*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/katrinia17/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/4
Review Requests: OFF
296 Public Reviews Given
639 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 3 -4- 5 ... Next
76
76
Review of As I Ask  
Review by G.A. Blythe
Rated: E | (3.5)
I’m reviewing: As I Ask
Written by:Kirstie Rae

*Smile*My only hope is that this review teaches me something about the writer, helps the writer to improve, helps me to improve my own writing and encourages others to read the piece and give their valuable input. *Smile*

*Star* When I state that a poem is a good poem, what do I mean? *Star*

*Star*This poem is good because:

*Check4* It appeals and I agree with its message
*Check4* It describes my life and fits my thinking


*Star* The Six Basic Elements of a Poem : *Star*

*Note1* IMAGERY, THEME, DISCOURSE, VOICE AND TONE-

The images in this poem are not unique but do provide me with vivid sensory detail. The symbols in this poem convey ideas and thoughts. The discourse of this poem is not void of cliché expressions by presenting original phrasing. The theme in this poem was clear and presented well. The voice and tone of this poem were well done and supported the theme, discourse and imagery.


*Note1* RHYTHM-

I found the rhythm in your piece to be great. The words fit and flowed when put together. Everything sounded right. The meter did not sound mechanical and it carried a beat. Great job in this area!

*Note1* LINE BREAKS-

The lines in this piece create suspense and movement allowing the poem to move swiftly. The piece uses effective end-stopped lines that have strong end-words that allow me to pause long enough to consider the line. This is another well done area!

*Note1* FIGURES OF SPEECH-

The use of simile/metaphor is not void of stock and cliché comparisons. The comparisons are not unique and original and do not help me to make new connections between the compared terms.

*Note1* WORD MUSIC-

The direct rhyme in this poem is a tad bit forced. I feel that indirect rhyme would have been better for this piece.


*Note1* FORMAL STRUCTURES-

Formal structures. I could not find a formal structure to this poem and none was given.

*Smile*The cliche expressions in this piece were the only thing i had an issue with. I feel that on the terms of writing poetry, you are great at having all of the elements down. I would love to reread this piece if you decided to re-do it and will be happy to re-rate it too. I hope that my review has helped you tons Kirsti (it’s helped me tons!) and I hope that it encourages you the readers to come on out, give your opinions and even read more of the work here in this port! *Reading*

*Heart*To all, I hope you have a great day that’s filled with tons of fun things to write, read, rate and review!-Kat *Heart*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
77
77
Review of What I Like  
Review by G.A. Blythe
Rated: E | (4.5)
I’m reviewing: What I Like
Written by:GhostDragon

*Smile*My only hope is that this review teaches me something about the writer, helps the writer to improve, helps me to improve my own writing and encourages others to read the piece and give their valuable input. *Smile*

*Star* When I state that a poem is a good poem, what do I mean? *Star*

*Star*This poem is good because:

*Check4* It has certain qualities that I find admirable
*Check4* It does something technically difficult very well
*Check4* It is a well-crafted and thought-out expression of language
*Check4* It appeals and I agree with its message
*Check4* It reminds me of something else I really like
*Check4* It gives me a clear movie like picture image in my mind


*Star* The Six Basic Elements of a Poem : *Star*

*Note1* IMAGERY, THEME, DISCOURSE, VOICE AND TONE-

The images in this poem are unique! Normally I would love to see something that provided me with more vivid sensory detail but this works as is. The symbols in this poem convey ideas and thoughts. The discourse of this poem is void of cliché expressions by presenting original phrasing. The theme in this poem was clear and presented well!!! The voice and tone of this poem were well done and supported the theme, discourse and imagery!!! GREAT JOB GHOST!!!


*Note1* RHYTHM-

I found the rhythm in your piece to pretty good. The words fit and flowed when put together for the most part. Everything sounded right. The meter did not sound mechanical.

*Note1* LINE BREAKS-

The lines in this piece create suspense and movement allowing the poem to move swiftly. The piece uses effective end-stopped lines that have strong end-words that allow me to pause long enough to consider the line. You did great in this section! I did find areas that could have been broken down further but it would be up to you.

*Note1* FIGURES OF SPEECH-

Your figure of speech is void of stock and cliché comparisons. The comparisons are unique and original and help me to make new connections between the compared terms.

*Note1* WORD MUSIC-

The direct rhyme in this poem is not forced and flows naturally(only the beginning lines seemed forced). The indirect rhyme creates a subtle echo of sound.

*Note1* FORMAL STRUCTURES-

Formal structures. This poem does fit the formal structure it attends to follow. OMG this is what...your first poem??? This is a hard thing to do. I have only attempted one shape poem, a triangle. As I read this poem, I was shocked and amazed as I saw the shape form in front of my eyes. Great job!


*Smile*This has been a fun and exciting piece to not only read but also review! I hoped I helped ya somewhat Ghost! And, I hope that it encourages you the readers to come on out, give your opinions and even read more of the work here in this port! *Reading*

*Heart*To all, I hope you have a great day that’s filled with tons of fun things to write, read, rate and review!-Kat *Heart*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
78
78
Review of Love  
Review by G.A. Blythe
Rated: E | (4.5)
I’m reviewing: Love
Written by: Katie Lady

*Smile*My only hope is that this review teaches me something about the writer, helps the writer to improve, helps me to improve my own writing and encourages others to read the piece and give their valuable input. *Smile*

*Star* When I state that a poem is a good poem, what do I mean? *Star*

*Star*This poem is good because:

*Check4* It has certain qualities that I find admirable
*Check4* It appeals and I agree with its message
*Check4* It teaches me something new and surprises me.
*Check4* It describes my life and fits my thinking
*Check4* It makes me rethink my assumptions about the world
*Check4* It moves me emotionally


*Star* The Six Basic Elements of a Poem : *Star*

*Note1* IMAGERY, THEME, DISCOURSE, VOICE AND TONE-

The piece lacks imagery but still touches the heart through symbols convey ideas and thoughts. The discourse of this poem is some what void of cliché expressions by presenting original phrasing. The theme in this poem was clear and presented well. The voice and tone of this poem were well done and supported the theme, discourse and imagery.


*Note1* RHYTHM-

I found the rhythm in your piece to be great. The words fit and flowed when put together. Everything sounded right. The meter did not sound mechanical and it carried a beat.

*Note1* LINE BREAKS-

The lines in this piece created movement, allowing the poem to move swiftly. The piece uses effective end-stopped lines that have strong end-words that allowed me to pause long enough to consider the line.

*Note1* FIGURES OF SPEECH-

The comparisons are some what unique and original but did help me to make new connections between the compared terms.

*Note1* WORD MUSIC-

The indirect rhyme creates a subtle echo of sound. The use of assonance, alliteration, repetition are use well and give music to the piece.


*Note1* FORMAL STRUCTURES-

Formal structures. I could not find a formal structure to this poem and none was given.


*Smile*This has been a sweet piece to not only read but also review! I hope that my review has helped you tons Katie (it’s helped me tons!) and I hope that it encourages you the readers to come on out, give your opinions and even read more of the work here in this port! *Reading*

*Heart*To all, I hope you have a great day that’s filled with tons of fun things to write, read, rate and review!-Kat *Heart*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
79
79
Review of Sorrow  
Review by G.A. Blythe
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I’m reviewing:Sorrow
Written by:nlightnd

*Smile*My only hope is that this review teaches me something about the writer, helps the writer to improve, helps me to improve my own writing and encourages others to read the piece and give their valuable input. *Smile*

*Star* When I state that a poem is a good poem, what do I mean? *Star*

*Star*This poem is good because:

*Check4* It has certain qualities that I find admirable

*Check4* It is a well-crafted and thought-out expression of language
*Check4* It moves me emotionally


*Star* ETHOS, PATHOS AND LOGOS- *Star*

Pathos — the poem makes an appeal to my emotions.

*Star* The Six Basic Elements of a Poem : *Star*

*Note1* IMAGERY, THEME, DISCOURSE, VOICE AND TONE-

The images in this poem are unique and provide me with vivid sensory detail. The symbols in this poem convey ideas and thoughts. The discourse of this poem is some what void cliché expressions by presenting original phrasing. The theme in this poem was clear and presented well. The voice and tone of this poem were well done and supported the theme, discourse and imagery.


*Note1* RHYTHM-

I found the rhythm in your piece to be great. The words fit and flowed when put together. Everything sounded right. The meter did not sound mechanical and it carried a beat. In fact, I feel this was the best part of this poem!

*Note1* LINE BREAKS-

The lines in this piece create suspense and movement allowing the poem to move swiftly. The piece uses effective end-stopped lines that have strong end-words that allow me to pause long enough to consider the line. Really great job here!

*Note1* FIGURES OF SPEECH-

The use of metaphors is void of stock and cliché comparisons, The comparisons are unique and original and help me to make new connections between the compared terms.

*Note1* WORD MUSIC-

The use of slant rhyme in this piece is not forced and flows naturally. The indirect rhyme creates a subtle echo of sound. Great job here, just enough to keep the music!


*Note1* FORMAL STRUCTURES-

Formal structures. I do not know for sure if there was a formal structure to this piece and what it is but i could tell by the lines that there was a form that was followed. The meter throughout the poem was great and held a structure that allowed this piece to flow well.


*Smile*This was a nice little dark piece to read and review. I hope that my review has helped Night (it’s helped me tons!) and I hope that it encourages you the readers to come on out, give your opinions and even read more of the work here in this port! *Reading*

*Heart*To all, I hope you have a great day that’s filled with tons of fun things to write, read, rate and review!-Kat *Heart*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
80
80
Review by G.A. Blythe
Rated: E | (3.0)
I’m reviewing:Dark Memory
Written by:GhostDragon

*Smile*My only hope is that this review teaches me something about the writer, helps the writer to improve, helps me to improve my own writing and encourages others to read the piece and give their valuable input. *Smile*

*Star* When I state that a poem is a good poem, what do I mean? *Star*

*Star*This poem is good because:

*Check4* It appeals and I agree with its message
*Check4* It makes me rethink my assumptions about the world


*Star* ETHOS, PATHOS AND LOGOS- *Star*

Ethos — the poem tries to make a connection with us through a sense of authority-poet.

*Star* The Six Basic Elements of a Poem : *Star*

*Note1* IMAGERY, THEME, DISCOURSE, VOICE AND TONE-

I found the imagery in this piece to be done pretty well. I would like more imagery that touched more of my senses. The discourse of this poem was void of cliche and unoriginal phrasing. The theme of this piece was very clear. I think the voice of this piece was also well done but I feel that you could greatly improve the tone.


*Note1* RHYTHM-

I found that the rhythm in this poem was not the best. The words did not flow together for me. The piece did seem mechanical and there was no beat that I could find. For me this piece seemed to be merely prose chopped into shorter lines.


*Note1* LINE BREAKS-

I think that the line break in this piece was also lacking and did not allow the piece to flow well.

*Note1* FIGURES OF SPEECH-

I found that this section needed no comment.

*Note1* WORD MUSIC-

This piece lacked in the area of word music. There was no use of direct of indirect rhyme that I could find. I think that using some form of rhyme might have helped this piece.
*Note1*

FORMAL STRUCTURES-

I could not find a formal structure for this piece and none was stated.

*Smile*I honestly enjoyed this piece but not as a form of poetry but as a form of prose. I feel that this piece should be written back into it's original form. I hope that my review has helped you tons Ghost (it’s helped me tons!) and I hope that it encourages you the readers to come on out, give your opinions and even read more of the work here in this port! *Reading*

*Heart*To all, I hope you have a great day that’s filled with tons of fun things to write, read, rate and review!-Kat *Heart*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
81
81
Review of She Wraps Them Up  
Review by G.A. Blythe
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I’m reviewing: She Wraps Them Up
Written by:LiL'Winter Rose

*Smile*My only hope is that this review teaches me something about the writer, helps the writer to improve, helps me to improve my own writing and encourages others to read the piece and give their valuable input. *Smile*

*Star* When I state that a poem is a good poem, what do I mean? *Star*

*Star*This poem is good because:

*Check4* It has certain qualities that I find admirable —
*Check4* It is a well-crafted and thought-out expression of language
*Check4* It appeals and I agree with its message
*Check4* It describes my life and fits my thinking
*Check4* It makes me rethink my assumptions about the world
*Check4* It moves me emotionally
*Check4* It gives me a clear movie like picture image in my mind

*Star* ETHOS, PATHOS AND LOGOS- *Star*

Pathos — This poem makes an appeal to my emotions - it makes me angry and sad. It moves me emotionally to a new place.



*Star* The Six Basic Elements of a Poem : *Star*

*Note1* IMAGERY, THEME, DISCOURSE, VOICE AND TONE-

The Images in this poem are unique and provide me with vivid sensory detail. Your use of symbolism conveys ideas and thoughts. The Discourse this poem avoid's cliché expressions by presenting original phrasing. The theme in this poem is clear. The tone and voice used in this poem stand out and help express the mood, theme and discourse of the piece.


*Note1* RHYTHM-

The rhythm in this piece is well done. The words fit together nicely and flow throughout the piece. The meter in this piece does not sound mechanical and holds a beat.

*Note1* LINE BREAKS-

The use of line breaks in this poem really stands out to me. The poem moves swiftly and allows for pauses for reflection of the lines.

*Note1* FIGURES OF SPEECH-

This piece used metaphors that were unique and original.

*Note1* WORD MUSIC-

I found that the use of consonance and alliteration was well done in this piece. I would have liked to have seen more of it or even slant rhyme but the amount here does work.

*Note1* FORMAL STRUCTURES-

Formal structures. I could not find a formal structure here and one was not listed.


*Smile*This was an emotional and touching piece to not only read but also review! I hope that my review has helped you tons Rose (it’s helped me tons!) and I hope that it encourages you the readers to come on out, give your opinions and even read more of the work here in this port! *Reading*

*Heart*To all, I hope you have a great day that’s filled with tons of fun things to write, read, rate and review!-Kat *Heart*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
82
82
Review by G.A. Blythe
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
HA! I got a great image with this one. I thought of course of teens in trouble! Well on the terms of peotry...I thought that this piece was great on the terms of repetition but lacked in meter. I thought it would ring better if rhymed was used but this could be due to the fact that I'm so use to seeing this form as a children's song (10 little monkeys, 10 little tribal native american's and the such.). Other than that, I thought this was a cute piece!-kat
83
83
Review by G.A. Blythe
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
HELLO RENE!

I found this one to be waaaaaay better then the first one I read! I love it! So here goes!

*Thumbsup*Good spacing between paragraphs and dialogue making the story more presentable to the reader.

*Thumbsup*The dialogue in this piece was great!

*Thumbsup*The ending brought a good conclusion to a great story, it was good.

*Thumbsup*I love the beginning, it creates a great scene and draws the reader in.

*Thumbsup*The introduction was well-written and prepares the reader for what's ahead, explaining the situation.

*Thumbsup*The characters that you created were realistic and believable.

*Thumbsup*This character is interesting and humorous.

*Thumbsup*The story was simple and nicely done, it was a good short story and was easy to follow.

*Thumbsup*This was an interesting story that was easy to read.

*Thumbsup*The descriptions were great in this piece and they painted the scene.

Here are my suggestions!




"So, tell me the particulars about this unfortunate theft," I said to him as his lordship began to slowly narrate it.

You don’t state before this there has been a theft which leads the reader to believe that they have missed part of the conversation.


"The maid complained of backache from reaching the very high shelves... the only room free of dust is the study," I smirked, just to make sure his reaction was that of legendary. He eventually composed himself, and stared at me with his emerald eyes. It seemed to be pleading with me about something.

You don’t state anything about the maid making this complaint which leads the reader to believe that they have missed something.

"Here... she told me to keep the ring, in case if she looses it... and she IS a forgetful creature... wonderful as she is... and the photo, just for police purposes," he said as I opened the ring box. A solitaire diamond, perfect for a slim and healthy woman of her age. I looked at the photo, and it matched the description perfectly. My mind's thinking fast as I hold the ring in my hands, wondering why would she ask her fiancé to hold her ring until her wedding day.


'Why on earth would she ask her lover a strange request like that? I wonder if...' I thought about it for some time, and decided that I should accept the case. After all, there was nothing else for me to do...

These two sections are right after each other. With both together it sounds redundant. The last sentence of the first paragraph is pretty much the same as the second paragraph. I would make changes here.

"I... I forgot her name, which is rather stupid of me. I remember the face, but I cannot remember her name," he said sheepishly before he stood up and left me to ponder. I just wonder...

Ponder and wonder are the same thing in these two sentences (doubt, think about). I would chose a different word that is more to the meaning of what you mean or leave one of the sentences out.


"Her name, sir? I... I don't know her name, her face is covered with a black veil, sir," the butler answered as I nodded sagely.

I feel that this information is useless to the story and it jumps in out of no where. The butler wasn’t asked about how she looked so why should he state the veil deal. It would be better to say something about her weight and not her looks.


"Ah, I want you to meet my fiancée, Margaret Lyre. Madge, this is my friend, Adrian Sole, a private detective," he introduced me to her, as she bowed, rather ungracefully. Her body weight was the main contribution of it.

The last sentence seems incomplete. Her body weight was the main contribution of what? If it is her ungraceful bow then I would put it into the same sentence- as she bowed, rather ungracefully due to her body weight. Or something of the sorts.

"First and foremostly, how long do you know him, Lord Vampenhish?" I asked informally as she answered my question, rather carelessly.

”First and foremost, how long have you known Lord Vampenhish?”

"Ah. And I see you're very devoted to him, despite your appearance," I pointed out with a tone of diplomacy as she took a deep breath and sighed.


"Yes, despite my appearance, he said that he loves me with all of his soul. Not on the outside, but on the inside, he said to me," she said with a smile. I nodded again, slowly, and allowed myself to continue with the conversation at hand.


With the two above paragraphs I had some issues. First off, not many women will hear someone talk about their weight like that and not be hurt and second, not many people would say such a thing in such a way. Next, where does this all lead? You can show that she’s over weight and show how that relates to the end but the whole idea about him being with her due to her weight makes no sense. You already state in the end that he’s not big on marriage so there’s a reason why he wouldn’t marry here. Also, in the sentence itself (first paragraph) “I would word this “And I see that he is devoted to you despite your appearance.” It makes no since to ask her if she is devoted to him even though she is big and then have her say that he’s devoted to her even though she is big.


I have to say that I really liked this piece and think that you have a great thing going with this one!-kat

{image:1214454
84
84
Review of Knives of Fury  
Review by G.A. Blythe
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Wow, this piece seemed to take me back in time! I thought that this was well written and just flowed well too. The action was great throughout the piece. I did want to know the characters more since I thought that this had a lot going on with it. I could see this as a full on novel! Great job!


I want to let you know that your piece has been nominated into the:

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1217154 by Not Available.






and has made it to the voting round!

You can vote for this piece or any other piece at:

"Invalid Item" 




Great writing and I wish you luck!-kat
85
85
Review by G.A. Blythe
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello!

I thought that this was a great story that could be shared over a campfire or read out loud. I did feel though that it did more telling vs showing but it seemed to fit with this piece. I couldn't find any spelling or grammar errors in the piece also. Well done!


I want to let you know that your piece has been nominated into the:

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1217154 by Not Available.



and has made it to the voting round!

You can vote for this piece or any other piece at:

"Invalid Item" 

Great writing and I wish you luck!-kat
86
86
Review by G.A. Blythe
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
OMG! THIS IS SO GOOD!

I found this piece to be very interesting and very much so well written! I could find no spelling or grammar mistakes in this piece. You characters were well done and believable. The plot here was very strong and your imagery was great. Overall this was a job well done.

I want to let you know that your piece has been nominated into the:

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1217154 by Not Available.


and has made it to the voting round!

You can vote for this piece or any other piece at:

"Invalid Item" 

Good luck!-kat
87
87
Review of Song of an Age  
Review by G.A. Blythe
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Kåre Enga's poem “Song of an Age" is well written. The discourse of the poem avoids cliché expressions by presenting original phrasing.The rhythm and meter does not sound mechanical and the rhythm has a distinct beat that moves the reader along. The poem uses effective end-stopped lines and strong end-words which make the reader pause long enough to consider the line. This poem has avoided cliché comparisons. The poem also uses word music in the form of indirect/slant rhyme which creates an echo of sound. This poem also fits the structure for it style and is clean and easy to read. *Thumbsup*

Suggestions: I could find nothing to suggest for this poem. Great job!-kat
*Idea*


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

88
88
Review of love of life  
Review by G.A. Blythe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Doctor who's poem "love of life" is a well written piece that touches the reader. This free verse poem uses words that capture the reader with great images that express one's love. I found the short stanza's to make for an easy read. The meter added a musical touch and allowed the eye to simply go from line to the other. A great piece!-Kat
89
89
Review by G.A. Blythe
Rated: E | (5.0)
"I Used to Write" and excellent poem that uses figures of speech to portray writing in a whole new way! The author, Wren WriMo, has used such lines as,

" I used to write
spare and clean and bitter,
clipping joy from an otherwise wasted day
and placing it,
a single rose, in a vase
on an empty shelf."

I found myself brought into this poem, waiting for the next line. The images are perfect! The meter and flow is great. The tone and voice is so captivating. All in all this is a great read!-Kat
90
90
Review of I Found You  
Review by G.A. Blythe
Rated: E | (5.0)
Oh I loved this piece written by Rainbow_Writer! I found "I Found You" to be wonderfully written. The tone and voice in this poem was great! The meter and rhythm just allowed this piece to flow. The use of repetition throughout this piece though was the key element here! It allowed the piece to sing and dance in the mind of the reader. With stanzas such as:

"I gave up dreaming
I gave up wishing
I gave up trusting.

And then there was
you."

One just can't help to fall in love with this poem! Well done!-kat
91
91
Review of Words Left Unsaid  
Review by G.A. Blythe
Rated: E | (4.0)
"Words Left Unsaid" is a touching poem by Rainbow_Writer. I found that the lines were broken down very well and that the images were great. I do feel that the flow of the poem seemed to not work for me. Overall though, this was a very well written poem.-kat
92
92
Review of Crimson Relief  
Review by G.A. Blythe
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Rainbow_Writer's "Crimson Relief" is a touching poem that shows the stages of addiction and how it affects others. The meter and rhythm in this poem is well done and helps keep the flow throughout the piece. The lines are broken down nicely and the detail to imagery is great! This piece was just overall well done!-Kat
93
93
Review of TEARS OF WAR  
Review by G.A. Blythe
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
"TEARS OF WAR" is a powerful piece of work that brought to life by Dannonden. The reader is brought into the world of war with words that are easily heard in the mind. One must read this poem out loud to get the full affect of the tone presented. Every word is therefore important and you must pay careful attention to what the poem is saying. This piece has central purpose and the poet achieves that purpose through vivid images that communicate his experience with the topic. You are quickly grabbed by the first four stanza's and put into the world of this veteran. I can't say enough about the imagery in this piece, it's mind blowing!

"On the field two lines do clash
And like a wounded snake they thrash
As warriors hack and kill and slash
Beneath the blinding sun."

His use of slant rhyme brings the reader to the next stanza allowing them to flow along with the battle. I do however feel that this ends towards the end. I was left with the feeling of confusion and loss, but it works since the poem really does deals with that subject matter.

All and all, you have got to love the imagery. Well written!-kat
94
94
Review by G.A. Blythe
Rated: E | (5.0)
I'm laughing my but off! This is just so funny to me. This is going to end up being the age old question of our times. "Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?". I think that anyone who's ever got this stuck in their heads can come to enjoy this poll.-kat
95
95
Review by G.A. Blythe
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
I was kind of scared to see the answers to this one! I think this is a great question. I did find it surprising that for a poll that ask the question of protection during sex, you didn't say a word about wanting to use a condom to protect a person against STD's such as AIDS.-kat
96
96
Review of hakiu  
Review by G.A. Blythe
Rated: E | (4.5)
While coming visiting this port I quickly realized that the hakiu held a special place in the heart of this author. This little short poem quickly caught my attention. The opening lines of "The flowers blooming," drew me into the nicely painted picture of nature. Great job!-kat
97
97
Review of Smile  
Review by G.A. Blythe
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was a cute little piece that uses emoticons tags to lighten and brighten it up. The story itself is cute and to the heart.

"A *Smile*costs nothing, but it gives so much,
why oh why are we not more generous with our *Smile*s."

This is just a nice cute piece that I can see printed anywhere!-kat
98
98
Review by G.A. Blythe
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hey, I read your piece!

I'm not sure what this is, a blog maybe?

Just incase i'm wrong, I'm gonna give my thoughts as if it'something else.

I found that this piece didn't flow all too well. It seemed to have a ramble to it or something was off with the sentences. An example would be the sentence below:

"and when you are dating someone, it is okay to have a crush on someone,"

The story seemed to have sentences that went along this term. I would change this to say "and when you are dating someone, it is ok to have a crush on someone else,"

Here is another sentence that just didn't do it for me either.

"I started hanging out with him alot for about a week, and caught up in not having the security of Phillip right with me, I end up kissing him"

I would reword the above paragraph to say,"I started hanging out with him alot the next week and got caught up in not having the security of Phillip right there with me. I never thought that I would end up kissing him."

Your intro is also off.

"Do we really need males?
I came here with a wonderful boyfriend, Phillip Throgmorton. I love him more than anything, and I hated doing this, but he lived in Benton, and I lived in Malvern, so it already was a long distance thing. After a week of being here, I realized that we wouldn't get to talk that much considering how busy the schedules are(for future reference, at this school, free time is a luxury)and I began talking to other people"

First off, what was it that you "hated doing"? You state that you "hated doing this," but what is this?

Second, I think you should let us know where these places are. I think that it would be better if you let us know that the two places are cities or something apart. For all we know, it could just be the next street over.

The whole paragraph jumps around and doesn't show a complete thought.

I really hope that you work on this piece. The whole entire idea is great. The story and lesson that you have going on here are ones that many readers can relate to. With a little polishing, this could be 5 star piece!-kat
99
99
Review of The Mole  
Review by G.A. Blythe
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really enjoyed this short story! I think you did a great job of showing vs telling. I'm not a grammar or spelling expert but I do think that these sentences should be looked at.

"At least that was what I though as I fell asleep"
I feel that "though" should be "thought".

"I nearly had to pinch my self to see if I was dreaming;"
I feel that "my self" should be "myself".


"“George, what on god’s green earth are you doing?”"
I feel that "god's" should be "God's"(check this one though!)

"The mole exited his hole and started for another when out of no where. The neighborhood cat pounced from the bushes and landed on the mole"
I feel that this should be reworded to: The mole exited his hole and started for another when out of nowhere the neighborhood cat pounced from the bushes and landed on him.


"“dam it all to hell!”"
I got the feeling that this was a new sentence and therefore, dam should be capitalized to say "Dam". I'm also not sure but I think that it should read "Damit" but I could be wrong!

Overall, like I said, you have a way with words that allow the reader to become part of the story. You did a great job with this!-kat
100
100
Review of Grace  
Review by G.A. Blythe
Rated: E | (5.0)
"Among majestic pines and mountain streams
I see reflections of divinity,
Of beauty multiplied eternally,
And witness, nature's more than what it seems."

This first attempt at a sonnet is very well done! I found the flow of this piece to be great. The imagery really does capture nature here. Great job!-kat
112 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 5 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/katrinia17/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/4