|This was an interesting and fast-paced read. Not bad, all things considered. I'll admit I'm not a poet, so I could have it wrong about how good it is written.
SOME THINGS I DID NOT UNDERSTAND:
[For whenever I sleep, I hear them arise]--the two lines before are 8 and 9 syllables respectively, but this one is 11, which I don't understand.
[For surely they’d take all these dancing shoes,]--this is 10 syllables and I know most of the other sentences aren't that long. Were you unable to figure out a way to word it with less?
I saw a couple more lines with 11 syllables and I'm truly not certain about the count that's /needed/ for this poem. I saw only a couple of lines that could be one or two syllables shorter if you reword it, but I don't want to overstep.