughts and separating into double spaced paragraphs...so much easier to read and an attractive presentation.
Even if you can't catch everything (which I can't in my own writings), it will be a start towards helpful critiques without having to sidestep errors that a spell/grammar check might reveal.
If you decide to edit this writing, please let me know. I would really enjoy r&r'ing again.
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Personal Comments:
I never realized what stress that little Morton Salt girl was under over the decades...going from 'worth her salt' as rare commodity to 'not worth her salt' as a sodium-infested 'no-no' icon. 
, 4provinces. I'm sure you inherited that temper from dear ol' grandma, but we're ALL glad you didn't inherit her dented frying pan. 
An entertaining read that planted a smile on my face.