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1,003 Public Reviews Given
1,259 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of The Rain  
Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, djharrington, and welcome to Writing.Com!

Although simply stated, your title lured me in for the read. I've nearly forgotten what rain is with the summer drought. *Wink*

I am so glad that I was lured into your words. I found them to express the emotion quite well.

Personally though, I did feel a couple lines weren't nearly as expressive as others. Rains come in the first line sounds a little dull. Thunder's boom seems a little boring. Yet, the lightening line is vivid and demands the reader envision the action.

Other lines were quite strong also in drawing on the reader's imagination. I found myself reading this several times just because I enjoyed it. *Smile*

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Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, 007eskimo, and welcome to Writing.Com.

This is a silly little story that would probably make a delightful nighttime story for a preschool child. The little chimpanzee and his antics would be an enjoyable character for them to close their eyes to.

I must say though, the presentation is not inviting to the reader. I suggest adding some paragraphs and double spacing between them. This would also be really cute if it were more of a singsong verse with rhythm and rhyme. Of course, that would take some major editing. *Wink*

Adding some paragraphs would definitely provide an easier read.

The story could eventually be continued with further adventures of Layla and her friend. *Smile*
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Review by Kathleen
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, mystic angel, and welcome to Writing.Com!

Your short story about the weird family pet, Bogart, was quite entertaining. The characters were endearing. I've recently noticed a white squirrel that I've grown fond of just by watching his backyard antics.

There are several instances where Dezi is addressing Bogart that should have a comma to indicate the direct address: Bogart, leave my cup alone!

Perhaps in this line: "Trying giving him one of his own." Beth suggested - Try rather than Trying?

Again, the story line is an adorable idea. The conflict between Bogart and Dezi draws your reader into the narration. This was a delightful read. *Delight*
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Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, Merinda, and welcome to Writing.Com.

Recently suffering from Mother Nature's lack of showering in the Midwest, I enjoyed your sentiment. *Wink*

Your written thoughts on a "Summer's Cleansing Rain" are delightful and refreshing.

Although the rhythm isn't perfect, it doesn't challenge the enjoyable read.

Of course, as an avid fan of a fierce thunderstorm, a little rumble and flash would have added to my reading enjoyment. *Laugh*

This was a relaxing read of the cleansing rain and hiatus of heat.
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Review of Listen  
Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello, T.H.K., and welcome to Writing.Com! Please keep in mind that my comments are my personal views only.

The thought behind your words is rather bittersweet. The desperate feeling that no one will listen to your pleas for help, for acknowledgement that you exist...then that someone steps forward for a day.

The first line just doesn't read quite right to me, even as a poetic expression. Sometimes you drown? You can actually only drown once. Perhaps if you want to use this line, you might creatively expand on the reason you sometimes feel like you are drowning, which I interpret as depression.

ones again = once again

The last line seems to summarize your melancholy words. Today you were saved. Tomorrow the ignorant world will once again swallow you, muffling your screams for help, attention, etc.

Overall, I like the sentiment of your writing. I feel it just doesn't quite develop the power of emotion that it could arouse.
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Review of Ever Enduring  
Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Empty_promises, and welcome to Writing.Com.

The feelings within your words are quite strong and are revealed forcefully to the reader. Yet, I'm not quite convinced that hollowed promises demand the threatening impact of the follow-up lines.

Hollowed promises would be meaningless, empty, or insincere. I can envision escaping the emptiness, while experiencing regret, and/or speaking out against the insincerity. But enduring punishment, an inevitable (misspelled in your writing) end, fear, or torture seems a little strong for hollowed promises.

Of course, it is just my personal pov, but parts of the writing seem more threatening than hollowed promises might present.

I do feel you have impressive writing skills that will produce many interesting reads in your port. *Smile*
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Review of Still Shot  
Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, Cubone, and welcome to Writing.Com.

Enjoyable writing, although it's been a while since most have worried about the shock of developing film. *Wink* I'm sure there are still some who enjoy developing their own shots and I admire their ability to do so.

You might want to edit your 'brief description;' typo in there. *Wink*

I think maybe you meant lens rather than lends.

Overall, from days bygone, I can sympathize with the dilemma of your words. It's a fun read with a comical ending. *Smile*




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Review of Never know  
Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, LivingLife1076, and welcome to Writing.Com.

I like your words and the message that they hold for each of us. I'm sure we've all known someone who departed this world long before we thought they should. Not knowing when our own clock may stop ticking, we should always try to be prepared.

For the most part, your rhyme scheme is quite good. The rhythm is not quite there but maybe with a little editing, it could be more in sync. Only rhyme suggestion might be in last two lines: change here to there?

You seem to switch the writing from you personally to everyone. I suggest choosing one subject for the writing, be it yourself or everyone.

Again, great content; a message to be heard. *Smile*
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Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Ethan Chang, and welcome to Writing.Com! I am really impressed that you already have several writings in your portfolio. Way to go! Now, ~hint hint~ an addition to your Bio would be great! *Wink*

I was intrigued by the Title and Brief Description of this particular poem. I feel it fits the writing, and agree that songs can trigger certain memories of an event or a person that can spark a smile or a regret.

The first stanza reads like a prologue to the poem...sweet words planted, become unattended, and decay. A different approach but effective.

The second and third stanzas support how once perfumed words can become bitter.

Personally, I feel the weakest lines (they just don't seem to relate or maybe just confusing to comprehend {to me]) are:

{i}With a single, solid record
and the slightest length of time{/i}

Throughout the remaining lines, you've done a great job of choosing words to support the altered feelings. The reader is enjoying the imagined music and the notion of being in love then suddenly the melody changes and that magical feeling is gone.

Overall, I really enjoyed reading.

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Review of The Bookstore  
Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, Worzhak, and welcome to Writing.Com.

I think the words, 'dusty treasures' really strikes home with those of us who actually read books these days rather than Nooks, Kindles, Ipods, etc.

It's comical yet believable, that from such a sketchy description, someone working in the bookstore knew the book. Of course, a deranged cook might have made the search a tad easier. *Laugh*

Although the lack of punctuation doesn't spoil the read, it might enhance it, if you could provide the reader with your insight as to when to pause, turn the page, etc. *Rolleyes*

I enjoyed your writing and the anticipation/joy of visitors to the bookstore.
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Review of Photograph  
Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Victoria, and welcome to Writing.Com.

This is a beautiful writing focused on the feelings and significance of one photo. It narrates the emotion of one possibly forgotten second of life caught that becomes so precious years later.

Just some things I noticed while enjoying my read:

Shades of grey or colour bright
person's life
Your smile.
my heart's desires

A very touching writing that reminds us to capture those moments in life.



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Review of foolish love  
Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello, dreamworks, and welcome to Writing.Com!

Now, you really have some beautiful thoughts entwined within your words, but this has the presentation of a text message.

It's an emotional writing, so why couldn't you take the time to at least spell out 'you?'

I can overlook the lack of capitalization and punctuation as an attempt to dwell on the melancholy feel of the writing, but I just seriously cannot consider this a real attempt at revealing the feelings buried within the presentation.

it stay with me Perhaps, it would stay with me?

In the last stanza, you might consider keeping the same tense of either gave or give.

Should you decide to at least type out "u," I would definitely take the time to review and rate again.

Don't cut corners in posting your work. The emotion is there, just work a little on the presentation. *Smile*
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Review of The Smell Of Fear  
Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: E | (2.0)
Hello, horror-struck, and welcome to Writing.Com.

Let me start by saying I do think you have the ability to capture a reading audience with mystery and horror. I just feel you need to harness that ability and learn how to express it in a more fluid, expressive, chilling manner.

Are you aware there is a Writing.Com Newsletter that you can subscribe to that will share weekly pointers on writing this genre? If you're interested, click on 'Writing Resources' in the left-hand column of your page, then 'Newsletters,' then ' Manage Newsletter Subscriptions.' Just check the box of any Newsletter you might be interested in receiving and it will be delivered to your email each Wednesday. *Wink*

Now...back to your words. Please run your writing through a grammar/spell check before posting. This might not reveal all the spelling, etc. errors but will catch some.

Alright, let's get started here:

A way out of the scariest room I had seen. If the room was so dark, did you really see it? Most rooms have four walls so why even mention this? So, capture the reader with what really made it so scary.

If you didn't see the beast, how do you know it was a beast? Is this a person you feel is a beast for taking you, or truly a hairy, odd-shaped creature with fangs, claws or whatever your imagination might develop? Maybe you caught a brief glimpse as the moon briefly escaped the clouds as he/it captured you when and how?

Seriously, if you were in such dire danger would sore feet keep you from running? Personally, I would never merely walk away from such danger...I would run, roll, limp, hobble, but I wouldn't merely walk.

Why would the beast give off the scent of fear? He's the aggressor, the hunter; he has nothing to fear. The fear is pouring out of you. The beast smells of death, the copper scent of blood, or the stench of ripped flesh rotting between its fangs. (Oh man, I'm really into this.) {e:laugh]

How could death keep you going? The thought of death might urge you on.

"Who was that" Very awkwardly phrased...have you really ever said that in your life? Maybe, who's there or hello or something a little more natural.

We're talking a beast here...would you really yelp in terror? I would scream, screech, holler, shriek.

This is a beginning to that mystery/horror story we're all waiting to read. Just take your time and develop it. Write, edit, write, edit and it will all come together. I just know one of these days your words will cause me to leave the lights on...all night long. {e:wink}
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Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, Ryan, and welcome to Writing.Com!

An enlightening article from what I surmise to be a teenage author. Kudos to you for taking such a strong personal stand and supporting your stand with some well-researched statistics. I do hope our young and not-so-young members heed your warning about texting and driving. Driving is a responsibility and not the time for multitasking.

When my children first settled behind the wheel (before cellphones were a necessity for teens and the radio was the big distraction), I always reminded them that their grandparents, aunts/uncles, cousins, and friends were also on the roads...not just strangers whose lives could be ruined. Not that it would make much difference in a life being ruined, just made the scenario a little closer to home.

The only noticeable edit I suggest is one in every two teenagers previously admitted

I would suggest double spacing your paragraphs to create a more inviting read.

You expressed your thoughts quite well and, hopefully, your words will reach your intended audience and their parents. *Wink*
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Review of The Portrait  
Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Lyndsy Green, and welcome to Writing.Com!

An interesting self-portrait of yourself. A little revealed of your inside character and a little revelation of your physical. . *Wink*

Your selection of words were well-chosen and despite the brevity, they were informative.

It's impressive when so few words can draw the reader in and keep them entertained.
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Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, SGoyal, and welcome to Writing.Com!

The overall thought behind your writing is quite a compelling reminder to anyone who reads that we must protect our environment.. it is our greatest asset to be passed onto future generations.

The rhyme scheme is good except for the second and fourth stanzas, but not a lot of choices to rhyme with voice and tactics. *Wink*

The rhythm seems to really lose its structure in the fourth stanza. The chosen words are great in explaining the atrocities, but are suddenly a mouthful to read.

Her voice felt ill I'm just not sure this line is conceivable. Perhaps, her voice was hoarse, harsh, husky? This would express that Mother Nature is not feeling quite right.

The last line seems somewhat a disappointing closure and written for the sake of rhyme. Maybe another rhyming word such as fight, plight, right, or blight might encourage a rewrite of this line and emphasize what needs to happen or what needs to be avoided.

As written, your words are enlightening. Personally, I feel a little editing might make it an even more powerful reminder that Mother Nature's health is our responsibility.
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Review of Kite  
Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Itchy Water. An inspiring poem that reminds the reader to fly, albeit in writing, life, or beyond merely our expectations.

The reversal of raindrops falling upward conveys to me that we are able to fly above the trivialities of life even though they try and shadow our existence...just expressing my thoughts.. *Wink*

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Review of My Ghetto Youth  
Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, Law, and welcome to Writing.Com.

So much truth written within your lines as we read in the headlines each day. Nowhere to turn, no one to turn to for encouragement, and so little hope for the future. Sure, some may just be looking for trouble or easy street, but would they be if offered a little initiative, a little encouragement, a little hope?

Personally, I feel this could become a more powerful writing if the presentation was a little more inviting.

if its a race - it's
Lets get faded - Let's
Because now a days theirs - nowadays there's

Maybe some periods or commas to allow the reader a pause rather than rushing through each line?

It's a very thoughtful writing that stands up for those who see no reason to stand up for themselves.
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Review of Sprinter  
Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, Bitterroot Rose, and welcome to Writing.Com!

I think anyone anticipating spring will enjoy reading your delightful words, and probably even those who might for some reason miss winter. *Rolleyes*

Green sprigs of lace is a catchy phrase to rhyme with the first line. Winter is greedy certainly describes the ol' man's attempts to keep us under his spell.

I like the reference to creaky, cold bones (perhaps a comma as indicated?) I can really relate to this line. *Blush*

An entertaining read about sprinter.
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Review of She's a Thief  
Review by Kathleen
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Magoo. Noticed your request for a review on "The Shameless "Plug" Page"  and I'm glad that I did!

The title grabbed my interest first while the brief description had me wondering what daring deception this thief might have utilized to steal whatever.

Then the first two lines...a girl you see everyday? The plot thickens. I'll give no more away so the next reader can enjoy the same smile that I did upon reading further.

A delightful, short poem that I thoroughly enjoyed reading.

The rhyme is perfect and each line flows so easily. An everyday occurrence that you twisted into an adorable poem with a surprise ending. *Wink*

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Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, Itchy Water.

Your words gave me a chill having to think about the loss of someone with whom so many years of love, trials, and laughter were shared.

Although each line speaks directly to my heart, I'd have to say that ""Please don't go far; please wait for me," seems to shout. Another favorite would be "If I had one more moment." A very heartfelt line that reminds us to enjoy each moment while we can.

The presentation is very inviting to the reader; the words are very eloquent.
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Review of Have you ever?  
Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, DarkAngelLover. Welcome to Writing.Com!

Hey, I haven't been a kid for decades, but still experience these moments. It's not just a "kid's" thing to cry, scream, or bottle things up inside. *Wink*

I can appreciate your words, and you express the frustration and feelings in a truthful, realistic manner. Though so many of your lines convey strong emotions, I'm sure many readers will relate to the 'happy ray of sunshine.' What's really weird is that probably at least 50% of the most beautiful and seemingly-adjusted people that we all know probably share most of the thoughts you have conveyed. Also, those who blurt out those comments are most likely even more insecure than the recipient of their remarks. Think about that the next time you whisper, "I can't do this anymore." *Smile*

My suggestions for editing are to drop some of the capitalizations used within lines . If your intent is to emphasize, I'd suggest bolding or italicizing words. There are several uses of "your" that should be "you're." Peace in the title should be piece.

I like this piece, too, and hope you choose to edit. With just a few changes, your writing can reflect the passion conveyed a little more convincingly. *Cool*
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Review of A Soundless Cry  
Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello, Poetrygirl1205, and welcome to Writing.Com.

This was an expressive poem that describes the dread and draws the reader into the emotion of waiting. The despair and hopelessness rivets the reader to each line.

The rhyme is good...just wavers some in the third stanza. The rhythm isn't really set, but doesn't seem to distract this reader from the reality expressed.

Now, what is distracting is ALL the capitalization within each line. I suggest editing this slight annoyance. *Wink* You also might want to edit some punctuation. Where do YOU think your reader should pause and reflect on your thoughts.

With a little editing, I personally feel your words could really impact your reader. Strong words that just need a little more solid presentation.
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Review of Haiku 2  
Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello, Aurora Lee. I appreciate the vivid picture expressed in your Haiku as quite original. I've also read others that you have written and all are quite pictorial in sharing your thoughts.

Most Haiku is written in three lines of 17 syllables- line one with 5 syllables, line two with 7 syllables, and line three with 5 syllables.

I encourage you to edit your poetry to conform as the content is quite expressive.
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Review of A Flood of Color  
Review by Kathleen
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hi, Alex. Well, the title drew me in expecting to see the explosion of colors within you.

The first line held my interest as colors flood a plain heart. Quite an interesting line. After this, it seems to lose its color.

"Yet they haven't hit the core" So, what color is the core? Do others view a color that you don't see yourself as being?

"The real me isn't what you
You observe, you'd have to" Sorry, but do these lines make sense reading them now? Maybe you were a little anxious to post your words and forgot to proof?

Alright, if cut in half what would be noticed? How would the real me be colored?

Honestly, the thought within your words is interesting. Personally, I wish it had revealed a little more of the colors of your life. Colors equating to the emotions expressed .
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