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55 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by KR LaLonde
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Oh no!
I thought I had enough on my card to pay for another year-long (?) membership, but as it turns out I don't. Could you grant me a free one this time around? Please? I was really counting on getting some writing done here.
I'll give you chocolate!!! *holds out bar of chocolate (of your choice) and waves it under your nose*
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Review of Broken House  
Review by KR LaLonde
Rated: E | (3.5)
What a great place to pop the question!!

The story gave a lot away, even though I believe there are a few elements missing. You may have been limited by word count, though. Which makes it completely understandable.

You left me hanging, though. What made the noise? Was it a person sneaking around? Or an animal, maybe?
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Review by KR LaLonde
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey there. Looking forward to reading this.

I noticed a few things and thought I'd mention them just in case they're important.
1- falling in love is like... - Should "falling" be capitalized here? Well, every line, really.
2- ...dropping for an aircraft - did you mean to say "from" here?
3- your heart beats slows - the two words ending in "s" don't work well together. It needs to be either heart beat slows or heart beats slow. I personally prefer the first option.
4- I'm not sure you need to say it leaves it broken. Perhaps you can just use the first "it".

I'm not a much of a poet. So just take what I've pointed out/mentioned with a grain of salt. If it doesn't work to change something, there's no obligation.
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Review of The Family Bible  
Review by KR LaLonde
Rated: E | (5.0)
LOL. This is cute and tells a wonderful story. People once thought of Bibles with so much more reverence. And family history no longer seems important to very many now. This story did a good job of relating the importance of both, though I'm fairly certain it's more the comical side (Adam's underwear?) that you were aiming for. Am I right? In any case, you did a good job with this. Truly. NICE WORK!!
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Review of All the Time  
Review by KR LaLonde
Rated: E | (5.0)
AWESOME! BEAUTIFUL! it reminds me so much of that song "God is good, all the time"! This is so honest and profound!! It tells the truth in every word and stanza. WELL-DONE!!
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Review of Insight  
Review by KR LaLonde
Rated: E | (5.0)
HILARIOUS!! So like boys to do that! I remember doing it a time or two, myself. But I always liked having a clean room so it was never much trouble. Lol. Do you know anyone who's done this?
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Review of Behind The Door  
Review by KR LaLonde
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was well-written. It read well and the pacing was excellent. At least to my unpoetic mind. Poetry was never my "ally", but this one spoke of hidden thoughts becoming stronger (and dangerous?). WELL-DONE!
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Review by KR LaLonde
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was pretty well-written. Good job!
I noticed a couple of things that may or may not be important.

Before & After a person's name (in this case "God") there should be a comma. I'm quite certain even in poetry (not my strong point, I'll admit), the comma is still used to indicate the Person to Whom you are speaking.

I also noticed this second line in the second paragraph and it makes me wonder a little what you may have meant to say (it doesn't really make sense).
[ Born in Iraq desert, ]

However, I appreciate this poem immensely. The way you give thanks to God and admit that you would accept a different life if He so chose is gratifying. VERY MUCH SO.
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Review by KR LaLonde
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow!! this was a beautiful piece!! I truly enjoyed reading it. It was well-paced and the syllable count was spot on. You did a wonderful job with this and I commend you!
WELL-DONE!
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Review by KR LaLonde
Rated: E | (4.0)
Brief and honest. The syllable count is good (I think?): 4-4-4 (each line is even so I'll count it as a positive). This poem gives a good idea of what LOVE can really mean. WELL-DONE!!
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Review by KR LaLonde
Rated: E | (4.0)
I have a bit of understanding in this arena. I was without actual sight for some time. I also used a wheelchair. This tells a story even though it's short. You did a good job summarizing what being handicapped can be like. We should all remember this - hopefully you can get it published or something one day if it isn't already Too many people take advantage of those who cannot defend themselves.

Other than that, I have only to say it was very good. Well-written. GOOD JOB!!
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Review of Nature walk  
Review by KR LaLonde
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is well-written. Short but precise. It gives details without actually stating them. Your syllable count is good (I counted ^_^ ) and it makes perfect sense.

WELL DONE!!
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Review of My Son  
Review by KR LaLonde
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem was a fast-paced read but it revealed so much about you (the author). The pride of a father watching his son as his son does what little boys do. I personally think you could have made it a bit longer by writing about other [exploits] But seeing a father's pride in how his son enjoys himself is one for the books!! WELL-DONE!
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Review by KR LaLonde
Rated: E | (4.0)
I love how we don't find out her name until the very end. The suspense in that alone was wonderful. This reads so sweetly. The love felt by the writer (by you?) was almost palpable. It was a most touching poem and I think it does a wonderful job showing the writer's deep feelings.
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Review of Legacy  
Review by KR LaLonde
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was a brief yet pensive piece. I had to think about what was said, and I wonder how much of it is YOU. This piece was heartfelt and made me almost smile at how much it actually resembles my own thoughts and struggles at times.

WELL-DONE!
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Review by KR LaLonde
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hmm. A thoughtful and quick-paced read. I believe here you're describing a way in which the earth changes as time passes and darkness approaches. Is that correct?

I thought it was a lovely, almost-pensive read. It made me consider what it's like out of doors.

Thank you and well done!
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Review by KR LaLonde
Rated: E | (5.0)
THIS. WAS. AWESOME!!
I wish I could write so eloquently as you did here!
God IS so amazing!! There's NO WAY we can prove otherwise. The world often tries SO HARD and concocts numerous methods of shaming His followers so they will "quit Him".
I often feel so alone in the world - even surrounded by family and friends who love me for who I am.

I only noticed two things in your writing.

1) It always catches my attention when I see "him" and "he" and etc - any word that is referring to the Almighty - that isn't capitalized. I do understand that is how some people do their writing. But I'm wondering if perhaps you just forgot to do that? To me, because God is SOVEREIGN, He deserves 1st place - and that includes showing Him the respect I was taught from a young age.

Please don't think I'm intending to attack you. Rarely do I speak my mind without coming across as too blunt. But God deserves our respect, right?

That was something I noticed, anyway.

2) The other thing I noticed was that you used the same word - "celebrate" - in several different forms numerous times in the first couple of paragraphs. I think it might sound better if you use two or three words instead of repeating the same one.

*winces in anticipation of possible retribution*
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Review by KR LaLonde
Rated: E | (2.0)
I'm reading/critiquing now, but I do have a suggestion for future projects if it'll work out. Perhaps you can suspend the use of <was> and <had? verbs. Just a thought.
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Review of The Shoe Bop  
Review by KR LaLonde
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was an interesting and fast-paced read. Not bad, all things considered. I'll admit I'm not a poet, so I could have it wrong about how good it is written.

SOME THINGS I DID NOT UNDERSTAND:

[For whenever I sleep, I hear them arise]--the two lines before are 8 and 9 syllables respectively, but this one is 11, which I don't understand.

[For surely they’d take all these dancing shoes,]--this is 10 syllables and I know most of the other sentences aren't that long. Were you unable to figure out a way to word it with less?

I saw a couple more lines with 11 syllables and I'm truly not certain about the count that's /needed/ for this poem. I saw only a couple of lines that could be one or two syllables shorter if you reword it, but I don't want to overstep.

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Review by KR LaLonde
Rated: E | (3.5)
An interesting take on things. The read was smooth, yet fast-paced. At least to my thinking. It flowed nicely. Good job!

I will admit that a few sentences didn't really make much senses to my way of thinking. But that could just be me.
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Review by KR LaLonde
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow. That's heartfelt, frightening and hopeful all rolled into one!

I almost suggested a title change, but you're the one who wrote it and I'm sure you have a very good reason for the title you used. *smile*

All in all, I truly enjoyed this!
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Review by KR LaLonde
Rated: E | (5.0)
WOW! That was very good!
Well-rhymed, and it made perfect sense!
I wish I could get rid of Writer's BLock!
Awesome job!
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Review by KR LaLonde
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Uhh, I was setting up a file to write in and there's no such thing as 18 and below in the age listing.
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Review of The Journey  
Review by KR LaLonde
Rated: E | (4.5)
I'm not a poetic person, really. But this hit me as rather profound. Nice wording. I like how it rhymed, too.

I'm a Christian, so reading this was nice. :)
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Review of Faith vs. Fear  
Review by KR LaLonde
Rated: E | (4.5)
BEAUTIFUL! The wording was superb. I really enoyed reading this piece!
It seemed heartfelt (personal struggles?)
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